100 lb. Club - Explaining Being Fat to a Thin Person




toomuchmoxie
04-05-2010, 12:54 PM
howdy, I'm Dawn. I'm 39 and been fat for forever. I'm 5 ft 3 and 265. I've been heavy my whole life.

I've been working out with a trainer. He's very nice but is one of those guys has always been thin, loves eating healthy. His partner is a nutritionist. He asked me to send him a food diary and, unfortunately, I did and I was honest about it. I'm a terrible eater, and last week my whole family was here and it was not a good week, even for a bad eater.

I saw him this morning for the first time since I sent the diary and he said he didn't know what to say. He'd never had someone send him a diary where they had cheesecake for breakfast or admitted that they ate three Reese's Peanut Butter Easter Eggs. (I'm thinking, I only ate three and not the bag!)

He starts giving me this whole lecture about how if I only knew how bad the cheesecake was for me, blah blah. I just shut down. It's the same lecture I've been hearing since I was 11 and my mom put me on NutriSystem. He wasn't trying to be mean, he just kept saying that he didn't know what to say to me.

"Tell me what it would take for you to eat healthy," he said. I tried to explain about emotional eating. I tried to explain about how food can be an addiction and how knowing the fat content in cheesecake wasn't going to stop me. I didn't know what to say to him.

So I got in my car and sobbed. And came home and sobbed. Now I don't want to send my food diary. I just want to, you know, eat a house.

Anyway, I've been lurking for a long while, but never posted. I'm sorry for the long ramble but .. what would you have said?
How would you answer the question "What does it take to make you change your ways?"


WarMaiden
04-05-2010, 01:03 PM
You need a different trainer. He sounds like a perfectly nice guy who is simply uneducated on the issues. And it's not your job to educate him--it's his job to educate himself in a professional manner so that he can effectively help his clients.

Don't obsess about answering his questions, unless you want to answer them to yourself and for yourself. You don't owe it to him or to anyone else to change. You owe it to yourself to change if you want to. It does sound like you want to.

For myself, the answer to what it took to change my eating:

-- A very serious realization that I wanted to change my health (primarily) and my appearance.
-- A very serious realization that I am a sugar-holic, and that's no joke. It's like being an alcoholic, except with sugar.
-- A very serious realization that changing my health and getting past my addiction were inextricably linked; I couldn't change one without changing the other.

matt_H
04-05-2010, 01:13 PM
Hi Dawn,

Welcome to 3FC's!

Its great that you were honest about everything in the food diary. That takes courage to say and to put those things down on paper. Saying those things and being honest with yourself about what you are eating is the very first step you can take. A food diary is a tremendous help, especially when first starting out on making lifetime changes.

I think the way the person phrased it was probably the most helpful way he could have said something. The person is there to help you and to help you make positive changes.

It takes time to learn new eating habits and to control the emotional hold that food has on your life. We've all been exactly where you are right now and have felt the same feelings when we feel criticized and lectured.

What positive changes can you make to your diet right now that you can live with?


nelie
04-05-2010, 01:17 PM
I think he may have been giving you a little tough love.

One thing I'll say is that it is hard to fight emotional eating but it can be done. So yes you may have had cheesecake for breakfast but you need to work to find what is doable for you in the future so you can lose eat healthier and lose weight.

I think he may have been stumped because maybe he is used to people eating things like mcdonalds breakfast 'stuff' and would be able to come up with similar alternatives that were lower in calorie.

Has he given guidance on things to eat? has he offered suggestions?

Sandi
04-05-2010, 01:18 PM
No more tears, you are not alone. You started with a trainer, but tell us more about you?? What's your plan? What do you think you'd be willing to do long term to get and keep the weight off?

graceandbalance
04-05-2010, 01:35 PM
Unfortunately the guy is a nutritionist, not a psychologist, so it does not surprise me that he is mostly able to tell you *what* you should eat to be fit, rather than address the underlying issues of *why* you don't eat in a healthier way. Technically, this is not in his job description - I think it would have been perfectly fine if he had suggested you join a support group or see someone individually about emotional eating.

But the fact that he's seems completely stumped is concerning - it implies to me that he hasn't worked with many people who are emotional eaters. You may want to find someone else who has more experience with people like us...

