Weight Loss Support - How do you feel around people that were your former size?




ncuneo
04-15-2010, 06:22 PM
I have so many mixed emotions now when I'm around people of my former size...I'm not sure if any of them should be said allowed, but I feel the need to express them and I feel like this may be the only safe place where someone may be able to relate.

I feel uncomfortable because it reminds me of who I was once and am striving not to be anymore.

I feel uncomfortable because I really want to share with them that they don't have to live that life anymore...which is completely none of my business.

I'm afraid they know that I was once overweight (technically I'm still overweight) and they might expose me. Like I don't deserve this success and that I should remember who I really am.

I feel like they feel like I am judging them...which I'm ashamed to say I think sometime I am.

I've wanted to post this question for a long time and now that it's all typed out I'm still not sure I should hit the post button, but I'm going to do it anyway. Are any of these feelings normal?


stargzr
04-15-2010, 06:35 PM
I would say totally normal because I feel this way too sometimes. I think to myself (of course not out loud) that it's so *easy* to make the choices to eat less and move more, to eat an apple instead of french fries. BUT I also try to remind myself (I can't always) that I was there once, stuffing my face with french fries and burgers from McDonald's. I WAS that person who couldn't change or wasn't ready to. I didn't gain the weight super fast and then take it off super fast, I gained it and kept it on while slowly creeping upwards. Then I finally hit my breaking point and decided it was time to change. Maybe these people just haven't hit that point. And for their health, I sure hope at some time in their lives they do, but right now it's not their time.

kaplods
04-15-2010, 06:47 PM
Normal, yes. Necessary? probably not. Harmful? Depends on whether anyone (including you - most importantly you) gets hurt.

I'm pretty comfortable around most people. I really always have been. Much fatter, much smaller, much smarter, much dummer, much richer, much poorer.... all works out pretty well for me. Maybe because judging or fear of judging is so far from my mind, I just accept people on their own terms. I just don't usually waste my energies on thoughts, things or people I don't enjoy.

I'm starting to think that my confidence is a rare mutant-X super power, because so many people in my life (thinner, more successful, more beautiful people) are lacking it. Not long ago I advised my sister to stop worrying about making everyone else comfortable, and start thinking about what makes her comfortable and happy (at least before she give a rat's behind what other people think).

Most people are perfectly capable of managing their lives just fine. Their priorities and choices may be different than mine, but if anyone wants my help they can ask (and people who want help, do). Unrequested help and advice is rarely helpful.


Megan33
04-15-2010, 06:53 PM
I have a story for you. A few years ago I went on craigslist.com to meet some new friends. I have friends, but some live an hour away and the others have kids and never can find time to get together. Anyway, in my post I said that I was very overweight, just so any potential friend wasn't surprised when they saw a 300lb woman walk thru the door. The woman that replied said that she was overweight too. We set up a time to meet..at a nearby restaurant, of course. We talked and laughed, she came back to my house and we played cards. We both said that we had fun and that we would contact eachother to meet again. She emailed me a few days later and I never replied. This makes absolutley NO SENSE, but I felt VERY uncomfortable having a fat friend. I thought ppl were looking at us. I've never had a fat friend, I've ALWAYS BEEN the fat friend. Right now I weigh 293 pounds (morbidly obese) and I really can't stand fat ppl, even though I'm one of them!! How bad is that????!!!

Good job on your weight loss!!!

beautifulone
04-15-2010, 06:56 PM
I think it's understandable. To me, the 'weight-loss' topic would seem like the unspoken pink elephant in the centre of the room, but then again I know that not everyone would feel that way. So, to answer your question, I think it is very normal and probably quite common.

I also want to add that you DO deserve your success and all the joy that comes with it. Your weight loss is incredible!

ohiofreespirit
04-15-2010, 07:13 PM
i am uncomfortable around people period. i feel so fat, i am thinking everyone must be saying to themselves, "how in the world did you let yourself go like that?"


They may not be but i feel like they are.

