Weight Loss Support - What does it take?




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Elaine21
04-13-2010, 10:27 PM
So I'm sitting here sipping my mocha frappachino thinking about those chicken strips I had for lunch and that roast beef sandwich I had for dinner and feeling miserable. I joined this site a few months ago thinking I was ready to change and looking for support. I clearly wasn't ready because I haven't changed a thing and I haven't been back. I haven't worked out in months and I continue to eat trash. I have my first doctors appointment in about 3 years tomorrow and I'm honestly scared. I've been told I was borderline diabetes since I was 16 and I'm worried that I'm now over the border. It doesn't help that I never get enough sleep and never have any energy. Lately my I've been experiencing severe pain in my legs when I walk. I've tried to ignore it or blame it on my shoes.(which mostly include flip flops) I think I'm in denial that something might be seriously wrong. The sad thing is all the fear and anxiety I feel just make me want to eat. I just want a cookie to take away the pain like it always does. Then after I eat the cookie I sit around feeling pity for myself because I don't have control. It's a really ugly cycle and it clearly has to stop.I know I need to take better care of myself but my self esteem is so low that it's hard for me to even think I'm worth taking care of. So I'm wondering what it's gonna take. Do I need the doctor to tell me I'm near death tomorrow to make me want to change? No rejection, limitation, or ridicule I've dealt with due to my weight has been enough to keep me motivated. Vanity definitely isn't enough because I don't know what it is to feel beautiful therefore I don't miss it. So I'm just wondering if someone can give me some insight about what it took to really get going on your weight loss journey. I often get the "you just have to be ready" comment but that's not really a clear answer.(Or maybe it is and I just don't know it) Any replies would be greatly appreciated. Thanks


mescelestus
04-13-2010, 10:42 PM
I swear...You have to realize that you NEED to...AND you absolutely CAN...and in the scheme of things it isn't even HARD! You HAVE to LOVE YOURSELF! And NEED a BETTER LIFE! Do you honestly love all that food that you know is crap enough to let in get in the way of your HEALTH and your LIFE? I am betting you don't! Why let a freaking sandwich walk all over you?

Your first step is to cut out all things that you know are very bad for you.
Your second is to do something active everyday, no exceptions...walk around the block a couple times, do a hundred jumping jacks...whatever!

oodlesofnoodles
04-13-2010, 10:49 PM
For me, I couldn't stand another day in that body. Not even another minute. I started immediately. I was really unsure.. I actually didn't even really think it was going to work. I just decided to take it day by day, and make changes that I knew I could live with.

The thing is, that you do have self control. You just have to do it. I mean, it's not like any of the people here had something magical happen to them. Most just decided to do it, and stick with it. That's all it is. It's a personal decision to do it, and ride it out till the very end. Because it gets hard... sometimes I lose sight of why I'm doing this, or I get really tempted to eat something bad, or whatever. And what makes this time different from the last is that I forgive myself when I screw up. I don't dwell on it, I say "alright that was one goof. tomorrow is a new day." And believe it or not, I eat great the next day. And the next. And before I know it, that's in the past

You can still have really good food that isn't bad for you. It just takes a little research, and it's fun finding yummy things to eat, or substitutes for your high fat favorites. You might not believe me now, but actually cooking random things at home tastes better than eating out. Eat stuff you make at home for a week, then have those chicken strips and you'll be surprised at how processed and funny they taste. You can even still have Starbucks! I get a grande mocha frappucino light like once a week as a treat. It tastes nearly identical to the regular, but it's only 140 calories (2 weight watchers points).

You can do this. I used to think I couldn't either, but here I am... over halfway there. You don't even really have to believe for sure that you can do it. Just decide to do it, do it until it's a habit.


duckyyellowfeet
04-13-2010, 10:54 PM
For me, I needed someone to do it with me and a plan.

You have people to do it with you. Now you need a plan. There are dozens out there and you'll have to figure out which one suits your lifestyle best. 3fc can tell you which ones work, which ones work better and how they fit into people's live. And then you plan plan plan. Write a menu, breakfast, lunch and dinner. Buy those foods. Cook those foods. Keep healthy snacks with you so you aren't (as) tempted to buy unhealthy options. Do it again. Move a little bit more every day than you did the day before.

Read threads from boards you don't think you belong in. See how other people are doing it, knowing that we all had those moments of self-doubt, self-pity and the fleeting question of self-worth. Plan some more. Decide that you really care about losing weight and you're going to make it happen.

kaplods
04-13-2010, 10:57 PM
Maybe the all-or-nothing approach isn't for you. Have you considered dieting "backwards."

