100 lb. Club - Excuses




View Full Version : Excuses


FitGirlyGirl
03-03-2010, 07:20 PM
I am so tired of the reaction I get from people who ask how I've done it and they want me to point them to some magic pill and when they hear that I have put in a lot of hard work they immediately start with the excuses of why they can't do that. I just posted to my blog about it, I am so angry.

http://roxysrogueblog.blogspot.com/2010/03/im-sorry-but-excuses-piss-me-off.html


ANewCreation
03-03-2010, 07:28 PM
Ha!!!! I am laughing so hard because this weekend I was out with some friends and one of them said she didn't have any space for working out in her home and then in the same breath told me there was 'no excuse' for me to not add additional days to my current workout regime. For her, excuse after excuse. For me, not so much..... ;) Oh, well, I guess I brought it on myself by asking her opinion about my current workout (she used to be a personal trainer). It's not the same thing you just went through, I know. Just thought I'd share and maybe you'd get a giggle out it.

Sometimes I wonder if people can hear themselves.....

Mikayla
03-03-2010, 07:50 PM
Truer words have never been typed! Seriously I cannot stand when people tell me how awesome I am and how they would just never be able to do it. Like I have superpowers or something. They can't do what I did, because they eat to much and sit too much and don't want to change. Flat out.


TJFitnessDiva
03-03-2010, 07:51 PM
I think about 99% of the people that ask me what I did in RL are wishing it was just as easy as a magic pill. We are an instant gratification society especially with weight loss. I don't let it bother me, it's either they are ready to work hard or they aren't ;)

Lori Bell
03-03-2010, 08:22 PM
That drive me nuts too!, BUT my biggest pet peeve is when they ask me how I did it, and when I tell them they begin to tell me all the things I did wrong! ;) I just say, "yeah you're right, I'll do it your way next time." :)

mandalinn82
03-03-2010, 08:26 PM
Having been there, with a million excuses of my own, and having since realized that it was less about me being *lazy* and more about a deep-seated, fundamental self-esteem issue that prevented me from believing that I really COULD do this (and thus drove me to explain away the reasons I couldn't try, so that I wouldn't face the pain of trying and failing), it always makes me more sad when I hear these excuses than angry.

rockinrobin
03-03-2010, 08:56 PM
That drive me nuts too!, BUT my biggest pet peeve is when they ask me how I did it, and when I tell them they begin to tell me all the things I did wrong! ;) I just say, "yeah you're right, I'll do it your way next time." :)

OMG - this happened just today. I said (very lightly of course) "that I'll gain back the weight and do it your way next time."

Yes, the excuses really get to me. Of course this is me and looking back and hindsight and all of that.

But the one that REALLY gets me, my biggest pet peeve - is when I'm told that "I just don't have time". They make it sound like their lives are more crammed packed with much more important things that weight loss (& maintenance). That they are just busier people than I am.

Late to the game
03-03-2010, 09:55 PM
Bravo!

tryhardforlife
03-03-2010, 10:28 PM
My favorite is when my father in law saw me the other day and was talking crap about low fat diets when he's overweight. I love armchair nutritionist.

Shmead
03-03-2010, 10:42 PM
But the one that REALLY gets me, my biggest pet peeve - is when I'm told that "I just don't have time". They make it sound like their lives are more crammed packed with much more important things that weight loss (& maintenance). That they are just busier people than I am.

The even more annoying version of this: "I wish I had that kind of time", usually said somewhat wistfully.

I have a weird, mildly unhealthy relationship with a woman at work like this: she never says no, takes on 10000 things she can't possibly handle, and then feels ok dropping things for others to pick up because it's self evident that she can't possibly do all the things she's "expected" to do, so it's ok that she doesn't live up to her responsibilities and imposes on others (me). The fact that the reason she's "expected" to do so much is because she volunteered (out of pride, IMO) never even occurs to her, and she loves having these little pity parties about how she "has nothing left for [herself]" and how "everyone always wants a piece of [her]". She's one that wishes she had time to take care of her health.

marigrace
03-04-2010, 09:14 AM
It seems like an attempt to mask self-reproach and envy. But we are bigger than that...err... I mean... smaller...

