UK Fat Chicks - Worth A Smile

I know we had a jokes page but here are a few which made me smile


Q - What's blue and square?

A - An orange in disguise

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Q - If a flea flew past fly and a fly flew past a flea, what time would it be?

A - fly past flea

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Q - Did you hear about the aerials that got married?

A - The ceremony was terrible, but the reception was brilliant.

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Q - What do you call 2 robbers ?

A - A pair of nickers

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GROAN :) Keep up the good work Ms Sal.

These are bad, worse than the first lot ....

Q - Why did the elephant paint its toenails different colors?

A - So it could hide in a bowl of M&M's

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Q - What kind of horses go out after dark?

A - Nightmares

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Q - How do you find a lost rabbit?

A - Make a noise like a carrot

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Q - What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?

A - Swimming trunks

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Q - What stays in bed most of the day, but sometimes will go to the bank?

A - A Stream

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Q - Where do tough chickens come from?

A - Hard boiled eggs

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Q - What is round and really violent?

A - A vicious circle

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Q - Why can't a man living in the US be buried in Canada?

A - Because he is still alive.

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Enough Enough - sorry have had a bad day - needed a giggle or should that be a groan.

WOMEN'S HUMOR

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make
you
happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I
squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he steps out of
the
shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed
the
lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she
replied.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A
rumor.

He said , "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to
you
really badly." She said, "Well, you succeeded."

He said. "Two inches more and I would be king." She said , "Two inches
less, and you'd be queen."

On wall in ladies room "My husband follows me everywhere..." Written just
below it "I do not"

He said, "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?" She said, "That's a
good idea, you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and
fart."

He said, "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
" She said, "Turn sideways and look in the mirror"
:lol:

Subject: FW: Harmful effects of oil


> Pupils at school were asked to write about the harmfull effects of oil on
> fish. One 11-year old wrote:
>
> "When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and
all
> the sardines were dead."
>

Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, then come up with a new definition, Here are the latest winners:
Intaxication - euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with
Sarchasm - the gulf between the author of the sarcastic comment and the person who doesn't get it
Inoculatte - to take coffee intravenously when you are late
Hipatitis - terminal coolness
Osteopornosis - a degenerate disease
Karmageddon - it's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer
Glibido - all talk and no action
Dopeler Effect - the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
Ignoranus - a person who's both stupid and (you know the rest)

I love these! Especially the one about 2 robbers being a pair of nickers. It reminded me of a birthday card my brother gave me one that said kitchen pickers wear big knickers. True!!