General chatter - Baby Fever?




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Brittany1988
03-10-2010, 09:56 PM
So....sometimes I just feel crazy.

Here's my back story. I am 22. My husband and I started dating in junior high and just kind of never stopped :p We got married a little over a year ago but have been together almost 8. We are best friends, almost a sickeningly perfect relationship. He is in the Army and his first deployment is starting this June (NOT excited btw).

So for the last four months I have had baby fever bad. I have had people tell me it's because I'm trying to distract myself from the impending deployment, but we just found out about that last month. And I know we have to wait till he comes home because he wants to be here.

So since I know we have to wait, why the heck is it still so bad?? And how did it come out of the blue?? We always have wanted kids but it was always very much so on the back burner and we have always been sooo responsible. Most of our friends have kids now. But I don't think that's it either.

It's like one day I just woke up and decided I wanted to have a baby. And I think he kinda has the fever too, to a lesser extent. We, the super super cautious couple that we are, had even randomly stopped using protection (tmi?). And he started noticing all of the cute baby stuff in stores and pointing it out. So we had "the talk". We are financially capable and emotionally. Heck, we have been together forever. We decided to start trying as soon as he comes home........but I have to keep talking myself out of wanting it NOW.

Am I crazy? Anyone else ever get the baby bug so strongly? I feel like a crazy lady. I was never ever one of those girls that "played house" or picked out names. It just hit me like BAM!


Thighs Be Gone
03-10-2010, 10:03 PM
Well, it hit me but after we were married for ten years and the biological clock was ticking like a bomb. Honestly, there was times after I became pregnant when I wondered if it was for the best. You must be willing to make unbelievable concessions to be a good parent. It is life altering to put it mildly. I love being a mother but most definitely it is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do mentally, physically and emotionally. Thats going some too considering I was raised in ****. Anyway, best of luck. Just make sure of one thing. YOU AND YOUR PARTNER AND UNDOUBTEDLY AND UNEQUIVOCALLY ON THE SAME PAGE AND READY!

Brittany1988
03-10-2010, 10:08 PM
Thanks for the advice. We are lucky that we are very open about everything, including this. And I don't think either of us would ever push the other one into anything. And we both agree to wait until after this deployment.

I just keep telling myself that this next year gives me ample time to get healthy and save up extra money in preparation. I do want to be at a healthy weight, living a healthy lifestyle BEFORE I get pregnant.

But that doesn't change the fact that I want it now. Maybe I am going crazy...lol


Megan33
03-10-2010, 10:45 PM
Just some thoughts...
Maybe you could get a dog or cat and that can be your interim baby. Could it be that you are worried/afraid to be alone?

Brittany1988
03-10-2010, 11:17 PM
We already have a cat and a dog. And they are our babies. I dunno about the alone thing. This started way before we found out about the deployment. And thanks to the Army we have been separated before, though the longest has been 9 months before this. The only thing I can think is that maybe it started because several of our close friends have had babies in the last year or so and being around them makes me want one *shrugs* All I know is that despite my urge, we are being responsible and not making any rash decisons about something so important.

nelie
03-10-2010, 11:48 PM
Sometimes hormones just hit you. I actually had a bought of baby fever when I was in my early 20s and in college. It wasn't that I wanted a baby, but I think my hormones took over.

I'm now in my mid 30s and have no interest in having kids. I'm actually glad I wasn't married or in a position to actually have a child in my early 20s :)

harrismm
03-11-2010, 12:04 AM
I had my first child at 20. I was certainly ready. I love being a mom to 3 boys....but in retrospect I wish I would have waited about 10 years. I am happy with my life, dont get me wrong. But in my most honest moments, I admit to wishing I would have enjoyed life as a wife (without the stress of kids) for a while longer. It is interesting as a woman in her 30s with friends the same age, we all feel the same way. In any case, whatever decision you make will work out for you and your spouse. My favorite quote, "It is not always about making the RIGHT decision, sometimes its about making the decision RIGHT".