CarbsAreEvil
04-15-2010, 07:53 PM
I have a story for you. A few years ago I went on craigslist.com to meet some new friends. I have friends, but some live an hour away and the others have kids and never can find time to get together. Anyway, in my post I said that I was very overweight, just so any potential friend wasn't surprised when they saw a 300lb woman walk thru the door. The woman that replied said that she was overweight too. We set up a time to meet..at a nearby restaurant, of course. We talked and laughed, she came back to my house and we played cards. We both said that we had fun and that we would contact eachother to meet again. She emailed me a few days later and I never replied. This makes absolutley NO SENSE, but I felt VERY uncomfortable having a fat friend. I thought ppl were looking at us. I've never had a fat friend, I've ALWAYS BEEN the fat friend. Right now I weigh 293 pounds (morbidly obese) and I really can't stand fat ppl, even though I'm one of them!! How bad is that????!!!

Good job on your weight loss!!!

Wow! I don't have a problem with big people but I've felt the same. For me it was my family. At the time I was 240, my mother and Aunt were pushing 400 and my male cousin was about 350-400. I hated to go out to eat with them, because I did feel like everybody had to be staring at us. And what was even worst was that we'd usually go to buffets. Four VERY obese people going to a buffet, what a joke. To this day even though I'm smaller, I refuse to go to a buffet.

CarbsAreEvil
04-15-2010, 07:57 PM
But to the OP, I've never really thought about it. My issue with my size was a personal issue. I think women who weigh what I weighed are beautiful and I don't think there's anything wrong with them, I just wasn't happy with that weight for myself. So no, I really don't pity them.

I feel the same way around them that I feel around anyone else (minus skinny people, I'm always insecure around thin people)

QuilterInVA
04-15-2010, 08:13 PM
Knowing how I felt when others mentioned my weight or offered me the latest fad diet, I'd never judge someone else for their weight. I look past the outside of the person to see their inner beauty.

Passionista
04-15-2010, 08:18 PM
I took the title to mean on the opposite end of the scale (pun intended! :lol: ) ... I feel a sense of longing and of sadness and of disappointment in myself when I am around someone who is the size I used to be when I was thin and took better care of myself consistently.

ncuneo
04-15-2010, 08:25 PM
Thanks everyone. I think this all is steming from my own insecurities and something I need to work on a personal level and I think my weight loss is finally allowing me to work on the internal as well as the physical.

astrophe
04-15-2010, 08:31 PM
Are any of these feelings normal?

Dunno. I suppose it is normal enough since more than one person responding relates.

That isn't anything I feel when I'm around people. For the most part I'm not thinking about them or how they compare to me in size. I'm too busy thinking about other things or the task at hand that pertains to my family or my own life.

I'm quite comfortable in my own skin -- whether I've been on my high end or low end. I'm more like Kaplods in that sense. People are just... people.

I tend to assume the best intentions or at least assume other people are minding their own business like I do. I don't assume the worse intentions or that people hate me or something.

A.

gfmtgal
04-15-2010, 08:49 PM
I can relate to your feelings so well... I'm ashamed to admit it but I am overly critical of many overweight people when I have no right to be... I am considered morbidly obese... insanely overweight... and when I see someone else that is overweight as well I'm disgusted... I know that it has more to do with my body image than anything to do with that particular person... because of how big I am I see myself in other big people and I feel the same things I do about myself in relation to them... I condemn them for being the way they are even though I am in the same boat... I've never understood it but have locked those thoughts and emotions away because I can only imagine what someone would think if they knew how I felt.

MyBestYear
04-15-2010, 08:50 PM
I think you are very brave for posting and I think you are not in the minority for feeling this way.

What I would do though, is share your story if the topic of weight comes up (which is does a lot amongst women, sadly). For example, if someone said "geez, I wish I was naturally athletic like you" (or whatever), that could open up the door for you to inspire them. It doesn't have to be about *them*, it could be about you sharing your personal journey. If they want to know more, they can ask.

I personally wouldn't feel like obese people are waiting to expose you! You worked hard to be where you are and I personally would love a slimmer friend sharing with me that they were once obese and are overcoming that (without preaching to me or lecturing me).

I think when you judge them you are judging your former self, which is not healthy either way.

Maybe admitting your feelings here is the first step to continuing to work through some emotional/spiritual things, which is always a good thing :)

saef
04-15-2010, 09:21 PM
When I see people who weigh what I did, or more, I go through distinct states of mind.

