100 lb. Club - It takes a lot of work staying fat




wendyland
03-23-2010, 02:18 PM
I've been realizing lately how much work it is to stay fat. I know that most people talk about how hard it is to lose weight, but what about how hard it is to stay fat?

1. I feel guilty if I eat "bad foods".
2. I'm uncomfortable around people because I feel self so conscious.
3. I spend a lot of time reading about diets looking for some "magic cure".
4. It's constantly on my mind. I don't get a brake from thinking about food and from thinking about how I should be exercising.
5. My body is tired, my joints ache, and I get sick too much

I'm sure there are many more to list. There's so much mental and physical work to be fat. I don't think that most people think about it. They think about how much work it is to lose the weight, but don't take into consideration all the effort that it takes to keep the weight.


grrrkgrrrl
03-23-2010, 02:23 PM
what a fantastic way to see things!!!

all of the above are true, plus:
i kept thinking if my other halfs really thought I was attractive, or if they were just saying so because it's something that's said when you're with someone!

Eliana
03-23-2010, 02:31 PM
It's so much work to be fat!

* It's harder to tie your shoes.
* It's harder to get off the couch.
* It's hard on your knees, feet and joints in general.
* It's hard to sleep! (Sleep apnea/snoring)
* It's hard to get in and out of the car.
* It's hard to chase after little ones.
* It's hard to bend over to get something off the floor!
* It's hard to find clothes that fit, let alone clothes that flattering.
* It's hard to go to the movies or to the theater and have to squeeze past the arm rests.
*It's hard to be hungry all the time, to have no control over food cravings.


Xan
03-23-2010, 02:33 PM
Loved your post! I'm in one of my "I have to start again, but WHICH plan should I try?" phase, and, although i can't add anything to what's been written so far, I absolutely agree with you! And had a good laugh.

Oh, how easy it must be to be thin :)

bunny43
03-23-2010, 02:49 PM
I agree! Being fat is all consuming for me!

Morning, noon and night I think about food, what can I eat, what can't I eat. I'm fat, I'll always be fat, I'm not good enough.

Sheesh! Too much work!

I'm on a mission to just live in the moment. Slowly, getting there.

MomtoThree
03-23-2010, 02:53 PM
I love this thread. The biggest thing I hate about being fat is that during 5 pregnancies it was not until around 32 week or later that people would ask when the baby was due. I hated it, especailly since I wen7 through 2 of those pregancies with a close thin friend and people could look at her and know she was pregnant when she was 4 months along. So maybe that is funny thing to be sad about but it is very true.

wendyland
03-23-2010, 03:04 PM
I love this thread. The biggest thing I hate about being fat is that during 5 pregnancies it was not until around 32 week or later that people would ask when the baby was due. I hated it, especailly since I wen7 through 2 of those pregancies with a close thin friend and people could look at her and know she was pregnant when she was 4 months along. So maybe that is funny thing to be sad about but it is very true.

I totally understand being sad about that. I thought I looked obviously pregnant for a long time before others thought so. I tried to wear clothes that looked maternity like, too. I loved being pregnant because it was the only time that I didn't feel self conscious or have to suck in my belly.

Lyn2007
03-23-2010, 03:13 PM
Oh you are SO right. It is so much harder to mop floors at 278 pounds than it is at 222, I can tell you that.

Then mental effort we expend telling ourselves we will do it TOMORROW and trying to figure out what to do next, would be much better spent thinking of a healthy dinner to prepare tonight.

mrsmoore
03-23-2010, 03:17 PM
I really like how you put things into perspective. Being overweight makes life so much harder. Its hard to keep up with my daughter because she's so active. I find it hard to find clothes that fit me in a way that makes me comfortable. And when I'm out in public I feel like everyone is staring.

hometowngirl
03-23-2010, 03:23 PM
I agree. It's hard being heavy.

Trazey34
03-23-2010, 04:39 PM
ha, that's good! I'm the opposite tho, I'm afraid -- getting and staying fat was FUN and EASY! lol sad but true! tons of crap and no exercise was easy as pie for me ;) WIsh there were an Olympic event for it, I would have brought home the gold for Canada!!!

One thing I don't love about the "new me" is that I feel obsessed with food NOW when I never used to be. I ate what I wanted and when (ha! and look where that got me!?!). Now I THINK about it PLAN for it, always know what my next meal is, always know what i'm buying at the grocery store, it's a necessary evil I know, but Idon't have to love it!

beautifulone
03-23-2010, 05:10 PM
ha, that's good! I'm the opposite tho, I'm afraid -- getting and staying fat was FUN and EASY! lol sad but true! tons of crap and no exercise was easy as pie for me ;) WIsh there were an Olympic event for it, I would have brought home the gold for Canada!!!

:rofl:! hahahaha LOL I'd cheer for you as a fellow Canuck! Although I'm glad I can instead cheer for you getting healthy here :)

What always strikes me about being fat is how *little* time it takes to loose weight, relative to how awful I used to feel year after year about being fat. In my mind it seemed like it would take "forever" to get to my goal, like it was so out of reach, and the misery of staying where I was was just so daunting and difficult. That was so difficult for me. But then I started to lose weight and it seems like such a quick process by comparison. I know it's not always, especially during the days when my inner me is calling "are we there yet??", but it's nothing compared to the misery and resistance I felt when all of the energy I expand now on losing weight was dedicated to feeling badly about myself and about being fat. It's mind-blowing that I spent so much time sitting on the couch feeling badly about myself but not doing anything to change it.

Paradigm shift for sure.

Mikayla
03-23-2010, 06:10 PM
One thing I don't love about the "new me" is that I feel obsessed with food NOW when I never used to be. I ate what I wanted and when (ha! and look where that got me!?!). Now I THINK about it PLAN for it, always know what my next meal is, always know what i'm buying at the grocery store, it's a necessary evil I know, but Idon't have to love it!

I am with ya there, sometimes I wish I didn't have to care so much, but alas I do.

Being fat makes everything harder in my opinion.

I had no energy
I got anxious when meeting new people.
I never wanted to go anywhere or do anything that involved movement, Plus I even hated going to the movies cause I didn't fit in the seat.
Being fat SUCKED there is nothing I miss about it!

ubergirl
03-23-2010, 06:57 PM
Well, I was a secret binger so actually just staying fat took a lot of work.

I had to find ways to get to the store alone, keep cash in my wallet, throw out wrappers where no one would see them, figure out how to eat more than my share of goodies and yet try to prevent people from noticing. Pick times to raid the kitchen when no one was around.

The whole thing was totally and completely exhausting, expensive, soul-sucking and above all POINTLESS, because even though I could hide a lot of my bad eating habits, I couldn't hide the RESULTS.

Much, much, much easier just eating more or less like a normal person.

DCHound
03-23-2010, 10:07 PM
It's harder to find something cute to wear when meeting the (likely) future in-laws for the first time. :)

rockinrobin
03-23-2010, 10:21 PM
Oh yes. I'll take the so called *hard* of maintaining a healthy weight any day over the hard of being fat. I'll take it a step further. Even LOSING the weight was not as hard as BEING fat. There was never a moments peace.

I see Trazey's point - kinda. It was ez shmeazy GETTING fat - eating everything in sight. But BEING fat - nothing, absolutely nothing I've ever experienced was as hard as that.