Shopaholic1204
03-11-2010, 02:29 PM
I've had baby fever since I started dating my hubby, I was 17. It's gotten bad over the last few months though. I just feel that I was ment to be a mother. I'm sorta glad that I didn't get pregnant back when I was 17 (we went through 2 deployments, and moving around, and our future with the military is still up in the air) but I wish it would happen now. Seems kinda strange that after being together for 7 years, that I haven't been pregnant yet.

Oh ya..whenever baby fever would hit. I'd always get a new pet, lol!! We can't do that now, because our place is too small. But we do have 4 cats..haha!

shortandfluffy
03-11-2010, 02:40 PM
I can relate.. I am 28 and we have been married 3 years. The baby fever has been hitting me hard.. even on TV shows and commercials with babies I get all emotional.. haha.

My DH hasn't been ready for a baby, but just recently he said next year we could start trying.. yay! I didn't want to rush him or pressure him. So I waited for him to give the ok. Has to be an equal decision and it sounds like you guys both want it.

Even though I really want a baby it still scares the crap out of me. Me being a mom?!

Brittany1988
03-11-2010, 04:03 PM
shortandfluffy It's funny. I want it really bad and it scares the crap out of me too! lol. I think I would be a great mom and I KNOW my DH would be a great dad. Still scary to wake up and realize that you are at that point in your life. Seems like just yesterday we were getting ready for prom.

shopaholic1204 Sounds like you have had a very similar experience to us. We have been together almost eight years. And through all of that we have watched friends meet, start dating, get married, and have kids. lol. We waited till we were both almost 21 to even get married. And I would say the military is definitely the biggest thing holding us back. They are just gone so much that it makes it hard. I know alot of families do it, but he wants to be around for everything. Which is why we were thinking of starting to try when he gets back. He will have a year and half left in his contract. And we are pretty sure he is going to get out after that.

jigglefree
03-11-2010, 04:14 PM
I waited until I turned 40 and got the baby fever. My family was in shock because I was always saying my body isn't a baby making machine and I didn't want kids. Well I have one and she is an absolute joy. I will agree with Thighsbegone that it is LIFE ALTERING!!! But the good thing is I had done everything I wanted to do. My husband and I found out we were pregnant two weeks before we finished marriage counseling. I'm so very happy I waited.

choirgirlhotel
03-11-2010, 04:17 PM
I went through the baby fever around age 27/28. So I actually took care of a friend's 1.5-year-old child all day and overnight and a bit of the morning of the next day.

I could not WAIT to give this child back to her mother the next day! In fact, I think I was supposed to bring her back at noon and I showed up at around 9 am lol.

I mean, the child was awesome, very well behaved, a sweetheart. But I cannot believe HOW MUCH WORK it was. And I had her less than 48 hours. This completely cured my baby fever!!

~CGH~

JustSharing83
03-11-2010, 04:20 PM
I never wanted kids when I was a teen. I am 26 now and for the last 3 years or so, it's been on my mind a lot. Something in us just changes I guess.

The thing is, I don't even menstruate. I don't know if it's just obesity or possibly PCOS (I have not consulted a doctor about this). Fingers are crossed that my weight loss will fix this. If not, It's probably going to break my heart. We'll see.

Glory87
03-11-2010, 04:37 PM
It hit me at age 40 :)

sarahyu
03-11-2010, 04:55 PM
Honestly, I would get the baby fever off and on especially when work was just horrible. I'd think "I could be a full time mom and not have to deal with all this and I'd be a good mom."

We kept putting it off until one day the choice was taken from us for medical reasons and in retrospect I'm glad we didn't have kids. We are both happy with who we are and what we have.

But also take this as a warning...if you really want kids don't put it off too long. You will never be ready. You'll never have enough money, your house/apartment is never big enough, it will never be the right time in your career. Well, in this case are you both being deployed or just hubby? It's hard to be pregnant and have a baby alone while he's gone depending on how long he's gone.