First, I start feeling like an evangelical. I want to talk with them, walk with them, in effect, pray with them. I want to change their lives. I want them to feel as happy as I do.

This lasts for about two seconds.

Until my more rational side takes over, and I remember how extremely annoying proselytizers are. I remember distinctly how I felt when I was in their condition, how prickly & defensive, and how I'd grown a hard brittle shell over myself, and how infuriated I would have been had anyone pointed out how fat I was & by their talk, inferred that I wasn't making any effort to change. HOW DARE THEY?

And remembering that, I keep my big mouth shut.

Because I know someone has to be receptive to the message -- more than that, since that implies a sort of passiveness -- she has to be actively involved in making a change. In real life, it's rare that you meet people right at that moment. (Though not rare here at 3FC, which makes this an amazing place.)

About a minute after the evangelical impulse dies down, I am flooded with compassion & a feeling of empathy. Which probably would bewilder the poor unwitting recipients of my compassion, because they can't see beyond what I look like now & thus have no idea that underneath, I am their "sister" & that I am never more than one or two potential binges away from returning to that former state.

Like, if I'm in the gym, I'm prone to spontaneous encouraging & friendly smiles. Or making small talk. To the degree that they're comfortable with such talk. Because I know it has taken them so much courage to show up at the gym & I am overwhelmed by that courage (particularly if I am PMSing & feeling pretty weepy anyway).

I am not saying I look at fat women the way I look at animals in the ads for the humane society & animal rescue charities & start hearing Sarah McLaughlin's "Arms of an Angel" when I see them ... but I do feel an incredible warmth .... it's more along the lines of what I've heard described as the Buddhist "Loving Kindness" meditation. I want to flood them with unspoken positive & encouraging thoughts.

And I acknowledge that really, in the midst of all this emotional uproar, I am looking back at my own life & I am being more loving toward my former messed-up self than I was able to be at the time. (So of course, it's not about them, it's really about me.)

kuhrisuh
04-15-2010, 09:29 PM
I feel uncomfortable because it reminds me of who I was once and am striving not to be anymore.

I feel uncomfortable because I really want to share with them that they don't have to live that life anymore...which is completely none of my business.

I'm afraid they know that I was once overweight (technically I'm still overweight) and they might expose me. Like I don't deserve this success and that I should remember who I really am.

I feel like they feel like I am judging them...which I'm ashamed to say I think sometime I am.


Thanks everyone. I think this all is steming from my own insecurities and something I need to work on a personal level and I think my weight loss is finally allowing me to work on the internal as well as the physical.


oh gosh. I'm so glad you posted this... I've been feeling these same feelings lately... in addition to guilt, I guess you could say. And I don't think it has anything to do with being judgmental of people, because I know what it's like to be judged and I would certainly never want to treat a person any way because of their outer appearance. I agree with you that it really must be coming from my own insecurities and from trying to get comfortable with how I look and how others treat me.

Don't worry, you're not alone! I don't think we're bad people for feeling this way... I think this may just be part of the process for us, ya know?

mkendrick
04-15-2010, 09:39 PM
I can definitely see what you're saying.

At my highest weight, while I was overweight, I wasn't what most people would automatically label "fat person." Chubby, chunky, could-lose-a-few, etc, yes, but not really "look at that fat person." That being said, when I see people at the size that I was, I don't really think that they urgently need to lose weight. In fact, I think they look just fine the way they are. Which is kind of a frustrating thought, because I think they look fine at the size that they are, but when I was that same size, I thought I was waaay too big.

So I suppose comparing people of our previous sizes is almost a reflection about our thoughts about ourselves.

Currently, my brain and eyes are so out of touch with what size I am, I don't even know what I look like. I might as well be staring at a funhouse mirror. I don't know if I'm skinny, still chunky, or what, I truly have no idea. If you lined up 20 women from biggest to smallest and told me to stand where I ranked in size, I'd have no idea where to stand. After losing 40lbs, my eyes haven't caught up with my current size, and I just don't even know what I look like. It's rather strange.

CarbsAreEvil
04-15-2010, 10:43 PM
I can definitely see what you're saying.

