I've been bouncing around this board, trying to find a "home" where I can relate to the issues/people in it. About 18 months ago, I joined WW and lost 15 pounds right away. I was in control, I measured portions, tracked points, etc. My boyfriend was so supportive and encouraging (he needs to lose a siginificant amount of weight too). He looked up WW recipes, made sure if we did eat out that he ate half my food, etc. Lately though, I've been trying to get back on the wagon and neither of us seem to care. It lasts for a day and suddenly I say "I'm craving chinese" and before I know it, we're at a Chinese restaurant. Instead of splitting an entree like we would when I was trying, we order separate entrees, including soup, eggrolls and rangoons AND order an appetizer. Even the cute chinese waitress commented on it being a lot of food. I KNEW it was a lot of food, but we ate it all. It seems like when we're together now, all we do is eat out - and instead of controlling portions, we're looking for "all you can eat" nights.
Our relationship has not been perfect, we were friends for a long time before being "exclusive" three years ago. I'm in therapy for depression, and I know my weight is a symptom of it. But I can't seem to get this urge to eat, and I do mean EAT out of my head when we're together. Am I hiding something from myself about my feelings for him? Any thoughts on why he seems to be the trigger lately?
Im in the same boat as you, girl. I've been with my bf for three years, I too suffer from depression. That being said, im also on WW and I find it extremely hard this time around to stay on plan! When first started, three years ago, I lost 42lbs. After being on anti depressants I gained it all back in a matter of 7 months. (i started the med about 7 months ago, before that i was maintaining the weight loss). My boyfriend plays a BIG role and why i don't stay on plan, but he can't be completely blamed, i need to learn how to say NO to food. He's always suggesting we go out to chinese (our favorite) or get greasy fish and chips, not helping! Buuuut, I need to put my food down ( and fork!). No more crappy food! I can't say if your bf is the cause, or if your hiding feelings.....i know in my situation, i eat because im depressed and im not very happy with myself, emotional eating. My bf loooooves to eat, so when im feeling down, (which if often) and i want to eat, he's more than willing being a food lover himself. Then of course I feel guilty, while he feels just fine. I wish i could help hun, i dont think there's a cut and dry answer. I know I want to feel good about myself, and when i eat like that, it just makes me feel like a sack of crap. Good Luck, though! And if you want to chat more feel free to Private Message me.
I don't know if this will help either, but maybe its because he's your "safe zone"? I know that in my case, I stay very focused and on track during the week when my boyfriend is gone (he's a lineman, so he's usually gone for a week or 10 days at a time). But when he gets home he's usually starving from being out working so much, so we go on the hunt for food and for some reason, all my discipline goes out the window. I end up eating part of what he ordered, or order something that isn't in my plan. I think its all about the comfort level. Since you've been with your boyfriend for so long, maybe that could be a trigger?
Does what you usually do together involve eating? I think you have some strong mental connections that connect "time with boyfriend" to "eating" and so whenever you spend time together, you might automatically connect the two. Your brain sees "time with boyfriend" as being connected to "time to eat" so you get those thoughts popping up (can you tell I'm in grad school for psychology, lol).
Maybe you can start doing other things together instead of eating. Like take a walk, see a movie (no popcorn!), go to a museum (I'm from the Dayton area too, the Art Institute is fabulous!!), do a craft (boys can be craft-y too, lol)...do anything BUT eat. If you can stop associating your time with your BF with eating, then the constant thoughts of wanting to eat when your with him might go away. I don't think your boyfriend is necessarily the trigger, but how you spend your time together might be (if that makes sense)
Emily -- it's funny that you say that becuase he commented to me sometimes that "Jennifer equals food" -- so maybe that's right. I'm determined to force him to take the dogs and me for a walk through the neighborhood this weekend. I'm excited that the weather has changed because he loves to grill out and I'm hoping that can turn into more grilled chicken/veggies, etc. It's just interesting to me.
Haha, see, maybe he's got those same connections! I know it's easier said than done to spend time together without eating...it seems like eating is connected to any and every social activity! But walking the dogs is a great idea! Just frame it this way, "I want to spend time together, I want to walk the dogs, let's combine the two!"
I would say he is not the "trigger," but rather you are abdicating your power, control, and responsibility to him. This is very easy to do in a long-term relationship; I used to do it with my husband. "Well, I try to eat healthy, but he just won't do it." "I'd like to do fun activities rather than just eat together, but he won't plan those things for us to do." "Since he does the grocery shopping and cooks dinner, I don't have control over what I eat."
It's very difficult to be in a relationship with someone AND also maintain your full sense of individuality and your own goals in a positive way (this is called differentiation).
When I started really changing my life 2 years ago, a major task was for me to separate what I was doing from what my husband was doing. I didn't even tell him, at the time, about the changes I was making; because I knew he would scoff at me and doubt me and resist me. So I just did it, because I was doing it FOR ME and BY MYSELF.
The power to change lies fully within you, and nowhere else.
Is my boyfriend the trigger?