Edited to add: I think the fact that you were honest in your food diary was a great first step. To me it shows that you are really ready to accept help to change your eating habits.

JessicaDawn
04-05-2010, 01:52 PM
is there any way you could use this humiliation as a means to encourage yourself to eat better?
I too worked with personal trainer, and having to step on that scale in front of him was the best motivation possible. I am DETERMINED that next time I do it, I'll be lighter and healthier than the first time, when he had to tell me I was basically eating myself to death.

Try not to feel too bad about it. You were honest, and that's something to be proud of. Also, you're not alone. I know I have definitely eaten cake of some sort for breakfast lunch AND dinner on a bad day. You just have to decide if you want to change, or if you want to stay the same.

<3

SCraver
04-05-2010, 02:07 PM
:cp: :cp: :cp: :cp: :cp: :cp: :cp: :cp:

First, I would like to say to you that that took a lot of guts to be honest with your trainer about what you have been eating. That is huge - it is a very personal thing to share. Now that you are done crying (which is exactly how I would have reacted, too!) you should give yourself a pat on the back and count this as a NSV!!

You aren't going to help yourself by not being honest. So the next time you are writing down what you are eating, please don't hide or edit it just because of this experience. Sometimes you have to be brutally honest with yourself in order to move forward.

I ager with PP's. It sounds like you would benefit from looking into a nutritionist or counselor or group that focuses/specializes in emotional eating. Your trainer can work on training you, but you need to get someone who understands how to help you with what you eat.

CHUNKEY_MUNKEY
04-05-2010, 02:16 PM
okay lmao @ i just want to ... well eat a house THATS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL when im upset , but seriously i think its like any other addiction people who dont suffer from the same problem cant understand it , even ppl with an addiction of another sort have a hard time understanding it because they just dont see the calm factor in something thats clearly upsetting you .. so to them its kinda like why do it ... its really hard but the next time you think of eatting a house... remember thats why your upset in the first place maybe that can deter you from doing that ... best of luck to you because YOU can do this and you deserve it ...

the oay off may not be instant but in the long run it will prove itself too be more worth while than eatting like crazy .... binge eatting is a vicious cycle you eat because your unhappy your unhappy because your overweight and then to calm yourself the rationale is to give up and eat some more .... stop the cycle ...

Lyn2007
04-05-2010, 02:17 PM
Oh man, that sucks. I can feel your pain. I can really feel it. Most people just do not understand. I understand. And you can change it. It's very hard but doable. Stick around, we will support you!

candy love
04-05-2010, 02:35 PM
hun your not alone here :) what would it take to eat healthy? training. drive. and wanting this so much it hurts. I'v ate unhealthy nearly my entire life, your so brave I'd rather die than tell people what i eat =/ but if you really want to reach your goals, at somepoint anyway, you'l just do it, you'l end up wanting it that much, you just have to do it for yourself. For me I take baby steps try a little bit of something new and get used to it :) i hope i helped

WarMaiden
04-05-2010, 02:46 PM
I just thought I would add:

There was certainly a time in my life when I would have had cheesecake for breakfast and felt like that was not a bad choice for me at all. After all, cheesecake has got to have SOME protein in it, right? ;)

A typical day for me, two years ago, looked like this:

- I did not eat breakfast at home. There was no time! Too busy getting family out the door! Instead, when I got to work, I would have a gimongous cup of coffee with dried nonfat milk in it; that was my "healthy" breakfast. Or I might pick up a Starbucks mocha (venti size, of course) on the way to work, hey, that has milk too. Maybe I'd bring along a store-bought muffin with me to accompany my milk and coffee for breakfast.

-- At lunch I would eat a couple of Hot Pockets. Washed it down with a diet Pepsi.

-- In the afternoon, I would snack on chocolate.

-- Dinner was some large quantity of meat cooked up by my husband in lots of oil; chicken with cheese and bacon, or a steak, or pork chops. A few times a week we might have some veggies with our meat. Almost always there was bread, or pasta, or mashed potatoes, or tortillas, or some kind of carb to go along with the meal. More diet Pepsi for me, regular Coke for my husband.

