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Ciao
04-30-2010, 08:24 PM
"You're beautiful." Simple two letter words, yet it can have such a major impact on people.
I'm doing a project on beauty. Who defines beauty? Webster? No.

My friend today got called fat. Flat out - straight to her face. My heart aches for her.
She's such a beautiful girl, no matter what any jerk has to say to her.
I wish I had the right words to say to her. I wish I could make her feel better.

So to anyone who's been mistaken to be pregnant, or called fat, or called ugly, or even thinks themselves as being big...
I just wanted to tell you you're beautiful. I know we're all here to lose weight and feel great.
But us women are always beautiful throughout our journey. Don't EVER forget that.

I hope you all reach your goal weight someday and I hope you have the BIGGEST smile on your face when you do! :)
And for those of you who have met your goal, congrats!


bex
04-30-2010, 11:15 PM
I'll say it back to you. You're beautiful!

Thank you so much, you really have no idea how much I needed that. :)

Asherdoodles87
04-30-2010, 11:19 PM
Lately, I just can't think of myself as beautiful. I am not sure if I ever can again.


Ciao
05-01-2010, 03:23 AM
@ bex; Thank you so much. :)

@ asher; Just keep your chin up. You've lost 50 pounds already, and you should be celebrating about that. I do hope things get better for you. :crossed:

Dippy Chip
05-01-2010, 07:35 AM
Yeah, but what about those of us who just plain aren't beautiful?

For those of us not blessed (or cursed?) with beauty, telling ourselves that we're beautiful is simply a form of self-denial and self-delusion. Words alone can't alter the fact that there are some women who are beautiful and some women who aren't, and no amount of positive self-reinforcement or self-esteem will change that fundamental fact.

I'm all for being self-confident, self-loving, and proud of who you are regardless of whether you fit some cultural definition of beauty, but I'm also all for being honest and not shying away from truths, regardless of how painful they are. Why should facing truths - even unpalatable ones - be such a bad thing?

I'd love someone to convince me otherwise, but I really can't see the benefit to be gained in telling myself I'm beautiful when by all objective measures, it simply isn't true. Seems to me I'd just be setting myself up for disappointment!

Just my opinion, and I'd be interested in hearing what other folks have to say on the subject.

Ciao
05-01-2010, 09:04 AM
Who said beauty had to be external? Even inner beauty is STILL beauty.
I've met plenty of people who are - for the sake of argument - "plain janes" on the outside,
but on the inside they're much much more.

I don't find it at all self-denial to tell yourself you're beautiful.
Because, quite frankly, who's right is it to tell you you aren't beautiful?
Who's right is it to tell you what beauty is anyways?

EDIT: I didn't mean for this at all to be a debating issue.
It was suppose to just encourage and inspire women, ya know?
I'm sorry if anyone took this the wrong way.

kaplods
05-01-2010, 09:47 AM
I really can't see the benefit to be gained in telling myself I'm beautiful when by all objective measures, it simply isn't true. Seems to me I'd just be setting myself up for disappointment!

Just my opinion, and I'd be interested in hearing what other folks have to say on the subject.

There are no "objective measures" of beauty. Beauty is subjective and truly is in the eye of the beholder. Not only the eyes of the majority in a culture but in the eye of the individual as well.

Standards of beauty change over time, and they don't just "poof" change (one day you're beautiful and the next you're ugly). They change because people (one at a time) disagree with the cultural standard, until the uncommon opinion becomes the new standard.

I wouldn't have called my husband attractive or sexy before I got to know him. He wasn't repulsive, but he wasn't a stud, either. Now he's my favorite person to look at. His face is my favorite face. Looking at him makes me happy - it fills me with joy. What is beauty if it isn't that?

midwife
05-01-2010, 10:59 AM
Mmmm.....I have the privilege of seeing lots of women in lots of situations. You know how there are people who say all newborns are cute? I say all women are beautiful. To the OP, thank you! Reading "you're beautiful" made me smile.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

Airforcechick07
05-05-2010, 07:23 AM
Yeah, but what about those of us who just plain aren't beautiful?

For those of us not blessed (or cursed?) with beauty, telling ourselves that we're beautiful is simply a form of self-denial and self-delusion. Words alone can't alter the fact that there are some women who are beautiful and some women who aren't, and no amount of positive self-reinforcement or self-esteem will change that fundamental fact..

