Weight Loss Support - Um, SO, was that a compliment?
04-09-2010, 10:13 AM
I was getting my back scratched last night (ahh, nice treat once in a while) and my SO comments that the bones in my back are starting to show. Okay, liking the sound of this.
Then he grabs some of my loose skin in his fist (:barf: but what can I say?) and says "Look at all this skin all over you. A few months ago it was full of fat!"
Honestly, I didn't know what to say. Of course the back scratch was officially over at that point. I smacked his hand away and got up and stormed off.
If that was an insult it hit home. If it was a compliment, well, he needs work:dz:
04-09-2010, 10:19 AM
Men do not always know how to go about giving a compliment and they always need work :p but sometimes they get it just right and other times it will leave you going wtf? ;) anyways I would say he was trying to give you a compliment in his own slightly strange way... but then again hes a man lol
04-09-2010, 10:30 AM
I KNEW I wasn't the only one that liked a back scratch!
I think men are very straight forward, y'know? He just thinks that weight-loss means fat-loss and that's it... rather than thinking about all the psychological issues that come along with weight-loss (ie. body image, etc)
My BF is exactly the same... you just need to laugh it off and concentrate on the positive that he tried to get across.
Ah, MEN! *rolls eyes*
04-09-2010, 10:41 AM
Guy at a bar once told me I was "sexy for a big girl".
Sometimes I think men know not what they speak of. I am sure your SO meant well.
04-09-2010, 10:49 AM
Please cut us some slack....
04-09-2010, 10:56 AM
I am sure he meant well, I think you should tell him that although you know he didn't mean it in a bad way, his comment about your skin all over used to be full of fat hurt your feelings.
Seriously he's probably thinking "crap what did I say wrong?" lol.
04-09-2010, 10:58 AM
I'm pretty sure he was saying something nice. People..even women (okay ramdom??) don't always know how to deliver what they mean to say. Take it as I'm sure it was intended, and once you are no longer stewing, talk to him about it...and let him know that even though you are sure he was being sweet, it didn't quite sound that way. If he doesn't know what happened and he doesn't have suggestions from you to do better next time, then you may find yourself without back scratches, compliments, or anything else.
04-09-2010, 10:59 AM
I agree, cut the men some slack. It's amazing how angry we can get with men for them stating a simple fact or observation. And it's truly shocking how angry we can get when they are trying to be nice and helpful. Poor guys...
04-09-2010, 11:01 AM
Please cut us some slack....
It's difficult when you're so hopeless!!! ;) :p Ha ha only kidding - my hubby is luckily good at this sort of thing (his mother trained him well! ) :D
04-09-2010, 11:20 AM
Yeah, I may have been a little hormonal and will admit that he probably thought "I'm saying a good thing here" so I'll let it slide:p as long as the future back scratches come without commentary!:D
04-09-2010, 02:03 PM
I can definitely understand your annoyance. The back scratch would be over for me too (and I looove back scratches).
But I truly don't think he said that to insult you or hurt your feelings. Maybe not even a compliment, just an observation. The thought came into his head, and it popped out of his mouth before he had a chance to consider if it could be taken the wrong way. He's most likely just very impressed by the changes you made to your body.
04-09-2010, 11:38 PM
I bet that it wasn't either a compliment, or an insult. Before, your skin had more fat in it. And he stated that "fact".
Now, intention in this situation doesn't matter--I totally understand that you were insulted by the comment!
04-10-2010, 01:45 PM
It sounds like a compliment to me! Men are so clueless sometimes about what they say, but it sounds like he meant well :)
I really would have taken it as a compliment.
04-10-2010, 07:55 PM
given the background details, he was giving you a loving back scratch, I'd say he was commenting on the changes and improvements you've been making on your body and trying to express to you that he appreciates and notices the work you've been doing.
I know how hormones can bring me to the brink of the emotional abyss sometimes. this whole thing might be a good chance for you to talk to him about the way you feel about your body, he might end up being a good source of support as you move forward (and you can help him avoid future pitfalls heh heh).
04-10-2010, 08:05 PM
Haha, I dont mean that in a laughing at you way.. just the fact that I know exactly what you're saying. My guy amazes me with the things that come out of his mouth sometimes and other times I'm dumb founded. Hang in there girl, I am sure he means well :) But be sure to let him know when he does it or else he will never know he made a boo boo :)
04-11-2010, 07:43 PM
Men just blurt out what they're thinking. I don't think he meant it in a bad way, but like most men... they're hopelessly confused when it comes to our feelings.
04-11-2010, 07:46 PM
I thought of this thread this morning. Husband reached over and put his hand on my lower belly in bed and said it feels smaller. Not small mind you. LOL They are hopeless really
04-12-2010, 08:05 AM
A few weeks ago, I started a list on facebook of the top 10 things men should never say to women. Um.. within 3 hours there were 36 things on the top 10 list. So clearly, some men (and women, for that matter) just don't realize how their statement is coming out. Once my grandfather said "oh, you look nice today- usually you look real fat." :o So, yeah, I think in your case it was a compliment. :hug:
04-12-2010, 08:51 AM
I think your SO meant well but being a guy didn't quite phrase his compliment very well. I would just let him know how it made you feel.
04-12-2010, 11:18 AM
Guys are so funny, they have a hard time being sensitive but women can be overly sensitive. my boyfriend kept saying stuff on Friday about my weightloss and they were joking things and positive things and I was like "its not funny,can you just not make any jokes." And he seemed confused because he wasn't making hurtful jokes they just got annoying. But he agreed, after 7 years he should know I'm overly sensitive about some things.
04-12-2010, 11:36 AM
Hi Sherrie - I'd take it as a comliment, but ask him to rephrase it next time!
04-12-2010, 11:43 AM
Thanks for all the replies! Yes, I do think it is just exactly like him to state a fact, with no hidden meaning behind it, and for my mind to take that and run with it! LOL I appreciate that he's noticed, and I'm really glad because I've been keeping this weight loss thing very low key. . . At least he didn't say something along the lines of "look how many fat rolls you have on your back" because I would have totally smacked him!:D
04-12-2010, 12:15 PM
lol... he totally meant that in a good way.. just didnt say the right words ! my bf says things like that and grabs loose skin.. it used to bother me.. but now i just laugh at what he says!