Trazey34
03-23-2010, 11:13 PM
Really??? nothing was ever harder in your whole life than being fat??? I guess both of us led really sheltered lives LOL

I have to say, down 100 lbs and granted some to go, I feel good but I felt fine fat! I know it sounds like I'm living in a dream world, but I was always energetic, always happy (real happiness not fake clown crying on the inside BS) lol, never felt bad, never felt looked down upon for being heavy, never avoided things because i was fat, always loved crowds and fun and going places, always had a ton of energy and climbed mountains at 300 lbs !! I'm a crazy person I guess!!!

sunflowergal40
03-23-2010, 11:31 PM
I know that as I've gotten older (hit the BIG 40 last Nov) it has become harder and harder. More and more changes come along each day. I just want to feel good and be able to keep up with my 6 year old twins, 13 year old son, and hubby of 21 years who is older but not out of shape like me! :(

rockinrobin
03-23-2010, 11:50 PM
Really??? nothing was ever harder in your whole life than being fat??? I guess both of us led really sheltered lives LOL

I have to say, down 100 lbs and granted some to go, I feel good but I felt fine fat! I know it sounds like I'm living in a dream world, but I was always energetic, always happy (real happiness not fake clown crying on the inside BS) lol, never felt bad, never felt looked down upon for being heavy, never avoided things because i was fat, always loved crowds and fun and going places, always had a ton of energy and climbed mountains at 300 lbs !! I'm a crazy person I guess!!!

Yup. Absolutely, positively, without a doubt - NOTHING - was as hard as BEING fat.

Trazey, I think you were one of the *luckier* ones. I really do.

Energetic? Me? No. I was lethargic, mope-y, sleepy, listless, depressed-ish, 1/2 the time I was in a sugar-stupor/carb-coma.

Happy? I had some happy *moments*, but no, I was not truly happy. I was anxiety ridden, worried, had no self respect for myself due to the fact that I was not doing what was required of me. Due to the fact that I was not teaching my children the right thing. I was embarrassed by my appearance. I always felt self conscious that I was the largest person in the room. I was taking up waaay more then my fair share of space in the world.

Loved going places? Loved crowds? Nope. Dreaded it. Dreaded it. DREADED IT. I was certain that every time someone would speak to me they were wondering why the heck I was so darn heavy. I was always the heaviest person. My clothing choices were poor. My face was terribly distorted. My body was - large.

Doing my every day errands was torturous. Moving around and dealing with people was unpleasant.

I had constant heart burn, constant pain in my knees and was very close to being totally homebound. I was hot, sweaty and red faced. I was out of breath after walking up a short flight of stairs. I was certain that it was just a matter of time before I would drop dead from a heart attack. I wondered who would take care of my children. I wondered where they would find a coffin big enough to fit me and who would carry that coffin and the embarrassed it would cause my family.

I could go on and on about the hard of being super morbidly obese. The more I think about it the more I am CERTAIN, that yes, being that way was the hardest thing I've ever experienced.

I'm glad Trazey that your experience was different. I'm glad you were spared that hard.

And I'm sure as heck thrilled that I took the steps to get myself out of that misery...

kaplods
03-23-2010, 11:55 PM
I don't know that I would ever have begun losing weight and keep it off if I still had a "real life." Before I got sick enough to end up on disability, I put most of my energy into overacheiving at work and continuing my education, and spending what little was left on a volunteering and an active social life (and writing - starting about a dozen novels, but never getting past chapter 3).

Even though I'm working less than ever, I spend a lot more time on myself now. Ironically, I feel lazier and more selfish than I ever have, because what little work I am now doing, it's all done to benefit only me (well, maybe for hubby a little, but mostly for me).

Being fat was easy, because I had so many priorities that came before my weight and health. To lose weight, I have to concentrate on me a lot more than I am comfortable with. I want to be doing more interesting, more important things, and I feel that before I got really sick (largely because of my weight) I was doing more interesting, and more important things.

I was happy and confident more often than not (and still am - because I think I'm just a natural optimist). I always had plenty of friends, an active social life (if a little dull in the romance department at times), and did exceptionally well in my career, and felt like who I was, and what I did mattered.


It really bugs me that I've lost overachieving, super-intelligent, contributing-to-the-betterment-of-society Colleen.

It's ironic, because I think if I had learned earlier to be more selfish, I would not be where I am now - of little use to any one, but myself (and maybe a little bit to hubby and folks here at 3FC).

I do miss the old me, who had little or no concern with my weight and health because I had more important things to do.

tryhardforlife
03-24-2010, 12:06 AM
Yup. Absolutely, positively, without a doubt - NOTHING - was as hard as BEING fat.

Trazey, I think you were one of the *luckier* ones. I really do.

Energetic? Me? No. I was lethargic, mope-y, sleepy, listless, depressed-ish, 1/2 the time I was in a sugar-stupor/carb-coma.

Happy? I had some happy *moments*, but no, I was not truly happy. I was anxiety ridden, worried, had no self respect for myself due to the fact that I was not doing what was required of me. Due to the fact that I was not teaching my children the right thing. I was embarrassed by my appearance. I always felt self conscious that I was the largest person in the room. I was taking up waaay more then my fair share of space in the world.

Loved going places? Loved crowds? Nope. Dreaded it. Dreaded it. DREADED IT. I was certain that every time someone would speak to me they were wondering why the heck I was so darn heavy. I was always the heaviest person. My clothing choices were poor. My face was terribly distorted. My body was - large.

Doing my every day errands was torturous. Moving around and dealing with people was unpleasant.

I had constant heart burn, constant pain in my knees and was very close to being totally homebound. I was hot, sweaty and red faced. I was out of breath after walking up a short flight of stairs. I was certain that it was just a matter of time before I would drop dead from a heart attack. I wondered who would take care of my children. I wondered where they would find a coffin big enough to fit me and who would carry that coffin and the embarrassed it would cause my family.

I could go on and on about the hard of being super morbidly obese. The more I think about it the more I am CERTAIN, that yes, being that way was the hardest thing I've ever experienced.

I'm glad Trazey that your experience was different. I'm glad you were spared that hard.

And I'm sure as heck thrilled that I took the steps to get myself out of that misery...

100 percent

rockinrobin
03-24-2010, 12:12 AM
Being fat was easy, because I had so many priorities that came before my weight and health. To lose weight, I have to concentrate on me a lot more than I am comfortable with. I want to be doing more interesting, more important things, and I feel that before I got really sick (largely because of my weight) I was doing more interesting, and more important things.


I do miss the old me, who had little or no concern with my weight and health because .

Now that I have made my health, my weight a number one priority, that I've made it one of the most important things in my life - that I've gotten down to a healthy weight - I am able to give SO MUCH MORE of myself. I don't find it selfish to make ones weight a priority. I found it selfish of me to rob my family of a happy, productive, energetic mom and wife. I am able to care for my family (& friends & strangers) to an extremely high extent now. I was not able to physically do that and mentally do that when I was super morbidly obese.

I look at what I've done and will continue to do as a labor of love. I'm now performing at my optimal and the skies the limit for what I can do for others. :)

Trazey34
03-24-2010, 12:34 AM
I guess I'll consider myself lucky indeed! I always thought that 'hard' things in life were like the year of rehab i had to do when i almost lost a leg due to a drunk driving incident. That was something done TO me, not something I did to myself out of laziness and self-indulgence.

I'll consider myself extremely wise & lucky that stars aligned to all me to tackle this weighty (heh) issue now, before it rendered me physically diminished or incapacitated in any way. I'm not foolish enough to believe for one second that I could escape it forever, I know a heart attack at the very least was waiting for me!!

just goes to show once again how different everyone's journey is, how personalities and life experiences add up to so many different outcomes! Way to go girlies we rock!

kaplods
03-24-2010, 01:09 AM
I never let my weight stop me from doing anything I wanted to do. I always worked more than one job, I always took the maximum courseload in college (and even found a way to do more than was allowed by taking classes at another university). I always was the person everyone came to when they needed help or needed something accomplished quickly. Even if I'd been rail thin, I would have been seen as an overachiever, and would have had nothing more to give.