As bad as this is I agree with her.....Yes you can argue with external and internal beauty....but strictly on an external beauty......you are gonna have beautiful women, plain janes, and ugly women....its a fact of life. You can embrace who you are flaught your best features and go out into the world with a big smile but the fact still remains we live in a material world where beauty has standards and molds.....so the best we can do is embrace who we are make the best of what we have and be happy cause there is always someone who looks worse then you...... :)

goodforme
05-05-2010, 01:52 PM
I will never be beautiful by society's cookie-cutter standards. I am too big. Too loud. Too obnoxious. Too socially stunted. My hair is a nice mousy brown with ample gray running through it, that I refuse to do anything with. My eyes are pretty (hazel), but they are attached to this face which has acne scars and moles and large pores and wrinkles and I don't wear makeup to hide or enhance any part of it. As skinny as I ever get I will still be a large, tall, bumbling woman, what my grandmother might have called a "handsome" woman. I will never be pretty in the sense that models are pretty, but believe you me:

I AM beautiful.

And I bet when everyone's beauty fades, as physical things are wont to do, I will still be beautiful. From my heart and soul out of my eyes.

Thank you for the compliment OP!

Airforcechick07
05-05-2010, 01:56 PM
You probably cant tell from my picture but alot of the same complaints you have, I also have....Ance and scars yea I had to be put on accutane and still have acne somewhat, but I have mastered makeup and making it look good. My hair is also just a moussy brown but I try to keep it highlighted and fresh looking.....I think there are tons of things we can do to enhance what we have to the fullest!!!

AnnieDrews
05-05-2010, 02:00 PM
I will never be beautiful by society's cookie-cutter standards. I am too big. Too loud. Too obnoxious. Too socially stunted. My hair is a nice mousy brown with ample gray running through it, that I refuse to do anything with. My eyes are pretty (hazel), but they are attached to this face which has acne scars and moles and large pores and wrinkles and I don't wear makeup to hide or enhance any part of it. As skinny as I ever get I will still be a large, tall, bumbling woman, what my grandmother might have called a "handsome" woman. I will never be pretty in the sense that models are pretty, but believe you me:

I AM beautiful.

And I bet when everyone's beauty fades, as physical things are wont to do, I will still be beautiful. From my heart and soul out of my eyes.

Thank you for the compliment OP!

Amen, amen, amen sistah!!!! Thanks for this thread because I'm beautiful, too.:)

Alicia87
05-05-2010, 08:09 PM
Thank you!! What a wonderful thread to start :D

and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that poem by Maya Angelou

LovebirdsFlying
05-06-2010, 09:21 AM
Everyone who has posted in this thread (including meeeeee--forcing myself to say it) is beautiful.

For those who don't have finely chiseled facial features, I'm sure there is something else that is beautiful on you. Your hands? Feet? Eyes? Belly button? Appendix? You have to be beautiful somewhere.

I was asked by the author to pass this poem along.

"A Poem to the Reader"
Stephen Rodriguez

Oh, you! You precious being, look at you!
You gift, you touch of color, did you know
how much you mean to me? I’d gladly go
through tangled forests, I would gladly do
whatever it could take to make it through,
so I could hold you close and feel you glow.
I’d swim a million rivers just to throw
my tired arms around your light, oh you!

And if you said you didn’t know my name,
I’d say that names are worthless, anyway,
And if you didn’t know my face, I’d say
that that’s the only reason that I came.
And if you said you love me just the same,
the sun would set and life would drift away.


-This is a poem to humanity-
-Please, know and love yourself-
-Share your love with others-

ddc
05-06-2010, 09:39 AM
This thread made me teary eyed.

Yes, we are all beautiful-dammit :)

MementoxMori
05-06-2010, 04:48 PM
Okay, I have to say something to this.

Yeah, not everyone is society's idea of beautiful. But to SOMEONE SOMEWHERE you are beautiful.

Hey, look at me. My face has acne scars, I have to pluck stray chin hairs and I have a very noticable double chin and while I may HATE myself sometimes, there are times where I go HEY! I am pretty! And when I wear makeup, even the littlest bit, I'm BEAUTIFUL. Maybe just to myself, but that doesn't make it any less true.

Yeah, I'll have people think I'm dog ugly and call me fat and all that, but you know what. I'll lose the weight, they'll never stop being an arse.

