100 lb. Club - It all started with an overly generous bossÖ




xMeaganx
03-25-2010, 04:42 AM
Iím pretty sure my boss hates me! Ever since I told her Iím losing weight and what my goals are she has been pushing food on meÖ..and doing so in the form of a five year old! Before I mentioned my weight loss goals she never gave me anything. Now daily sheís forcing cookies, cakes, and cinnamon rolls on meÖ..and well I try to resist but seriously she glares at me until I do. And when we eat lunch she has gone to now adding seconds to my plate after much protest.

Sheís the type that gets offended easily. So Iíve told her no a couple times and in return got the silent treatment for days. If I refuse to eat what she has served me she goes on and on about wasting.

Iíve gained 3 lbs in the last two weeks because of this behavior! I want to stop it without offending her but Iím not sure how! I donít like confrontation so I know I should just put my foot down but it is hard. Plus, the five year old is usually the one bringing me the food and like his mother he is insistent. Iím an au pair here, so a guest in their country. Iím not trying to be offensive to their culture. Luckily I do not live with them, so once I leave work I am able to make my own food choices, but I do spend one meal (sometimes two) at their house. I plan ahead and do bring my own healthy food to work.

(In other news, asides from the weight gain, I am under 230 lbs! This means officially I weigh less than my driverís license, which I got when I was 16 and was lying about my weight! I can only wonder how much I weighed as 16, but to know that Iím under that official DL weight is amazing! )


christinesefton
03-25-2010, 05:09 AM
Wow...that sounds complicated. If I were in your shoes, I think I would sit down with her and explain that you are working very hard to lose weight, and that while you appreciate her giving nature, she shouldn't be pushing food on you. Explain to her that it would be like you trying to tell her how to raise her child and what religion they should follow. If food being wasted is an issue, perhaps offer to make your own plate. As soon as you finish, remove the plate to the kitchen so that she doesn't have a chance to put something on it. Or try to eat at a different time as everyone else (if possible.)
No matter what, don't give her the power! You have done great! Congrats on getting below your DL weight! :carrot:

TraceyElaine
03-25-2010, 06:44 AM
Whoa. I think a sitdown talk is in need here. She is your employer not your mom or your master. She cannot be forcing food on you. She does have to respect you and your PERSONAL choices. Let her know this is important to you and that her insisting on getting you to eat these things is verging on inapropriate. Be firm on this. Also if she knows in advanced that you will not be accepting these sweets and second helpings she may not make as much or there is always the good ol' tupperware so there is less wasting.

Congrats on your goal too by the way! Good for you.


JayEll
03-25-2010, 07:48 AM
This is a ridiculous situation--having your boss make you eat food you don't want. If you wouldn't let a friend do this, why would you let a boss?

I'd start looking for another job right away... and I'd also have a serious talk with her and tell her that if she can't stop pushing food on you that you can't eat, you'll have to look elsewhere for work. She may get angry, but this is her issue, not yours.

In the future, it may be best to keep your weight loss goals to yourself.

Jay

rockinrobin
03-25-2010, 09:14 AM
Ummm, this is an odd situation.

But really, you're an adult for goodness sake. NO ONE, absolutely NO ONE can force food down your throat. Eating her food I'm fairly certain is not part of your job description. Thanks but no thanks. Thanks but no thanks. Thanks but no thanks. Thanks but no thanks. Thanks but no thanks. She'll get it. If she's offended, well that's just too bad. She's got no right to be. She'll get over herself.

paris81
03-25-2010, 10:29 AM
It's too bad that she's your boss and not a regular co-worker. That means that she is in a position of authority over you, and you don't want to rock that boat to risk your job!

This is really weird that she's pushing food on you. I wonder, does she strugge with her weight? Maybe she's resentful that you're doing something to get healthy, and she's not, so she's trying to sabatoge you, whether she realizes it or not.

Windchime
03-25-2010, 10:47 AM
I'm always curious when someone says that food is being "forced" on them, or it's being "shoved in my face", etc. Is it really being forced on you? Or is she just being persistant in offering, by saying things like, "Are you sure? They're really yummy!" Remember, if we are adults, we are solely responsible for what foods we do and do not put into our mouths (unless you are literally being tied down and forced to eat it, in which case you should get off the computer and go call the authorities! :) )

In this situation, I would try Robin's suggestion. If you must, say this (the first time): "It looks delicious, but no thank you. I'm full." Then each time it's offered, "No thanks :)", with a smile. I think that when people do that thing where they keep pressing (my mom does this), it's because we have taught them that we will eventually relent and say, "Oh, OK, I guess I will have some."

So if the goal is really, truly to not have any, a polite and repeated "No thank you" should eventually do the trick. But you have to MEAN it.

synger
03-25-2010, 10:53 AM
I'd try not to make a big deal out of it. Just smile and say, THank you, but I don't want any more. Smiling helps soften the blow. If you get upset about it, I can imagine she'd get touchy and defensive. She sounds the sort from your description. But I'm with Robin. Thanks, but no thanks. With a smile.

My mother-in-law used to put more food on my plate... until I realized that a clean plate was an invitation for more in that household. So now I always take a bit more than I want initially, so I can leave enough on my plate so that she doesn't think I need more. (but not enough that it's "wasteful")

cathydoe
03-25-2010, 10:59 AM
People can be strange creatures! I understand that you are between a rock and hard place. And there are plenty of people around here that would say "You are CRAZY...don't eat that food...no one can make you eat that food... blah blah blah"

She is your boss and you want her approval. She can make your life holey h. e. double hockey sticks. I understand that!!