At my highest weight, while I was overweight, I wasn't what most people would automatically label "fat person." Chubby, chunky, could-lose-a-few, etc, yes, but not really "look at that fat person." That being said, when I see people at the size that I was, I don't really think that they urgently need to lose weight. In fact, I think they look just fine the way they are. Which is kind of a frustrating thought, because I think they look fine at the size that they are, but when I was that same size, I thought I was waaay too big.

So I suppose comparing people of our previous sizes is almost a reflection about our thoughts about ourselves.

Currently, my brain and eyes are so out of touch with what size I am, I don't even know what I look like. I might as well be staring at a funhouse mirror. I don't know if I'm skinny, still chunky, or what, I truly have no idea. If you lined up 20 women from biggest to smallest and told me to stand where I ranked in size, I'd have no idea where to stand. After losing 40lbs, my eyes haven't caught up with my current size, and I just don't even know what I look like. It's rather strange.

Just to let you know, you're thin.

MeowMix
04-15-2010, 11:43 PM
I often want to help them, tell them to just do this or eat that instead of this and by next week they'll be smaller! I want to tell them they don't have to stay that way and it can really happen, but they have to really make the effort to change.

I never do of course, I know that if someone had come up to me and said anything like that when I was heavier I probably would have started crying on the spot, then I probably would have went home and ate something and cried some more.

Who's to say these people aren't happy with how they look? Just because I was miserable doesn't mean they are. Maybe being able to eat these foods really is more important to them than their health or even just their pant's size. It wasn't to me but that's my thing.

I also see thin people heading down the same road I did that caused me to gain this weight and I want to stop them! I want to say STOP you're getting too comfortable in your relationship, look how your eating, I can see the weight you've gained . . PLEASE don't be me!!

I think some of us are just more empathetic toward others then some people. We want to feel everything with everyone and let them know we understand but it ends up making us frustrated because we can't. I don't know how to turn it off and I'm not entirely sure I would want too. Thinking about how others might be feeling and wanting to help them isn't all bad it just has to be kept in check.

ParadiseFalls
04-15-2010, 11:51 PM
I feel like they feel like I am judging them...which I'm ashamed to say I think sometime I am.


I often judge people (though I try not to) who are my size. I have no self-pity, and I know it's my fault that I'm this way.

I think your feeling are totally normal, and I think it's great that you're being honest with yourself.

catherinef
04-16-2010, 02:47 AM
Lots of emotions, but primarily, I feel fear. Because I was there, and it's taken a long time to shift this much weight, and I really, desperately, do not want to go back there, EVER. It's not a judgment I'm making on the other person -- I don't know her story. For all I know, she's been losing weight, and I'm seeing her ten or fifteen or fifty pounds down from her high point, you know? Because when I was still trundling around, in the low-300s, or high 200s, I'd already lost a nice chunk of weight, even though it didn't show, and I was still very, very fat. I felt good, I felt much more energetic, I KNEW the changes I'd made were having an immensely positive impact, but a total stranger only saw FAT. (Assuming they were paying any attention to my size at all, that is.)

I don't feel the urge to evangelize, because I always found ANY comment on my size incredibly hurtful at the time, and even now, there are a couple of people in my life who ask the most intrusive questions and make the most inappropriate comments -- creepy jerk at the pet store where I buy my cats' food, I am looking at YOU -- and I always cringe inside when it happens. I tell myself it's not about me, it's about them and their feelings, but it still can upset me a lot, and upset and self-conscious about my body is not a place where I need to be. I don't want to be the so-called 'well-meaning' person who ruins somebody else's day, you know?

So I feel compassion, I feel empathy, and I remind myself that the only body whose size is my business is my own.

stillwagontsl
04-16-2010, 12:15 PM
Lunchtime around my office is a very interesting time of day. Most of the people I work with are overweight to some degree...some are just a few pounds too heavy and some are what I consider to be obese. I tend to pay attention to what they are eating and I find myself mentally adding up the calories for their meals. One person in particular must have 1000 calories everyday at lunch. Part of me wants to say "don't eat that." I don't think I judge her based on her size, but I know I am certainly critical about her food choices.

sweetnlow28
04-16-2010, 12:25 PM
I can relate to this as well and I have been feeling guilty about it. I see obese people eating much of the same things I used to eat and I think to myself "they don't need that, why don't they try to lose weight" I also add up calories of my step mom's food when we eat out. I don't tell her but I know it's bad.