-- After dinner there was ice cream, or more chocolate...in very large quantities. I ate several bags of chocolate mini-candies per week. More diet Pepsi.

Notice that in this diet there is a lot of fat, a lot of sugar, not a lot of protein, virtually no vegetables or fruits. I really wasn't getting what my body needed at all, and I was eating far too many calories. It's no wonder I felt like crap.

Today my daily diet looks absolutely nothing like that.

The point is, if you want to change, you can certainly learn how to do that, and do it. And pretty much everyone here in this section of the forums, at least, has eaten the same kind of crap in the same kinds of quantities that you have been doing--so don't feel ashamed, we've all been there too!

Beverlyjoy
04-05-2010, 02:57 PM
Good grief - sobbing in your car is aweful. I am so, so sorry to hear this.

I think it comes down to what kind of 'help' you want. Some folks respond well to the 'tough love', Biggest Loser type mentalilty and approach. Other folks respond to kindness, alot of encouragement, good information, strong support,etc. I think each person needs to figure out what they need and then seek it out.

There's something out there for everyone.

nelie
04-05-2010, 03:10 PM
I just thought I would add:

There was certainly a time in my life when I would have had cheesecake for breakfast and felt like that was not a bad choice for me at all. After all, cheesecake has got to have SOME protein in it, right? ;)


You know I was thinking the same thing. I remember many mornings having cake for breakfast because there was leftover cake, what better time to eat it than for breakfast?

Mentalities do change though but it takes some time. I think it is good to know where you are at and what you can change to get to where you want to be health and weight wise.

Michelle98272
04-05-2010, 03:21 PM
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome Dawn!! and a big hug from me.

I remember not too long ago someone posted here about eating so much they made themselves sick...another person (who never was 100 lbs overweight but was trying to be helpful) said they might have an eating disorder as eating until one felt sick was not "normal"...I posted that as a person who is over 100lbs over weight eating enough to wish I could vomit was something I did on a very regular basis.

My point is, it is hard to explain to someone who hasn't been there what it truly is like to be overweight. I'm not talking needing to lose 10 lbs but seriously big big big!!

Your typical way of eating before hand sounded just like me, btw!! Except, I'd swing by McDonald's for a big coffee and TWO McGriddles most mornings.

You are welcome here, Dawn and amongst people who truly "get" you. It would be a big stroke of luck if you could find a nutritionist or a trainer who had formerly been obese otherwise sounds like you might have to just teach this guy to think a little differently. It might be a big professional kindness to him if you could tell him honestly how his comment led you to feel and let him know that if someone opens up to him about how they truly eat...and then get a big smack down, it will lead them to maybe not be as honest or even to withdraw or quit. He could be in for a paradigm shift!!

Best of luck to you, honey. I hope we see more of you!!

nelie
04-05-2010, 03:41 PM
I remember not too long ago someone posted here about eating so much they made themselves sick...another person (who never was 100 lbs overweight but was trying to be helpful) said they might have an eating disorder as eating until one felt sick was not "normal"...I posted that as a person who is over 100lbs over weight eating enough to wish I could vomit was something I did on a very regular basis.


I've done it too and I'd also say it is disordered eating. It may not be bulimia or anorexia but there are professionals in the psych field who do specialize and work with those who are compulsive overeaters. For some, getting professional help can be useful although many of us do without. I've actually looked into getting some help myself but I waiver back and forth on it.

Wizzie
04-05-2010, 03:45 PM
Dawn honey, you took the first step towards change. You were honest about what you really ate. This guy is not the trainer for you. "Tough love" or being a harda$$ does work with some people, but it's obviously not what you need right now.

People who have never faced a major weight challenge have no idea what it's like. I wish you could find a trainer like Michelle said, one who had been big.

The good news is you are here. This is a better support group than you could ever pay for. And you can do it. Take baby steps. It's your journey, you decide how to proceed. Just make sure you continue the journey and never give up.

melNco
04-05-2010, 03:47 PM
So I got in my car and sobbed. And came home and sobbed. Now I don't want to send my food diary. I just want to, you know, eat a house.

Anyway, I've been lurking for a long while, but never posted. I'm sorry for the long ramble but .. what would you have said?
How would you answer the question "What does it take to make you change your ways?"

