General chatter - Sometimes I feel Invisible...

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03-19-2010, 09:28 PM
Do you ever feel like people are looking right through you ? like they don't even see you, or acknowledge your presence, sometimes I feel like I'm invisible to everyone... I used to make up excuses for these encounters, like they've got something on their mind, etc. I don't think so anymore...

I'm 50 ish and the type of person that smiles at people. Lately its been bothering me how many people just grunt, smirk or look at me as if they are trying to decide if I'm worthy of a hello or smile...

It happened to me today with a neighbor, passing in a small hallway, I said Hi... he, in his 30's, looked right at me and said nothing...I got angry... I have to wonder if I'm taking these people by surprise ? they don't know how to handle it when a stranger says hello ? What's up with this ? Does anyone else experience this...

03-19-2010, 09:46 PM
I too have been in your shoes. One day I went to the gym with a co-worker who's about 9 years younger than me and about 50 pounds lighter. We were walking towards the entrance when a man, who was just ahead of us, opens the door for her, but was about to slam it in my face. I just scooted ahead of him and said, "What, you'll hold it open for her, but not me - how rude!"

Not sure if that was the right thing to do, but it did make me feel better.:D

03-19-2010, 10:40 PM
jennieo i think you handled it right ! out of respect a gentleman ought to hold the door for a lady should the circimstance be there .... regaurdless of her age height weigh etc shes a LADY it should be rule of thumb ....

i can totally understand why you would be upset about being treated as if your invisible it happens to me all the time at first i didnt mind then i felt hurt and then i got angry .. now i make myself known sometimes i can be a bit obnoxious when i feel im being ignored .... i guess i need to find a happy medium but yeah i get you .. i dont like being ignored either !

03-19-2010, 10:49 PM
I agree with you a lot.

I have found that as I have gotten larger, people don't notice me so much. Or, they look at me weird when they do notice me. I also realize that even when I am feeling great and that I am looking good, people don't notice or comment. But, I find that they do comment if the person is thinner.

I think that confidence is key, and at times, in order to be seen, you have to excel in other parts of your life. I am trying to do that in my life right now, because i feel that my weight is a barrier to people seeing the good things that I possess.

Hugs. (((hugs)))

03-20-2010, 06:56 AM
This is just the worst, and trying to relate it to someone who's never been there is just impossible!

Good for you Jennie - you did what I've always wanted to do!!

In the second grade, I was slapped by a male classmate at show & tell for "daring" to touch his toy like the other (skinny) kids were. He said, "Ew! Don't! You're fat." I cried and didn't understand. He wasn't reprimanded. I think that was the first time I realized there was something "wrong" with me and I didn't belong.

Now those men are the ones who will let the door shut in my face, let me struggle with something heavy, or drive past me when I walk up or down the hill on the way to class (but stopping to offer skinnier girls a ride.)

What's really weird is that I think they imagine they are being polite by ignoring us, because they employ the same policy with people with developmental disabilities - they just pretend they're not there.

Once I even overheard a man say, in a diplomatic voice, "I wish I was attracted to fat girls. Chubby chasers have it made. Fat chicks are so much nicer, because it's the only thing they have going for them."

I hate generalizations.
I hate being invisible.
I hate how so many people think this behavior is okay!!

03-20-2010, 09:38 AM
:( I'm sorry you feel this way SWEET-C :hug:

highlight my secret message below...


03-20-2010, 10:21 AM
I had never felt that way until I moved to New Hampshire five years ago. I started to think it was me but have come to the realization that it's not me it's them!

03-20-2010, 11:06 AM
It IS them.

I've had this happen to me on rare occassion. Most of the time the people I'm around are very inclusive, polite, etc.

But it happened to me at a playdate and I realized it wasn't me. It was them -- and I wasn't the only one it was happening to.


03-20-2010, 03:48 PM
Sadly, this happens to me ---- At CHURCH !!!!

I'll be walking down the hall, looking at people to make eye contact and say "good morning" and they're blindly staring straight ahead.
Drives me crazy!! Here I am trying to be nice, polite, and friendly and they're in their own little "zone". Oh well, rant over :)

Thighs Be Gone
03-20-2010, 04:26 PM
sweet caroline...hugs for you and just a word of encouragment to keep putting yourself out there--stay friendly, sweet, warm, will attract those that are like you eventually!

03-20-2010, 05:09 PM
i got fat hoping i would become invisible. it worked.

03-20-2010, 05:56 PM
You know my best friend is about 5'8" and weights about 135 lbs. She looks great and is healthy.

About a year ago she got really sick and lost down to 102 lbs. She said that it bothered her than when she was so sickly then guys paid waaaaay more attention to her than they do at a health 135.

Maybe its just the media portrayal of "pretty"

03-21-2010, 07:27 PM
It IS them.

I agree.