I think for myself, and a lot of others, seeing bigger people is a reminder of what we were and what we could become again if we resort to old habits. I really hope these feelings pass because I don't want to be judgmental and think anything negative about people when I used to do the same things myself. I am glad you posted this thread.

luciddepths
04-16-2010, 12:29 PM
Its werid but i feel the same.. i feel weird around really large people... im 210 and 5'6 and a size 16...im not that large i dont think, but when im around say my friend who is about a 20 i feel uncomfortable and if its higher, i do too..

I guess it takes people longer to "click" into weight loss for healthreasons..

Now.. mind you when im around someone who is larger and is trying to eat right i feel fine, i feel like i can help them a bit if they ask me..etc

But when im around others who all they do is eat GARBAGE (2 pringles cans in a sitting, that kind of garbage, 2 bottles of pop..etc) I feel gross.. i duno maybe its just been the people i've met i've met only like 3.. but they were usually sweaty.. and always having their belly pop out.. I know i can't say or do anything that would make them change their ways..so i feel sorry and gross all mixed into one.

I have a really hard time with my mom shes about a 20.. i think shes about 250-260.. and she talks about weight loss all the time even went on LA weight loss.. lost 20 pounds and gained it in less than a month.. eating bags of chips, pop, all those things.. and she then says to me "its so hard to lose weight".. i duno i have a hard time with people like that..

There is always the difference of people trying to change what they eat and the ones that dont in how i feel.

sorry if that offends anyone. but its a really confusing/mixed feeling.

Eliana
04-16-2010, 12:56 PM
When I see people who weigh what I did, or more, I go through distinct states of mind.

First, I start feeling like an evangelical. I want to talk with them, walk with them, in effect, pray with them. I want to change their lives. I want them to feel as happy as I do.

This lasts for about two seconds.

Until my more rational side takes over, and I remember how extremely annoying proselytizers are. I remember distinctly how I felt when I was in their condition, how prickly & defensive, and how I'd grown a hard brittle shell over myself, and how infuriated I would have been had anyone pointed out how fat I was & by their talk, inferred that I wasn't making any effort to change. HOW DARE THEY?

And remembering that, I keep my big mouth shut.

Because I know someone has to be receptive to the message -- more than that, since that implies a sort of passiveness -- she has to be actively involved in making a change. In real life, it's rare that you meet people right at that moment. (Though not rare here at 3FC, which makes this an amazing place.)

About a minute after the evangelical impulse dies down, I am flooded with compassion & a feeling of empathy. Which probably would bewilder the poor unwitting recipients of my compassion, because they can't see beyond what I look like now & thus have no idea that underneath, I am their "sister" & that I am never more than one or two potential binges away from returning to that former state.

Like, if I'm in the gym, I'm prone to spontaneous encouraging & friendly smiles. Or making small talk. To the degree that they're comfortable with such talk. Because I know it has taken them so much courage to show up at the gym & I am overwhelmed by that courage (particularly if I am PMSing & feeling pretty weepy anyway).

I am not saying I look at fat women the way I look at animals in the ads for the humane society & animal rescue charities & start hearing Sarah McLaughlin's "Arms of an Angel" when I see them ... but I do feel an incredible warmth .... it's more along the lines of what I've heard described as the Buddhist "Loving Kindness" meditation. I want to flood them with unspoken positive & encouraging thoughts.

And I acknowledge that really, in the midst of all this emotional uproar, I am looking back at my own life & I am being more loving toward my former messed-up self than I was able to be at the time. (So of course, it's not about them, it's really about me.)

I really enjoyed reading this post. It acknowledges the human tendency, but is followed up with human compassion.

mkendrick
04-16-2010, 04:49 PM
Its werid but i feel the same.. i feel weird around really large people... im 210 and 5'6 and a size 16...im not that large i dont think, but when im around say my friend who is about a 20 i feel uncomfortable and if its higher, i do too..