1st of all (((((((((((((((((((huggggggggggg)))))))))))))) and know that you are not alone in knowing how that feels. Some people just dont get it and will never get it. Keep doing your journal and I would also say keep looking for a trainer thet you DO feel comfortable with. If you dont feel comfortable with your trainer, you wont be honest, you will shut down and could stop going. You will succeed!!

choirgirlhotel
04-05-2010, 03:55 PM
I think it comes down to what kind of 'help' you want. Some folks respond well to the 'tough love', Biggest Loser type mentalilty and approach. Other folks respond to kindness, alot of encouragement, good information, strong support,etc. I think each person needs to figure out what they need and then seek it out.

There's something out there for everyone.

Very true. Myself, I respond to tough love. When people give me kindness, encouragement and support, I make excuses for myself and tend to "let" myself eat whatever because I make a big production out of "struggling" and "emotional eating" etc.

When my personal trainer said simply "no, you're not hungry. your body is expecting to eat something at 10 pm because you've fed it that way for years, you're not actually HUNGRY. you don't do anything after 8 pm, you're not active, you're just sitting around, so no, you are not hungry".

After fighting this a bit, I realized she was right. I quit eating after 8 pm and really, I'm not "hungry".

It took her no-nonsense approach and firmness for me to realize it. I respond well to that, but when I told my friend she immediately said "oh, i would sooo not respond well to that!".

To each his/her own!

that's not to say I didn't disagree/fight/argue with her at first. My defenses always go up and I will try to manipulate the situation. Until I checked my ego at the door and thought to myself, what credibility do I have? I'm fat? My personal trainer is not. Hmmm, she might be right. And she was....

Now I'm not saying this approach is for everyone and I'm not asking anyone to agree with my own personal plan of not eating after 8 pm, I'm just pointing out an example of difference approaches working for different people.

CGH

toomuchmoxie
04-05-2010, 04:08 PM
Hey all -

Thanks so much for the thoughts and suggestions. And the hug!!

I don't think the trainer is a mean guy. He's way more Bob than Jillian. I think most people lie to him in their journals OR he's never worked with anyone who wasn't more than 30 pounds overweight. It is a big gay gym and most of the men I've seen there are like Men's Health models. It's fab eye candy for me!

I've got six more sessions with him and then I'll re-evaluate. If I could find a formerly fat trainer, that would be fabulous but realistically.. mmm

For me the change I was willing to make was getting BACK in the gym in the first place. I hadn't stepped foot in one for three years and was terrified. So my goal really, for the first month was just to start exercising regularly and get myself into a routine.

Is eating cake for breakfast a good thing? No. Is it a regular thing? No. Mostly I'm a nachos girl.

I know whenever I feel like I'm on a "diet" I freak out. It feels like punishment. I feel trapped. I hadn't really thought about the food part yet, except to get fruits and veggies at the store and try not to let them all rot into compost in the fridge.

I'm trying to think about what to say to the trainer in my next food diary. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Thanks again for being generally fabulous and letting me know I'm not alone! Dawn :smug:

cfmama
04-05-2010, 04:56 PM
You were honest. You were not trying to hide. That's an AWESOME first starting point for you. kudo's!!!!!

I wouldn't go back to that guy... I just wouldn't.

PaulaM
04-05-2010, 05:39 PM
Two huge steps! Starting to exercise and talking to us! I have never had a trainer but I had a physical therapist last year. She was super fit, younger than me, blonde ... When I first saw her I thought oh no but she turned out to be fantastic and so helpful. She encouraged me when I was done there to join a gym and was the inspiration for me to start dieting again. If I were you I'd try it for a bit with this guy but if he never helps then switch. Sometimes it's good to be accountable. You don't want somebody who is going to mollycoddle you.

Hyacinth
04-05-2010, 07:10 PM
I wouldn't go back, either. I'd MAYBE try to see him one more time, but I'd likely tell him it's not working out and that you want your money back on the remaining sessions. That's one thing that has prevented me from going to see a personal trainer ... I've had trainers that didn't know what to do with a sedentary obese woman, and yeah. Not working. I even thought about starting a thread on here to find out if anyone had resources about a obesity-sensitive trainer in my area.