Losing weight is not going to give me more to give than I was giving (and if it would, I still wouldn't be willing to give that much), and I have to accept that. Even if I get my health and stamina back, I am not going to be able to burn the candle at both ends like I did when I was younger. I'm not able or willing to sacrifice so much of myself for others (I do see it as selfish, but I'm also learning that it's important to be selfish sometimes). What I sacrificed more than anything in the past was sleep. According to my doctors (especially my neurologist, the best fibromyalgia specialist I ever met), my health problems are as much if not more due to lack of sleep and the overacheiving than my weight. But, it was my weight that made me feel like I had to compensate and apologize for my size by being that much more intelligent, hard-working, important and indispensible. If I wasn't fat, perhaps I would have been naturally (and appropriately) more selfish, and would have been less willing to give of myself more than my share. I felt I had to work twice as hard and do twice as much to be considered half as good. It was a sacrifice I was willing to make because I didn't know the ultimate consequences.

There's very little in my life that I regret or am ashamed of. Even the mistakes made me who I am (and I like me, and for the most part, always have).

I never could use shame, unhappiness, or self-recriminations as motivation for weight loss (because I never had much use for them). I needed a different motivation. For me, it was learning to be selfish. Treating myself better because I was worthy (and always had been).

I always gave up weight loss in the past, in part, I think because I did expect weight loss to make my life better or that it would at least give me more to give so that someone's life would be better for my effort. Weight loss never made my life or abilities "better enough" to realize how important it was, until I almost lost it all. There were always things I found more important, not realizing that the less I cared for myself, the sooner I would burn myself out and have nothing to give.

If I hadn't burnt myself out, I probably wouldn't have recognized the need for change, and would have just dropped dead from a heart attack, stroke, or aneurism.

Knowing that I don't have to be there for everyone else, is both liberating and yet also saddening. My identity was largely tied to how much I could do for others. As an extremely obese woman I worked very hard to be extraordinary, and to be healthy I may have to learn to be ordinary. It's a very weird place to be.

Amanda77
03-24-2010, 04:39 AM
I'm sure there are many more to list. There's so much mental and physical work to be fat. I don't think that most people think about it. They think about how much work it is to lose the weight, but don't take into consideration all the effort that it takes to keep the weight.

I know I'm guilty of this. I will think about how much work goes into prepping a healthy meal when it's so dang easy to open a bag of chips or how easy it is to sit on the couch instead of going for a walk.

Thanks for this post. I am going to come up with all the things that make obesity most difficult for me and compile them into one list. I think if I put it in a place where I can see it often it will help me remember that there are things much more difficult than preparing a salad. Great perspective.

catherinef
03-24-2010, 06:51 AM
I've said this before, but being fat was exhausting to me. Physically, emotionally, mentally. I was tired all the time, and I kept going, but I was doing that through sheer force of will. I don't think I fully realized just how tiring it was until I'd started to really lose weight. Having to plan ahead how I was going to do ANYTHING, if I had something I could wear that would be appropriate for the situation and not look too awful, worrying that the chairs would all be tiny, constantly worrying about how fat I looked, feeling awkward and as if I were taking up entirely too much space...so many things that sapped my energy and made me sad and hopelessly alienated from life and other people.

I am truly glad that other people haven't found it so challenging, and didn't let being fat overwhelm their lives and prevent them from being happy, but I am so not one of those people. It made me miserable and wore me out.

rockinrobin
03-24-2010, 08:33 AM
I've said this before, but being fat was exhausting to me. Physically, emotionally, mentally. I was tired all the time, and I kept going, but I was doing that through sheer force of will. I don't think I fully realized just how tiring it was until I'd started to really lose weight. Having to plan ahead how I was going to do ANYTHING, if I had something I could wear that would be appropriate for the situation and not look too awful, worrying that the chairs would all be tiny, constantly worrying about how fat I looked, feeling awkward and as if I were taking up entirely too much space...so many things that sapped my energy and made me sad and hopelessly alienated from life and other people.

I am truly glad that other people haven't found it so challenging, and didn't let being fat overwhelm their lives and prevent them from being happy, but I am so not one of those people. It made me miserable and wore me out.

Once again you've gotten my feelings down on paper to a "T".

The portion that I underlined I'd like to embellish on for a bit.

I knew I was exhausted and miserable, that I knew. But what I didn't know is just how much energy a "regular weight" person could have!!!! I was shocked by that. I've said this dozens of times, I knew being slim would be marvelous, but I hadn't a clue it would be THIS marvelous and so all encompassing to each and every area of my life. Right down to cleaning the toilets, doing the laundry, going to the bank, the dentist, grocery shopping and then all of the good stuff.

I often think that we get so used to be so *uncomfortable*, always, always compensating (gosh, I HATED that compensating) that we think that this is the norm. That it's okay. And we get complacent. You forget how good it could be, or if you never knew, well even worse - because you never knew. I think people just truly don't know what they're missing. Because it really is beyond one's imagination. It's something you can't quite grasp until you've experienced it. Hindsight.

I wish there were a way for each and every person to walk around slim for a week and then I am fairly certain that the overwhelming majority would then do whatever is required to get and stay there. But they just don't know. I certainly didn't.

I'm sure this looks *wrong* written down here. And if it does, I apologize. I wish I could get this across in a better way, but on the net, I can't. I mean no offense, it's just that I want everyone to feel this feeling. Then they would know, that adhering to a healthy lifestyle is no work. but a joy and a blessing.

Ack, still coming out wrong...

Eliana
03-24-2010, 08:48 AM
Really??? nothing was ever harder in your whole life than being fat??? I guess both of us led really sheltered lives LOL

I have to say, down 100 lbs and granted some to go, I feel good but I felt fine fat! I know it sounds like I'm living in a dream world, but I was always energetic, always happy (real happiness not fake clown crying on the inside BS) lol, never felt bad, never felt looked down upon for being heavy, never avoided things because i was fat, always loved crowds and fun and going places, always had a ton of energy and climbed mountains at 300 lbs !! I'm a crazy person I guess!!!

Yep, you're a rare bird. ;) A rare and wonderfully delightful rare bird. The world needs more people like you. :D

Take everything you said, flip it to the opposite, and that's been my experience. I am not "me" in this body. There's an avatar out there with this tiny little person inside a fat person. That's me...fighting to get out. And every time the scale goes over exactly 212 pounds, I know it. My joints tell me straight away the moment that happens. My knees and my feet both protest. Even my shoulders protest! I get winded just doing up my shoes or worse, just bending over to pick something up.

Eliana
03-24-2010, 08:54 AM
I do miss the old me, who had little or no concern with my weight and health because I had more important things to do.

Really? I can not imagine. It's so interesting to gain perspectives like this on message boards. I couldn't be more different. I'm so very much not me right now, not productive, not at all the best "me" I can be because I'm very simply NOT. ME. I used to be confident and energetic and a real hard working go-getter. Now I do what I have to just to get by. That's true in every aspect of my life except, thankfully, with exercise. I think exercise is the stepping stone back to the person who used to take on the world.

I've pretty much self-diagnosed myself with pretty severe social anxiety, and I can only hope that's entirely because of the weight. I'm still hopeful that the old "me" will emerge.

Eliana
03-24-2010, 09:00 AM
Ack, still coming out wrong...

So not wrong. ;) I get what you're saying, exactly. You want the best for everyone! That's a wonderful sentiment!

I've had thin before, so I know what you are talking about. (Of course, I did not know what I had then.) I'm very glad to have had the experience of being fat. I wouldn't change that because it's made me a more compassionate person and it's going to make me appreciate what thin really is. But I've had enough of that experience now. ;)

mmiller2829
03-24-2010, 09:12 AM
Rocknrobin U INSPIRE ME! You say that those words didn't sount right? THEY SPOKE TO ME! THANKYOU! THANKYOU! THANKYOU!

I am one of those people that have never been slim. I remember 4th grade being the "FAT GIRL". I am at 234 now. (at my very highest 395 a couple of years ago)

My energy has just been great so far. From what Im getting from you is its going to get better? I can't wrap my mind around that. I told my personal trainer yesterday that the only thing "wrong" in my life is this stupid weight.

I can honestly say, I feel like I have control now. I am feeling good so far. Now I am looking forward to the feeling GREAT!