Nada
03-04-2010, 09:35 AM
Whew, Roxy. Isn't it great to have forums like this where you can say what you REALLY think? In RL we smile and nod because you can never win a game of "yes, but" with a determined player. It's a waste of breath. But we can come here and let it all out.

And, yes Robin, "I don't have time" is an excuse, but there is a widely held perception out there that you have to put your whole life on hold to be able to lose weight. IMHO, I think the Biggest Loser helps promote that.

Eliana
03-04-2010, 09:42 AM
I'm starting to think people are looking for a magic pill too. They ask "how did you do it" and soon as the word "calorie" comes out of my mouth, you can visibly see them tune me out. The eyes roll up to the ceiling and the head starts to nod. Then come the excuses.

Annoying, but I'm proud of me for not having those excuses.

LisaF
03-04-2010, 09:57 AM
I have two answers for the "how do you do it?" question. One is for people who I well and genuinely want to discuss it with. For them, I'll go into details of my plan and the ups and downs of it.

For people who are just being nosy or who I don't want to talk about it with, I simply say (with a smile), "Hard work." If they press the matter, I like to say, "There's no secret to it. We all know how to lose weight - cut calories and up activity. It's not a secret, it's not some magic, it's just a question of actually doing it."

(For the even more obnoxious, "Where's the rest of you!?!" question, I say, "In the gym." It shuts people up nicely.)

LesliesMom
03-04-2010, 10:12 AM
Good for you, I loved your blog. You vented quite well. Keep on keepin on!!

Angie

BeachBreeze2010
03-04-2010, 10:51 AM
I had a coworker ask me yesterday. Knowing the excuse cycle, I just played into it. It was a bit evil, but I loved it! I told her that, I exercise so much that I don't see my family anymore and I hardly ever eat. She just nodded as if it was the truth and wished she could do that, too. LOL! I know that was bad, but I already told her once a few weeks ago that I was calorie counting and exercising with my family. The part I loved was that she obviously believed this one more! :devil:

My friends know and understand pretty well. They are with me when I bypass junk or ask to come after I eat dinner. They have been to my house and seen my exercise equipment all over the living room. They have heard my girls talk about how mommy rides her bike while they tell me about thier day.

catherinef
03-04-2010, 11:01 AM
Now that I've been at this so long, I say something like "567 days in a row of calorie counting, plus frequent regular exercise." (Well, that's today. Tomorrow's answer will be "568 days in a row of calorie counting...") When you put it that brutally, they are often taken aback, and then you get the "I could NEVER do that!" or some variation, which is when I just smile and say, "It's what I have to do, so I do it."

susiemartin
03-04-2010, 11:26 AM
Wow! Great blog rant :)
This thread has been a real help to me.
I woke up thinking about it this morning.
Weight loss is hard work - lots of hard work.

I've been a real shirker and haven't wanted to get serious about it...
and that's why I weigh just as much today as I did this time last year.

I got lots of excuses too:

"I get headaches when I count calories" & my personal favorite
"I'll just eat one"
Yeah.
I'm going to try harder today and take it "One Day At A Time" and then
get up and do the same thing tomorrow.

Thanks again for this thread

JustBeckyV
03-04-2010, 12:18 PM
WOW - incredibly powerful blog! I am glad I took the time to read it!! You nailed it right on the head every word of it.

I know the reason I haven't lost weight before now is exactly what you said - I WAS lazy! I still find that laziness wanting to over take me some days but I don't let it. I tell myself - 5 minutes isn't gonna kill and and before yanno it work out done sweat done and you have done 3.5 miles on the treadmill!!

Great job speaking out!!

grrrkgrrrl
03-04-2010, 01:03 PM
i loved this rant. people piss me off like that too. i WAS unhealthy, i WAS too lazy to spend 10 minutes to plan my food.

once i stopped being lazy about it, i stopped being overweight.

PeanutsMom704
03-04-2010, 01:36 PM
For people who are just being nosy or who I don't want to talk about it with, I simply say (with a smile), "Hard work." If they press the matter, I like to say, "There's no secret to it. We all know how to lose weight - cut calories and up activity. It's not a secret, it's not some magic, it's just a question of actually doing it."


I find that opens up the other category of excuses about how they eat 1000 calories a day and never lose any weight and it's because they are carb-intolerant, and so on.