A good way to get over the baby fever is to borrow some one's kid for a long weekend. An hour or two doesn't work, it needs to be overnight or longer. I know, they all say "it will be different when it's yours"

Good luck
Sarah

Brittany1988
03-11-2010, 05:34 PM
But also take this as a warning...if you really want kids don't put it off too long. You will never be ready. You'll never have enough money, your house/apartment is never big enough, it will never be the right time in your career. Well, in this case are you both being deployed or just hubby? It's hard to be pregnant and have a baby alone while he's gone depending on how long he's gone.


Sarah

Just he is in the Army. Not me :) Not cut out for that job at all! lol. I agree though. I have heard people say before that if you wait until you are truly ready you will never have kids. I am glad we have always been so safe. I am glad I wasn't a teen mother. But we are married and totally in sync. We have insurance. We are financially stable. And I just feel "ready". I feel responsible enough to take on the challenge. And so does he.

I guess the fever hit me sooner than a lot of people. I don't know if it has something to do with my childhood. It was an extremely rough one and I had to grow up very fast. I took care of my brother (5 years younger) because my mother was too drunk and my father was in prison. Not that I am at ALL comparing that to having a child. I just mean I had a lot more responsibility at a much younger age than most. I grew up fast.

I don't think it will be easy or like babysitting. I just think I am ready to expand my family. I was blessed with an amazing husband, and AMAZING in laws. They have been like parents to me since we were in school. I have a pretty amazing life. I don't know, it just feels.........right....:dunno:

Wannabeskinny
03-12-2010, 10:44 AM
Baby fever hit me this year and I'm 33. I've been married 3 yrs and my husband wanted to have kids right away but I was never sure that I wanted kids. I never got that feeling you're supposed to have until now. We're trying now and I can't wait until it does happen.

Now that I want kids I wish I could have had them when I was younger. I don't want to be an old Mom. My friend is 40 and she just had a baby and she'll be 60 when her kid is in college. My Mom was 23 when she had me and it's so much fun having a young Mom especially since I know she'll be with me for most of my life. So go for it girl!

And honestly, 22 is the age that a woman's body is best suited for getting pregnant. If you wait as long as I did then you may have difficulty getting pregnant at all. All my friends in their mid to late 30's have problems conceiving. I know it's the 21st century and women should wait for their careers and blah blah (which is exactly what I did) but it ain't no fun when a fertility doctor has to do tests on you to find out "how many eggs you've got left.":?:

EZMONEY
03-12-2010, 11:13 AM
Kiddo you sound like you are ready to me :) You sound like you are not just rushing into it.

There is never the perfect time...life gets in the way of all of our well thought out plans!

Obviously there are times when one shouldn't have them...when the parents can't take care of themselves :(

My parents married young...my dad was in the NAVY and was 20 when I was born and my mom 17...they had 4 kids before my mom turned 23! I won't say it was easy for them but I never heard either say they regretted it and us kids always felt very loved :carrot:

As a teen-ager it was cool to have such young parents :)

I was 28 when my son was born, 31 when my daughter was born.....sometimes I wish I was a little bit younger but it was the choice their mother and I made...to wait a little while.

In a lot of ways I was the right age as they grew up....and most of the parents of my children's friends were around my age.

My parents thought it was cool to be grandparents in their mid-late 40's! :)

I am 56 and still no grandchildren :(....;) my kids are 28 and 26...they aren't ready yet...close...but no cigar ;)

They keep hinting that they may start "trying" soon....

I joke a bit about it with them but make sure that they know that I want them to have or not have kids when it is their time...not mine!

By the time they have kids I won't be the grandfather I pictured in my mind....the one running around and playing with them for hours at the park...

but as I look back on my life I see how things worked out just fine....

and it will for you too!

Enjoy the time planning and waiting your decision and outcome :hug:

Brittany1988
03-12-2010, 02:36 PM
Thank you guys very much. You have no idea how much your posts have made me feel better :)

There is a lot of pressure to wait until the later 20s or early 30s floating around these days and a lot of people have told us we are too young and should live our lives first. But we do live our lives to the fullest every day! And maybe we want a child to add to that life.