I guess it takes people longer to "click" into weight loss for healthreasons..

Now.. mind you when im around someone who is larger and is trying to eat right i feel fine, i feel like i can help them a bit if they ask me..etc

But when im around others who all they do is eat GARBAGE (2 pringles cans in a sitting, that kind of garbage, 2 bottles of pop..etc) I feel gross.. i duno maybe its just been the people i've met i've met only like 3.. but they were usually sweaty.. and always having their belly pop out.. I know i can't say or do anything that would make them change their ways..so i feel sorry and gross all mixed into one.

I have a really hard time with my mom shes about a 20.. i think shes about 250-260.. and she talks about weight loss all the time even went on LA weight loss.. lost 20 pounds and gained it in less than a month.. eating bags of chips, pop, all those things.. and she then says to me "its so hard to lose weight".. i duno i have a hard time with people like that..

There is always the difference of people trying to change what they eat and the ones that dont in how i feel.

sorry if that offends anyone. but its a really confusing/mixed feeling.

I agree, it is gross. But, I am the same way as the people you're describing. By the grace of God, I didn't weigh more than I did to start with, because I had horrendous eating habits. Ya know those funsize candy bars? I would get an entire bag of them and eat them in a sitting the way a normal person would eat one candy bar. I did this frequently. I'd have whole pizzas by myself for dinner, in fact, I'd usually order two pizzas so I could have one for dinner and one for breakfast. And I wasn't a binge eater, these weren't isolated events...I'd eat junk like that on top of three squares a day everyday. It is unbelievable to me how much I ate, and I absolutely knew it wasn't normal or healthy. But at the same time, I couldn't figure out how to break the pattern of unhealthy eating. It's beyond a self-control issue, and I know it sounds silly, but the desire to eat the cake (or whatever...in my case, it would be literally the entire pan of cake) was a carnal force. Like an animal instinct that my normal human brain couldn't control. To stop me from eating the cake was like telling me to stop breathing, my instinct would take over and force me to do it. All the while, the rational side of my brain knew that it was wrong and unhealthy and abnormal, but that side seemed to be fighting a losing battle.

So, I'm getting side tracked, but I agree, it is gross. I am repulsed when I see somebody shoveling crap into their mouths, no matter what size they are. But at the same time, it's almost more of a feeling of disgust for myself than for that person, because while I am repulsed I'm also envious of the food that they're eating.

I do judge people, I do think "fat slobs with no self control" are gross, I want to tell them to just put the burger down for crying out loud....but all of these feelings are directed inward because I recognize the person that I'm judging in *myself*. The fat slob with no self control. I also pity them because I know how hopeless they feel in the overeating cycle and how uncomfortable they must be in their own skin.

PeanutsMom704
04-16-2010, 05:06 PM
for me, a lot of it is situational. Not that I've lost so much weight myself yet, so this is pretty much for all overweight people.

If I see someone eating a huge meal at McDonalds or something, then I feel kind of smug that I'm managing to do something they aren't doing. (I do take my son sometimes to use the play area - he gets a happy meal hamburger with apple fries, I get a diet coke). I also feel that evangelical thing about wanting to urge them to make better choices. Naturally, I don't say any of this.

But if I see someone clearly making the same sort of effort that I'm making, I want to encourage them. I saw a woman slightly smaller than me out walking yesterday while I was driving to work, and I wanted to roll down my window and shout out a You Go Girl! But of course, I didn't do that either.

Because I know for myself, before I got on this journey, I KNEW what I was doing wasn't good, but I wasn't ready to change. So I have to let others change in their own time. And I know now, that I'm doing this for MYSELF - not even for my son (as much as I should) and certainly not for some random stranger driving by on the street. So I don't need that validation either.

I try to not dwell too much on any of these emotions, but I think it's pretty normal to compare ourselves to others, to both build ourselves up by noting ways in which we feel we are better but to tear ourselves down too, by being harsh in our thoughts, mostly directed at ourselves.

LouisaH
04-16-2010, 07:30 PM
Fascinating psychology question.

Saef, I thought your post was brilliant.