At the end of the day, eating less (of whatever food you eat) and moving more is what does it in the long run. But most people don't want to do that or even hear that.

FitGirlyGirl
03-04-2010, 01:45 PM
I love the way some of you answer their questions.

LisaF - I am so stealing your "In the gym" answer because I get asked where the rest of me is all the time.

The straw that broke the camel's back so to speak is a friend of mine about to go get weight loss surgery. Now I have no problem with people getting surgery if they are doing it for the right reason, but he flat out admits he's doing it because he thinks it's easier. He has watched his fiance lose weight after she had wls for the wrong reasons. She eats like crap, she's not healthy, and she is more than likely going to gain it all back when it catches up to her. My friend tells me he can't do it. He tells me he's trying to do low carb while he downs an entire chicken and then a family sized bag of M&Ms. Then he decides the reason he isn't losing weight is that his body needs a carb shock so he goes to the pizza buffet and eats 8 plates of pizza and 2 plates of brownies and cinnamon rolls. He gets the electric cart when shopping at wal-mart and it pisses me off. He can walk, he's just lazy. Yes, wal-mart without the electric cart will leave him out of breath, which is why he needs to do it more often, not less. He tells me he doesn't have time, but he spends hours watching t.v. and playing video games. He makes his son fetch things for him because he doesn't want to get up and do it. I've seen him stop the boy when he is in the middle of something to get something for him that was less than 5 feet away, yet he called the kid out of his bedroom to come get it. He tells me how amazing it is that I am doing this without surgery. It is not amazing, it is hard work. He drives me insane.

I had a conversation with him while I was already angry at my sister-in-law who blames it on the kids, on my brother, on her lack of time (hours and hours on facebook though), on the gym (she has access to a free gym, btw) being too far away, on my dad, on anything except herself. She also totally lies about her weight and her size. I could almost understand sometimes, but when you lie to someone that you know knows better, I don't get it. She also thinks I am amazing and also drives me bonkers.

The 2 things combined with all the excuses from everyone all the dang time and I got pissed. I finally understood when my niece at one point just threw her hands in the air, literally growled, and stomped off after someone said what a miracle her weight loss was.

Heather26
03-04-2010, 02:18 PM
LOVED IT! This irritates me too. Last weekend my grandma, who has been thin her entire life, asked me if I had lost weight. I said yes, 58 lbs. And she said, well are you trying to lose weight? Trying??? Are you kidding me? As if it just falls right off. No, I'm not trying. I'm working my a$$ off!

Shannon in ATL
03-04-2010, 03:11 PM
Love it.

Nada
03-04-2010, 03:25 PM
First, Roxy you ARE amazing. We all are, here, don't you know?

And Heather, I'll bet your Grandmother was just worried you were sick. I've gotten that question too.

Keep up the good work, all. No excuses allowed on this forum!

traci in training
03-05-2010, 02:51 AM
DH (who's lost 150 pounds or so) turns an amazing shade of magenta when people ask him why he "did it the hard way". Why not have surgery? Jeez, don't you get tired of going to the Y EVERY morning at 5?

Gagagagollygee what a great idea! Shoulda thunk that one up m'self!!! I'm sure I'd be winning my age group in triathalons if I'd a just had that "minor" surgery. Why didn't I think of that???

I can see the magenta rising slowly from his collar up his whole head. It's really, really cool!

cheerios
03-05-2010, 05:30 AM
I had a coworker ask me yesterday. Knowing the excuse cycle, I just played into it. It was a bit evil, but I loved it! I told her that, I exercise so much that I don't see my family anymore and I hardly ever eat. She just nodded as if it was the truth and wished she could do that, too. LOL! I know that was bad, but I already told her once a few weeks ago that I was calorie counting and exercising with my family. The part I loved was that she obviously believed this one more! :devil:




lol i'm try that one time hahahahsoo evil but its hilarious

MySuperHealth
03-05-2010, 09:23 AM
Yeah it is really a case of "just do it". Don't even think! Great things were never accomplished with great excuses.

FitGirlyGirl
03-05-2010, 08:42 PM
Nada - of course we are all amazing, but not the way they mean it. We aren't doing something that they can't do, we're just doing what they won't

traci - the fact that it is major surgery is part of what really annoys me at my friend. He is fully capable of doing it without going through this risky surgery that he might not come out the other side of and he has a little boy whose mother is rather dysfunctional so he is basically all the boy has.