THANKYOU all! Now off to the gym...:carrot::carrot::carrot:

Amanda77
03-24-2010, 09:23 AM
I mean no offense, it's just that I want everyone to feel this feeling. Then they would know, that adhering to a healthy lifestyle is no work. but a joy and a blessing.

I think it all came out just right and this is exactly what I am trying to take away from the initial post. Because right now, in the middle of it, everything can still sometimes seem to be so much work but I need to remember that it isn't that the healthy lifestyle is so hard; it's that everything seems hard because of the obesity.

Trazey34
03-24-2010, 10:22 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinrobin
I mean no offense, it's just that I want everyone to feel this feeling. Then they would know, that adhering to a healthy lifestyle is no work. but a joy and a blessing.

No, it came out right and I understand what you mean and where you're coming from -- I drank the kool-aid too and I'm all over this way of life now, and I want others to experience it. I see 300lb woman in Wal-Mart and I want to hug her and say "come on over to my side" like a reformed smoker wanting everyone to quit because I say so!

My only worry, or caution I guess, is I've seen so many overweight (especially) women in my practice who 100% believe that every problem in life will be solved "when they're thin". Nothing in the world can suck when you're thin. That's just not true. I know Robin you and I have gone round and round on the "happiness" issue -- you don't agree with me i know LOL -- but I've seen it dozens of times in young adults and almost hundreds of times in adults, that happiness based solely on external factors like weight loss is a dangerous thing. Just like being miserable and unhappy are no way JUST because of being fat.

I think the main things we can all agree on, carrying around less tonnage is GOOD, consuming less resources on the planet is GOOD, living longer is GOOD, helping others make changes on their journey, maybe inspiring a person or two is GOOD!!! Everyone goes about it, heck, goes about life, in a different way, no one way to the finish line is the right one. I'm just glad I'm headed in the right direction at least!!

ps Kaplods I found your post awesome!

rockinrobin
03-24-2010, 10:33 AM
Originally Posted by kaplods View Post

I do miss the old me, who had little or no concern with my weight and health because I had more important things to do.

Oh my. I just saw this line highlighted in someone else's post. And it saddens me beyond belief. I can't possibly imagine what could be more important than ones health.

Taking care of ones health, of ones weight, is no frivolous luxury for goodness sake. It's not time spent being idle. It's not a horrible waste of time and energy. Just the opposite. It's not lying around getting massages and facials all day long, every day. It matters. It really, really matters.

What is it that say? "you've got nothing if you don't have your health" and "we don't value our health, until we've lost it".

:hug::hug::hug:

diyana
03-24-2010, 11:29 AM
I love and appreciate everyone's posts! It's wonderful getting insight from people on different but similar journeys, who are at various stages of reaching their goals.

I still consider myself fat...but living my old lifestyle was harder because:

I had no energy. (Much more energetic now)
It was harder to walk quickly. (Not a problem now)
It was harder to climb stairs. (I can now climb a flight of stairs quickly and sometimes two flights without getting winded)
It was harder to find even slightly attractive clothes. (I hope to be in Misses sizes soon)
It was harder to breathe. (My asthma is getting better)
It was harder to sleep well. (I think my sleep apnea is getting better too)
It was harder to feel good about myself. (With exercise and eating healthy, I'm feeling better about myself - despite the scale not always cooperating)
It was harder keeping my blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar in check. (all of which are doing good now - still taking cholesterol meds, but for the first time in my life, my good cholesterol is above the normal/minimum - Thank you Zumba!)

And the best part is....I know that these things are going to get better as I get closer to goal! No, my life won't be 100% wonderful because I'll be at goal weight. Weight loss is not a panacea. It won't "fix" everything. It won't eliminate all my stressors. But I'll physically be able to enjoy a more active, fun life, and feel stronger and healthier.

Summerblue
03-24-2010, 12:27 PM
Not sure if this was covered..........but I LOVE rollercoasters/thrill rides.....

I can't wait to be able to go on them again - you know the ones that go upsidedown that have that attachment belt between the over the shoulder harnes and seat.

SOME DAY SOON!

ChrissyBean
03-24-2010, 12:28 PM
Trazey34, I get where you're coming from and agree wholeheartedly. :) I was happy when I was fat, and I'm happy now. I don't see myself being any more happy or less happy when I'm thin. I am so much more than my weight.

rockinrobin
03-24-2010, 01:24 PM
I am so much more than my weight.

ouch!

We are all different.

I was 287 lbs at 5 foot nothing. At your height, 5'3", you'd have to be 316 lbs to have the same BMI that I did (56.0). So, I'm not sure that you've walked in my shoes.

I'm not so certain you would have felt the same way had you weighed 316 pounds!! I'm not sure how you could.

Well, I shouldn't say that. Yes, I'm more then my weight - but, ummm, my weight is me. If you're not physically able to do things, how can that not take away from your quality of life???

So of course, I'm more than my weight, but my weight pre-determines LOTS of things. I was handicapped by weight. Being super morbidly obese diminishes the quality of ones life. There is no way around that. Call me stubborn, call me obstinate, call me opinionated, call me wrong, call me unfair, call me whatever you want - but I refuse (yes refuse) to believe other wise. There I said it ;).

joannie
03-24-2010, 02:10 PM
I knew I was exhausted and miserable, that I knew. But what I didn't know is just how much energy a "regular weight" person could have!!!! I was shocked by that. I've said this dozens of times, I knew being slim would be marvelous, but I hadn't a clue it would be THIS marvelous and so all encompassing to each and every area of my life. Right down to cleaning the toilets, doing the laundry, going to the bank, the dentist, grocery shopping and then all of the good stuff.

I often think that we get so used to be so *uncomfortable*, always, always compensating (gosh, I HATED that compensating) that we think that this is the norm. That it's okay. And we get complacent. You forget how good it could be, or if you never knew, well even worse - because you never knew. I think people just truly don't know what they're missing. Because it really is beyond one's imagination. It's something you can't quite grasp until you've experienced it. Hindsight.

I was 287 lbs at 5 foot nothing. At your height, 5'3", you'd have to be 316 lbs to have the same BMI that I did (56.0). So, I'm not sure that you've walked in my shoes.

I'm not so certain you would have felt the same way had you weighed 316 pounds!! I'm not sure how you could.

Well, I shouldn't say that. Yes, I'm more then my weight - but, ummm, my weight is me. If you're not physically able to do things, how can that not take away from your quality of life???

So of course, I'm more than my weight, but my weight pre-determines LOTS of things. I was handicapped by weight. Being super morbidly obese diminishes the quality of ones life. There is no way around that. Call me stubborn, call me obstinate, call me opinionated, call me wrong, call me unfair, call me whatever you want - but I refuse (yes refuse) to believe other wise. There I said it ;).

I agree with everything you have expressed, Robin. At 440 lbs and a BMI over 60, my weight directly interfered with my quality of life, in every way imaginable. Unfortunately, I have never known anything but obesity since childhood, so this did become normal for me. I did not think I could change my life in the way I did, and it is quite empowering after the fact to realize what I have done and am doing for myself. While I don't know *yet* what it is like to be of 'normal' weight, I am now overweight and no longer obese. Life is great and has changed so so so much that it overwhelms me at the very thought, and I cannot even imagine it getting any better from here. I am not saying that getting thin is going to be the secret to happiness, but I can say that I am happier and healthier than ever before. I have given myself life, and that feels amazing! :)

mmiller2829
03-24-2010, 02:20 PM
I can say I wasn't happy when I was 395. Every little problem seemed much larger. (I feel) because of my weight. I wasn't happy with ME! I am happy with ME even at 234 but still push and strive and FIGHT sometimes to be just one more lb. smaller. It may sound snobby but YES I HAVE IT ALL! Great DH wonderful kids (all make straight A's and healthy) have enough money to keep the lights on and have some extra to play with. My only wish is that I would have gained this much control and happiness with ME before now. I have not weighed less than right now since prob. jr. high, so yes I'm excited to see what you "skinny" people are talking about.

