Weight Loss Support - I can't do this alone anymore.

View Full Version : I can't do this alone anymore.

04-25-2010, 10:38 PM
It's so hard to do this alone. I have no help from my friends, family or boyfriend. For the longest time, it felt like I was losing. My clothes seemed to just fall off of me. Well after jumping on the scale today, I've realized that I gained 5 pounds from my starting weight and I have no idea how this could have happened without me noticing. And it's not what you think, no I haven't gained muscle.
Without the help from my family, I can't seem to eat the right things although I constantly try to get them to help me out. I play on the WiiFit as much as possible, do stretches every night and even ride the stationary bike. I don't know what to do anymore.
Can someone, anyone please help me?

04-25-2010, 10:57 PM
First, let me say that you're not alone. Web-friends aren't the same, I know, but we're definitely here and want to support you.

Why do you think you haven't gained muscle? It sounds like you're doing workouts that would do exactly that. And if your clothes fit better, you probably lost some inches somewhere, right?

Not having support from the people you're with every day makes losing weight a lot harder than it needs to be. Is there deliberate sabotage or is it more subtle? I may be able to offer some suggestions to help if you're comfortable with giving a few more details.

Mostly, I just wanted to offer you some e-hugs because I know you've got to be frustrated.

Lori Bell
04-25-2010, 11:01 PM
What kind of eating plan are you on? Are you doing Weight watchers, low carb, low calorie? It really is all about the calories in. It really, really is. Exercise is great, and helps, but it's not the cure...less food is. ;)

04-25-2010, 11:01 PM
I feel for you and your strugle and I know this isn't easy. How often do you track your weight? Daily? Weekly? There are so many different factors that can change that number in the scale, the biggest one being TOM. Also are you measuring yourself? If you say your clothes are fitting different then maybe you've lost inches that wont reflect on the scale. I hope you don't let this stop you. We all strugle with this! If you aren't getting the proper support at home, then use this great community as inspiration/support! :)

04-25-2010, 11:03 PM
I know I haven't gained muscle because when I lift, it's not any easier, it's harder and I take breaks.
I don't think my family is trying to sabotage me, I think it's just that they really love food and of course its the food that's bad for you that they love the most. I try suggesting my mom to buy fresh meats and let me cook instead of buying frozen mystery meats or going out for dinner.
And sometimes, I just don't feel motivated enough at all and do everything halfway, because what's the point with no support?

04-25-2010, 11:05 PM
What kind of eating plan are you on? Are you doing Weight watchers, low carb, low calorie? It really is all about the calories in. It really, really is. Exercise is great, and helps, but it's not the cure...less food is. ;)

I try to count my calories and stay under 10 times my weight everyday. My friends mother is a weight counselor and she told me 10 times my weight in calories is what I should be eating. I really want to try a program like weight watchers but does it really work for me to put the money into it?

04-25-2010, 11:06 PM
honestly, I have no idea where I would be without the wonderful people at this site. Reading about others successes and knowing you are not alone when you do slip, has been so helpful, comforting, and knowing you are never alone when you log in here. My suggestion? Log in and post here as often as you can.


Lori Bell
04-25-2010, 11:10 PM
I do feel for you, because support is a nice thing to have, but sometimes we just have to take the bull by the horns and take care of our problems by ourselves.

Weight loss can be a very lonely road. I've had mini melt-downs because I sometimes feel like I it's me against the world and a giant sugar bowl...but I AM doing this for myself, so therefore, I have to DO it for myself. You can't depend on anyone except yourself to follow a healthly diet. It sucks, but it's a fact. Hang in there and do it by yourself, for yourself.

04-25-2010, 11:23 PM
I know what it is like, not having the support of those who you are close to. I don't have any support either. So I just wanted to offer you lots of :hug::hug::hug: Don't give up!

04-26-2010, 12:03 AM
I understand how you feel. I don't get much support from my family and don't really have friends other than all you ladies that I can relate to as far as my weight issues. My bf supports my efforts but he also lives hundreds of miles away from me so its hard for him to "support" me other than over the phone. I just have to be my own cheerleader. You have to tell yourself that you can do it and that you CANT and WILL NOT fail! All I can really say is to watch your calories and find some form of exercise that you LOVE. I personally love cycling! I think you just need to figure out who you are and what you like to do. Its not about an instant fix its about changing the way you live. :)

Regera Dowdy
04-26-2010, 03:02 AM
I know I haven't gained muscle because when I lift, it's not any easier, it's harder and I take breaks.

