hey people
I really need to hear from people my own age, about my situation: I am going through a rough time, and maybe because of that I have started to have doubts about the whole "new me" thing. Well yes I have changed my eating and exercising habits, and results have come, but right now people see me as "slim" which, by the way, I am not.. the extra kilos don't show when I'm fully dressed but they are there.. anyhow, I feel like now the world expects me to be "normal" just cause I'm not obese anymore. My problem is that inside, I'm pretty much the same person. All my life I've been the fat one, my brain is shaped to fit that. My lack of self-esteem matches that. My pessimism is derived of that, I mean now all of me is in contrast with the body I am close to. Sometimes I feel it will be impossible for me to change.. I can't just do the things others do 'cause I have only been not obese for about a year.. I'm not even at my goal weight, I don't think of me as not overweight.. I still behave as overweight.
Maybe to you it's all a bunch of nonsense.. but that's me.
Anyone else having trouble adjusting to the new social status that being not fat brings? And if you didn't experience any change in social status, ok well you live someplace that doesn't care/notice/ostracize. In my life, people notice.
Last edited by fra; 04-22-2010 at 02:59 AM.
Reason: typo
I don't quite understand your post and what "new social status" you are talking about? Are you talking about partying?
I think everyone lives in a place where the way you look is something that "matters", its how you cope with the changes. Just because you are thinner doesn't mean you HAVE to change if you don't want to.
I think I get what you are saying- people treat you differently now that you are closer to a "normal" weight? And also you are having trouble coming to terms with what this means for you too? This happened to me too as I got closer to my goal weight- I think you just have to develop a thick skin for those people who are commenting (often it is well intentioned, I just say thanks and move on) and take some time to enjoy your progress. I had to take some weeks off losing to just come to terms with the "new me" and just reflect a bit. I think its normal to feel a bit overwhelmed. I took my break at around the 20kg lost mark too, maybe there is something about that amount of weight that overwhelms us
Fra,
I completely understand! When we desire to be thin, we have this idea that our personality will magically change to fit our new body. It can be a little disconcerting when it doesn't happen. Please try to track down the book "Fat is a Feminist Issue" by Susie Orbach. (You can find it on Amazon used for less than 5 bucks.) It is a wonderful book that helped me to sort out who I am both with my extra weight and without it. I believe it will help you to sort out your issues too!
Feel good about yourself! You are still the same incredible person you were before the weight loss! Let this extra attention serve as a self-esteem boost! You are out there achieving your goals! That is something to be proud of!
Good luck! Keep me updated!
Fellow tall girl! okay, so I generally know exactly what you're talking about because it was about a year ago that I was in mid 170s and everyone was saying that I looked slim -- but it certainly hadn't registered in my mind when looking in the mirror. All I can say is to forget everything you think you know about what you look like. Start trusting other people's judgement! and if you start doubting yourself, refer to the bolded sentence.
Us tall girls are in a world where we'll always be bigger no matter what we do becuase we'll never fit in the size 6's unless we are okay with not being able to stand without support. (although I don't know what size 6 is in Italy)
I bet you anything that you are a knockout at this point, because I was pretty happy with myself when I finally recognized the slim girl in the mirror to be me! Flaunt it! And if you're so concerned with the final few pounds, then my second bet is that weight training would do wonders for your body and ego. It may not show the same on the scale but would firm and tone those areas that you're still self-conscious about.
Enjoy yourself in whatever body you're in. Why would you let it bother you that people notice you are slim? you've worked hard for it I'm sure! And if you feel it has had an effect on your "social status", maybe there's a part of you that is being a little more outgoing and less negative and so has made it so that more people want to be around you naturally.
I would love love love to be where you are now, and think of the spring/summer clothes that are out for you now! .... although I don't know how seasons work in Italy either. lol Today it's 20 degrees here but snowed on Saturday.
If you feel like messaging me, you can anytime. Or there's the tall girl thread too of course.
I can relate. People do treat me differently since I have lost weight but I have found that most of it is positive and/or well-intentioned. Something that helped me adjust to my new body has been taking a long time to lose the weight and taking time off from trying to lose weight and just maintaining. You know, give my brain a chance to catch up to my body. Good luck. Keep us updated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by preppingbride
there's the tall girl thread too of course.
There's a tall girl thread??! I'm 5'9''... Do I count?? If so, where can I find it? Thanks!
I know how you feel. I am on the rowing team at my university and lost a lot of my weight before I got here. Anyways, people on the team often talk about body types and how me and this other girl on team are good because we're tall, muscular, and lean. I was like lean? Nope. Definitely not. Its always weird when people refer to my body as things other than "fat" because that's how I always thought of myself. Its weird. I thought that way too until my body fat percentage came back in the low end of normal range. I guess you can't argue with that. Even though you aren't at goal, you're probably doing well and are well within a healthy range. I just think our new [well, i still have a ways to go] bodies will take some getting used to because of how long/how we and other perceived us at our high weights.
