100 lb. Club - I Am So Disappointed in Myself

View Full Version : I Am So Disappointed in Myself

04-13-2010, 11:15 PM
Right now, I really hate myself. I moved to a new area in January, and have gained five pounds since then. I'm not eating right, and I'm not exercising. I am so disappointed.

When I first moved here, I was excited for a new opportunity. I tried out all of the gyms in the area, but none had the equipment I used back home, and they were all twice as expensive (or more!) than my gym back home. So, for the first two months, I went home and worked out Fri-Sun. That helped me maintain my weight, but I wasn't losing any more. It became too expensive to go home every weekend. I joined a gym here for a month. At the end of the month, I didn't rejoin, because it was too frustrating not having the equipment I needed to work out. I text my trainer, and he told me to try P90X. I did it for a week, then hyperextended my elbow. I haven't worked out in two weeks, and I can tell a difference in my energy, my stamina, and my self-confidence.

I want to do something, but I don't know what to do. I really hate myself right now. I feel like a loser who is going to balloon back up and be miserable for the rest of my life. For the first time in a long time, I felt normal, and now I feel like I should just accept my fate as the fat girl.

To top it off, I'm miserable here. I have made one friend that I can hang out with, but she's busy most of the time. I try to go out and meet people, but I feel awkward going to places alone. I have tried to go out to eat, and now go to this one restaurant once a week, where I talk to the waitress for hours. It's a pizza joint, and it's not healthy at all. I keep trying to avoid it, but when I need to be sociable and my friend isn't available, I go there.

I know I'm complaining, and I've tried really hard for weeks to fight these feelings, but I can no longer do it alone. I need help, a reminder why I'm doing this in the first place.

04-13-2010, 11:25 PM
I can't offer you much help, but I can say that I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THIS! I will be moving 900 miles away from my home in two months to pursue my dream of singing country music...And I am frightened that I will end up in the same boat as you or worse. I am right there with you girl! Don't give up! Maybe join a book club?

04-13-2010, 11:32 PM
Oh, I wish I could! I am in the middle of nowhere. I live in the county seat, and most of the small towns around here come to my town for something to do. I moved from a large metro area, where anything I could think of to do was within a half hour drive. Now, most of the things I would want to do, I have to drive home, or farther to do them. I don't know if they even have book club around here. There is a Zumba class on Tuesday nights, but it was full tonight, so I'm going to try again next week. I don't even know where to go to find out about social activities around here.

04-14-2010, 12:02 AM
Yeah that does sound tough...May I ask why you moved there? I am moving from New York City, so anywhere I go is going to be super boring...

04-14-2010, 12:07 AM
I moved here for a job in my career field. I couldn't find anything back home, and this was the first job I was offered after being unemployed for eight months.

04-14-2010, 12:09 AM
I'm sorry your going through this .. try not to beat yourself up to badly over it .. it'll take some time to get into a the swing of things .. did you try doing a google search of activies in the area your living?? just a thought i hope things get better for you **hugs**

04-14-2010, 12:31 AM
I feel you. I moved 8 hours away from home 2 years ago, and it's still hard. The gym and church were the places I found to make some friends. I tried lots of other things, namely work and volunteering, but that's what worked for me. Try long walks around your neighborhood- do you have a dog you can take around? If church isn't your thing, see if there's a place you can help out - a food bank or a united way or a non profit somewhere that is meaningful to you.
Why you're doing this in the first place? I can think of lots of reasons - but you're the reason you're doing this in the first place, why you've lost almost 40 pounds. What are they?

04-14-2010, 08:07 AM
I takes a while to establish yourself and a social network. Please don't get too discouraged. Things will turn around!

04-14-2010, 08:38 AM
Transitions and changes are stressful. I am sorry the gyms were you live now aren't what you want. Maybe - try to find new things you like to do for exercise....cd's, powerwalking, zumba, yoga. Check out all the possibiities you can.

btw- congrats on your wonderful weight loss and finding a job!

04-14-2010, 09:33 AM
I've moved 13 times in the past 20 years, mostly for the job. Here are a few suggestions..

1. Go to the library. They have book clubs there and often signs for social events.
2. Join a class. It doesn't have to be an exercise class. I will say that making friends in any class is hard - people tend to come, do whatever, and leave. But at least it'll get you out of the house.
3. Check out meetup.org - they have a bunch of things like movie night, etc. that might be better for meeting people.

It takes a while to start feeling settled - six months or so. Don't beat yourself up. Moving is one of the most stressful things you can do.
I don't know what to say about the workout. I have the wiiFit, and now it streams Netflix so you might be able to stream workout videos and use the EA activity game, which is supposed to be good.

Let us know how it goes..

04-14-2010, 09:42 AM
I know how you feel. When I got married I moved from NC to Florida where I did not know anyone and my husband traveled 5 days a week.

Just remember as far as eating and exercise you next chance is always with next bite you take. Can you find something to do that does not include upper are movements until your are heals. I am at the opposite end with torn tissue in my foot so I have had to find exercises that have very little weight bearing.

04-14-2010, 10:12 AM
Give yourself some time. It will probably take awhile for you to adjust to this big move. I moved 500 miles from home a long time ago and I remember the adjustment well. I made most of my new friends through church and volunteering.
I want to second the suggestion of Meetup. My daughter has had more recent experiences with moving as her husband is transferred often. She meets other young mothers through MeetUp (http://www.meetup.com). The first time she joined an established group but after her second move, she started a group through Meetup. Check it out to see if you can find some group with similar interests but if you can't, start one.

