Weight Loss Support - Too much attention from guys?




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constance21
04-22-2010, 05:11 PM
At my high weight, I rarely got hit on by men. But after losing 25 pounds it seems to happen everywhere I go! I am happily married and at first I enjoyed it..and it was very flattering.....but now I find it annoying/embarrassing. Some of the passes have been very aggressive, and my kids will notice. Am I putting off sexual energy or something? lol Does this happen to anyone else??


Veil
04-22-2010, 05:18 PM
YES, it's happening to me too (I'm sure others as well). What you are sending out is CONFIDENCE, and that my girl, is SEXY. I just smile and go about my business. Or say, "Thanks, but I'm married." Now what to say to your kids, I'm not sure.... depends on their ages. Good luck to ya!!

mescelestus
04-22-2010, 05:26 PM
I happens to me all the time...and although in most ways I LOVE it because I am an attention hog...and I like constant validation (hey at least I know that about myself)...but some guys do go overboard, and border on sexual harassment....Once a guy pushed me against the wall...and I guess since then, even though I like the compliments: I am TERRIFIED of men. I have not figured out a way to deal with it either.


cfmama
04-22-2010, 05:27 PM
Yep it's the confidence. It's very eye catching/attractive and sexy. Nothing is more gorgeous than a woman who BELIEVES in herself.

That being said... yah. Getting hit on all the time over here. I however soak it up (and yes I am married) lol!!!

constance21
04-22-2010, 05:38 PM
Thanks girls for the input. When its just a friendly flirt I take it as a compliment and actually do like it. I have to agree with Mescelestus, some guys just take it too far. It can make you a little scared of being alone. They get too aggressive and don't seem to care if you say "Thank you, but I'm married."

ThicknPretty
04-22-2010, 05:41 PM
Oh gosh yes, me too. And I do agree that it's more about confidence than anything else. I'm also wearing cuter and more feminine clothing and I do think that makes a difference. A guy is much more likely to notice someone wearing a cute dress than someone in baggy jeans and a hoodie.

I had an experience that felt like something straight out of a movie the other day...like, the construction workers standing around whistling and hollering at me...it was MORTIFYING. What was worse was that after I walked past them the first time, I realized I'd left my keys in the store I was just in and had to go BACK! It was super embarassing for me and I'm not used to it either. I feel more vulnerable now.

But hey, be flattered, tell em no thanks and move on. I always tell them I have a boyfriend when really I don't right now because it's just easier.

constance21
04-22-2010, 05:53 PM
You girls are definitely right about the confidence! I have SO much more now! I guess it shows!! ;)

Kae
04-22-2010, 06:41 PM
I wouldn't say I get hit on all the time now, but I have noticed that it does seem to be happening more often...

I think, like the others have said, that it is a confidence thing. I am much more likely to notice someone flirting with me on a day when I am in a good mood and dressed nicely and feeling good about myself... Plus I think I am slowly starting to look more people in the eyes and smile and I think that probably makes a difference too...

Lori Bell
04-22-2010, 08:28 PM
Yea, it happens to me too. I actually started a thread about it awhile back in the body image after weight loss section. It's hard on me, but some very wise women gave me some good advice and some brilliant food for thought. I was actually binging after it would happen as a sort of self sabotague thing...I think it was guilt for liking it a little too much since I'm an old married lady with 21 years of marital bliss under my belt...LOL ;)

I've seen way to many women, (and men too for that matter), lose weight and dump/cheat on their spouse. I have a married girlfriend who is making just a damn fool out of herself with another married man since she's lost weight (like none of us notice...gag). I think that is what bothers me so much. I see how stupid other people get and don't want to go there. YIKES...sorry, didn't mean to hog your thread. :)

Ciao
04-22-2010, 11:17 PM
YES, it's happening to me too (I'm sure others as well). What you are sending out is CONFIDENCE, and that my girl, is SEXY. I just smile and go about my business. Or say, "Thanks, but I'm married." Now what to say to your kids, I'm not sure.... depends on their ages. Good luck to ya!!
I completely agree.

saef
04-22-2010, 11:36 PM
In my case, I think it's confidence, but also that my ineptness is showing. And I cover it up by being frosty & remote.

Other women who've been slender & attractive for a long time have had time to get used to the attention & have developed coping skills. I haven't. This is fairly new to me. So I freeze up. It reads as arrogance to some. It's not meant to be, though. Others actually seem attracted by the coldness.

Everyone else learned this stuff starting at age 13. Gah!

asharksrevenge
04-23-2010, 04:24 AM
I haven't lost any weight yet, but in the spirit of my new desire to change my entire life around, I'll admit to something shameful about myself (even though I know I shouldn't be ashamed):

I've never been hit on before.

That's not to say I haven't been in relationships, I have, though not many. One lasted for many years. But I always went after the guys and not once in all those years do I remember ever feeling wanted.

So lately, I have been thinking about how my weight loss goals would change me mentally and physically when I complete them. I understand that skinny women get hit on quite a bit, so I'd have to assume I would too, but I wondered what that would be like and if I could handle it. I'm really glad this thread came up. Thanks for the input, ladies! I was very curious how formerly heavy women reacted to all the new attention.