everyone thanks for the replies!!! I apologize, I must make a looong post
8675309 and everyone else: yes I definitely want to change, because all my life I have been very very self-conscious and withdrawn from society, you know when you are 7 and kids start calling you FAT already and they keep on all your life.. it'a hard to think of yourself as "normal" and likable. I was never liked by my peers, I was never considered as a potential girlfriend cause I was so tall and fat, I was "embarassing". So over time I just stopped trying... I guess I take rejection bad.. I'm not bold and optimistic and energetic and sunny the ME I have been up til now is this: I plan everything I do to be noticed as little as possible, to BOTHER people as little as possible with my fat and ugly presence. I never did physical things cause obese 6' girls look clumsy and get laughed at, for instance. I'm terrified of not being liked and I panick at social gatherings.. but people who only know me recently expect me to be bubbly and social and self-confident and are shocked at my thoughts and feelings. That's the social status I am talking about, they expect me to be VERY social outgoing and think like a very well adjusted person, but.. I have never done that in my life.. I have been alone all my life.. I am not saying all tall fat girls are destined to become like me, I probably am just over-sensitive, I dunno. I just don't like hurting, so I tried to stay away from the teasing as much as I could. And that meant staying away from the whole world. And not even then the world left me alone, wanna hear? I was walking with my friend coming out of a movie theatre, a tram passed by, I wasn't even looking that way, 3 boys leaned OUT of the tram window just to shout at me: "hey, mammoth!" and I ignored them, but they wouldn't stop anyway. What on earth did I do to them??
Iconised Ghost yes, people *do* treat me differently, now they wanna involve me in things, now suddenly I'm part of the "tribe of the normal". Also, I am trying to change my wardrobe from male to female (I didn't think I could wear feminine stuff when I was fat, so I only wore neutral very covering things), and everytime I'm not dressed in a sack, everybody notices! And they all have to comment on my non-baggy t shirt, or my tank top... I feel over exposed and I panick. I hate people noticing me, I hate people noticing my wardrobe. I just want to wear sleeveless when it's extra hot without everyone staring!
carmenm uhm I was never an incredible person >.< but I think you are right, I have to be proud of the small goals I achieve. I did it all by myself, so I guess..
preppingbride hi tall sis well I don't see myself as knockout.. when I'm fully dressed and I suck my belly in I look just fine, but in a bikini you can see the biiiiiiig belly, the upper thighs, the lower back, the back of the arms.. =_= uhm the toning part actually is mighty fine, I find it easy to do a bit of weights everyday, so my muscles are in good tone ^_^ I need to do more cardio, instead, to get rid of the layer of fat ^_^" Oh and.. "Enjoy yourself in whatever body you're in." UGH I was never able to do that :'( teach me!!!
Digging Deep and redliss7 tall girl thread: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/supp...all-girls.html oh, and Digging Deep: I have stopped losing weight for like 8 months ^^; redliss7 see above for description of how my body is.. stupid body keeping the extra fat not evenly distributed, but localized. HATE ITTT è_é I'm like a bird with round belly and skinny lower legs now.
Hi fra - I know exactly what you're talking about.
I get pretty stressed out when it comes to meeting new people, going to parties and gatherings where I only know a few people.
I don't like people noticing my body, because I don't LIKE my body.
5 years ago, I lost 25kg. I couldn't really notice it. I went to a new years eve party where I knew the host, my sister and my sister's friend. So I was stressed about all the strangers. My sister's friend hadn't seen me since the weight loss. As I walked in she screamed (so everyone looked. EVERYONE) "OH MY GOD!!!! YOU'VE LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT!!!!!". I wasn't small yet, I was still a big girl so it was like announcing to all the strangers that I used to be WAY fatter.
I was mortified, and over the next year ate myself back nearly to my top weight.
I couldn't deal with the compliments, the looks, I wasn't used to it.
I've now recognised it and am a bit more prepared this time around, but we'll see how I go.
Good luck, maybe going to a therapist might be helpful for you?
Sairz I'm so happy about your reply... I can totally get you.. yeah I guess finding the right therapist might help me, yet here it's awfully expensive to hire one and my parents paid for one in the past (for my depression/anxiety issues), who didn't help me at all.. I don't personally have the money to get another one and I don't want to ask my parents again =_= so I guess I'll have to cope by myself... :/
fra - I totally hear you about the cost of therapists and not wanting to ask your parents for their help.
I don't know what the health care system is like in Italy, but in Australia they have systems in place to get people who need special care, the help they need. Eg. 6 sessions with a psychologist for $10 a session, and then you have to go back to the doctor and report on your progress and get another referral.
Or maybe there are free clinics? I don't know, I hope there are.
It's a good thing you joined a support forum like this though, because that's what we're all here for, right?
Sharing our insight, being supportive!
Need feedback from fellow 20 somethings :)
okay, so I generally know exactly what you're talking about because it was about a year ago that I was in mid 170s and everyone was saying that I looked slim -- but it certainly hadn't registered in my mind when looking in the mirror. All I can say is to forget everything you think you know about what you look like. 
Start trusting other people's judgement! and if you start doubting yourself, refer to the bolded sentence.
the ME I have been up til now is this: I plan everything I do to be noticed as little as possible, to BOTHER people as little as possible with my fat and ugly presence. I never did physical things cause obese 6' girls look clumsy and get laughed at, for instance. I'm terrified of not being liked and I panick at social gatherings.. but people who only know me recently expect me to be bubbly and social and self-confident and are shocked at my thoughts and feelings. That's the social status I am talking about, they expect me to be VERY social outgoing and think like a very well adjusted person, but.. I have never done that in my life.. I have been alone all my life.. I am not saying all tall fat girls are destined to become like me, I probably am just over-sensitive, I dunno. I just don't like hurting, so I tried to stay away from the teasing as much as I could. And that meant staying away from the whole world. And not even then the world left me alone, wanna hear? I was walking with my friend coming out of a movie theatre, a tram passed by, I wasn't even looking that way, 3 boys leaned OUT of the tram window just to shout at me: "hey, mammoth!" and I ignored them, but they wouldn't stop anyway. What on earth did I do to them??