20-Somethings - The Stupid/Rude Things People Say....

Ugh, recently at work an unhappy client of ours came up to the receptionist desk to ask for a medication that I had previously spoken to her about. The receptionist was confused by this woman and asked who she spoke to about said medication. She went on to describe *me* as "the heavy-set blonde girl"...considering I am one of the 2 blonde girls who work at my clinic (the other being a petite-omgosh-im-so-fat-size-2 freak) ultimately I assumed she was talking about me. Of course everyone said "who? we dont have anyone heavy set here whos blonde" but I really took it to heart. I hadnt really considered myself "heavy-set"...maybe a lil chunky, until she said something...The funny thing is this lady outweighed me by at LEAST 100 pounds..so as a "heavyset" woman herself, she should have realized that *maybe* describing someone as "heavyset" would be hurtful.
/end rant/vent.

I'm sorry, for that! People can be so rude!

I teach adults English in Turkey. Turkish people find commenting on weight not rude at all. It is very common to tell a friend (or teacher apparently!) that they have gained weight. When I first started working here (a year and a half ago) i was bigger than i am now and i constantly had students asking if i was pregnant. Fast forward to this month, I had students start commenting on weight loss..."teacher, are you ill?". That actually made me happy, but then i over did it at lunch went into my next class bloated, and its back to pregnant comment. Apparently one of my classes thought i had been pregnant for weeks, but never said anything.

you just have to let it roll off your shoulders. At first the comments made me cry (seriously) but now i just laugh at their stupidity.

i saw this documentary about body sizes once, and there was a guy there that was only attracted to -clinically- anorexic women, he found the others ones too fat!
imagine how many comments he must've thrown about to normal women, calling them chubby.

just because there are stupid people out there it should not mean you let them affect you. they're stupid.

;)

Honestly, she's probably bitter and jealous.

If she was a lot thinner than you and said that, I would have said she's a b*tch, and left it at that, but considering that she weighed a significant amount more than you, it's probably jealousy. She probably looked at you and saw a healthy, normal-looking, pretty young girl and decided to take out her bitterness on you.

im sorry, that totally sucks! i think that that wouldve hurt my feelings too.. but everyone is right. forget her and be proud of yourself!

That definitely would have hurt my feelings also, I'm sorry she said that.

But, I still maintain that things fly out of peoples' mouths without them even thinking about it. I doubt she had any cruel intentions behind her words. People either just don't think, OR they feel that they've worded things sensitively enough to get away with it. Us women, especially, internalize and marinate on every word when something like this happens that it's easy to work ourselves up and make assumptions that other people are out to get us, when really, it was just a dumb thing they said that they didn't give a second thought to.

People say this kind of crap all the time without even realizing it and I agree with you mkendrick, we really do internalize these things. I was a psych major in college and, I remember reading a study about how negative actions carry more psychological weight than positive ones- for some reason they just seem to stick with us longer and make us care more. Lucky for us, people on here are great sources of positivity!
maenad, I had a similar experience to you while living in Kenya. People would comment on my weight all the time! I would get so annoyed, even when I learned that apparently it's a compliment for someone to tell you "Ah, you've grown big!" In their culture, very few people are overweight and those that are are the wealthy ones with access to a Westernized diet of expensive processed foods. So, being overweight is seen as prestigious, but it still stung a little when people would comment so openly.

She's wrong. You look great!

I find that I tend to think about things that upset me when I'm working out. I've started using it as a way to motivate me to work harder. Then afterwards I feel good about myself for working so hard :)

I haven't had anyone say anything to/about me negative in a while but I remember a few times in junior high and younger highschool when people would just make little comments. I don't think they even made them to hurt my feelings. They were more observational....idk but they really bothered me. Or if I perceived anything as a negative statement on my weight, I'd really take it to heart. I remember one time in junior high I was at church camp. I was probably around 195 at the time and 5'8'' and not as "fit" as I am now so I was about a tight 12 maybe a 14, which was a lot bigger than most junior high girls. Anyways, they were doing this thing where we paired up in teams of two and we had to get on our guy parter's backs ie piggy back and like hit people with balls or water ballloons. Something silly. Anyways, I overheard a friend of my partner's say something along the lines of "Be careful to not get a hernia, Jim." That one kind of pissed me off because I knew it was explicitlyl directed at me and it was worse because these were big football guys who would brag about being able to bench 200 plus pounds. Needless to say, I got out of the game. A counselor took pity on me. Other times I would get little comments from sports teams. I've leaned out a bit now/people have gotten more mature/I'm taller and I don't ever get comments. What weirds me out now is when friends or boyfriends who never knew I was bigger make comments about other bigger women they see that are really mean. They don't know I was bigger once but a part of me wonders if that's how they see me/if they would say that if they saw my size 16 self. Clownery.