But really, thanks a lot for the input guys.

milliondollarbbw
03-12-2010, 02:39 PM
So....sometimes I just feel crazy.

Am I crazy? Anyone else ever get the baby bug so strongly? I feel like a crazy lady. I was never ever one of those girls that "played house" or picked out names. It just hit me like BAM!

No, you are NOT crazy. A bit young, perhaps, with a ton of life to live before making a family (but each one decides that on their own). :) I say that as someone who is 10 years older than you. :)

It is normal to have baby fever---it is a normal biological desire, that I think is also influenced by the hormones of those around you (ever notice that you and your female friends, if you spend a lot of time together, all start having the same hormonal fluctuations at the same time?) . You are not crazy in the least bit. Some people have baby fever, and some people don't. Or they don't have it until they are 40. It all depends.

Just focus on doing what is best for you. :)

nelie
03-12-2010, 04:27 PM
And honestly, 22 is the age that a woman's body is best suited for getting pregnant. If you wait as long as I did then you may have difficulty getting pregnant at all. All my friends in their mid to late 30's have problems conceiving. I know it's the 21st century and women should wait for their careers and blah blah (which is exactly what I did) but it ain't no fun when a fertility doctor has to do tests on you to find out "how many eggs you've got left.":?:

I've known two women personally who got pregnant later in life, one at 35 and one at 40. Both had accidental pregnancies. Those were fairly recent although both my aunt and grandma both had unplanned pregnancies in their early 40s as well.

For me, I also feel like you can always adopt too if something does happen because infertility can hit when you are young as well as when you are older. I know a lot of women feel there may be something special about giving birth but I rather not go through that myself.

milliondollarbbw
03-12-2010, 04:52 PM
While someone's body may be more fertile, they may not yet be mentally ready for a child, or financially stable for a child.

I am not saying that a person should have a child at a specific age, and I do agree that after 35 (which is 12 years away) conceiving can get harder. However, fear of being infertile should not trump waiting til you are mature and ready enough to have a child. It helps if you are secure and solid and know yourself. Can most of us over 30 or 35 say that we were fully ourselves at a younger age? I am not saying you are immature, just saying that so many women I know my age and older all said that when they look back at themselves, they like who they are more as they got older.

in essence, you come into your own and who you are and liking yourself more and more as you age. It is a delicate balance between physical age and maturity level in terms of deciding when to have a child.

I fully accept that each woman has the right to decide when it is best for her to have a child. :)

Brittany1988
03-12-2010, 07:06 PM
You know I have a cousin who is 28. She has had so much trouble getting pregnant. She had to have fertility drugs to conceive her son. My point is, while it may be harder to conceive in the 30s and 40s, infertility can happen at any age for many reasons. Fear of infertility should never be the sole reason to have a child. I know that. And you know, if I do decide to wait until we are 40 and I can't have one on my own, I'll just adopt. :) Though for me, I do really want one of my own. To go through the entire experience. But that's just me.

mom4life
03-12-2010, 08:46 PM
I had my first at the age of 15. We are so close in age and I depended more on my mom to help me raise her both financially and parenting wise. Now I'm 35 and she's 20. I love her as my own but feel more like a sister then a mother....weird.
My dh and I were married when I was 26 and he was 32. We didn't have our first till I was 29. Our 3 kids are 2.2 yrs apart. And now I'm pregnant with our 4th and I'm 35.
Both dh and I wish we'd started earlier. We were seeing each other back when I was 21 and he was 26 but we were both not in the right place financially or maturity wise but we did want to get married.
So in a way I feel we were ready to have kids when we did. He had/has a great career and I'm a SAHM.
We both want this baby to be our last, we just feel like we would be too old to have another in 2-3 yrs. I know I could if I wanted to but when we look ahead at how old we would be when said child was 20, I would be 57 and dh would be 63.
If I did get baby fever again, I would love to adopt an older child.