I've been trying to lose weight for most of my life (since I was 5 - I'm now 44), and I always did it "all or nothing," because that's the only way I ever saw any one attempt it. I was always either losing weight rapidly or gaining weight even more rapidly.

This time is different, in that I decided to diet "backwards." That is instead of trying to do whatever it took to lose the weight as rapidly as I could - I decided to only make changes I could see myself doing forever - whether or not I lost any weight as a result. The first few changes didn't even result in weight loss, but they did result in health improvements that helped make more changes possible.


It's not for everyone, but it is an option worth considering.

ubergirl
04-13-2010, 11:10 PM
Elaine...for me, the absolute hardest obstacle to overcome was my fear of failure. I had tried so many times before and never gotten anywhere, but the thing that was truly different for me this time was that I had support here at 3FC. I've lost almost 85 pounds, but if you go back and search my early threads, I was unbelievably insecure. I felt like I wasn't sure I was doing it right... but it didn't matter. I decided to count calories and then I started, and I logged on to 3FC every single day, sometimes multiple times, and I asked "is this okay?" "am I doing this right...?" and because I didn't feel alone, I was able to keep going. I've tweaked a million things since then.

The beginning is hard because you feel like you are struggling AND that it may not work. But as you go along, you struggle less, and you start to see results.

Just come up with a plan you can follow for one day. Then, let each day after that take care of itself.

There is no magic-- but you have to commit fully. Forget the past and focus on the future. What you did yesterday does not control what you will do tomorrow.

tomato sunshine
04-13-2010, 11:27 PM
if you're not ready for a big change, any change will do. sometimes when i feel i am in a big rut, i go to the grocery store. there are a lot more healthy options than there were 10 years ago. see what's out there, read labels, and try new things. resist reaching out for your old comfort foods that are unhealthy...look for alternatives.

it sounds lame, but going to the grocery store is exciting for me. when the weather is nice, i try to walk there and count it as exercise, too :)

also, if you like cooking, i love looking for new recipes to try. you can set aside some time on the weekend to try a new recipe that sounds tasty and healthy. if you're not into cooking, you should start! i'm so busy that right now it's the only creative outlet i have. going to the grocery store and cooking are like meditating for me.

luciddepths
04-13-2010, 11:35 PM
kapolds thats a great way to start! Its more working yourself into a healthier life style one step at a time! :)

Tomato
04-14-2010, 09:18 AM
So I'm wondering what it's gonna take. Do I need the doctor to tell me I'm near death tomorrow to make me want to change? No rejection, limitation, or ridicule I've dealt with due to my weight has been enough to keep me motivated. Vanity definitely isn't enough because I don't know what it is to feel beautiful therefore I don't miss it. So I'm just wondering if someone can give me some insight about what it took to really get going on your weight loss journey. I often get the "you just have to be ready" comment but that's not really a clear answer.(Or maybe it is and I just don't know it) Any replies would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Oh dear. I can only speak for myself, of course, but I will have to join those who already said that "you just have to be ready".
I don't think this applies only to weight loss, it applies to any changes you plan/want/wish to make in your life. I have a friend who smoked all her life, and decided to quit at around 55. It took her several unsuccessful attempts and she always, after some time of non-smoking, lit up another cigarette and went back to smoking. Finally, her last attempt worked - she said she just HAD to do for herself - and now she has been a non-smoker for over 2 years.
The same with other issues - tendencies to anger, manipulation, obsessing, over-worrying - they can all be dealt with and managed successfully, but the willingness to change has to come from within.
I don't think it will take a doctor telling you bad news - clearly, you have heard bad news before (such as you are approaching diabetes). So you will have to search for the answer within yourself - what is stopping you?
Look, I totally understand the, what we call here, "all or nothing" attitude. It is SO easy to have something that clearly is not going to get you closer to weight loss - a Snickers bar, your moccha frappuccino (I hardly ever go to Starbucks but I am guessing there is some whipped cream and sugar in it), a Big Mac - and think "well, today is already lost so I may as well have a pizza now". Been there, done that - I would say that probably all of us on this forum been there and done that. It does take some willpower to pull yourself up and convince yourself that you can still save the day, by going for a brisk walk and eating reasonably for the rest of the day.
But, it takes practice. You still have a chance to get there - but be warned - it's a long winding road and full of potholes - but it is doable - if you really want it.
How about if you start with

a) going to a grocery store and getting some nice fruit and veggies so that you can make yourself a nice big salad;

b) getting better shoes. No wonder your feet hurt if you wear flip flops, I would not consider them shoes. How about something reasonable with an arch support (or whatever your feet need) and good for walking? Start with walking if you are not ready for more vigorous exercise yet.