For inexpensive gyms, check with the local hospitals and the county's recreation department.

Hang in there. It will get better!

04-14-2010, 10:29 AM
I agree... you definitely should start writing stuff down and counting calories. It seems so tedious and frustrating at first but once you get into the swing of it... it really becomes like second nature. Especially once you find the things that you enjoy and remember the numbers, etc.

Good luck.... and don't get down on yourself... just fix it and keep goin! :)

04-14-2010, 12:05 PM
Just give it some time - maybe you could join some classes rather than just going to the gym. Sometimes that is a great way to meet people.

04-15-2010, 02:21 AM
Oooh, sounds hard. BUT, you were stressed and you were unhappy, and so you turned to you old friend Food for comfort. It's not surprising. It's not a good way of coping, but it's what you know. You now have the hard job of learning to deal with the curve balls life throws you without overeating.

It sounds like you find being lonely difficult. Lots of people have given you advice on how to make friends, but you also need to come up with a coping mechanism for when you feel down. Call your mum? Go to the movies? Rent a movie? Hang out on line? Baths? Tea? Shop? Is there anything you've always wanted to do but haven't had time? Do that!

And I know it's not fair that the exercise isn't working, but this is the reality you are in. Keep exploring options until you find something that works for you. You could do anything! Have you done couchto5K? It doesn't need any equipment. Buy a bike? Buy the equipment you want and set up a home gym and then hire a trainer. Because not exercising? That isn't an option.

And don't use guilt or shame to motivate yourself, it just backfires. You aren't a terrible person, you just have some bad habits that you can change.

04-15-2010, 01:26 PM
YOu might be able to find a YWCA/YFCA with a gym and pool, rather than a chain gym. Or try something like tae kwan do or golf lessons. Something new and interesting, where you can meet folks. I second the church, volunteer, and library suggestions. And even small towns often have a small newspaper where they print social items like meetings and events.

Good luck with adjusting to your new home, and keep us posted on how you're doing!

04-15-2010, 02:01 PM
It takes awhile to settle into a new place. I moved from Chicago area to Orlando 5 years ago and I'm still adjusting. Probably not what you wanted to hear, but I am quite shy and don't always make new friends easily. Heck, I recently moved across town here, and even that is an adjustment.

You will find what you need to do to lose weight, just keep trying new things until you find out what works. What if you trained for a marathon or something like that? Or did some cycling? That would prove to be a great workout and really push you!

04-15-2010, 02:47 PM
My heart goes out to you! I've moved twice in six months (the first move 2300 miles for dh's job, the second from horrible city apt to our own home in the boonies). I still feel like I don't know where I am sometimes! I haven't been able to find a job here even tho' I did get an offer that was rescinded when a hiring freeze was put in place! That hurt. At first I took it personally but then I checked their website and it had the word HOLD next to all positions.

I gained back 20 pounds since moving here but I'm on the way back down. I have to say that posting here helps because we all need connection and support! Even back home where I had lots of friends, coworkers and family I did better when I posted.

Best of luck! Keep on posting!

04-15-2010, 02:53 PM
Why not post on a bulletin board at work that you are looking for an exercise buddy? You could meet people in your department on a social level and get some walking in or whatever. I know that change is hard, but I believe that you can do it!
As a former librarian, I second the library suggestion. You might meet some terrific people in a safe and friendly location.

04-15-2010, 10:21 PM
Thanks for all of the suggestions, everyone. I have tried Meetup, and the nearest groups are thirty-five minutes away. I started one myself, and have had no activity. The town I am in is small compared to the area I am from, and I guess I am still adjusting. I read the paper daily trying to find things to do, which is how I found out about the Zumba class.

I do the Wii Fit, and EA sports, but I don't get any benefit from it beside the calorie burn. I worked out with some of the other teachers a few times, but the workouts we did were either too intense for them or not intense enough for me. I feel like a workout snob, because my fitness level is pretty high. Before I moved here, I was lifting HEAVY weights, anywhere from 40-435 pounds, depending on the muscle group. I had an excellent trainer who helped me greatly increase my fitness level in a short amount of time.

Part of what frustrates me about being up here is that I feel like I know more than the personal trainers in the area. I have talked to one at every gym in the area, and they don't know the basics about weightlifting, like when to breathe in and when to breathe out, or what the bearing load is on a machine without any weights on it. I have no confidence in working with and "expert" who is ignorant of the basics. Luckily, I have a dedicated trainer back home who stays in constant contact with me and gives me hints and tricks.

I feel better after reading all of your supportive posts. I talked to my only friend here, the girl I carpool with, about how I've been feeling, and she really listened and offered some great suggestions. Then she tried to take me out for fried, bad foods and/or ice cream. She means well, but I don't think she gets it.

Tomorrow is another day. Tonight, I am writing up a plan, and I will stick to it tomorrow. And then another day. And then another. I can do this. I was doing this, I just let myself get sidetracked with the move. I don't post here alot, I'm not sure why, but I will try to be present more often. I think that the only accountability I have will be here, because no one in my real life, at least the people that I now live by, understands this journey. I will write out a list of my reasons why, and post them in places where I can be reminded of them, especially when I am tempted.

Thanks everyone.