I'm in aaaww that its going to get better THAN THIS!!!!? I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

Eliana
03-24-2010, 02:32 PM
My only worry, or caution I guess, is I've seen so many overweight (especially) women in my practice who 100% believe that every problem in life will be solved "when they're thin". Nothing in the world can suck when you're thin. That's just not true. I know Robin you and I have gone round and round on the "happiness" issue -- you don't agree with me i know LOL -- but I've seen it dozens of times in young adults and almost hundreds of times in adults, that happiness based solely on external factors like weight loss is a dangerous thing. Just like being miserable and unhappy are no way JUST because of being fat.

I am 100% a person who is much happier with this fat off, however I do see your point. I don't measure all my happiness purely on weight issues, and you're right that things WILL come up, fat or thin, that we have to work through emotionally. It is dangerous to think all our problems will be solved if we lose the weight. Happiness should never be based on external factors. :)

wendyland
03-24-2010, 02:42 PM
I am 100% a person who is much happier with this fat off, however I do see your point. I don't measure all my happiness purely on weight issues, and you're right that things WILL come up, fat or thin, that we have to work through emotionally. It is dangerous to think all our problems will be solved if we lose the weight. Happiness should never be based on external factors. :)

I think I'll be happier with my weight when I'm thinner, but I think my general happiness will be the same. I'll still have all the stress of working full time as well as trying to raise a family and keep up the house.

ChrissyBean
03-24-2010, 03:04 PM
ouch!

I was 287 lbs at 5 foot nothing. At your height, 5'3", you'd have to be 316 lbs to have the same BMI that I did (56.0). So, I'm not sure that you've walked in my shoes.

I'm not so certain you would have felt the same way had you weighed 316 pounds!! I'm not sure how you could.




But I don't know what I was at my highest weight, Robin. I was in denial for a long, LONG time, and it took a major amount of courage to step on the scale. My "high" weight is the first weight I took after having already made some major changes; my clothes were starting to get looser, but I figured that having the numbers in black and white would garner a bigger commitment. I may very well have been in the 300s. :(

If it wasn't so easy to be fat, not so many people would BE fat, right?

rockinrobin
03-24-2010, 03:46 PM
But I don't know what I was at my highest weight, Robin. I was in denial for a long, LONG time, and it took a major amount of courage to step on the scale. My "high" weight is the first weight I took after having already made some major changes; my clothes were starting to get looser, but I figured that having the numbers in black and white would garner a bigger commitment. I may very well have been in the 300s. :(

If it wasn't so easy to be fat, not so many people would BE fat, right?

So you're honestly saying, that it is EASIER to be fat than fit? Or it's just as easy?

Life isn't simpler for you? It's not easier for you to buy clothing? It's not easier for you to fit into spaces, tie your shoelaces, shave your legs, look in the mirror while naked? It's not easier for you to walk long distances? You haven't obtained more energy and stamina? You don't feel more confident? Did you not worry at all about your health and the added risks you were putting yourself at? You don't worry less about your health? You have not experienced any more joy due to the fact that you are slim? Not one thing is more enjoyable to you now, than prior? If it's no, it's no.

I don't think it's easy to be fat. Getting fat? Yes. Being fat? No. I bet if we took a poll the overwhelming majority would agree.

Wait a sec. If it was so easy for you being fat, why'd you take the weight off? If it was so easy being fat, why did you need courage to step on that scale? :?:

lookin2lose
03-24-2010, 03:51 PM
What a great thread...I haven't always been overweight and have tasted the "skinny" side of life. I can say that weight gain does effect my self-esteem now. If it didn't I wouldn't want to change it...besides the health benefits. If it doesn't feel good in the end, why do it? I still think I'm just as beautiful today and love myself and I'm happy with myself on the inside. But the ability to get on planes, travel, feel comfortable in a swimsuit, roller coaster rides, etc...I could go on forever...those things haven't been in my life when all my friends and family enjoy them at a normal weight...I just wasn't comfortable. Things just don't "fit" anymore...my car seemed smaller...clothes got bigger...you feel like you ARE taking up too much space in the world! That's soo true! I think it's hard to imagine if you've never tasted the "normal weight" life...you don't know what you missing yet! I can't wait to get back to that weight...and have the inside match the outside.

Trazey34
03-24-2010, 03:51 PM
I am 100% a person who is much happier with this fat off, however I do see your point. I don't measure all my happiness purely on weight issues, and you're right that things WILL come up, fat or thin, that we have to work through emotionally. It is dangerous to think all our problems will be solved if we lose the weight. Happiness should never be based on external factors. :)

that's what i meant to say! lol Yes I'm happier with weight off (duh) but I was a happy girl to begin with :)

I think of weight loss like great sex in a marriage -- it isn't the one thing to make your marriage work, but when it does work it can make things spectacular ;)

rockinrobin
03-24-2010, 04:03 PM
Definitely agreed! It is not the answer to each and every problem - not even close.

But I find that everything IS easier to handle, even the bad stuff, without the ADDED burden of being super morbidly obese to ummm, weigh me down. ;)

catherinef
03-24-2010, 04:41 PM
I'm certainly on board with the idea that losing weight doesn't solve all your problems and make you magically happier -- oh, I wish -- but being so very fat was this huge, oppressive, life-diminishing (in all ways) burden that poisoned the rest of my life. I wish it were different, I really do. I wish I'd been happy at my heaviest, and to a limited degree I was, but note it was a LIMITED degree. Limited, limited, limited. I loved my husband, my family, my friends, my pets, and they all loved me. I enjoyed spending time with them. I had hobbies I enjoyed and plenty of interests. I by no means think I was entirely worthless because I was morbidly obese, but I really can't overstate just how much it poisoned so many areas of my life.

As Robin said above, I didn't know. I didn't REALLY know, even though I thought I did, even though the condition I was in was never far from my mind, just how much it took out of me, and how bloody hard it was to be that fat. Until I *wasn't* that fat, and my energy level shot through the roof, and things that were so darned HARD weren't hard at all anymore. I mean, I routinely run to catch buses now. Uphill. And it's *not hard*. The first time I saw a bus coming, and thought, oh ****, I'm not going to make it, and it suddenly occurred to me that, hey! I bet if I run I can catch that bus, and then I DID IT...well, that right there was one of the most concrete examples I can ever give of one of those ways in which the physical reality of my obesity hindered me. Run for it, catch the bus, and you don't need to stand there in the cold waiting another 15 or 20 minutes for the next one to come. Oh, and by the way? You now fit very comfortably into the seats. Not possible at my heaviest, no way.

Glory87
03-24-2010, 04:48 PM
This is a great thread :)

When I was heavy, I was lethargic and depressed. I was fat because I ate too much of the wrong kinds of foods. After I ate my big calzone lunch and a chocolate croissant snack, I crashed in my office nearly every afternoon. I didn't know why I was so TIRED.

I didn't cut/style my hair. I just wore it long and curly. I had one pair of loafers, one black purse, one pair of gold earrings. I had one pair of size 18 loose fit jeans (I coudln't buy any more - I didn't plan to BE at that weight for long, I would fix it "soon.") I didn't wear make-up. I avoided pictures/cameras - for 10 years, there are maybe 10 pictures of me. Few with family. I avoided old friends, I didn't want to visit my mom. I dreamed and dreamed of being thin.

Now, I gladly joined Facebook and gleefully connected with every old friend in my life - look at me! I planned a lovely wedding, had a glorious time wedding dress shopping and love every picture (even the one where I blinked!). I can joyfully watch our wedding DVD and think we look great.

I have energy, I eat well, I just got the results of my last health screening and the numbers were FABULOUS, the epitome of good health. I am confident, I smile at strangers at the grocery store, I make eye contact.

I went from a single pair of shoes and one pair of jeans to a closet full of adorable size 6 clothes. Every morning in the closet picking out what to wear is happy time. I love to shop, I can go into practically every store (what is up with those no hip pants at Banana?), I don't have to buy something just because it "looks good" - most everything looks good on me!