When I went to Honduras when I was in high school the nickname the locals gave to me was "Gordita." Which literally translates into little fat girl. I mean.... they truly meant it as a sign of endearment, but wow.

Honestly, she's probably bitter and jealous.

If she was a lot thinner than you and said that, I would have said she's a b*tch, and left it at that, but considering that she weighed a significant amount more than you, it's probably jealousy. She probably looked at you and saw a healthy, normal-looking, pretty young girl and decided to take out her bitterness on you.

Dido, with sunflowergirl. Plus thier just stupid people. Your stronger then them, don't let it get to you. Besides we are all here to back you up. :)

I haven't had anyone say anything to/about me negative in a while but I remember a few times in junior high and younger highschool when people would just make little comments. I don't think they even made them to hurt my feelings. They were more observational....idk but they really bothered me. Or if I perceived anything as a negative statement on my weight, I'd really take it to heart. I remember one time in junior high I was at church camp. I was probably around 195 at the time and 5'8'' and not as "fit" as I am now so I was about a tight 12 maybe a 14, which was a lot bigger than most junior high girls. Anyways, they were doing this thing where we paired up in teams of two and we had to get on our guy parter's backs ie piggy back and like hit people with balls or water ballloons. Something silly. Anyways, I overheard a friend of my partner's say something along the lines of "Be careful to not get a hernia, Jim." That one kind of pissed me off because I knew it was explicitlyl directed at me and it was worse because these were big football guys who would brag about being able to bench 200 plus pounds. Needless to say, I got out of the game. A counselor took pity on me. Other times I would get little comments from sports teams. I've leaned out a bit now/people have gotten more mature/I'm taller and I don't ever get comments. What weirds me out now is when friends or boyfriends who never knew I was bigger make comments about other bigger women they see that are really mean. They don't know I was bigger once but a part of me wonders if that's how they see me/if they would say that if they saw my size 16 self. Clownery.
wow, I can relate you. I'm still in highschool, and well I'm not fat-but I was bigger when I was younger. I'm so sorry, I believe to be respectful to all people. This made me think of that, instead of saying, "that black girl" I say the one with long curly hair, or the guy with brown/blonde hair. And it I'm talking about someone who's alittle bigger-when you don't know names-I'll say the one with short brown hair or the girl with green eyes. Something like that.
But anway, that's just so rude of them! You should maybe confront them on that, and not just be silent. I'm sure they don't really see you as that, but it makes me question what kind of people you are hanging around. Your a differenet wiser person now, stand up for youself and don't get down on yourself. They have no balls anyway! pshhh;)

Also this makes me think of yesturday, at school before first period there was a line of guys blocking the hall way, as a joke for some reason. A girl infront of me squeezed threw. But to do that your boobs have to squeeze threw too. This mad me really angry-becuase thier guys of course they wouldn't miind that. I had to get to class, I was soooooooo tired of people, and I felt crappy yesturday. So I push one guy really hard-I used to do karate so I do have strength I'm not muscular though hehe-it was like moving a feather. I'm quit, but I stick to my guns when I have too. I'm spicy like that, I just wish everyone could push a guy like I did when they diserve it!
Anyway, I also was smily and said, "Excuse me." They were like, "Whooooaaaaaa!" you know guys always do that, when something happens. I beat the guy I pushed thought I was a guy form the way I pushed him. ahaha, this makes me smile. But then one guy said," Someones on thier period." Ouch. But, I still went to class pretty happy, becusae I pushed someone, and it felt reaaaally good. I felt like I stood up for myself. I'm not just going to take that. Gezz. Stupid inconsiderate people.

When I went to Honduras when I was in high school the nickname the locals gave to me was "Gordita." Which literally translates into little fat girl. I mean.... they truly meant it as a sign of endearment, but wow.

When I was about 8 or 9 I was enrolled in a dance class. In my group of friends were identical twins - their family members openly referred to them as "la Gorda" and "la Flaca" (skinny one and fat one) despite the two girls being pretty much the same weight. It didn't faze me at the time (our group of friends still called them by their real names and many Latino kids have a family nickname), but now I sincerely hope that the girls weren't scarred by it.

Since this has kind of become a story thread, I have one from today..I was at the mall with my friend looking at rings from a vendor person (not sure what you call them, the people who rent space in open areas of the mall). I told him i had big fingers (thanks to my weight - i dint say THAT part) and I really really liked the rings, they were sized metrical so the man said i would probably need like size 20 or 21.