It makes my day when someone compliments me, even on the littlest thing. To me, all women are beautiful. We are beautiful creatures no matter our size, shape, skin tone, flaws. It's in the flaws that we find beauty.

I used to look at pictures of me and all I saw was ROUND. My face was like a globe. I had no features, I had no neck and I had about ten chins. Even if I hate the way a picture turns out now, I still smile. Because I find happiness in my own beauty.

And that Angelou poem hangs on my wall. It's the best thing since sliced bread.

Visit Operationbeautiful.com its the most uplifting thing I've seen.

You are ALL beautiful in your own special way. In a way that NO ONE can take away from you and NO ONE else has.

Like my boyfriend tells me. "You could have two Medusa heads with polkadotted skin weighing 900 pounds and you would be beautiful to me." And when I feel my lowest, even like now where I can't wear makeup and I cant do much in the way of clothes cause of my sunburn, I make the most of it. I may think I look like a horrendous beast, but you know what? It's the way you carry yourself.

If you have confidence, even in its slightest, it makes a difference and people notice.

I think you are all beautiful no matter what. Both inside and out, and you can't convince me otherwise.

:hug:

shortandfluffy
05-06-2010, 04:57 PM
Thank you for this! And I agree.. everyone has beauty. I think I said something about this in another post. Wether its your eyes, the way your mouth is shaped, a laugh, the way you speak, the way you walk, your confidence... there are SO many things that can make a person beautiful. I don't consider my appearance "beautiful", but some people have called me that. But to my DH he thinks I am cute.. that is what he likes. He loves me for me.

Don't let anyone EVER make you feel less than you deserve to feel. :hug:


I am with you 100% on this Kaplods! I had the same situation...

I wouldn't have called my husband attractive or sexy before I got to know him. He wasn't repulsive, but he wasn't a stud, either. Now he's my favorite person to look at. His face is my favorite face. Looking at him makes me happy - it fills me with joy. What is beauty if it isn't that?

Lovebirds - thank you for sharing that poem.. actually made me cry

MementoxMori
05-06-2010, 05:01 PM
Thank you for this! And I agree.. everyone has beauty. I think I said something about this in another post. Wether its your eyes, the way your mouth is shaped, a laugh, the way you speak, the way you walk, your confidence... there are SO many things that can make a person beautiful. I don't consider my appearance "beautiful", but some people have called me that. But to my DH he thinks I am cute.. that is what he likes. He loves me for me.

Don't let anyone EVER make you feel less than you deserve to feel. :hug:


I am with you 100% on this Kaplods! I had the same situation...


Lovebirds - thank you for sharing that poem.. actually made me cry

To quote the great Late Eleanor. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Best quote ever.

And exactly Fluffy. Eyes, lips, jaw.. something. My boyfriend loves my eyes and my lips the most (and my butt, but hey lol) everyone has SOMETHING that makes them stand out among the lemmings.

Passionista
05-06-2010, 05:02 PM
YES! I AM BEAUTIFUL! (And so are YOU! All of you!). :hug:

dragonwoman64
05-08-2010, 07:52 PM
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day how I wished I could experience, just once even, being really physically beautiful (thin, with drop dead good looks). I'm a lot harder on myself than I am with other people. I find all kind of people to be attractive for all different reasons. Sometimes charisma and personality will totally trump any thought I have about a less appealing "look." At the same time, someone's personality can totally turn me off no matter what he or she looks like.

I sat outside of Macys (in NYC Herald's Square) today, drinking a cup of coffee and people watching. Very few passed by who didn't have some flaw. Lots of chunky, padded, lumpy people. Some well dressed, some sloppy, with good haircuts, with mops, nice makeup, au naturale. I think from watching tv, seeing movies, and magazines, that type of media, gets in my head that there's much more perfection to be seen in the world than actually exists.

Yes, and loving someone makes them very beautiful to my eyes.

kaplods
05-08-2010, 08:19 PM
When I had a benign tumor removed from my breast (we didn't know it was benign until after the surgery), I was very self-conscious about that breast. The scar didn't bother me, but the fact that my boob had a divet did. When I lay on my back, it looks like a volcano, with the nipple nestled in the crater. WEIRD, and very unbreastlike.