My towel wraps all the way around me.

Being fat was hard, being thin is hard work but worth it.

ChrissyBean
03-24-2010, 05:58 PM
So you're honestly saying, that it is EASIER to be fat than fit? Or it's just as easy?

I'm saying it's easier to STAY fat. It's a lot easier to stay in the rut than getting fit and healthy, yes.

Life isn't simpler for you?

Overall, no. It's the same.

It's not easier for you to buy clothing? It's not easier for you to fit into spaces, tie your shoelaces, shave your legs, look in the mirror while naked?

It may be easier to tie my laces, but it wasn't something that was stressing me. I still can't look at myself naked, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy, IYKWIM.

It's not easier for you to walk long distances? You haven't obtained more energy and stamina?

Yes I have.

You don't feel more confident?

Only marginally.

Did you not worry at all about your health and the added risks you were putting yourself at? You don't worry less about your health?

No, that's how I got fat in the first place. Even now, I'm not losing for health, but for vanity.

You have not experienced any more joy due to the fact that you are slim? Not one thing is more enjoyable to you now, than prior? If it's no, it's no.

I can't think of anything, other than fitting in an airplane seat better. Getting in and out of cars is easier. Shopping is a bit more fun, but still not "WOW!", you know? I'm NOWHERE as fat as I was, but I still have a long way to go.

I don't think it's easy to be fat. Getting fat? Yes. Being fat? No. I bet if we took a poll the overwhelming majority would agree.

Wait a sec. If it was so easy for you being fat, why'd you take the weight off? If it was so easy being fat, why did you need courage to step on that scale? :?:

I am saying it's easier to STAY fat than get fit, to just keep on keepin' on. I also don't think that when I hit 140 lbs. my life will change. It'll be the same, only I'm slimmer. Maybe I'm just really pragmatic, but I don't expect glitter ponies and rainbows to appear just because I'm physically "perfect". ;)

kaplods
03-24-2010, 06:43 PM
I think people often misunderstand when I say I wasn't miserable every moment of my highest weight, and that I won't continue to be miseable until I lose all the weight. People often think I mean that I liked being fatter better than losing the weight, or that losing weight has been a negative experience for me, and that's not true at all.

It's just that I never saw weight loss as the cure to every ill in my existence. I wasted a lot of energy trying to lose weight, because everyone was telling me that I had to do it to be happy and to be worth anything to anyone and that I had to lose weight fast or I was "doing it wrong."

When I believed that, I was miserable. Whenever I tried to lose weight in the past, I did it by sacrificing every other aspect of my life (because that's how I was taught to do so). Essentially to lose weight, I had to have no life whatsoever, because every molecule of energy had to go into weight loss, and there was nothing in my life giving me any enjoyment except the scale. And at the point in weight loss when the scale stopped moving quickly and reliably, that left nothing.

I had to learn to have a life AND lose weight. And it was a lesson I was very late in learning. I was taught to see weight loss as endless sacrifice, not as a way to pamper the already wonderful person I was.

I was extremely lucky (before it all caught up with me) to have few health problems, even being morbidly obese in my youth. I was more active than many much thinner folks. I remember in college P.E. (I chose swimming as an indenpendent study. I loved swimming, but by selecting independent study there were only a few other students in the pool, not an entire class full), the coach supervising my swimming routine, was shocked that even her thin sister at another college, couldn't keep up with my routine. Initially I was flattered, but then I was a bit offended (of course, she wouldn't expect a fat chick to be able to do anything a thin chick couldn't).

But health problems from obesity, creep up on you. You don't wake up unable to do something you could the day before. Also, I've been obese from early childhood, so there was no "before obesity" to compare it to.

I think it's important that we do seperate the health disadvantages of obesity from the moral judgement of the obese. I received so many "fat people are bad people" messages that I felt I had to prove I wasn't a bad person. Too much of my self-worth was wrapped up in how much I helped others (not how well I took care of myself).

On one hand, I've always been, for the most part, happy and confident in my abilities, but I was getting that happiness and confidence too much from what I could contribute. Who I could help, what I could accomplish. The grades, the extracuricular activities, the acheivements that made me stand out as a person who excelled - mostly to dispell the myth that fat people are worthless people.

I spent so much energy proving that I was good enough, that I destroyed my health faster than if I had been willing to be invisible and had worked on me for my sake, not for anyone else's.

For me, I had to learn to lose weight without sacrificing everything else I valued. I had to learn that putting myself first is not only ok, it's necessary. Still, when you do a lot for others, you get a lot of recognition for it. There's no recognition for being good to yourself. And when you thrive on attention, it can be very hard to learn to live without it.

Learning to take care of myself, is a harder lesson than I expected. I thought selfishness would be easy, but when you've been taught and rewarded for being a fixer of other people's problems, it can be really hard to spend time on your own. It feels like a "waste of time," even when you know it's not.

It still feels like I got a lot more out of helping others, than I'm getting out of helping myself (because I have a much smaller audience to cheer me on, I guess).

Reading that, of course I see that the confidence and optimism I've always had, has come from a very unconfident core. All those good feelings came out of what I could do for everyone but me. Now that I'm trying to take care of myself, it's all uncharted waters. I feel out of my element. It's a very weird feeling to put my needs ahead of others when I've been so used to doing the reverse.

joannie
03-24-2010, 07:25 PM
Learning to take care of myself, is a harder lesson than I expected. I thought selfishness would be easy, but when you've been taught and rewarded for being a fixer of other people's problems, it can be really hard to spend time on your own. It feels like a "waste of time," even when you know it's not.

It still feels like I got a lot more out of helping others, than I'm getting out of helping myself (because I have a much smaller audience to cheer me on, I guess).

Reading that, of course I see that the confidence and optimism I've always had, has come from a very unconfident core. All those good feelings came out of what I could do for everyone but me. Now that I'm trying to take care of myself, it's all uncharted waters. I feel out of my element. It's a very weird feeling to put my needs ahead of others when I've been so used to doing the reverse.

It is really interesting to hear all of these perspectives, and to see how different some of our experiences are. I also work in a helping profession, working with people to sort through problems, issues, addictions, etc. To be honest, and I realize this is totally in hindsight, I feel like I was a hypocrite before I started taking care of myself. I am only more confident and effective in my work now that I am in control myself. I find taking care of myself the most rewarding thing I have experienced. It draws plenty of attention for me (more than I want or can handle at times), but it is not about that for me. I feel empowered, as if possibilities are endless, like there is nothing holding me back, and each day is new and exciting. This is the best thing I have ever done for myself in taking on this journey, and I have not at all found it difficult. I am not done losing, but I can say only after losing the weight I have that I realize how much of a chore it was to be super morbidly obese.

Summerblue
03-24-2010, 07:44 PM
This is a great thread......some of it when reading it, I realize THAT'S ME - WOW......thanks everyone for sharing.

kaplods
03-24-2010, 07:46 PM
I always saw the hypocracy, and I never hid from it, I'd even use it in counseling sessions. I would tell my clients "I know how hard change is. I'm telling you to give up (whatever vice was relevant) and I'm struggling to lose weight and not being very successful. Don't let anyone tell you that change is easy. It's harder than most people realize, and only someone who's tried to change and failed can truly appreciate how hard it truly is."

It's amazing even in extreme addictions like heroine addiction, how many people in the addict's life ridicule them, telling them how "easy" change should be (of course, the advice always comes from people who've never made such a drastic change in their own life).

A hypocrite isn't a person who shares a similar struggle, it's a person who holds others to a higher standard than they hold themselves.

ubergirl
03-24-2010, 07:52 PM
This is an absolutely fascinating discussion, and I relate, completely, to both points of view. I've been that person who got completely thin and yet did not enjoy it at all because it did not *fix* the stuff messed up inside my head. I've also been the morbidly obese adult whose happiness was significantly diminished by my obesity.