20 was pretty good but 21 was loose. I loved this one sized as a 21 and I said, "I love this one but its just a little lose" and he said trying to be funny "Go eat a couple cheese burgers and I'll be it'll fit." I wanted to say EXCUSE ME? But instead I just laughed and said "oh, nah, I'm trying to loose weight..." But it still irks me

People suck sometimes. I was in the kitchen at work one day (I work in an office) and someone in our department was in there and she asks me "have you gained weight?'" I didn't even know what to say. Who SAYS that? Granted, I was wearing one of those loose shirts that are really popular right now, so that probably had something to do with it. I do need to lose weight to get into the normal BMI range, but I am NOT that big. Thing is, I don't think she meant to be rude. She's just a talker. One of those people who says whatever is on their minds.

A non-weight related story...

I am very, very fair skinned. Like, it's hard to find make-up I'm so white. I was at the grocery store last Easter time wearing a sundress, so my shoulders/collar bone area was exposed. The cashier asked me, "Oh my god, why are you so white? are you sick?" I just said, "no, I'm fair" but what I wanted to say was "do you ask black people why their skin is so dark?" I've also had cashiers tell me I should get tanning lotion as well. SUPER rude.

rosekeet: I fortunately haven't had any comments like that, but I know what you mean about being really really fair skinned. There is Irish or something in me somewhere back in my genealogy, and as a result, I rarely tan. I am so white I just burnnnn and freckle everywhere, the underside of my arms actually almost hurts my eyes in ful-sun lol and I DO get made fun of for being freckly in the summer..gerr.

Speaking of rude coworkers....

One of my coworkers actually asked another coworker if she was pregnant... IN FRONT of other people. And no... she wasn't pregnant, she'd just put on a bit of weight and her "beer gut" was becoming more noticeable.

I just don't understand WHY people would think it was okay to ask/say things like that.

I never ask if someone's pregnant...unless I see a baby hanging out of their body. It's a good guideline to follow!

Great guideline for people with common sense I would think...

That's what's so crazy to me. Someone would actually ask that... in front of other people none the less. Trust me, they had a field day with that. It was sooooo freakin rude!

The sad thing is for every one of us at least SEMI-intelligent ladies (cos you'd think that that's all they'd have to be to understand niceties like not saying crass stuff) and gents out there.... there seems to be 2 or 3 ignorant or pissed off hicks who don't know how to talk to people.

(No offense to some hicks who are QUITE educated I might add.... ;) )

Other than weight..
My vet clinic is located inside of Petsmart (just renting the space) and theres this dumb girl who comes in the back and remarked the other day, "Why's your hair green, ya dye it or something??"..My hair has a slight green tinge for awhile now, I think its my areas water (moved a year and a half ago) and the texture has been off so I think it absorbs minerals easy. In some light you can detect the green tinge...its bad, but im slowly making my hair more healthy...
anyway, who SAYS things like that???? I think she might have undiagnosed Aspergers or something because she says the rudest things to my obese office manager about her weight/relationship status. I think she does it to make herself feel better about her own insecurities..

I was at a sandwhich shop ordering for the guys at home when the ordering clerk said "Let me guess! don't tell me! You JUST had a baby!" I had never had a baby at that point but my tummy and boobs have sagged since I was 13 and I am very sensitive about it. I was so mortified. I repeated my order and left as soon as I could without responding to him. This happened 10 years ago and still makes me embarrassed/sad/mad.

I am very, very fair skinned. Like, it's hard to find make-up I'm so white. I was at the grocery store last Easter time wearing a sundress, so my shoulders/collar bone area was exposed. The cashier asked me, "Oh my god, why are you so white? are you sick?" I just said, "no, I'm fair" but what I wanted to say was "do you ask black people why their skin is so dark?" I've also had cashiers tell me I should get tanning lotion as well. SUPER rude.

You should have asked to see a manager! That's none of their damn business!

I have the opposite problem, I have dark skin and I'm white, but people always assume I'm mixed. Literally every single non-native American Spanish-speaker that has approached me and has talked to me in Spanish, assuming that I speak it. I don't, and when I tell them I don't, they say to me *in English* "Oh but you look Mexican!" or "But you look like you speak Spanish!" And I'm like "No, I'm white, and I'm part Slavic, so I have dark skin."

But to ask someone why they're so white is beyond me. I'd say something snarky like "I'm actually a vampire... didn't you see me sparkling outside in the sun?"

Sun - I've had the same problem before. I have dark hair, dark eyes and during the summer I turn really dark due to my complexion.

I don't get it ALL of the time, but I've had people come up and start speaking Spanish to me because they assume.

I've also been asked if I was Mulatto, Philipino, Hawaiian and Latina. At this point I take it as a compliment because if they think I look exotic cool.... but don't come up and rattle off another language because you ASSUME.

omg, this thread reminds me of an incident that happened to me earlier this year... i was about 130-140lbs at the time i believe and was feeling good about it.
so i met a guy, went to his place, and as things unfold, we start to get, umm, physical. then, all of a sudden, things go, hmm, flaccid. i didn't comment at the time since he went all weird on me, but when i talked to him later and *delicately* brought it up, he said he couldn't finish because i'm so fat. umm, excuse me?!
i can now laugh about it, as i realize i'm NOT the problem, but at the time i (and my self-esteem) was *really* crushed.

