Weight Loss Support - Ugh! Why did I let myself get so flippin' fat?!?
04-27-2010, 01:52 PM
I just found a picture of myself from before I gained weight and it's making me sick. :no: A few years ago I weighed 155 (pic below) and still thought I was "fat" and needed to lose weight. I remember that trip to the beach and I remember being self conscious about my weight. Oh, if only I'd stayed that size!! :tantrum:
It may have taken 3 years of looking like a walrus, but I've finally gotten a hold on my weight problem and am taking steps to get healthy and happy again. However, whenever I look at pictures of myself before the weight gain, I'm just overcome with guilt. :( I feel so terrible about letting myself get so unhealthy. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you stop beating yourself up over past mistakes? How do you let go of the guilt so you can move on?
04-27-2010, 01:58 PM
You're beautiful. Then, and now.
FWIW, I do the same thing. Look back at pictures of myself and feel this overwhelming guilt and sorrow for how I felt about myself then and what I let myself become. I try to remind myself that had I never been here, I wouldn't appreciate getting back there so much. I remember being a teen and hating my body. Who knows how I'd feel about myself had I never gained enough to be here, or maybe I gained because of those feelings?! Who knows, but what I DO know is that when I get back to where I want to be, I will appreciate it so much more now!
04-27-2010, 02:07 PM
I've learned a lot and am very proud of who I have become. I guess that's how I overcome it.
I was tiny when I got married at 135, but you couldn't have told me that! Now I have a lot of sympathy and empathy for overweight people that I might not otherwise have had because I have an intolerant family that thinks nothing of making fun. I will never be that person. I do not associate "lazy" with fat because I know just how UNlazy I had to be to get a load of laundry done, or worse, pick something up off the floor.
AND, now, I'm somewhat happy where I am, in a "tiny" little size 14 pair of pants. :D 14's have never felt so good as when you've been in 20's. I couldn't have known that then. And now when I hit 135, I will be thankful every day. I will be thankful for my low blood pressure, my low blood glucose, and God willing, my low cholesterol. (Cholesterol is apparently still an issue)
So, though it depends on the day you catch me, today I am grateful for the experience I have had...now that's it's coming to an end. ;)
04-27-2010, 02:21 PM
You can get back to that weight. I know you can! Just think how much you will appreciate it when you get there. You were super svelte at 155.
You can't change the past, but you can do something about your future. Don't beat yourself up too much! But use this as motivation to lose weight and get healthy.
Just think if you hadn't gained weight then you would have likely continued to be unhappy with your body even at skinner weights than 155. Nothing like gaining weight to give a person some perspective!
04-27-2010, 03:16 PM
I agree wholeheartedly. I also was thinner "back in tha day." I am reading a book now that tells me that in order to truly succeed at this journey, we have to accept where we are now and forgive ourselves for all of the past mistakes, failed attempts, etc. It is very freeing to accept your weight today because you also know that today is the day that you have committed to changing it and get healthier.
If so many others have done it, so can I...and so can YOU! You are such a beautiful girl, no matter what you weigh. Don't hold yourself back by holding onto what used to be. Think about how great things are going to be when you accompish the new goals you're setting for yourself.
04-27-2010, 03:46 PM
Wow, thank you all so much for your words of comfort and wisdom! You're right- I will appreciate finally being healthy again SOOOO much more, now that I know what it's like to be 100 lbs. overweight. Knowing how unhappy the extra weight made me, I think it'll make me much more likely to stay at a healthy weight once I get there.
Thanks again for your support. Even when we know the truth, sometimes we just need to hear it from other people who have gone through the same thing. :-)
I am exactly the same. I lost a whole heap of weight and vowed never to regain it but its all back plus more. I guess if we dwell on the past it just makes things harder.
Keep smiling :) x
04-27-2010, 10:03 PM
Oh, I feel you. About four years ago I weighed about 190 lbs or so and thought I was still fat... And now I'm in the 260's. Do I hate that I let myself get this way? Absolutely. Am I going to beat myself up over it constantly, and stunt my ability to change and get back there, and farther? Absolutely NOT!!! :D It's just a matter, at least for me, of recognizing that mistakes were made... But almost all mistakes can be reversed, if you work hard enough. ;)
04-27-2010, 10:05 PM
I know how you feel.
I worked my butt off my first 2 years of high school and lost a little over 80lbs. My last two years of high school I stayed around 150lbs or so, but looked a lot thinner especially for my height. When I met my ex I gained about 150lbs (gosh actually saying that scares me still). Its something I think about everyday when I get on the scale and I've learned that I can't keep blaming myself, I need to just move on. When I look at the number on the scale I stop thinking about how much MORE I need to lose, I think of how much I've LOST.
You are doing so well already, don't let the past get you down.
04-27-2010, 11:49 PM
You are very pretty at both weights.
I can relate to your frustration. I recently got back from a wedding and got some photos back and it was a real eye opener for me. I was like OMG especially when I have this beautiful photo of me at 130 lbs compared to the photos of me in the 250s.
This gives me a lot of motivation to turn things around and change how things are going. View this as an opportunity to see what you want in your life and go for it!