Let us know what you decide to do, or how the next session turns out! Good luck! You did the right thing by being honest and starting, and not blowing off the trainer after eating cheesecake for breakfast! (That's what I'd probably do - lol)

angelskeep
04-05-2010, 07:18 PM
How about telling him he hurt your feelings. You already know you need to lose weight. Isn't that why you hired him? And tell him you are open to suggestions regarding exercise. His partner is more than welcome to help you come up with an eating plan. And make sure he understands that making fun of you or telling you it's not normal to eat cheesecake for breakfast is NOT helping. I think I would be tempted to look for a different trainer, unless you really want to work with this particular one. His job is to HELP you, not to make you feel worse. If you can find someone who would make suggestions for healthy foods and then get you excited to be active...then wouldn't it be so much better to work out. Woulnd't you be more excited to go work out? Would you feel more hopeful and like you could be succesful?

I don't have a trainer, but if I did, I would jolly well want it to be someone who helped me feel good not feel bad.

*HUGS*

Don't eat the house, just think about what you are doing, what you want to accomplish, and how best to do it. You will be fine if you take care of yourself gently and maybe get a little firmer with others.

Sskar
04-05-2010, 07:47 PM
First of all, I soooo understand the feeling of being ashamed by someone else. Welcome to a better place. :hug:

That said....

Change trainers - now. No point in you trying to educate him - unless he wants to pay you for the learning. "What would it take for you to be a better trainer for obese people?" Grrrr, this kind of ineptness around behavior change by "trainers" and "nutrition counselors" drives me nuts. :mad:

Find someone who has empathy, reinforces your efforts and confidence (shaming does NOT ever work for long term change), gives you skills. You have your own set of motivating factors for change - the pros and cons of eating healthy versus continuing to eat non-healthy; same for physical activity. Write them down, revisit them. Use the folks here as role models (look at what people have done!); get advice; give advice; don't quit; when you slip, learn from it. You CAN do this (whatever "this" is for you).

I would suggest instead of just making a goal to lose x number of pounds, set behavioral goals that will get your there. What are the behaviors around eating changes you will have to make? There will be dozens - from monitoring intake to shopping to limiting food in the house, etc. Again, write those down and revisit them. I use my blog to keep myself on track for behavior changes, a journal for emotional response to this journey, and an online site for monitoring food and physical activity.

This is turning into a sermon when all I want is to reassure you that the process is very doable and you are on the right track by seeking support. That trainer is not the right support.

paris81
04-05-2010, 08:02 PM
Welcome Dawn! I'm so glad you joined and that you posted your story--It just broke my heart. You were so courageous to be honest, and it's so frustrating that he didn't get it! I think I'm relating to your story a bit too much, I feel like it happened to me! Because it is something that could happen to any of us 100lbers--which is my way of telling you, repeating what others have said, that you are SO not alone.

For me, this site has been above all a place where people understand me, where I find people who engage in the same behavoir that I do, behavoir that until I joined I thought was unique to me, which made me feel awful.

I'd drop the trainer. Nothing personal to him, he just doesn't get it. And I agree with the others, it's not your job to teach him, if you ever even could.

Good luck!

jessy 49
04-05-2010, 08:47 PM
Is it usual for a trainer to get involved in the "food" side of the food-exercise program? I've had 6 or 7 trainers and none of them ever said anything about what food I was eating ... all they seem to be interested in is making me sweat! (maybe that's why I sill have weight to lose ... hmm)

PeanutsMom704
04-05-2010, 08:56 PM
I'm trying to phrase this carefully so it's not just more tough love but the question he asked is a legitimate one. It is a fact that you will have to change your way of eating in order to lose weight. Cheesecake and nachos ain't gonna do it, emotional eating or not. It's clear that you do want to change - you signed up with a personal trainer and you found your way to 3fc - two GREAT beginning steps. What next step are you ready to take?