Good luck - you have found the BEST forum online - we can help you but most of it has to come from you.

mkendrick
04-14-2010, 09:33 AM
I second (or third or fourth) whoever is saying you need to be ready.

I have wanted to lose weight since I was old enough to be aware that I was bigger than the other girls. And while I have never been hugely overweight, I have always been uncomfortable in my own skin because of my weight. I wanted to lose the weight, and I'm an intelligent person, I knew the theory of weight loss. Burn more calories than are being consumed = weight loss, it's not a difficult concept. However, I continued to eat fast food once or twice a day, whole boxes of mac and cheese for a snack, whole pizzas, two or three candy bars whenever I felt like it, if one candy bar wouldn't do it I'd get a whole bag of fun size candy bars and eat it within a day or two. I'd eat huge amounts of junk, all the while wanting to lose weight.

I have not been a yo yo dieter, this is my first time actively losing weight and I'm going to do my best to keep it off, but I did have a few half hearted attempts. Once I bought $150 running shoes, decided I'd run the weight off, ran for maybe a total of 15 minutes over the course of a week and gave up. Another time I decided I'd become a raw foodist...basically an extreme vegan vegetarian that doesn't believe in cooking food. After a diet that consisted largely of cheeseburgers, my career as a raw foodist lasted about a day and a half.

I finally just got tired of it, it was time to get a sensible plan and stick to it. I made a food plan and exercise plan for a whole week. My attention span is pretty short, but I was able to follow it for a week. Got on the scale, 4lbs lost! That put a jet pack on my motivation, let me tell ya. The rapid weight loss in the beginning was huge motivation. Eventually, motivation wore off and was replaced by determination. Slowly, as I get closer to goal, determination is being replaced by habit.

So really, you just have to be ready to make the change and stick with it. Everyone's brains work differently, but I found that writing my plan out was the real kicker for me. I couldn't work out for an hour, eat McDonalds for dinner and go to bed feeling like I'd made a good effort because my plan was in writing. I would work out for an hour, then I'd have chicken, broccoli, and rice for dinner. It was written down, I'd have to do it that way. That kind of stuff helped me. Eventually, you'll learn what works for you also.

Beverlyjoy
04-14-2010, 09:35 AM
Yes....it can be a struggle getting started. Try planning for a healthy day - write it down and try to take it one meal or snack at a time. Get all unhealthy stuff out of the house.

For me it was always willingness to try and try again and again. You can never stop trying because, just maybe and eventually, one of those tries will 'click in'.

Glad you posted.

ANewCreation
04-14-2010, 10:20 AM
Just about everything posted here resonates with me.

I had given up a long time ago because I had failed so many times in the past. With each failure came an additional weight gain of 10+ pounds. I had convinced myself that I just couldn't fail again and gain even more weight. What a lie!

My epiphany came when my doctor told me I was pre-diabetic. I really freaked out. I thought, 'If I can't handle what I put in my mouth now, diabetes will kill me'. So, I followed my doctors advice and starting eating a low glycemic index diet. It's something I can do for the rest of my life. There really isn't anything I can't eat. I even have a cheat meal on occasion--just less of it than I used to eat.

As far as activity goes, I am a very sedentary person by nature. I'd rather read a book than any physical activity, even as a kid I was that way. So, instead of working out 2 hours a day (yes, I had tried that in the past with my all or nothing attitude :( ) I just purposed in my heart to move more in any way I possibly could. Once I had lost a significant amount of weight then I started going to an exercise class, working out with DVDs or to a tv workout.

If you can just start out doing something, anything at all, to improve your health -- you will benefit. Anything is better than nothing. Small changes add up over time. Small changes are easier to live with and are the building blocks to long term success in my opinion.

What is one small change you can see yourself making TODAY? Start TODAY. If you fall down, get right back up. Many of us fall down. The difference between this time and former times is that I do not expect perfection. I do expect that I will not give up. I will get up every time and go back to my new healthy habits. And you know what? For every time I have fallen off the wagon, it is NOTHING compared to the way I used to live my life.

