Lighten Up! - Universal Truths




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stargzr
03-31-2010, 12:25 PM
I got a kick out of this so I thought I would share...

UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the **** are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for
the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear
I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -
ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn
it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to
voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run
away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first
saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand
than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up
to prevent an *** from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers
and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time,
every time!


ANOther
03-31-2010, 12:52 PM
Preach it!

midwife
03-31-2010, 01:05 PM
:lol:


mkroyer
03-31-2010, 01:21 PM
fantastic!

Gracie789
03-31-2010, 01:35 PM
:lol: too freakin' funny! thanks for sharing!

CanadianCutie
03-31-2010, 01:58 PM
These are great, thanks for the laugh!

Asherdoodles87
03-31-2010, 03:12 PM
Awesome! Thank you for sharing it gave me a good laugh.

yooperfinn
04-03-2010, 09:26 PM
Good article

AR4life
04-04-2010, 02:11 PM
:lol: too true!

Sunnigummi
04-05-2010, 07:49 AM
:lol:

There are so many of these where I thought I was the only one!!! Woohoo to not being crazy! :D

kuhrisuh
04-07-2010, 05:37 PM
:rofl: love it!!

Shannon in ATL
04-07-2010, 06:06 PM
I love those.

EZMONEY
04-08-2010, 09:28 PM
what a blast to read!

Alicia87
04-09-2010, 12:58 AM
that is hilarious!!! where did you find this?

techgirl
04-09-2010, 06:16 PM
:lol:

Laurlitaweb
04-10-2010, 12:58 PM
Just exactly the smile I needed this morning!

Thanks.

bex
04-11-2010, 10:50 PM
Love it.

love114
04-22-2010, 03:52 AM
I love it!! :lol:

MosesMom1
06-01-2010, 10:03 AM
Hahaha!

grrrkgrrrl
06-01-2010, 03:21 PM
bump for fun

Ciao
06-02-2010, 06:14 PM
Haha. Very true. :lol:

lucky8
06-08-2010, 08:23 AM
haha great

Moviestar
06-18-2010, 08:26 PM
Enjoyed reading that one!

gonnadoitthistime
07-08-2010, 11:11 AM
Good stuff to read first thing!!!

smj1987
07-25-2010, 06:08 PM
I love this! lol :)

Kriket84
10-11-2010, 02:21 PM
#23 should also be I only look forward to red lights when I'm trying to light a cigarette. (I prefer killing myself slowly smoking then immediately texting while driving ;))

Jeni
10-28-2010, 03:20 AM
On a day to day basis I am definitely more in danger of getting hit by a cyclist than a driver, and as a driver I HATE when cyclists are in the middle of the road like they're cars. They seriously need their own lane or something. lol. This list was great. SO TRUE!

doppio
11-01-2010, 01:51 AM
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -
ever.

; D;

Shopaholic1204
11-02-2010, 12:11 AM
Brilliant!!

PJay
11-12-2010, 08:14 AM
Yep, I believe them all!:)

mk1014
11-14-2010, 05:24 PM
hahaha so true :lol:

Serval87
12-07-2010, 09:40 PM
Hilarious. I do the grocery bag one all the time. I will fit my arms through the tied loops on the bag, and try to carry as many as possible. My mom always has this weird look on her face when I do it, and is all like "Don't try to carry them all!" I just tell her it's my weight training for the day.

Mickeypnd
12-16-2010, 03:20 PM
omg, that was so funny!