Couch
04-05-2010, 09:37 PM
Been there, done that. Having someone look at what you eat is an incredibly confronting thing, especially for emotional eaters. I went off the rails for 3 weeks after having the food journal meeting with my trainer. She told me that I didn't need to bother counting calories, and should stop eating cake. So I kept eating cake and stopped counting calories. It took me three weeks to work out why I was struggling so much (see this blog post: http://idratherbesittingonthecouch.blogspot.com/2009/10/i-know-why.html (http://idratherbesittingonthecouch.blogspot.com/2009/10/i-know-why.html)) and when I did I was sooooo annoyed. Particularly because how I was eating was working for me, and the trainer obviously had very little nutritional training and absolutely no idea about how to advise me. But don't do what I did and go off the rails for almost a month!

I have yet to go back to the trainer, or try another one. It would probably help, but I don't want to risk reacting like I did last time. The fact is that I have an eating disorder, and someone who is untrained in psychology is unlikely to be able to help me.

But ((((hugs)))), it can be done. With or without the perfect trainer.

ubergirl
04-06-2010, 12:15 AM
I also completely relate to what you are saying. I also struggled with very disordered eating that I felt completely powerless to change. I consulted a bunch of different professionals. I remember talking to a weight loss psychologist and he asked me to tell him my typical meals and snacks.... well the problem was, I could tell him what meals I ate, but I had no idea what a snack was. How do you explain that you eat breakfast and then pop back in the kitchen for a handful of this and a spoonful of that every fifteen minutes all day. I said something like "what counts as a snack" and I saw his little psychologist eyebrows shooting up, like AHA A NUT JOB, and I was completely humiliated.

The only thing I can say is that when I eventually did decide to change, that change came from inside me.... it had nothing to do with any advice anyone was giving me. I DECIDED to do it, and then everything followed from there. The second most important thing was support from right here.

If it were me, I would not go back to someone who made me feel embarrassed and didn't get it. That would not help me, personally.

MablesGirl
04-06-2010, 12:39 AM
Hi Dawn,

I'm sorry this happened to you. I definitely agree with everyone's posts. Your trainer probably has never ate emotionally in his life, and must not work with many who does (or at least they fib about it). It is very hard explaining to my husband, who is 6 foot 3 and never been over 175 pounds in his life! But, maybe is words is something you can chew on (pun intended) for awhile. In fact, I think I will also. I'm not sure what it will take for me to become completely healthy and at goal weight. In truth, I'm not confident I can get there, but I at least have to get to 200. So, if that means only eating 3 Reeses Eggs every day instead of the whole bag every day, then that is a start! You can build on that.

astrophe
04-06-2010, 02:59 AM
Sounds like you had a rough day. :hug:

What would you have said? How would you answer the question "What does it take to make you change your ways?"

I would think -- "What are you talking about?"

I don't know where you are in this business relationship... so maybe he's asking you for your X, Y, and Z and you are still in the intro phase. If in intro, I'd be inclined to explain my needs better if that is what he means by "What does it take to change your ways?"

I would describe my needs:


I need a plan that takes my (insert health concerns or issues) into consideration.

I need you to be (insert your preference) with me. (Ex: No drill sargeant, no cheerleading, )

I need a workout plan that is... written out? Includes group classes because I like those? Some other preference?

I need a plan that can be done in X minutes to fit my work/home schedule. (ex: I workout during my lunch break and I only get an hour or I travel a lot so it has to be workouts that will travel well)



Then I'd reconsider if this is the right client-trainer fit after I give the suggested plan a fair try after the intro phase.

But if this is an established relationship well past intro time, I'd probably be thinking -- "What a strange question! Do you HEAR me? I've told you my X, Y, Z. My concerns are X, my abilities right now are Y, and my goal is Z. Make a plan that takes X into consideration, improves my Y and get me to Z sanely and safely. If I knew how to do it safely and sanely, I wouldn't need to hire you to make me the plan!"

And then I'd start thinking new trainer that's a better fit.

A.

Windchime
04-06-2010, 09:10 AM
Is eating cake for breakfast a good thing? No. Is it a regular thing? No. Mostly I'm a nachos girl.


I just had to call this out and quote it because it's such a cute and funny thing! In the past, both would have sounded like legitimate breakfast foods to me and in fact, I still won't have cake in the house because I WOULD be eating it for breakfast.