When I complained to hubby about it's odd appearance, he told me that it was his "favorite" breast because it reminds him every time he sees it, how lucky he is to still have me, because the tumor wasn't cancerous.

He sees beauty in that odd breast, and it took me a while, but now I see it too. I wouldn't trade the volcano boob in on a perfectly matched set, even if I could. That kind of beauty is very special, not only because it was earned at a great price, but also because it's a private beauty shared by only my husband and I.

Love creates beauty where others would see ugliness, because they don't know any better. Some cultures see scars as beautiful because they reflect the physical strength and courage of the bearer - it must be something a little bit like hubby and I see my breast scars - it reminds us of the strength we needed to call on during that really terrible period in our life (the mammogram that found the lump was taken just a couple days before our wedding).

LovebirdsFlying
05-09-2010, 04:02 PM
Love creates beauty where others would see ugliness, because they don't know any better. Some cultures see scars as beautiful because they reflect the physical strength and courage of the bearer - it must be something a little bit like hubby and I see my breast scars - it reminds us of the strength we needed to call on during that really terrible period in our life (the mammogram that found the lump was taken just a couple days before our wedding).

(Smile.)

An elderly Filipina lady once told me that in her culture, the hardened, callused hands are called "beautiful" because of all the hard work it takes to get them into that condition. It's the smooth, lotioned, manicured hands that are considered "ugly" because it implies laziness or a lifetime of being pampered.

bec1989
05-10-2010, 04:16 PM
i have to tell my self this everyday looking in the mirror as big headed as that sounds let me just clarify.
I stand by the mirror in the morning and straight away a thousand faults are running through my head so everyday to drown them out i just tell my self that to someone somewhere you are beautiful...
Then he rolls over and wakes up and says it to :)

shortandfluffy
05-11-2010, 11:44 AM
When I complained to hubby about it's odd appearance, he told me that it was his "favorite" breast because it reminds him every time he sees it, how lucky he is to still have me, because the tumor wasn't cancerous.


One of the sweetest things I have ever heard :)

LovebirdsFlying
05-12-2010, 10:09 PM
To repeat: I am beautiful NOW. I don't have to wait until I lose X number of pounds before I can call myself beautiful, and I didn't stop being beautiful after a certain age.

All women (and men) of any age and size are beautiful somewhere.

Nesa
05-13-2010, 06:31 AM
To repeat: I am beautiful NOW. I don't have to wait until I lose X number of pounds before I can call myself beautiful, and I didn't stop being beautiful after a certain age.

All women (and men) of any age and size are beautiful somewhere.

For me, it's kinda hard to feel beautiful when the media's definition of beautiful isn't me:( lots of people are influenced by the media! i try not to let it influence me but it's everywhere! geez! i'm the heaviest amongst my friends and i think that they're all gorgeous... i feel like the odd one out:( i need to lose those "X number of pounds" to get to their 'level' (if i can call it that)

SalaamDementia
05-13-2010, 11:11 AM
My opinion of my own beauty seems to change daily. Some days I feel gorgeous and I strut my stuff, so to speak. I wish I had more of those days. Others, I hate myself and pick at everything I see as an imperfection. I try to tell myself daily that I'm beautiful and nothing can change that, but sometimes I don't quite believe myself.

So I usually settle on the bad days with looking in the mirror and picking something I do like that day. The color of my eyes, the way my hair looks, the shape of my fingers - even that one little thing helps me ward off the negative.

caliyah
05-17-2010, 01:59 AM
I think we have 2 recognize that there is beauty in EVERYONE and everyone is beautiful to someone. There is beauty in our humanity in our flaws in our imperfections in our differences in our diversity.

seafoamgreen
05-18-2010, 05:57 PM
Wow - I LOVE this thread - it's my favorite I've read on 3FC so far. All the different perspectives are great and I've loved all the poetry and the volcano breast story made me cry tears of joy.

I can only say that I currently have a co-worker (I'm changing jobs soon, so I won't see her every day for much longer) who is not the "right" weight, or age or anything by the medias standards. But to me, she's one of the most beautiful people I've ever known. And I'm not just talking inner beauty here - the outer beauty I see may be greatly influenced by her (amazing) inner beauty but I'm telling you now - this woman radiates. And I'll miss her sorely in a few weeks though we've vowed to stay in touch.

Thanks everyone for this post and for reminding me of the beauty in the world.