I'm not sure how gaining muscle vs. fat works, but maybe you could get a tape measure (like the kind from a fitness store or a sewing department) to keep track of inches. It would be another way of measuring changes, especially if your clothes fit differently now. Maybe you could put the scale away for a while and focus on the habits instead of the numbers or vary the exercises with free weights, a new DVD, or just walking.

And sometimes, I just don't feel motivated enough at all and do everything halfway, because what's the point with no support?


If this is something you want, find a way to get that support! Post here more, start a journal if you haven't. If there isn't anyone in your life who is making the same journey you are and you need personal interaction/venting/encouragement, ask someone here or from another website to be a weight loss penpal.

I'm sure you can think of several reasons apart from support. Do you ever list those reasons? Remind yourself why there is a point to the changes you're making. I hope you can regain your momentum and find a way to combat the feeling of being alone in this. :hug:

04-26-2010, 08:10 AM
The nice thing about having no support is that once you learn how to manage your weight on your own, no one can take it away from you.

How are you counting calories? How are you recording them? How strict are you? What are you eating?

You can be the weight you want to be, and you can do it on your own.

04-26-2010, 08:46 AM
I have found weight loss to be one of the most solo acts in the world.

It's all up to us, as individuals. Which is a good thing, because than we don't have to rely on anyone other than ourselves.

The bottom line is therefore that you have to DECIDE to do this, regardless of whatever anyone else is or isn't doing. Would it be easier to have someone along for the ride, maybe. But if you wait for that to happen, well than weight loss may NEVER happen. And that would be a shame.

And as far as motivation, forget that. It doesn't last very long and is never around when the fast food, the cookies and the cake are. COMMIT to doing this - whether you feel like it or not. It's worth it beyond belief.

Make the decision to do this, once and for all and permanently, commit to do this, be WILLING to do what's necessary and required to get it done - regardless of your circumstances, regardless of your surrounding.

Decide, commit and than make a plan of ACTION to make sure that it occurs.

You've got the power and the ability to do this. You CAN make it happen. You don't have to be fat if you don't want to be. The choice IS yours.

Don't dread these changes. But embrace them, look forward to them and be excited about them, because you have the power to change your life. You deserve to have the best!

Now get out there and make yourself a plan - and stick to it - because you can and you should. :)

04-26-2010, 02:51 PM

I think one thing that hasn't been considered on this thread is that you are just 18 and possibly still totally dependent on your parents for food and money. If that's the case, it does make it harder for you. If all that is accessible to you is calorie dense food, sticking to your calorie plan could leave you starving.

Do you have any money of your own that you can use to purchase the foods you need for your plan? If not, will your parents allow you add the foods you need to the grocery list? Or give you your own grocery allowance?

Your circumstances may make it hard but I know you can do it. Perhaps once your family sees you putting your all into your program they will jump on board and do what they can to help.

04-26-2010, 03:24 PM
Ya know, my husband and I are doing this together, and our oldest son by default. ;) BOTH my two dearest friends have now joined me, one of whom goes to the gym with me. I have all the support in the world, right? ;)

It's not all you'd think it would be. It's nice to have to talk to, but if one of them falls, I'm helpless. I feel at war with my husband most hours of most days alternating biting my tongue with saying the right thing. I feel like the success of my family is entirely on my shoulders. If I quit, they will quit too. That's a lot of responsibility.

So yes, no matter how much or how little support you have, I think weight loss is still a very individual effort.

I have heard, and I believe, that weight loss is 80% diet and only 20% exercise. That has been so true for me. I can't do it through exercise alone and I find that the harder I work out the less the scale cooperates. That's ok because even as I gain poundage, the clothes just keep fitting better and that's a beautiful thing.

Counting calories worked great for me, then I learned to tweak that with eating whole foods and then I tweaked that restricting my carbs. It's a learning process and anything you can do toward getting the weight off blesses the body, even if done imperfectly. ;)

04-26-2010, 05:52 PM
I try to count my calories and stay under 10 times my weight everyday. My friends mother is a weight counselor and she told me 10 times my weight in calories is what I should be eating. I really want to try a program like weight watchers but does it really work for me to put the money into it?

