On January 25th, during her 71st bday party, my mom suffered a massive stroke in front of me and my 10 year old daughter. 20 hours later, I removed her from life support. She was healthy, still working 30 hours a week, still shoveled snow, walked nightly, etc...it was a complete shock. I have always been strong, she raised me that way, and have been dealing with it better than I had ever imagined. Or so I thought. I am not sad, per say, and I am back in life...working, doing things with my daughter, seeing friends....I see mom in my daughter every day and that in itself is a great comfort. Except for the fact that I keep gaining. 11 pounds so far. I tell myself each day that I will begin anew, and by late afternoon I fail. I have the time to exercise daily, and I prepare to, but 5 minutes into it I quit. I find myself meandering around the house, just passing time. I've seen my doc, he told me to not be so hard on myself and that the healing process will take a lot longer, that not enough time has passed for me to expect it to be over. And I understand that. I just don't want to keep gaining, and hate myself in the long run. I am hoping that posting this will help.
I am so sorry for your loss. Have you thought about walking for exercise? It's less tedious than trying a proper work out, and it gets you out of the house away from food?
I'm so sorry for your loss! A similar situation happened with my mom 6 years ago. She had a massive heart attack and several strokes...she was on life support three days before we turned it off. She was 55 and I was a week from 22 and in my final semester of college.
It's SO hard to continue on with life when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and stay in bed. The healing process takes its time, and for everyone is different. I know, for me, it was HARD going back to school a week after her funeral. But it helped me knowing that SHE Would have wanted me to succeed. In a way I finished that last few months of school for her as much as for myself.
Maybe think of it that way, if she was supportive of your weight loss and goals, throw yourself back into it in her memory, as well as for your own healthy future...
Condolences on the loss of your mom. I am so sorry. Grieving does take time and everyone has her own calendar. I like the idea of doing your best to take one really long walk per day.
Please do what you can to take care of yourself the way your mom would take care of you.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom. I can't imagine what you've been going through. Maybe you should just concentrate on some daily exercise for a few weeks, not only for the weightloss benefit, but exercise helps the body de-stress. If you are only exercising for 5 minutes, work to push yourself and extra 5, or find some activities that is different from your normal routine. Hiking, swimming, tennis. Something to help you take a break from your normal routine.
my deepest condolences for your loss. grief can be extremely difficult to cope with, but you should focus on two things:
first of all, i am 100% certain your mother would want you healthy, and in control of your life. she would want you to be as strong as you can be. there's no other way a mother would want for a daughter.
second, be strong for your daughter as well. give her your strenght and your example, let her see the best of your coping.
on this note..realize your emotions. you are feeling grief, and some days you might be able to handle it better than others. don't feel guilty for those emotions, they should be there and they will help you heal.
i am sending you my positive thoughts
xx
Last edited by grrrkgrrrl; 03-17-2010 at 08:12 AM.
Mourning is something that takes a long time. I've had both my father and mother die, and it is not easy. Don't let people talk you into thinking you are depressed or putting too much into this.
I think the same rules go for this as go for everything. When you find you are indulging in a bad habit (over-eating), try to replace it with something else? Have you tried journaling your thoughts? Just walk around with a small notebook and write. Perhaps you can run or walk more. Put your sadness into an alternate activity that would be better for you. 11 pounds since January is a lot as this is only March.
Thank you everyone. A am hoping that now the sun is shining and spring is near that this will help. I just have no motivation. Yesterday was beautiful out, and while I appreciated it, I still spent the day meandering around the house. Work today forces me out, so hopefully it will be a better day
OMG sweetheart I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear this. I hope each and every day things begin to get better for you. The healing process is different for everyone, and you'll absolutely start to recover when your body is ready. You're in my prayers.
I'm so sorry your mom has passed. I'm new to the site, but when I read your post I had to respond because I too lost my mother and lost my motivation to continue my weight loss journey. I can tell you really loved and appreciated your mother and that touched me.
I think you'll have to push through to exercise right now because your grief has caused you to lose your motivation. I'm not sure what your faith system is, but what has helped me get back on track is knowing my mother is now completely healed in mind, body and soul and she would want me to live a full life and conquer this obstacle. She, like your mom, taught me strength and independence.
Make your weight loss a tribute to your mom's memory. I know you can do it.
I am so sorry to hear that. My mom had an AMI (acute myocardio infarction) on the 2nd day of Chinese new year, I flied back China for 3 weeks to take care her to go through the heart bypass surgery. I can totally understand your feeling for such a big loss. No words can comfort you... you need time..
Let me give you a hug!
I am Sorry about the loss of your Mom. Right know my Dad has a lot of serious health problems and it's stressing me out. I have been gaining weight too. I don't want to put back on all the weight that I lost so I just keep trying. My clothes are starting to get tight. I haven't been sleeping well. So maybe, thinking about that will help a little. Don't be to hard on yourself. You Can Do It! Just keep trying.
Thank you everyone for your kind words, and VickieLou my thoughts are also with you....My best friend of 20 years is now undergoing testing for Lymphoma, and I am wondering why this year is going so wrong. I am trying not to worry yet, the results should be today, but I am so sick to my stomach and stressed out. Today is the day 3 months ago mom died, too. Night time is the worst, I am left alone with my thoughts and no distractions, and that is usually when I binge. And I am so consumed with everything I cannot even think of myself or my health right now. I keep thinking how selfish of me to think of my weight when others are losing or fighting a battle for their life. Sorry to be so depressing...I usually bounce this stull off my friend, but I cannot even dream of dumping my stress on him when he is struggling so much with his own....
Kat - I am so sorry for your loss. Not only to lose your mother, but in such a dramatic way. It's hard to lose anyone but your mother especially. Even those who have a bad relationship with their mom are still tied to her in a special way. Think of the people who search for their biological mother that they've never even met. Mothers are special and to lose your has to be one of the hardest times in your life.
Maybe you should just focus on maintaining for a while. You would be controlling your eating habits but not adding the stress of weight loss. It would be a great opportunity to develp other stress reducing methods like prayer or meditation, taking time for yourself, etc. Those would be powerful tools to have when you do return to your weight loss. just a thought...
mom died, gained 11 pounds
Right know my Dad has a lot of serious health problems and it's stressing me out. I have been gaining weight too. I don't want to put back on all the weight that I lost so I just keep trying. My clothes are starting to get tight. I haven't been sleeping well. So maybe, thinking about that will help a little. Don't be to hard on yourself. You Can Do It! Just keep trying.