OMG Diva... seriously? Because he didn't have a problem getting it UP to begin with.

Men are such pigs sometimes.

Haha....oh....I was just thinking this very thought. I teach 8th grade English (aren't they just little dolls...), and today one of my students asked me if I was pregnant. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I kindly said "No", he replied "Oh, you look like it." And it was a totally harmless comment, he didn't say it with any malice intended, it's just a tough age to be around. And it took everything I had not to let it affect me for the rest of the class period and get upset.

I have 2 school age children and I usually go to their class holiday parties.....Well I guess after the last one, some children were giving my daughter a hard time saying I was fat. I always said I wouldn't be that mom and here I am...the fat mom. Very depressing. I try and turn the comments into motivation to lose.

sun & feral .. omg i get the same thing. people always come up to me & begin speaking spanish. i'm mixed (black & white), & failed spanish when i was in high school! lol it's really irritating the assumptions people make. i feel like i'm always explaining myself.

So sorry to hear this happened to you..I think all of us can relate and have been in a similar situation. My own mother and sister would make 'jokes' about my weight but I really was hurt about it...still am actually. When I was down to 165...still not even my goal..my mother then had the nerve to say I need to eat more...working out too much...and 'shouldn't lose anymore'. I told her that she was afraid I'd be smaller than her...and now i'm actually smaller than her AND my sister.

It's really too bad that people don't use their brains and think about what's coming out of their mouths before they talk and look like complete jerks.

My dad has a tendency to say things that aren't meant as anything but motivation but make me (the low self-esteemed kid that I am) want to burst into tears. Also, the thing about different cultures is interesting: When I went to Senegal I was heavier than I am now (around 85ishkg) and all the locals thought I was GORGEOUS. They loved my curves and kept telling me I was very beautiful and round lol. I am tempted to move there XD. My poor stick of a friend kept being force-fed and asked if she was ill XD

For the fair skin thing, I get that too! Haha. I mean, my dad is from Ireland and I have his colouring (dark dark hair, light eyes, and pale skin) which I think is pretty cool. But there is no end to people in makeup shops assuming I'm looking for self-tanner, and the guy I'm seeing is always saying "Hehe, you glow in the dark :P" which is cute coming from him but NOT anyone else :P.

I'm so sorry people have had crappy experiences though *hugs*. And Diva, that guy was CLEARLY just an immature douche. If he could get it up in the first place...gah. Obviously he just failed at the wrong moment (happens to all guys, not a big deal if he had dealt with it maturely) and was embarressed so placed blame on you. I bet you looked gorgeous, I want to be 130-140lbs! :)

Speaking of rude coworkers....

One of my coworkers actually asked another coworker if she was pregnant... IN FRONT of other people. And no... she wasn't pregnant, she'd just put on a bit of weight and her "beer gut" was becoming more noticeable.

I just don't understand WHY people would think it was okay to ask/say things like that.

OMG. I guess theer's no filter between her brain and her mouth

I hate when people do that. One time last year, this lady was cussing me out after she had cut me off in a parking lot. Anway, she said something about how I was a fat a**. Yeah, I was pretty shocked by that one...like how dare you. You cut me off and then you make personal insults to me. I went to my sisters daycare after that I picked her up. We went home, and she watched cartoons while I sat on the couch and cried. Its so awful how people think they can treat others.

My other thing, that I think kinda relates to this, is when (or if) you have a major slip up. I was backsliding, and one of the trainers at the gym I go to had/has a really unprofessional approach to working with me. She was comparing me to other people and saying things like "Why can they do it, but you struggle so much" MY favorite was just yesterday. She had this "inspirational story" to share with me about an older lady that she works with who had trouble even climbing stairs because of joint pains and things, and how she could barely stand on a bosu. Now she has pretty good balance and she can walk up stairs without very much trouble. Apparently, it made her think of me. If this other lady can reach her goals, than so can I.
Because I totally see the relation between climbing a flight of stairs and changing mindsets and letting go of every negative thing that ever been said to you about the kind of person you are. Because I totally see the relevance...thanks so much for that honey...NOT. I hate when people get all uppity on you, like they have every right to rip you a new one...the thing is that this trainer has been putting on some weight this past year. And I know that she thinks she's helping me, but really she's not. I've been nit picked my whole life, constantly had people pointing out every flaw..and having more people do taht to me now just makes me want to pull back from people and go back into my clam shell. Like seriously, I have been in survival mode, and I go back there pretty fast.

Sorry for my own little rant. But I just saw a connection in how people think they can treat people.