I lost my Dad this past week. He died last Monday. I know he is in Heaven with my Mom.
My problem now is that, I have OCD, and with that come feelings of guilt. Guilt that I couldn't help him, guilt about fights we had, guilt about him being in a nursing home, and now, guilt about getting back to my life.
I worked out for the first time since he died today. I felt horrible and guilty the whole time. Like, how can I be working out and enjoying it knowing my Dad is gone? I'm grieving, and it feels like I should be doing that 24/7, not worrying about me.
I know that's ridiculous, but it's how I feel. OCD really did a number on me when my Mom died 2 years ago. I feel like I haven't fully healed, and now my Dad dies. I'm only 35. They were 62 and 67. Both young and I feel like my family was robbed of a lot of years.
They were both very sick, and it really is a blessing they are in heaven now, but geesh. I feel so lost.
04-25-2010, 03:28 PM
I think you should seek professional help. Feeling guilty for being alive while your parents have passed is not healthy. You didn't kill them, and you should now spend the rest of your life trying to live it as long as possible. I don't think your parents would want you to feel this way either.
Get some therapy- it really does help.
04-25-2010, 03:40 PM
I know what you mean by saying you feel your family was robbed, my father passed away when I was five, this May 1st makes 18 years! You can't feel guilty for living. Im very sorry you lost both your parents, you need time to grieve. You just need some time to heal, take care.:hug:
04-25-2010, 03:51 PM
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I am so sorry you lost your dad. Mine passed 2 years ago and we had some unresolved issues, but I know he is with God now and that brings me peace.
Feeling guilty is actually a common stage of grief. It is called survivor's guilt, but it typically manifests in situations such as where you got out alive and another didn't (think world trade center or something). It is not healthy, but it is common and you are not alone.
Please try to release the guilt. It is not your fault. I assume since you are posting in this section that you are a person of faith so I encourage you to cling to that faith. I encourage you to pray to God for peace and to pray for the strength and desire to care for yourself.
I know it may seem weird to go on living life when someone you love is not in the physical world anymore, but please don't feel guilty. There is a whole enternal, non-physical world that exists in the supernatural and you can rest assured that God is a merciful one. God has a purpose and a plan and love for every person He creates.
I encourage you not to be guilty or sad or angry about the people God lost, but be grateful for the people He sent. Your dad was meant to be your dad and even though you had your ups and downs, rest assured that your dad loved you and that you loved your dad and that if he could talk to you he would be delighted to know you are continuing to live and love and care for yourself. Most parents, at the end of the day, want their children to be safe and happy.
Your grief is still very, very fresh so be gentle with yourself. It's okay to grieve, there is a season and a purpose for everything. It's okay to cry, to feel sad, to even feel some feelings of anger or hurt, or shame... yes, even guilt.
However, just as there is a season to mourn, there is also a season of rejoicing. Slowly but surely, with God's strength and with your mom & dad looking down on you, you will get to a place where you feel joy again. It doesn't mean you don't miss your parents, it just means that you are still willing to participate in the life you still have and feel joy in it -- and you know your parents would want you to be joyous.
I will send up a prayer for you, please be kind to yourself.
04-25-2010, 10:10 PM
:hug: Everyone grieves and mourns in their own way; but I think that both your mother and father would not want you to feel guilty about anything. They would want the best for you, including happiness and peace and yes, even joy ... They are both fine now; not suffering at all.
You may find some Christian counselling helpful, and as another person mentioned -- guilt is part of the grieving experience, so you are in the process. Soon you will come to realize that you did the best you could at the time and we all make mistakes in this life; not one of us is perfect. I believe in heaven that -- all is forgiven and all is forgotten so2speak; so you can be comforted in knowing that your parents hold no ill feelings.
Your next move is to ask JESUS to help you forgive yourself so that you can continue on in His peace and love, which can fill your heart and mind and soul. I find reciting the 23rd Psalm and the Praise Psalms (see the last few) really comforting; I even sing them sometimes and that lifts my spirit ... :hug:
04-26-2010, 09:52 AM
I'm in the same situation. My Dad died a month ago. Guilt is a normal part of the entire grief process, along with shock/disbelief that the person is gone, anger, sadness/depression, & resistance to return to reality. I find that each day brings a new set of emotional stages-some days disbelief and sadness, others guilt that I'm getting on with life, other days anger (not at Dad, but at people who think I should just get over it). My pastor gave me a booklet called "Good Grief" by Granger E. Westberg. If you can get a copy of it, I'd recommend reading it, as it shows that all of this is normal and what to look for if your grief is turning into something abnormal.
But, be sure to understand that guilt is just a normal part of the process-I have felt guilty about having to make the decision to turn off my dad's life support even though I know he wasn't going to make it and that he would have been very mad if I let it continue. God will help you through all the stages of grieving. Turn to Him and tell Him exactly how you feel, no matter what the feelings are. And, feel free to pm me if you need to talk more, too, because I do understand what you're feeling.:hug:
04-26-2010, 06:25 PM
I lost my Dad 2 years ago from a very quick battle of prostate cancer that spread everywhere. I watch him die a horrible, painful death. I loved my Daddy with all my heart but when he passed away I cried, I was also thankful that he wasnt suffering anymore. This man was always there for me no matter what...I was there for him. We had our fights, but we knew the loved each other unconditionally. I know my Dad would want me to remember him, and I do daily...But I also know my Dad would not want me to be sad all the time. He loved me and he wanted me to be happy. He is in a better place than we are. Please, know that there is time to be sad. There is time to remember, and there is time to live your life the way he would want you too. Dont think of the bad or sad things, remember the good things. Hugs, feel better!
04-26-2010, 11:57 PM
Bless all of you, will be praying for all of you. You are all so special. It is not easy loosing someone you love but God took them home but he left precious memories to cherish within our hearts. Hang in there all of you and I pray that each of you have a very special week for each of you are super special!
05-01-2010, 05:56 PM
Ursula, how lucky you were to have your dad for 35 years. I was 17 months old when my dad died. I know the feeling of being robbed. You are going through the grieving process, it will get better and you will be able to remember the good times you had with your dad and your mom, too. You will even be able to smile at the memories. The grieving process will vary with individuals but it it is very soon for you.It will get better.