I'm down about 30 pounds and halfway to goal, and I find myself looking at body shapes and sizes all the time. Well, I always have, as an artist who does figure drawing...but now, what I feel when I see overweight people is thankfulness. Just like quitting smoking (nearly 12 years ago), when I see people smoking, I am just so thankful that I finally found the right time for myself to quit. Because really, that's all it is. I challenge anyone to find a smoker or an overweight person who is happy about smoking or being overweight. People may love the act of smoking, and the needs that it serves, just as people love the act of eating and the various needs that it serves, but everyone is aware of the health risks.

Offering advice is never helpful to anyone who isn't looking for it because you can't see it 'til you see it. You won't hear it 'til you hear it. You're not ready 'til you're ready, and every one of us knows it. And thank goodness we found the right time and here we all are. Thank you thank you thank you god...

kellost
04-16-2010, 08:15 PM
Well....I always feel what I guess is guilt. I'm one of those people who feels guilty all the time anyway, but then this makes me feel guilty for some reason. When I'm around friends and family that are overweight I feel guilty...

Guilty that I lost weight, while they gained or stayed the same.

Guilty that I can fit into smaller clothes and they cannot.

Guilty that I get constant compliments on my weight loss, while nobody mentions anything to them.

Guilty that I have figured it out and they haven't.

Being overweight for so long, I know better than to preach to anyone about weight loss. Nobody could've really told me what to do...even if someone handed me the "magic potion" for weight loss, it would never have worked until I decided to do it. It was ME who had to decide. It had to come from within. Nobody could tell me. So, in turn, I don't want to tell anyone else. It's not that I don't want to help...it's that I don't want to go around preaching about weight loss.

We have a few people in our family that I am especially concerned about health-wise. Really, really obese and at risk for so many things. And I wish I could do something for them. I wish I could show them the light. If they came to me, asking for help, I would absolutely do everything I could to help. But instead, I feel guilty around them. I don't feel rejected by them, per se, but I feel as though they are maybe disappointed that I lost the weight while they did not. Or I feel as though they look at me differently, and not in a good way. It's sad, but I think the weight loss has caused a kind of disconnect with my overweight relatives. And it's not because I'm judging them, it's because they are maybe embarrassed in front of me. Or maybe they really don't want to change, and seeing me change is kind of an annoyance. I don't know.

LouisaH
04-17-2010, 02:32 AM
GIVE UP THE GUILT!

My gosh, I'm surprised how many people say they feel guilty. I gave up guilt in high school--I went to a Catholic girls' school, and realized that guilt is a ridiculous and manipulative technique engineered by sadists who want to control other people's actions and emotions.

Think about it. What good does it do to feel bad about someone else? Or worse, to feel bad about yourself when you should be happy and proud? It's nonsense. It doesn't help the other person and it doesn't help you. Being proud and letting it show is going to be much more of an inspiration to people.

Guilt ranks right up there with worry in the useless and damaging emotions category...

asharksrevenge
04-21-2010, 12:13 AM
I'm coming from a slightly different perspective, but this is my experience. I haven't lost any weight yet since I just started working out and eating right, but I am a recovering addict of other substances and I have been clean/sober from those substances for close to two years now. Many of the feelings expressed in this thread are very familiar to me. When I look at other suffering addicts, I am reminded of how different my life is now: not only do I not use, but I have made a complete physical and emotional turnaround. I do not feel guilty that I got out of a dangerous, unhealthy, potentially fatal lifestyle, but I do feel a little like a fraud. Sometimes I am tempted to tell the addict that I've been there, I know what it feels like, but because I no longer "look the part," I have a fear that he or she wouldn't believe how much my life has changed. Because I gained an incredible amount of weight during recovery, I feel that I'll be judged from a number of different angles--not only do I no longer look like I've ever been where they are, but I went to such an unhealthy extreme on the other end of the weight spectrum that I worry an addict wouldn't want to seek recovery if it would make him or her look like me. I have no doubts that this fear stems from low self-esteem and low self-worth, but that realization does not make my feelings any more real or valid.
I'm rambling. But I thought about this thread quite a bit this afternoon, and thought about how much my life has changed since I was using. It's true I have eaten myself into oblivion, but living like that was a **** of a lot worse.