Cali Doll
04-23-2010, 04:42 AM
I'm noticing more attention from guys in general, yes. It's funny to me, really. I don't find it intimidating and I haven't been in a situation where I've felt uncomfortable with any male attention. It's mostly guys leering or simple things like the security guys at work being extra friendly and attentive etc. None of that stuff really bothers me.

If I can admit, I got hit on at my highest weight; however, I notice it's happening more now. I agree that confidence has a lot to do with it and I'm fine with that. :-)

motivated chickie
04-23-2010, 07:27 AM
Haha, some men can be so rude. But you are pretty and project an aura that you are a friendly person. Men find that combo irresistible.

When I go dancing in clubs by myself, I get hit on by guys often. I'm usually not flattered b/c so many guys are simply on the make. I'm single and sometimes I like it, but most of the time I am there for the music and want to dance alone. I've learned a few tricks to get them away from me.

1) Don't make eye contact. If a guy gives you "the look", immediately look away like you didn't see it and move away from their direction.

2) Pretend you have to make a call & get away. Just open your cell and start talking.

3) If you get sucked into conversation, remember that only the creeps will hit on you if you are married. So if a guy isn't respecting that you are married, don't feel like you have to be nice to him. Be firm and tell him you have things to do and move on.

4) Get advice from your hubby. Men know other men very well.

Last week, at a club, one guy wouldn't leave me alone. He came at me to dance about 20 times to dance. Every time I made accidental eye contact, he made a beeline straight for me. I literally would turn my back to him and then go to other end of the room. After two hours of this nonsense, I finally left because I was sick of him.

On the other hand, there are some good men who want to talk to you because they genuinely curious to learn about you. Those guys will engage you in conversation, but not violate your boundaries. Hopefully, you'll meet more people like that. And scare away the predators.

paris81
04-23-2010, 10:31 AM
While I agree to a certain extent that you can feel flattered by advances, I think it's important to remember that agressive advances are not flattering--when men are agressive with women, it's a huge problem that speaks to bigger cultural/socieital issues. It plays in to so many of those myths about women that "no actually means yes" and a whole mess of dangerous assumptions about what women actually want. Stand up for yourself (or at the very least ignore agressive advances if possible!).

I would just react in a way that makes you feel strong, whatever that is!

corazonas
04-23-2010, 06:00 PM
This thread is too funny... I've always been a really confident girl but guess it got a little lost after getting married, being pregnant twice, and just being that housewife that was a little too heavy.

Now that I'm more fit, caring more about my appearance, newly divorced and single... I eat it up! haha I love the attention and feel like I totally deserve it. Not in a snobby witchy kind of way but its true, I welcome most compliments and flirtation unless it's just downright creepy :D

constance21
04-23-2010, 06:34 PM
You girls are great!! I LOVE all the input!!

I guess most of the time it is very flattering, but there is those times where I wanna go out, and just want to be left alone! Especially if I am having a good time with my kids.

Ookpik
04-29-2010, 02:49 AM
I found it kind of hard to handle when I started getting more attention from men after I started losing weight. If I was talking to a guy I found kind of attractive, I tried to appear nonchalant, but inside I was thinking, "go away! I don't know how to handle this!"

It's not that I've never been with a guy before, but I wasn't used to a lot of attention. I think, in my mind, the only guys I deserved were the ones who couldn't treat a woman right. When I lost the weight and more "desireable" men started paying attention, I found it awkward. But at the same time, I liked it! Odd, I'm thinking that maybe I liked the validation that men found me attractive finally, but at the same time was afraid to do anything about it. That's something I know I have to work on.

therex
04-29-2010, 03:23 AM
pft, i wish i had that problem. I can't even remember the last time I was hit on.

constance21
04-29-2010, 02:39 PM
My husband also pointed out that I now wear tighter fitting clothes than I used to. I have gradually changed what I wear after gaining more confidence.

Eliana
04-29-2010, 02:55 PM
The only guys I care about are the husbands of my two best friends. They're as close to me as their wives are! We're all old college friends. They have always been a little flirty with me. It wasn't a problem when I was at my heaviest, but now that I'm losing weight it intensifies and wigs me out, quite frankly. My parents had friends who were a married couple and my mom ended up having an affair and then marrying the man. I'm paranoid about that. But that only means it WON'T happen to me.

All other men are free to flirt away! LOL!

constance21
04-29-2010, 02:59 PM
That would be awkward Eliana!

Beach Patrol
04-29-2010, 03:13 PM
I've ALWAYS been hit on. During my lean years, my fat years, whatever. I think it's attitude overall. (I get hit on by women, too). It doesn't bother me; in fact, it empowers me. I guess I enjoy being noticed. But my husband is my #1 and he knows it - I don't feel the need to tell anyone to back off because I'm married. I just generally let it go in one ear & out the other. If anyone gets all "grabby" - now THAT is a different story. I don't mind decking someone, LOL.

constance21
04-29-2010, 03:24 PM
LOL!! Beach Patrol that is hilarious! :lol3:

vertigoskyy
04-29-2010, 03:45 PM
Confidence!! :)