PeanutsMom704
03-05-2010, 08:48 PM
We aren't doing something that they can't do, we're just doing what they won't


yep!!

That's one of the things I love so much about 3fc. That "yeah, it's hard, so what?" attitude.

chicpanda
03-05-2010, 09:19 PM
great thread. no one has asked yet. I think I need to get out of the house more. When that time comes I think I will say give me a dollar and I will tell you my secret. ... should shut 'em up, if not I can put it towards gas money <evil grin>

Michelle98272
03-05-2010, 09:43 PM
My friend at work who is about the same weight as I was when I started out (she weighs 275). She snickers at my salads, tells me I'm not fun anymore when I turn down lunches out at my former favorite Thai place, brings cookies, donuts, coffee cake to staff meetings and I swear she puts them closest to me...asked me the today if I was STILL "dieting". I have never ever ever ever, in this incarnation, called what I am doing a diet.

I politely told her no, I'm not on a diet. Haven't been on a diet. Am not dieting BUT yes, I am still taking baby steps towards a healthy life style. She stood next to me when I was making my standard lunch today, 1.5 cups baby spinach, 1.5 cups salad greens, 1 cup grape tomatoes, 1/2 cup sliced carrots and celery and some form of protein (today it was 3 hard boiled eggs, well, 1 hard boiled egg and the whites of two others) plus a string cheese pulled into strings and 4 tbs Basalmic Vinaigrette dressing (roughly 275-300 calories).

She said there was not way she could do what I am doing because she couldn't afford to buy healthy whole foods at the store:?:. I started to explain that I buy a lot of it at Costco which makes it much cheaper and what I don't buy at Costco I get at a local super discount grocery chain. I offered to take her to Costco with me the next time I went so she could stock up on big bags of baby spinach if she wanted. Her eyes glazed over and she nodded politely but it was obvious she really wasn't interested.

I used to think I couldn't afford to eat healthy as whole foods, fruits and veggies are often more expensive than "buy 4 boxes for $1" generic mac -n- cheese or food off the dollar menu at McD's...but that excuse goes out the window when you realize if you get 20 lunches out of a $3 bag of Costco baby spinach one of your main ingredients only costs FIFTEEN cents!! 3 boiled eggs only costs FORTY EIGHT cents. The only thing a healthy lunch really costs you is time in preparation and planning ahead.

cynnymynn
03-07-2010, 08:07 AM
"Great things are never accomplished with great excuses."

Oh. My. God. This is my new mantra. And not just about weight loss.

You have no idea how badly I needed to be reminded of this. Thank you thank you thank you!

weebleswobble
03-07-2010, 09:02 AM
I'm a minister, and so there is this culture of food=love that exists in our churches that I have to deal with. Go to a potluck, Church Lady X gets upset if you don't eat her Sugar Cream Pie (Yeah, there is a pie made of sugar and cream in Indiana) and after the potluck, she tries to give you the leftover pie "for your family."

The ironic thing about it is, a lot of these women are widows because they've killed their husbands by feeding them meat, potatoes, and sugar cream pie.

So, when I made my lifestyle change, I had to get downright obnoxious about it, and tell them "My doctor says I can't eat that, sorry."

Still, there have been a couple of points when I have been a guest in someone's home and offered a completely inappropriate meal (when they've known exactly what I can and cannot eat)--I just eat lightly and write off that day/week and get up the next day and start over again.

But there have been many times when people have asked me "how do you do it?" The most interesting was recently, in front of the church bake sale table, someone said, "Tell me your secret, I want to have the success you've had!" and I said, "I eat a small amount of lean meat and lot of green vegetables and I've cut out all white flour, sugar, and butter, margarine, and shortening...basically everything on the bake sale table. I haven't eaten those things since August." (not quite true, I had a day of cheat in December and a week of cheat in January) She looked down at her shopping bag of purchases (two cakes and several dozen purchases) and said, "but I *like* sweets!" and I said "well, I don't know what to say...in order to lose weight, you've got to cut out something." and she said, "Oh..." and walked away.