I also think it's some perverse part of human nature that people respond more to others when they feel they have to work harder (percieve themselves as being slightly below). It seems to me whenever I put extra effort in trying to be friendly, I'm more "put off" then when I'm standoffish. I think part of that, too, is that people have a hard time (and I include myself here sometimes) being comfortable enough with themselves and self confident enough in social situations with strangers.

It certainly is difficult to develop a good radar of who is worth getting to know and of good character, and those who are superficial and not worth wasting your breath on -- and those who just need a little time to find their social bearings with you.

03-21-2010, 07:48 PM
I have felt this way, invisible at work. I don't think it has anything to do with weight, I'm not heavy. I have wondered why, some people can come into a room and dominate the conversation with people hanging on their every word and if I say something I mostly get ignored. I watch more now, talk less, sad really. These are nice people but maybe I'm better one on one? I hate being ignored with people talking over me.
anyone know the answer? why do people do this.

03-22-2010, 01:55 AM
I felt this way last night. I went with my sister to the bar, she had guys hitting up on her, as for me... no one noticed me! When I was thinner I got quite a bit of attention. Ugh! :( I was feeling so good about myself when we first got there. I had on a nice shirt I just bought, had my hair done, make up looked good, etc... I cried on the way home. Not that I need a guy from a bar but it would have been nice to feel like an attractive woman and not some kind of monster.

03-22-2010, 01:01 PM
I felt this way last night. I went with my sister to the bar, she had guys hitting up on her, as for me... no one noticed me! When I was thinner I got quite a bit of attention. Ugh! :( I was feeling so good about myself when we first got there. I had on a nice shirt I just bought, had my hair done, make up looked good, etc... I cried on the way home. Not that I need a guy from a bar but it would have been nice to feel like an attractive woman and not some kind of monster.

I feel your pain. Understand that you are definitely not a monster, a guy from the bar is not the best option most likely, and that a good guy will see you for who you are. :) And bars just aren't good places to meet people, I think. Probably has to do with all of the booze involved and who wants to go out on a date with someone who may have had beer goggles? (I say beer goggles because both men and women may date people that are attractive, but not their type, when they are inebriated).

I say, take your positive attitude and new hair do and all of that and go out in regular situations and watch the people be drawn to you!! :)

Right now, I am dealing with not being noticed both in social and other settings. It is hard, and makes me feel bad, to be honest, because people in this situation are always commenting on someone's weight when the person is losing weight. And these are people going from a size maybe 12 (doubtful), to a size 6. So, we aren't talking very obese people losing weight, but average weight people getting a bit smaller. There are people who are open about their issues with their weigt (they are all slim), and so they seem to be the ones that are more complimentary when they see another person losing weight. I am not really included in discussions about certain topics because of my weight. I am keeping my weightloss to myself with them, even though I want to sing it from the rafters. But mainly, I feel like if I did tell them I was losing weight, and ate something THEY perceive to be unhealthy, it would be more judgement than they already give me because of my weight.

So yeah, I often feel like people see through me and that even though I am talented, they see the weight first, versus the positive things that I bring to the table.

03-23-2010, 12:17 AM
I sometimes feel that way. But I know I mean something to important people. So that is all that matters to me.

03-23-2010, 01:12 AM
I sometimes feel that way. But I know I mean something to important people. So that is all that matters to me.

that is such a good thing to say. it is true that sometimes we get focused on our appearance and how others think, but those that love and care for us, aren't concerned with those issues, just that we are there for them. :)

03-23-2010, 07:51 AM
Shopaholic hit it spot on!! :D That totally made my day!

03-30-2010, 02:40 PM
I was just sitting here feeling the exact same way you are, and actually searched, "I feel invisible." This is one of the links that came up!!
I also am not usually assertive enough, but where I work, there are mostly MACHO men, and the only thing that is important is the work THEY do, and the weekend plans THEY have. Assertiveness doesn't help alot. If you are LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS that might get their attention, but then they talk about you behind your back!!! The civilians here DO NOT matter to the rest.
Most of the women here will stab you in the back.
Co-workers are not usually the best people to hang out with after work. There are exceptions, but not that many.
And THE WORST is there is always someone that everyone loves even though he/she is a backstabber or a manipulator. Nothing she/he does is wrong.
lizziep: That is one of the saddest things I've ever heard......"I got fat hoping I would become invisible. It worked."
I understand completely what you are talking about. I have done the same thing. I would just like a little respect when I am adding something important and necessary to a conversation. I get so frustrated!!! Then I go into the "I'm not gonna say anything to anybody mode." If I hear someone searching for something, or needing an answer to something that I know...I keep silent.

I lost 65 lbs before major surgery that I had August 2009. One of the guys I work with lost about 30-40 lbs at about the same time. Every day he got compliments. No one even noticed with me. I know that when you start out over 300 and lost 65 lbs, that it really isn't that noticeable to the average acquaintance, but geeeeeez!!

Sorry for the rambling.....this topic is something I think about alot.