I remember weighing 145 lbs at 5'8". I remember that I used to run everywhere and could hike for hours. But I also remember that I was constantly worried about how fat I was, compared my athletic skills unfavorably to other people's. I was not too happy and VERY confused about my body image. Sure, I was thin, but I did not even know it, so how could that possibly have made me happy. Back, then I used to constantly imagine the Cinderella life, with the stunning bikini on the beach and the to die for boyfriend that I would only have it I got down to 125. As if.

But for the past seven or eight years, in my 40s, my life was on a steady decline because of my weight and it WAS NOT primarily psychological. My ability to do things was being constantly eroded. My ability to dress in a manner that was appropriate for my profession, my ability to fit into places that normal people fit, my ability to do physical things that normal people do-- whether that be sports, or walking up a hill, or cleaning my house, or whatever.

All in all, I was happier, more accomplished, more stable, and in a better place in my life in my 40s IN SPITE OF being morbidly obese. But, the obesity was making me into a marginally disabled person-- there is NO WAY to downplay how many aspects of my life were being negatively affected by my weight.

So, no. Now, I don't labor under the fantasy that this magical happy accomplished beautiful person exists out there for me if I could only hit a certain weight.

But I also don't live my life thinking that it didn't matter that I was eating myself to oblivion and rendering myself old and infirm WAY before my time.
And, I may be in my late 40s, but taking pride in one's appearance is a very central thing. I'm not saying that you have to be gorgeous, but I'm saying that if you think you look AWFUL it is pretty hard to have intact self-worth.

WarMaiden
03-24-2010, 08:01 PM
Being fat was definitely much less work than becoming thinner and maintaining my eating/activity standards is. I have to plan, communicate, and execute much more now in order to get the food and movement I need/want. There are constant, ongoing conversations and negotiations with my husband and children and mother and other people in my life; there's spending extra time and mental energy packing my food; there's forcing myself to get off my butt and do my NEAT or bike commuting or strength training; there's forcing myself to get to bed at a time my body is not genetically programmed for (I am a night person, not a morning person) so that I can make sure to get enough sleep; there's all sorts of attention and energy (nearly all positive, but I still must process it) to deal with from my family, co-workers, friends, and other random people.

Being thinner feels better physically, being healthier feels better emotionally. But doing what I'm doing on a weekly, daily, moment-to-moment basis actually takes much more energy and attention than not eating well and not exercising; it really is harder.

That's why losing weight and being healthy isn't "easy," because we just don't have the kind of socioeconomic system and culture that would make it easy. If all there was available to eat was local, seasonal food...and we all worked doing physical labor...well, it would be much "easier" to be healthy by food/movement standards because we'd have no choice in the matter. But rather we live in a culture and economy where it's much easier (and often, cheaper) to grab fast food and veg out while watching TV.

Glory87
03-24-2010, 08:45 PM
I've always said losing weight is both the easiest and hardest thing I have ever done.

It's easy, because everyone knows that an apple is a healthy snack. It's hard, because it's tough to actually have the apple at your fingertips when you get hungry.

ubergirl
03-24-2010, 08:47 PM
That's why losing weight and being healthy isn't "easy," because we just don't have the kind of socioeconomic system and culture that would make it easy. If all there was available to eat was local, seasonal food...and we all worked doing physical labor...well, it would be much "easier" to be healthy by food/movement standards because we'd have no choice in the matter. But rather we live in a culture and economy where it's much easier (and often, cheaper) to grab fast food and veg out while watching TV.

Definitely true. Absolutely. The one thing that is absolutely true is that we live in a place and time where the cards are very much stacked against us.

I have spent several large chunks of my life living in "walk only" environments, and I find it relatively easy to maintain my weight in those settings.

My giant tip-over to morbid obesity came relatively late in life when I moved to a car-only suburb. No sidewalks, nowhere to walk outside, no way to walk with my kids to a single destination-- not the park, the library, the pool. Nowhere.

I had never had good eating habits-- always a binger, but my weight was manageable as long as I had to use my two feet for PURPOSEFUL LOCOMOTION.. (not just formal exercise, but actually getting places.)

It's hard to find that kind of lifestyle here in the US. I drive an hour to get to work, twenty minutes to my kids' school... I tried walking home from the market the other day when I locked my keys in the car. It's not far, very walkable, but there are no sidewalks and no shoulders and cars are whizzing by. Scary.

Most people except for city dwellers have a life that can naturally predispose to weight gain.

ChrissyBean
03-24-2010, 08:56 PM
My giant tip-over to morbid obesity came relatively late in life when I moved to a car-only suburb. No sidewalks, nowhere to walk outside, no way to walk with my kids to a single destination-- not the park, the library, the pool. Nowhere.


I feel for you. I live in the country. While my commute is short, only 1/2 hour each way, the little general store is a 10 km round-trip hike on a dusty, hilly dirt road. There are no walking paths or really anywhere to walk to. We can go either left or right...and then back again. I really would love to live in a place where I can walk/run city streets, but it's not going to happen.

I too am enjoying this thread...

rockinrobin
03-24-2010, 09:42 PM
I'm saying it's easier to STAY fat. It's a lot easier to stay in the rut than getting fit and healthy, yes.

Maybe it's semantics, but to me this statement is a lot different than it is easier to BE fat. STAY fat - 100% agreed. EZ shmeazy. No shortage of high calorie foods around. They are everywhere we turn.

I can't think of anything, other than fitting in an airplane seat [B]better. Getting in and out of cars is easier. Shopping is a bit more fun, but still not "WOW!", you know? I'm NOWHERE as fat as I was, but I still have a long way to go.

Okay. Okay. So there ARE some things that are easier/better!! Phew. You had me frightened there for a bit. ;)


I am saying it's easier to STAY fat than get fit, to just keep on keepin' on. I also don't think that when I hit 140 lbs. my life will change. It'll be the same, only I'm slimmer. Maybe I'm just really pragmatic, but I don't expect glitter ponies and rainbows to appear just because I'm physically "perfect". ;)

And well, umm yeah, there IS a difference being at goal and winding your way towards it. You WILL see MAJOR differences when you're "there". I'm not talking about instant happiness, I'm talking about the WOW! factor.


And certainly there is more preparation work in eating healthy. Eating healthy won't happen on it's own. It DOES take a concerted, continuous, conscientious effort. You've got to have the right foods on hand - always. UNhealthy foods - they're all around us. No prep work involved.

But I believe any time, effort, thought and work put towards being a healthy weight is MORE than well worth it- by like a million, trillion percent. Whatever time I spend on this healthy lifestyle - I am getting so much back in return.

Trazey34
03-25-2010, 12:39 AM
blurg why did i come back and read more of this??? i feel a bit steamrolled robin, like we can't differ from your opinion because we just don't get it -- our feelings aren't our fault, we just don't know what we're missing but we'll eventually come around to your way of thinking - like we have to, because it's the only right way???

I'm just begging to respectfully disagree and not be patronized and patted on the head with a "you'll get it eventually dear". We're all different, we all count, we all are entitled to our opinions / thoughts obviously, but hopefully that means all of us.

ok, venting and ranting over and out, won't come back to this thread! Maybe I should take a little 3fc break for bit, this isn't so much fun.

rockinrobin
03-25-2010, 01:36 AM
Trazey, I'm not so sure why you just pinned me out here, certainly not to the extent that you did. I feel pretty awful right now :(. Did you see what I was saying as a personal attack? Because it wasn't meant to be. It wasn't meant to be an attack at all, personal or otherwise. I wasn't trying to get you to "cross over to my side". You are more than entitled to your opinion, your feelings, your - everything.

Where in the world did I give you the impression that you'll get it eventually and that I was patronizing you? You know what, it doesn't really matter.

As far as this not being fun - well, it ISN'T always fun. But no one ever said it would be!