But this week, she was telling everyone how she'd started a diet and her pants were loose, so maybe she listened to me.

rockinrobin
03-07-2010, 09:05 AM
oh there are lots of great saying about excuses - but here's one I'll throw in that's kinda excuse driven, but not necessarily, because I think if the above line gotcha, so will this:

"extraordinary results can never be achieved with ordinary measures"

"if you want it badly enough you'll find a way, if not you'll find an excuse"

"don't excuse it away, work it away"

"No one ever excused his way to success"

"Make an effort - not an excuse. "

"When we blame, we give away our power."

"excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure"

"people with integrity do what they say they are going to do. others have excuses"

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."

"He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. "

"The best job goes to the person who can get it done without passing the buck or coming back with excuses."

Meg
03-07-2010, 09:15 AM
That's a great list, Robin! :cp: Let me add one more, thanks to Tom Venuto:

You can have excuses or you can have results, but you can't have both.

ubergirl
03-07-2010, 10:05 AM
I just wanted to add what seemed like the topper to me yesterday...

A 300+ co-worker told me she only ate 1200 calories per day, but that she either had a metabolic problem or was binging IN HER SLEEP.

rockinrobin
03-07-2010, 10:07 AM
You can have excuses or you can have results, but you can't have both.

LOVE THIS!!!! :)

A 300+ co-worker told me she only ate 1200 calories per day, but that she either had a metabolic problem or was binging IN HER SLEEP.

HATE THIS!!!! :(

Quillie
03-07-2010, 12:39 PM
Having been there, with a million excuses of my own, and having since realized that it was less about me being *lazy* and more about a deep-seated, fundamental self-esteem issue that prevented me from believing that I really COULD do this (and thus drove me to explain away the reasons I couldn't try, so that I wouldn't face the pain of trying and failing), it always makes me more sad when I hear these excuses than angry.

I have to second this, I have all understanding for people who say they couldn't do it. There have been times in my life when I couldn't get it together either. I've gone on diets and failed (yet again) so I don't think I can judge, and am frankly surprised that so many people here do.

Beng physically able to do something or being mentally in the right state are very different things.

Shmead
03-07-2010, 01:08 PM
For me, at least, it isn't about disparaging other people's efforts--I have a great deal of sympathy for other people's efforts--but rather dismay when other people disparage our efforts--"I wish I had time to do what you do", "I wish I could afford to eat like you eat","I wish I could exercise", "I wish my body would let go of the weight" "I wish I could count calories", "I wish I were as lucky as you".

Anyone who has lost in the neighborhood of 100 pounds had some sort of significant challenge to overcome--there's a reason we gained all this in the first place. We all have bad genes and/or PCOS and/or thyroid problems and/or mobility issues and/or psychological issues and/or huge commitments on our time. These are not "excuses"--they are real challenges that have to be struggled with and which we have all made tremendous sacrifices and difficult choices to overcome.

So when someone says "I can't do what you did. I have challenges", it puts a person in a terrible spot. If you say "I guess I'm lucky", you feel like you are disparaging this tremendously difficult thing that you did, but if you say "So did I, but I overcame them, and you can, too", you sound like a condescending witch.

rockinrobin
03-07-2010, 01:33 PM
.

Beng physically able to do something or being mentally in the right state are very different things.

Yes, but than you still must RECOGNIZE this and call it what it is AND not look at others who HAVE done it as - lucky. Everyone has different challenges and different obstacles - none are insurmountable - that is my belief.

I really don't think anyone is judging anyone here. It DOES take BRUTAL HONESTY to indeed RECOGNIZE that can't and won't ARE two different things. I too believed for my many years that I was incapable of losing the weight, but HINDSIGHT is now showing me that that was false. I ALWAYS had the ability to lose the weight, whether I believed it or not. But there is a part of me deep, deep down that believes *perhaps* I always knew it, but was not WILLING to do what was necessary to get the job done. I waiver back and forth on this.

Since I was not brutally honest with myself, how I wish someone else would have been. Not saying that I would have been willing to make a change at that time, but I would have loved to have had it pointed out to me that indeed *all* that I was doing WAS making excuses. And that perhaps somewhere down the road, when I was ready, that THEN I could tackle weight loss. The circumstances that led me to be super morbidly obese don't really matter. And no, I don't mean JUST that I ate too much and moved too little. But the circumstances surrounding the whys that I ate too much and moved too little.