WildThings
04-06-2010, 10:32 AM
I don't consider the trainers response tough love, I consider it to be inappropriate and extremely unprofessional. I wouldn't expect to tell a mental health professional about OCD issues or my anxiety problems and have them stare at me in disbelief or act like I was way crazier than any other person they had ever worked with, so it shouldn't be accepted by a nutritionist/trainer. If he was/is unsure of what to tell you or how to help you, instead of acting like you were a freak (not that you are by any means, this is how I would have felt though), he should have been upfront with you. Told you he hadn't encountered a similar situation, so he would maybe need to make more adjuastments to your program or refer you to someone that would be better at assisting you with your plan.

I hope you can find someone to work with that can and will actually work with you instead of making you feel bad. There are plenty of chicks here who definately understand where you are coming from.

Angihas2
04-06-2010, 11:09 AM
I actually do see the point to the trainer's question. Think about it. How many of us have dieted in the past, tried the various ways we read about somewhere and failed? He is asking a perfectly legit question. I applaud you for being honest and I would ask the trainer if he has worked with obese clients before. If he's taking a more Bob vs Jillian approach, I can see why he wants you to question what YOU are willing to do to be healthy. Afterall, if he gives you the tools and you don't use them, do you blame the fact the tools don't work on the tools....or on the user? Maybe he's simply looking for insight into how serious -you- are about this. How many of us here have previously joined gyms, gone for a few weeks/months, then let the membership expire? I have. I joined a gym with personal trainer sessions and after the first 3 meetings/workouts, I quit going, so I imagine this may be a common occurance in his line of work. There's a good possibility he has had many obese clients come to him, expecting immediate miracles, who then discover it's just to hard, that there's no magic pill the people in the gym get to be healthy and fit, that it's actually hard work. So, they quit. Maybe he wants to know if YOU plan to stick it out, so he can give you his all. And it could just be he's a very empathetic man whose heart hurts when he sees what we have done to ourselves. I know when I see a child who is clearly already heading towards obese, and I see the obese parents all stuffing horrible food inside themselves, my heart just breaks for that family, but most especially for that little kid, who never stood a chance.

There's alot of ways to look at things, and I think looking at things from his angle, may help. Good luck and I'm glad you've posted here.

PaulaM
04-06-2010, 11:35 AM
I would question a trainer who didn't ask what I was eating! When I first joined the Y last November, the trainer and I talked for awhile (I wasn't paying extra for her, it was just a "getting started" type thing). She said she used to be heavier, and she wanted me to know that even though she used to walk 5 miles a day very fast etc etc she never lost much UNTIL she changed her food intake. She said it's a misconception that you can work out a lot and expect to lose all your weight (maybe for somebody like an Olympian who burns 10,000 calories a day, but let's face it, that's not us and will probably never be us). To inquire about your food is part of the package, if the trainer shows you some exercises and you continue to eat too much, it's kind of wasting their time and yours.

JustBeckyV
04-06-2010, 11:37 AM
Welcome to the group Dawn! I am not sure I can add anymore to what has already been added. I think sometimes its hard for us to find that meaning other than we love food and love to eat. Just hang in there - keep logging what you eat and keep being honest. It doesn't help anyone if you lie only you!

belezura
04-06-2010, 12:45 PM
Welcome to 3FC Dawn!

First I would like to congratulate you in willing to get healthier. It isn’t easy when you live (eat) your whole life. Been there, done that.
My question here is:
Did you look for help in the right place?
Doesn’t seem like this trainer is a match for you and your current situation. If he only works with already fit people, I don’t think he has much of experience to work with you. Maybe you are just wasting your $$$ with him.
To me is like to bring a horse to a dog’s vet. The veterinarian still an animal doctor, but he is used to work with a very different kind of animal than yours.
So maybe you should just try look for help with someone who has experience working with over weight people.
It is very hard for naturally thin people understand what food means for us.
Try to explain to them just make me feel like I am a freak. If it wasn’t this way, we (people with weight issues) wouldn’t try to hide our food habits from them. That’s why we don’t talk about it and try to avoid the subject, if you know what I am talking about.
So, If I were you I would look for a professional who fits your needs. It would save you money, time and stress.
Actually, insist to work with the wrong professional can frustrate you and make you give up all together.
Good luck to you!!!