That puts you at eating 2400 calories daily, and that's if you're always eating on plan every day. I think that might be a little too much, maybe try tapering it down to 2000 or 1800 if you can manage. See if that helps a little?


I think one thing that hasn't been considered on this thread is that you are just 18 and possibly still totally dependent on your parents for food and money. If that's the case, it does make it harder for you. If all that is accessible to you is calorie dense food, sticking to your calorie plan could leave you starving.

This would probably make it really difficult for you, but I would try to talk to your parents (whoever does the grocery shopping) and ask them to buy you some easy low calorie staples - salad fixings, lean sandwich meat, fruit. Some foods that you could easily use as additions to the calorie dense food you're getting as a primary, and then you could just eat smaller portions of the other foods.

04-26-2010, 07:56 PM
If you still live at home, talk to your doctor and have the doctor help you talk to your parents--if you are too embarrassed to tell your mom why, just tell her you need to see the doctor for a "personal problem" (she will assume UTI or yeast infection) and once you are there, you can talk about weight loss. Doctors can say things like "she MUST be given access to foods on this list" and "she MUST not eat X, Y, and Z".

As far as emotional support, though--that's up to you. No one else can be strong for you.

04-26-2010, 08:39 PM
Shmead...you are brilliant! That's a great idea. Family member would proly pay more attention to the doctor.

As for support, there's support here for you, and even though it isn't the same as support in real life, it can really help. If you come here and post whenever you need a hug or some encouragement, you'll find lots of chicks jumping in to cheer you on. Please don't give up on yourself. You are worth taking care of, even if others are just thoughtless. You can be strong for yourself. Weight watchers has helped a lot of people, as have other eating/exercise plans.

2400 sounds like a lot of calories for losing, so yu might see if you can cut back closer to 1800-ish, which seems to be what I find suggested as a starting point for me, and I am similar to you.

You CAN do this!


05-18-2010, 10:57 AM
I recently started at a new job and today I talked to the fitness instructor here. She told me when I can get the money she can set me up with a class with her to fill out a day by day plan. I'm hoping to do that soon, and until then, does anyone have a day by day plan that they follow. What I mean by this is exactly how much of what food you eat for every meal for a week? If you do, could you PLEASE help me out and post it for me?

As of now, I've gained 5 more pounds and I'm not sure how. My eating habbit hasn't changed and either has my exercise habbits. I'm a little worried that I might actually have diebetes or a thyroid problem since I'm randomly gaining weight. Does anyone know some symptoms currently connected with these things and if it sounds plausable?


05-18-2010, 10:58 AM
Also, I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions to exercise videos or something like the p90x series or slim in 6 reviews to tell me how they went?

05-18-2010, 11:34 AM
Plan: Find out how many calories my body physically needs a day to live. Then subtract 500-700. That is my calorie limit. This can be tricky. At 200 pounds, every calculator I used gave me a different number, but it was usually between 2000 and 2400 calories. So I set a limit of 1800 every day, and slowly gained weight. There are most likely two reasons for this: 1) I wasn't as close to 1800 as imagined and 2) it simply wasn't low enough. I dropped the amount to 1500, which I never imagined I could be happy at. Well, I am happy at it (dropped to 1400 recently) and it's working. I think it's working because I dropped the "a calorie is a calorie" mentality. I don't follow too strictly to any one diet, but I do aim for as few processed grains as possible, cut WAY back on sugar, and aim to have veggies a lot more often. I focus on foods that are nutritionally good for you, and they trully are more satisfying. (That doesn't mean I don't have good old mashed potatoes once in a while. I just watch the portion size.)

I try to get half an hour of exercise in a day. Walking at the very least. I just started the C25K so I've been adding in jogging now. Either way, I want to burn 150-200 calories with exercise a day.

So there's my "plan." Unfortunately, everyone is different. You can get an idea of all the tips, tricks, and information people use to form their plan. But only you can figure out what works for you. I do think that's going to involve a calorie cut. The advice of 10x your weight sounds like the first part of my equation. Now you need to cut 500-700 from that. So, the advice of 1800 calories sounds pretty good. Keeping to that is going to be tough, if you have grocery issues. You'll just have to work out a compromise. One thing you probably always have in you fridge and I consider a diet miracle? Eggs. An egg white (I hard-boil for easy sake) has 20 calories. But the protein makes it feel like 200.

Want an idea of what works? Go to the goals section and read up on the amazing stories posted there. Inspirational, and filled with advice. They really helped me.