For me...I would get up the nerve to have a meeting with her...BUT you don't know what kind of baggage she has...this can be a tough one... BUT over the years I have learned that taking care of myself is the most important thing I can do.

GOOD LUCK!!

knobhdy
03-25-2010, 11:52 AM
Do you have an HR department? I suspect not, but if you do this would be a prime time to have a conversation about your boss's behavior with them. She is creating a hostile work environment and it is harassment, plain and simple.

Barring that (and after you have sent out your resumes ;)) remember that as Astrophe put it, "you don't have to pick that up." It is your boss's emotional baggage that she is pressing on you and you have enough of your own to carry. Smile, say: "No Thank You:, and think to yourself: Carry your own darn baggage.

Angihas2
03-25-2010, 12:07 PM
I understood it to be that Megan is in a different country, working as an aupair for the family. Different customs, cultures and values. It could very well be that in Hungary, by losing weight, Megan is making the family look financially unstable, unable to care for their responsibilities etc. Alll a big deal in many places in the world, where what the women of the family look like, and she is 'in the family' as her actions also reflect on them. It's a touchy situation. I think I would follow the advice of adding a bit more to my plate that I actually planned to eat and then the 'empty plate, add food' mentality may be defused with nothing needing to be said. Otherwise, really, unless they're prying your jaw open, you choose to eat to not rock the boat, and for most of us, we ate for emotional reasons, to make others happy whatever. Or, take the extra food and toss it later. Sticky situation but its up to you how to keep from going back up the scale and how to keep going down the scale.

LisaF
03-25-2010, 01:16 PM
It sounds like a difficult situation, and you've been more patient with it than I think I could have been.

Would it work if you told the five year old delivering the food, "Thank you! I'm not hungry right now, so I'm going to put this aside for later!" Or, "This looks great! I think I'm going to save it for my dessert with dinner." Since you go home for dinner, they won't know whether or not it goes straight into the trash.

I don't like to suggest lying, but if it gets worse, that might be the route to go. Tell your boss, "I didn't want to say anything before, but I'm actually under doctor's order to lose the weight. As much as I would love to have the sweets you've been offering me, the doctor was pretty clear about what and how much I should be eating." (For all I know, that might not be a lie -- most of us here in the 100lb club have been told that by doctors numerous times.)

It can be a lot easier to decline when you have some higher authority to blame for the fact that you're declining. Then you can say, "I wish I could, but really, I'm not allowed." Let your boss be mad at your doctor, instead.

Lisa

ANewCreation
03-25-2010, 07:43 PM
I see that you are in Hungary and you are most likely dealing with unfamiliar customs. Is there anyone outside the family that you could talk to? They just might have some insight on what would be the best way to deal with this cultural divide.

Good luck!

Shmead
03-25-2010, 08:17 PM
I don't like to suggest lying, but if it gets worse, that might be the route to go. Tell your boss, "I didn't want to say anything before, but I'm actually under doctor's order to lose the weight. As much as I would love to have the sweets you've been offering me, the doctor was pretty clear about what and how much I should be eating." (For all I know, that might not be a lie -- most of us here in the 100lb club have been told that by doctors numerous times.)

It can be a lot easier to decline when you have some higher authority to blame for the fact that you're declining. Then you can say, "I wish I could, but really, I'm not allowed." Let your boss be mad at your doctor, instead.

Lisa

This is exactly what I came in to say, except I'd probably make it more extreme: "The doctor say's I'll die if I don't lose 50 pounds, and quickly!" You have to give her another narrative to understand your refusal. You could also try "My boyfriend in America likes me skinny, he'll dump me if I come home fat", "My mom is super-skinny and she'll be so critical if I come home fat", some other story that makes sense to her and makes her see that 1) you are serious and don't secretly want her to sabotage you and 2) it's not about her, or even you.

If this were a friend, I'd say you need an honest way to connect to her. This is a boss. Say whatever gets her off your back.

Summerblue
03-25-2010, 09:27 PM
WOW....I'm sorry you are going thru this.

It's strange that now she knows you want to loose weight that she's wanting you to eat more- this behaviour is odd.

Any way you can STOP having meals with her? Just make eating a non-topic, you know, like don't talk about it AT ALL - nothing, about what you're eating, how you are eating, your weight loss, etc.... Keep it a professional only relationship.

When she offers something a very polite - no thank you, and then move on, change the subject, .... get back to work. (you get the idea).

My .02 cents is to keep your weightloss/healthy choices OFF TOPIC.

Be strong - there is some great advise in the above posts as well.

YOU CAN DO IT ;)

Suzanne 3FC
03-25-2010, 10:15 PM
Iím an au pair here, so a guest in their country. Iím not trying to be offensive to their culture. Luckily I do not live with them, so once I leave work I am able to make my own food choices, but I do spend one meal (sometimes two) at their house. I plan ahead and do bring my own healthy food to work.


I'm sorry to hear you are in such a difficult situation. I can understand why you feel pressured and why this isn't a simple cut and dry situation. Of course I know nothing about the family you work for and what their family life is like, but my first thought is that she might feel threatened by your weight loss. I could be way off base, but that's just what came to mind first.

Maybe you could let her know that your body feels better when you eat less or if you avoid certain foods. You definitely need to be in top form to take care of a five year old.

slimsilhouette2b
03-25-2010, 10:21 PM
I haven't read all the replies so if this has been said I'm sorry.....

Say 'no thank you' then let her ignore you for a few days if that's how she wants to act. So what! She'll get over it. :)