Shopaholic1204
03-12-2010, 11:26 PM
shortandfluffy

shopaholic1204 Sounds like you have had a very similar experience to us. We have been together almost eight years. And through all of that we have watched friends meet, start dating, get married, and have kids. lol. We waited till we were both almost 21 to even get married. And I would say the military is definitely the biggest thing holding us back. They are just gone so much that it makes it hard. I know alot of families do it, but he wants to be around for everything. Which is why we were thinking of starting to try when he gets back. He will have a year and half left in his contract. And we are pretty sure he is going to get out after that.

That is the same with us. We wanted to wait until he was around more. And he's been on shore duty since Sept 2008, so we thought we'd start trying. But we had some problems, and were gonna seek help, but our insurence didn't cover the place that we wanted. It really discouraged us big time. But now we have another major thing to deal with..we don't know if he's going to reenlist or not, and if he does, we don't know where we'll be stationed next. If he doesn't, then we need to figure out where we'll live. But something exciting just happened, so when we can, we're gonna try IVF. It's just never a good time to have a baby, ya know? But the Navy seems to be helpful when the wives are about to give birth. Some of my friend's hubby's have been able to come home mid-deployment to be there for the birth and help out for a little bit before going back to finish the deployment.

Brittany1988
03-13-2010, 01:58 AM
The Army does that too. A lot of the guys are able to schedule their R&R for when the baby is due and come home. Or if they can't actually come home they set up these teleconferences so they can be there in a sense.

Shopaholic1204
03-13-2010, 11:49 PM
My hubby is probably going to get out of the Navy!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! So we'll move back home and start baby making, LOL!!

Brittany1988
03-14-2010, 12:08 AM
Well good for you!! haha have fun ;) We still have two and a half years left in the Army *sigh*

19Deltawifey
03-14-2010, 02:30 PM
My husband is in the Army also but on a good note a lot of women give birth while there husbands are deployed. I have had 2 friends give birth to 2 of her kids while her husband was deployed. My one friend gave birth to 2 of her kids while her husband was on a single deployment I was like wow. She gave birth shortly after he deployed and then they got pregnant during R and R and she gave birth to her 3rd while he was still over there. I don't know how she did it.

Me and my husband were also high school sweet hearts and have been together 9 years and married for over 6 years. I am 25 and we have 2 kids. I got pregnant shortly before he left for basic. I was about 1-2 months pregnant when he joined the Army. It was hard not having him there for the prenatal appts etc but once he graduated from basic/AIT I was about 8 months pregnant and moving half way across the USA to Kansas from Maryland. It was so hard not having family there and I gave birth in a army hospital with my husband in there. He deployed when our daughter was 6 months old and she had horrible colic. The thing about the military is you get used to raising your kids with no help. In the whole 6 years that I have been a parent there hasn't been a day that I spent without my kids. I do wish that grandma could watch the kids but she is way in Maryland so I have gotten used to doing it all without any help.

After he got back from his 1st deployment I had baby fever big time and he didn't. So I gave up and told him if you don't want another baby then you need to wear a condom lol. He hates condoms and I stopped taking birth control and we got pregnant instantly. It was kinda selfish but oh well, he just hated the thought of planning to have a 2nd child he would much rather it happen and then we deal with it. I hate planning also. He deployed for a 2nd time when our daughter was 4 and our son was 1.5 years old. So this time I had 2 kids to raise by myself for a year. Its hard but you get used to it and do what you gotta do.

I always chuckled when I heard the saying "it takes a village to raise a kid" they honestly must have never met a military wife.

Okay to answer your question I would wait till after the deployment or you could get pregnant now and give birth when he has R and R. I still have baby fever but I had horrible anxiety and now that we are looking at a 3rd deployment in less then a year I would much rather just have our 2 kids and puppy rather then getting a 3rd child. My husband wants more kids in a couple of years but I told him that unless we do it now I am not starting all over again. Our youngest is almost 3 now and once he is in school full time there is no way that I will start all over again with a baby. I think 2 kids is all we will ever have.

19Deltawifey
03-14-2010, 02:38 PM
Well good for you!! haha have fun ;) We still have two and a half years left in the Army *sigh*

We have less then 14 years left in the Army. My husband is a lifer so we are doing the whole 20 years