05-18-2010, 11:42 AM
I could probably talk for hours about what I think you should do, but it really is a matter of trial and error for each person. But here are some suggestions.

I'd cut your calories. Based on your age, weight & height your body needs approximately 1900 calories to maintain if all you did was stay in bed all day. Based on your normal (not exercise) activity level, you'll need to multiply that number by 1.1 (desk job), 1.2 (active), 1.3 (very active). That will give the amount of calories you need every day to maintain your weight. If you reduce that number by 500 calories every day, you should lose 1lb per week. You really need to track your calories. I use Livestrong's The Daily Plate (online). It is very simple to use, and it even has a iPhone app.

As for exactly what I'm going to eat for each meal, well I don't even know that. I don't usually plan farther than one day in advance, unless it is something very special. I just break my calories up throughout the day. Currently I'm eating 1300 calories per day. I eat 300 for breakfast, 400 for lunch, 100 for a snack, and 500 for dinner.

I would also be more deliberate with the exercise. I personally recommend you get a heart rate monitor that can calculate calorie burn, but if you can't swing that right now you can use one of the many online calorie charts. You should really try to get in 30-60 minutes of solid exercise 5 days a week.

Jillian's 30 day shred video is a killer. Actually, all of her videos are. But then anything that gets you moving and keeps your heart rate elevated for 20 minutes or more is good. I lost my first 20lbs just marching in place for an hour every night while watching tv. Sometimes even now I'll put the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack on and march around the house singing and conducting along with the music. Probably sounds crazy, but it burns calories.

You really should weigh regularily. I recommend once per week. That should keep you from slipping back, as you will catch it pretty quickly. And the 5lbs your dealing with now may not be a true gain....lots of things will affect your weight...not drinking enough water, too much sodium, TOM.

I hope some of this helps. Feel free to ask me anything....I may not be right, but I'll have an answer...;)

05-18-2010, 01:25 PM
Keep at it, you are worth it! :D

I am with Shmead. Our families love us unconditionally and sometime don't see what we see and don't realize we aren't exactly perfect just the way we are. Or they know you are right but know that means they need to make changes and who likes changes right? ;) Either way the best way to open their eyes is to get the full check up, which will help you in your efforts as well. Show them your cholesterol, BP and all your lab work. I don't know what your family is like but I have family who still would brush you off even if they were looking at the lab work simply because they feel like they live life the way they want to and they don't want to change their shopping/eating habits. Hopefully that isn't the case but if so you have a great support system here.

My husband is known for buying all the wrong things when I send him shopping (trust me I try not to send him!). I know what it is like when you are hungry looking for something to snack on and all you see are chips, crackers, all kinds of bad finger food. My problem was it was so much easier to grab a box of something bad than to pull out the carrots and celery to chop up. I started pre-chopping stuff and picking up easy snack that are good for me like the 100 calorie packs or low fat yogurts etc. BUT I will admit there are times when I don't have my healthy snacks available and I go for the chips but I pull out a specific amount and put the bag away! If I end up giving in to the bad foods that are in my house I am sure to pay attention to portion size and calorie count.

You are not alone! Keep posting here and you will find support and inspiration.

05-18-2010, 02:10 PM
Thanks. I am still hoping someone will post a schedule?

05-18-2010, 03:23 PM
Thanks. I am still hoping someone will post a schedule?

Do you mean like exactly what you should eat and exercise every day? That is really hard to do for someone else, because everyone has different tastes. Maybe is you told us exactly what you are eating now we could help you tweak it?

05-18-2010, 03:30 PM
This may be something like what you're looking for:


Hope that helps.

05-18-2010, 07:20 PM
You can click on people's Fitday links and see what they eat.

05-18-2010, 07:37 PM
somanyemotions Are you wanting and exact eating plan? You can get one for free if you google National Body Challenge and then sign up for free. It will help you to figure out calories, exercise I think and maximum nutrition; It gives you food/recipes/menus to use each day and also allows you to twek them to suit your own tastes.

You could always start out with that, and then work from there based upon your results. Just a thought, and free is a great price :-)


05-18-2010, 07:41 PM
Simple guidelines:

-- Eat a vegetable and/or fruit at every meal/snack. (But do not eat ONLY fruit over the course of the day. You need veggies too.)
-- Eat some kind of protein at every meal/snack.
-- Avoid white refined stuff such as sugar and white flour.
-- Get enough sleep.
-- Get some movement every day; half an hour of vigorous movement or an hour or more of non-vigorous movement.