04-28-2010, 01:00 AM
Mistakes are simply a learning opportunity ... they point us in the right direction so that we can go forward armed with new knowledge that we didn't have the first time. The depth of your dismay with gaining back the weight shows how much you have learned. Move forward with confidence! We are here for you!
04-28-2010, 03:20 AM
I beat myself up about the same thing.. In high school I would think I was so fat.. But I look back at Pictures and Im like why in the yeck did you think that... because now I am really fat I was around 130 and now 3 years later I am in between 170 and 180.. Ugh... We can loose the weight its just we need to believe in ourselves that we can do it..... I wish you the best of luck
04-28-2010, 04:02 PM
The other day, I stumbled acros a picture of myself from when I first went away to college (10 years ago!) and I was down to the thinest in years - 150 lbs. At that time, I wanted to be down to 146 (like 4 lbs would have mattered - but I was always trying to get lower).
Looking at that picture, I realized that that is NOT how I want to look now. 150 lbs on my 5'9", large boned frame just looked skinny. I had hardly any boobs! And to get down to that 150lbs, I had severly restricted what I ate. Now - I want to have a more athletic build. I want to have a little muscle definition.
And I want to eat healthy.
I did NOT eat healthy back then... I really didn't know any better. If I had continued like I was, I do not think I would have been a very healthy person. And I have learned so much.
AND, I will be able to take what I have learned and help my son grow up with a healthier attitude towards food.
I think going through this process of gaining and now trying to lose - we learn a lot. We learn a lot about being healthy. We learn a lot about ourselves.
05-02-2010, 08:35 PM
oh i can totally relate when i saw pictures of me in high school @ 190......i get really sad.....since now i weigh about 280 :( but now i know in order to get healthier i have to take in one day at a time so thats why i started counting calories and writing everything i eat down on a sheet.i also try to make healthier choices like im a soda fiend so i avoid it all together..but i wish us all luck....but luck or no luck as long as we try i know we can all achieve it!
*a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step*
05-02-2010, 11:02 PM
I could relate to your post too. I am happy with almost all my life decisions (Marriage, career) but geez, all the little decisions about what I ate that led to my weight, I sure chuckle ruefully over those. But now, like you all, I am trying to make the right decisions about food and exercise, over and over.
Fat in Hong Kong
05-03-2010, 07:23 AM
I know exactly how you feel!! When I got married (several years ago!) I was 135lbs ... and I still thought I was fat!! Today, I discovered that I've finally hit 200lbs ... the heaviest I've ever been in my life! Words simply cannot explain how disgusted I feel for letting myself get into this state. Not only disgust, but anger, and even worse ... sad ... I just feel like curling up into a ball and hiding myself away for a few months, then emerge at the 135lbs that I should be!! If only it were that simple!
Today has been a wake-up call for me ... hitting 200lbs and generally feeling lethargic all the time ... and knowing how unhealthy I must be! It's got to stop here and now!
I agree with those posters who have said that finally losing the weight will make us appreciate being a healthy weight even more ... unlike when I was 135lbs and still thought I was fat !
05-03-2010, 11:47 AM
Thank you all so much for your replies. It means a lot to me to know that I'm definitely not the only one feeling this way.
Instead of continuing to punish and chastise myself for gaining the weight, I’m trying to look at this as a life experience instead of a mistake. At the end of this journey, I will know more about my body and my health than I ever would have, had I not gained the weight. I will know that I can accomplish anything if I put my mind to it. And most importantly, I will know that the people in my life love me for me, and not what I might look like. :-)
05-03-2010, 04:11 PM
And we all obsess, about how we look, how we feel, food, how others see us, and the list goes on. I have never been a skinny person, but I have always believed that skinny people don't put the same kind of investment in food as I do. I'm sure there are tons of thin people that obsess and have dismorphic issues, but the run of the mill folk...I bet they don't lie in bed at night thinking about what life would be like at a different size. I doubt other people's minds don't count up days and pounds they can lose and come up with goals day after day...OR maybe they do. But in any case. It is what it is. We are who we are. Yes, maybe we'll look and feel better when we lose the weight, but our person will be the same. If you are a love now, you will be a love then. Peace :dizzy:
05-03-2010, 07:52 PM
I am laughing here at your description of yourself as walrus. (a very attractive looking walrus, nonetheless!!!)
I think we have all been there. This reminds me of myself, when I saw myself (when I was about 27 or so) in a photograph from a beach (in a bikini) - I thought I needed to lose weight and, just like you, I can only wished I had stayed on that weight!!
05-03-2010, 08:00 PM
We all feel that way i think. i could kick myself, it took me 10 years to get this big. Oh how i wish i could have figured out my eating problems before this. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and appreciate the lessons learned.
Hitting yourself over the head won't help. :D You are who you are: you went through whatever it was that lead to the weight gain and that person is a good person too--maybe just not so aware as you are now. Now you are a person who is going to lose the weight and be healthy. I agree with the others: you are really pretty in both pics! :hug:
Edit: just like what beansmama said!