You can do this! Start TODAY.

caryesings
04-14-2010, 10:21 AM
I so identify with the eating cookies to feel better about eating too many cookies. In my case it was candy. I'd eat up to a pound of candy nearly every day. For me, I had to conquer that habit/coping mechanism/addiction before I attempted weight loss. I "broke up" with candy at age 45, promising myself I could start eating it again at age 80 (somehow easier than saying never again).

It was HARD, HARD, HARD. I know there are people who comment that after they stop eating a particular food or class of food after a few weeks, they no longer crave it. Not for me. The first year of no candy was pure ****. It's been 5 years and the candy aisle still calls my name, but not as loud.

And, breaking that habit resulted in 0 weight loss. THAT was annoying, but understandable as I was eating a lot of other food when the candy hunger would kick in to make sure I wouldn't eat the candy. It was healthier food, but still calories. However, with that off my back I was able to start seriously dieting 4 years later without falling back to my old coping mechanism when it got hard.

So moral of my story is pretty much along the lines of some of the other responses here. Pick one thing that you know you need to do and make it happen. Hopefully it won't take you 4 years before moving to the next step like it did me, but you have to start somewhere. And honestly if I hadn't gotten that first major hurdle out of the way I would not have been able to stick to my plan now that has resulted in 80 lbs. gone in one year.

SCraver
04-14-2010, 11:21 AM
You have gotten tons of great advise - I agree with everyone!

I think it will take what it takes. It is up to you to figure out what it will take. What will work for you? Make a big plan? or try one thing at a time?

When I first started trying to make improvements, I weighed about 250 lbs. I started with switching from white bread to wheat bread. (I later learned you need to eat 100% WHOLE wheat, not just wheat, so the change I made wasn't even really a change). Although, I got used to the taste of wheat... and now I actually prefer it (white bread = yuck!).

So, when I was used to wheat bread, I started the next change. I switched one of my unhealthy snacks each day for a piece of fruit.

Just a couple of changes and 20 lbs flew right out the window and have never come back. Now I am working on the next 20, etc.

Ija
04-14-2010, 11:59 AM
Maybe the all-or-nothing approach isn't for you. Have you considered dieting "backwards."

I've been trying to lose weight for most of my life (since I was 5 - I'm now 44), and I always did it "all or nothing," because that's the only way I ever saw any one attempt it. I was always either losing weight rapidly or gaining weight even more rapidly.

This time is different, in that I decided to diet "backwards." That is instead of trying to do whatever it took to lose the weight as rapidly as I could - I decided to only make changes I could see myself doing forever - whether or not I lost any weight as a result. The first few changes didn't even result in weight loss, but they did result in health improvements that helped make more changes possible.

It's not for everyone, but it is an option worth considering.

This is pretty close to what I did, and it's the only way I've been able to successfully lose (and keep off) the weight. Over the course of 25 years, I tried damn near every dieting approach, only to find myself losing 10-20 pounds each time, and quickly regaining twice that amount. When I finally "did it," I started small. I cut out soda and started taking walks. Then came more fresh fruits and veggies and less fried crap. I kept taking one step after another until I found myself eating nearly 100% organic, bodybuilding and running races. Of course, losing weight and getting healthy doesn't require going to those extremes, but every positive change you make will help get you there!

goodforme
04-14-2010, 01:18 PM
Baby steps all the way for me! There have been so many times when I've jumped wholeheartedly into a plan and gave up after a short time because it was "too hard" when in reality it was just "too hard for me!":)

When you have to exercise and you're not used to it, say no to sugar when you've lived on it, say no to carbs and yes to veggies when you've lived on crap food for years, when you have to plan and you never have, when you have to be accountable and you never have, and thousands of other new things. . .you can become overwhelmed very quickly.

First thing I did was take an HONEST look at what I was really eating, calorie wise, for a week. I used to think "I don't eat that much, why am I so fat???" because I only ate 2 meals and one snack every day. Well, when that consists of over 5000 calories daily, no WONDER I was so fat!!! So then I picked the major deal breaker, soda, and completely cut it from my life.

It took a long time for it to become a habit to reach for water instead of soda, but when it got to be easier, I picked another thing to change. Veggies instead of pasta/potatoes/rice. When that got to be easier, I started moving more. Walking for now, but hopefully soon will graduate into something more strenuous. And I will continue to change things on a small scale so that I'll be able to live with it forever.

What use is it to change your lifestyle if you can't sustain the changes and it only makes you feel guilty? :hug: Hope you can find your key.

astrophe
04-14-2010, 01:27 PM
I think it is different for everyone as you can see from the responses.