If you really don't know what to do, start at the above, get those habits down, then you'll be ready to refine your plan.

05-18-2010, 07:44 PM
Do you have any PCOS symptoms? Mind posting a daily menu? I posted a link below- have you ever seen a doctor for your annual exams?

PCOS (http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.cfm)

For me I was eating a low fat diet- thinking it was healthy- and then I kept gaining. Recently started on South Beach diet because for my particular body type I learned that with my insulin resistance issues I should lower my carb intake. I lowered it to 30-40% a day and now the weights finally coming off.

05-18-2010, 08:31 PM
I try to count my calories and stay under 10 times my weight everyday. My friends mother is a weight counselor and she told me 10 times my weight in calories is what I should be eating. ?

That would put you around 2300 calories a day - probably fine for maintaining your current weight but not very helpful if you are looking to lose. Maybe try aiming for 10 times the weight you want to be.

As others have said, support from friends and family is wonderful but this is your life, your body, your "problem". Come here for support - you'll get plenty! Join one of the many challenges to get support from folks doing the same thing you are. If you can't afford weight watchers count calories, you'll get LOTS of support from the wonderful folks in that forum. Log your food every day at myplate or fitday or sparkpeople.

You can do it! We're here to help but you are the one who will have to actually do it.

05-18-2010, 10:08 PM
I agree, I would NEVER lose weight eating 10 times my weight.

Also, if your family eats out a lot, look up beforehand what calories are in what and decide what sounds good, that way you'll be prepared. maybe even make a list of things you like from restaurants that you go to frequently.

But I gotta agree, the food is it. I spent the entire last YEAR, yes literally, a year, in the mid 180's, working out here and there, going on 3 hour bike rides and hitting the gym at least 4 times a week. my weight did Nothing. In the last two weeks I've started calorie counting, and today I'm at 179. I'd recommend reading the Hacker's diet, it's long but the calorie estimator on there is better than any I've seen anywhere else. I especially like his idea that calorie counting is a good external way to help those who can't tell, a way to know when they should be 'done' eating.

Also I want to say that processed food won't make you full. There are chemicals in it that actually 'turn off' hunger signals.......for example, I can eat a 100 calorie apple with 300 calories of peanut butter and feel stuffed, or order the macho nachos at dennys that are over 1000 and feel the same amount stuffed. It's all about quality of food.

there are many plans with week long 'eating schedules' but again, I dont' know what foods you like or don't, what foods motivate you, etc.....some people would hate atkins, other's would hate programs like fit for life that are vegan. we'd definitely need to know more. but I bet you coudl find a lot of information by googling it.

Edited to add: I've been losing weight at 13-1400 calories a day, I think ten times your Goal weight makes a lot more sense.

05-18-2010, 10:56 PM
I eat about 10 times my weight in calories; my average calories per day for the last 4 weeks is 2068. I am losing weight at the rate of about 3 to 5 pounds per month right now.

I am also very active; I do 30 to 60 minutes of formal exercise per day, and I am on my feet at work and/or home 4 to 8 hours per day. And I make sure to pay careful attention to getting at least 7 to 8 hours of quality sleep each night.

So, it's not a crazy idea to eat 10x one's weight in calories for weight loss, and for some people it may be a very winning strategy. Personally, I don't lose weight on low calories in the range of 1600 or less.

05-20-2010, 02:09 PM
I am normally on my feet around 7 to 8 hours a day 5 times a week, and I am walking at least 10,000 or steps a day as an estimate. I am constantly back and forth. I haven't seen any changes in my weight or inches but I have been eating a little less than normal and healthier foods since last Saturday. I've been trying really hard and I run stairs with my boyfriend during evenings.

I do have problem running or speed walking or doing things that involve me moving up and down. It sounds stupid, but I have a lot of pressure on my chest and it causes me a lot of trouble breathing on top of my asthma. I'm trying my hardest and I really thank you guys for your support. :]

05-20-2010, 02:33 PM
Menu plans? Here are several -- middle left column, links in red.



02-18-2011, 10:26 PM
We are all on your struggle...I am still trying to find a local friend to workout with. I think I am going to join the gym for 2 months and see if I can connect with someone to motivate me and me do the same for them...I hope you the best on your journey.