I have no problem agreeing to disagree with you or anyone. Though I find it odd, because I think even within this thread we share many similar views, though we may have said them differently.:shrug:

Thighs Be Gone
03-25-2010, 04:32 AM
Hugs to you RR. I have just come to this thread and have now spent some time reading it after your above post. Your posts here are just as eloquent, empowering, thought provoking yet sensitive as they always are. Keep rockin' ROBIN! :) Let no one ROCK your boat! :)

Trazey34
03-25-2010, 03:07 PM
thanks to everyone who PM'd me with words of support, that was really great! I can understand not wanting to post things on this thread, taking sides is a destructive undertaking for sure!

I'm heading out for a while still, and I'll come back in Onederland I'm sure, and ready to start fresh. I might check out the other forums on 3FC as I've rarely strayed from 100 club!

Be Well and Happy and Skinny everyone :D

ChrissyBean
03-25-2010, 06:33 PM
And well, umm yeah, there IS a difference being at goal and winding your way towards it. You WILL see MAJOR differences when you're "there". I'm not talking about instant happiness, I'm talking about the WOW! factor.

I did this before, though. Before I got pregnant with my kids, I lost over 70 lbs. getting to a beautiful 140 lbs. It didn't last long as I got pregnant almost immediately. Then I was losing weight post-pregnancy (in the 160's maybe?) and got pg again. After that, it's like I gave up or something. This time around it's a LOT harder and frankly, I'll be more relieved than wowed, you know? And no more babies!!!!!

cathydoe
03-25-2010, 08:00 PM
Holy COW! I have passed up this thread because...I didn't agree with the title. Still a little unsure and I will reserve comments for later...I can't even finish reading this thread because it is so DEEP! Whew, lots of things are swirling in my head!! I'll be back...

rockinrobin
03-25-2010, 08:28 PM
's maybe?) and got pg again. After that, it's like I gave up or something. This time around it's a LOT harder and frankly, I'll be more relieved than wowed, you know? And no more babies!!!!!

Ain't nothing wrong with relieved, it's pretty darn good too!!

Arctic Mama
03-25-2010, 09:09 PM
I'm sad to see some feelings got hurt in this thread - at least from an outsider's perspective, I'd say a mod should move this one to the hall of fame on here. SO many interesting and insightful perspectives, and very helpful to see the sides of this.

Personally, being fat wasn't terrible, because I didn't know any better. I still had happiness and a good life, but now that I can contrast my state for the first time in my adult life, I cannot BELIEVE the subtle changes that I took for granted before. Heck, just going through a pregnancy 50 pounds lighter is CAKE compared to how sore and painful the previous two were... I cannot imagine how much better I will feel by baby #4, another 50 or so pounds down!

wendyland
03-26-2010, 11:18 AM
I'm sad to see some feelings got hurt in this thread - at least from an outsider's perspective, I'd say a mod should move this one to the hall of fame on here. SO many interesting and insightful perspectives, and very helpful to see the sides of this.

Personally, being fat wasn't terrible, because I didn't know any better. I still had happiness and a good life, but now that I can contrast my state for the first time in my adult life, I cannot BELIEVE the subtle changes that I took for granted before. Heck, just going through a pregnancy 50 pounds lighter is CAKE compared to how sore and painful the previous two were... I cannot imagine how much better I will feel by baby #4, another 50 or so pounds down!


I'm very surprised with how the thread turned out. I wasn't really commenting on my happiness. I'm happy now and fairly healthy.

When I think about losing weight, I think about how much hard work it is to exercise and not eat junk food. But, I recently realized that there's also a lot of work (for me) to stay overweight. I thought it was a good way to counter my negative thoughts about getting healthier.

I'm usually shy posting threads because I don't want to offend anyone. I tend to be much less sensitive than other people, so I usually keep my mouth shut. I'm still glad that I posted it because I think there were some good insights.

BeachBreeze2010
03-26-2010, 11:33 AM
I think that there is definitely effort involved in living a healthy lifestyle. It is hard to be overweight also. To me, the hard part of the healthy lifestyle while losing weight is the long time spent with both "hards." I have had some things really improve, but for the most part I am still an overweight person with all of those difficulties AND I am living the "hard" of planning, exercising, dealing with injuries, etc. I know that I will eventually lose the weight and only have 1 "hard" but this time spent with both of them is not easy. It's an investment and an act of faith, but not easy.

Great thread and I love reading all of the different viewpoints!

nelie
03-26-2010, 02:03 PM
There may be some effort involved in living a healthy style like I get up early to exercise, I may have to cut up some veggies, prep healthy foods, ensure I have lunches ready, etc. I think that is all worth it. Having said that, I'm still 'fat' although I'm pretty happy with my weight as it is right now.

kaplods
03-26-2010, 03:45 PM
Change is always hard, even if it ultimately makes your life easier. From the outside, change always looks easy "just do it," but habits are engrained stronger than that. It takes significant effort even to make small changes.

To an extent, it really does boil down to "just do it," but it's an oversimplification of the truth, there is no "just" about it. Acknowledging how difficult change is, I think helps people make the change.

When everyone around you is telling you how "easy" it should be, you tend to feel overwhelmed and wonder why you're such a lame-o idiot to find it so difficult.

Acknowledging the difficulty, makes it a lot easier, because it prepares you for putting in the work. If everyone is telling you it's easy, and you find it difficult, it's very tempting to give up.

I use the analogy of playing a musical instrument. If you're expecting to be able to pick up a guitar or sit down at a piano, and play awesome music within days, weeks, even months, you're going to be unpleasantly surprised. If everyone around you also has that expectation, you're frustration level is going to skyrocket and if you can't overcome the frustration, you're going to give up the instrument.

Weight loss I think is the same. People go in, not realizing how difficult something "so easy" can be. When everyone else around them is also telling them how easy it should be, it can become very easy to feel it's impossible instead of just difficult.

I would strongly suspect that 3FC members have a higher rate of weight loss success than the average person without this kind of support system, because no one here is saying that it's easy, because we know better.

LizR
03-26-2010, 04:47 PM
I would strongly suspect that 3FC members have a higher rate of weight loss success than the average person without this kind of support system, because no one here is saying that it's easy, because we know better.

I agree with this 100%. There is so much kindness shown to every member here that it lifts you up and makes you believe that you can succeed at a difficult task.

marigrace
03-26-2010, 07:30 PM
Wow, this is a topic that has brought out alot of intense reactions. Did we forget why we are all here ? To lose some weight ? Yes... and while we're at it, get and give support... because we all know deep down how it feels to be fat. And what about being "just as happy before" ? Well that's true for some, I guess, but not for me. I am here because I have lived 59 years in a body that I created that did not serve me well. Why did I do that? Heck, I haven't figured that one out yet, but one thing for sure... I am enjoying my life more now because I am emering from under that burden. Happiness is a relative thing,from what I can see, it can only get better as we progress towards our goals.

ThinkinThin
03-26-2010, 08:26 PM
It's so expensive to be fat - in food and clothes and high blood pressure or cholesterol or diabetes pills, etc! And it takes a lot of time out of the day -to plan eating, get the food, eat it, and hide the evidence, so to speak! What a hastle!

Heather
03-27-2010, 09:00 AM
Wow, what an interesting thread!!

What I get from reading this thread is that our experiences really all ARE different. So interesting to read about them all.

I am a person who weighed 300 pounds, and still had a pretty successful life. I had gotten a Ph.D., had a great job, and even gotten married and traveled internationally. I didn't let my weight define me and always thought I was a worthwhile person.

Life was harder in many ways, of course. Traveling was difficult, moving was hard. The 4 months I lived in China and Japan definitely affected by many many worries, including worries about my health being so far from home and not having a car and having to walk so many places. Buying clothes? Hated it. I was tired all the time (then again, I'm still often tired, just doing more).

So, I do understand the point that Robin is making here, but also the point argued by Trazey and others. Losing so much weight has changed my life in a number of ways, and I would definitely say it's better. But I also don't think I experienced morbid obesity as the hardest thing ever...

Again, our experiences really are different...