For me, it was not knowing what was wrong, then finding out it was PCOS, then being pregnant -- there's always another reason to keep going in my health journey.

And although I wish the pounds would move faster, what I've learned along the way give me more tools (emotional coping, cooking skills, fitness knowledge, etc) so that each time I recommit, I go further.


haven't changed a thing
haven't worked out in months
continue to eat trash.
borderline diabetes; worried that I'm now over the border
never get enough sleep
never have any energy
severe pain in my legs when I walk.
in denial that something might be seriously wrong
fear and anxiety I feel just make me want to eat.
I just want a cookie to take away the pain like it always does.
Then after I eat the cookie I sit around feeling pity for myself because I don't have control.
self esteem is so low that it's hard for me to even think I'm worth taking care of.


I pulled phrases from your post. You have a lot going on, but for me the biggest one is the last. I'd start there, and seek a counselor. If you don't think you are worth the bother, you won't bother and I see from other items that you are a big emotional eater. You may benefit from a professional to help you rebuild your emotional toolbox so you have other ways to cope than to self medicate with food.

Next I'd tackle the sleep because that seems doable along side the first main issue. Getting to bed earlier and developing a better bed time routine. Also get checked for sleep apnea.

The rest ought to fall into place one at a time as you learn to manage your health conditions and gain the skills.

:hug:

A.

CarbsAreEvil
04-14-2010, 02:19 PM
Maybe the all-or-nothing approach isn't for you. Have you considered dieting "backwards."

I've been trying to lose weight for most of my life (since I was 5 - I'm now 44), and I always did it "all or nothing," because that's the only way I ever saw any one attempt it. I was always either losing weight rapidly or gaining weight even more rapidly.

This time is different, in that I decided to diet "backwards." That is instead of trying to do whatever it took to lose the weight as rapidly as I could - I decided to only make changes I could see myself doing forever - whether or not I lost any weight as a result. The first few changes didn't even result in weight loss, but they did result in health improvements that helped make more changes possible.


It's not for everyone, but it is an option worth considering.


I so agree with this. I feel like when it comes to weight loss, no matter how hard you start, you're going to have to end up doing twice as much in the end. I start out at the minimum and go to the maximum.

MoveMoveMove
04-14-2010, 03:36 PM
YOU. ARE. WORTH. IT!

Ditto to what's been said by the previous posts. I'm trying to find one thing to change consistently while I read about other things to work on, food plans, and exercise plans. I'm renting exercise videos to see which ones I'd like to do. I'm buying/borrowing books others on this site have recommended.

Find one thing to change and come on over to the 21 day challenge thread and commit to the change for 21 days.

You came back here and that's a GREAT place to start.

MikoMarcia
04-14-2010, 03:37 PM
That's how it started for me, too. I made one change- no fast food. And it's snowballed from there.

angelskeep
04-14-2010, 03:52 PM
Gosh, I know we all wish we had a magic wand and a lot of answers, but it is so much more complex than that and so simple at the same time. I gained a LOT of weight when I quit smoking, so I have to say I can't speak from the perspective of having always had a big weight problem. I probably needed to lose 20 lbs pre-quitting.

For me, I couldn't stand feeling awful physically and being unable to do things the way I used to. I knew that I couldn't sustain a "diet" for any length of time, so I decided to just quit with most junk food and eat better food in smaller quantities while doing more physical activity. I am still working on acquiring a healthy lifestyle, which will kind of take care of the weight loss needed in and of itself.

I know that I can't eat like a pig and expect to look like a gazelle. So for me, it's an "economy of calories" or "getting my money's worth". I can eat anything I want, but there hs to be a limit to the calories I consume in a day or I will just get b igger and my goal is to get smaller. So, even though I still like to have dessert, I typically will have a small Frosty maybe once a week at 16-ish calories, instead of a 675 calorie blizzard every day. It isn't about starving myself, it IS about making better choices. I have found I really, really, really like to have 1/2 cup low fat yogurt with 1/2 cup fiber one cereal and 4 oz of sliced strawberries with a tablespoon of fat free nojn dairy creamer in hazlenut flavor for dessert or a snack, and it's just under 200 calories, plus has a lot of nutritional value. It makes me feel fuller, it tasestes good, etc. so it s a much better "value" for my plan than that blizzard.

I hope maybe that helps you to see what I mean. You don't have to "give up" everything, you just have to elarn which tings you can do without and find ways to fit in the things you can't do without. find healthier alternatives. Be a little more active. Make small chanfes little by litte and eventually they all add up.

Good luck to you!

Barb