100 lb. Club - support, but.....




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PeanutsMom704
02-18-2010, 11:22 AM
My mom has been supportive of my journey to lose weight, and she is always very quick with a compliment on how much of a difference she can see.

But she can't seem to make the leap to believe that I'm going to be a "normal" size at some point. Any time I mention being in small sized clothing, she is dimissive - not meanly, but just with an attitude of "well, of course, you'll still need plus sized tops" (I'm top heavy and already wear non-plus bottoms but still in my 2X and 3X tops).

I know I have a LONG way to go, but I also know that when I get to goal, I will no longer be buying plus sized clothing - or I'll be changing my goal!! lol!

I'm just so glad to have 3FC, where it's ok to dream big and know that someone who was almost 260 to start with can get down to the 150s (and plenty of people have gone below that) and be out of plus sized clothes forever. Hopefully, I'll end up inspiring my mom to believe the same thing for herself.


ubergirl
02-18-2010, 11:43 AM
My mom has been supportive of my journey to lose weight, and she is always very quick with a compliment on how much of a difference she can see.

But she can't seem to make the leap to believe that I'm going to be a "normal" size at some point. Any time I mention being in small sized clothing, she is dimissive - not meanly, but just with an attitude of "well, of course, you'll still need plus sized tops" (I'm top heavy and already wear non-plus bottoms but still in my 2X and 3X tops).

I know I have a LONG way to go, but I also know that when I get to goal, I will no longer be buying plus sized clothing - or I'll be changing my goal!! lol!

I'm just so glad to have 3FC, where it's ok to dream big and know that someone who was almost 260 to start with can get down to the 150s (and plenty of people have gone below that) and be out of plus sized clothes forever. Hopefully, I'll end up inspiring my mom to believe the same thing for herself.

Your post gave me such a smile! I have JUST The opposite problem with my mom. She loves talking about clothes and shopping, but she simply can't believe I still shop in the plus department. She just INSISTS that I couldn't possibly wear plus anymore. She was ready to take me shopping in misses when I weighed 245!!!:D

You will DEFINITELY make it to 150 or below as long as you stick with it! And won't mom be delighted and surprised!

thistoo
02-18-2010, 12:21 PM
My sister does that to me sometimes. She's always been around 115-120, and she's the same shape as me, but she's two inches taller. Now she's about 20 pounds heavier than she'd like, and every time I mention getting below 120 (I'm 5'0", so it's certainly within the realm of possibility) she acts like it's not even worth thinking about. There's NO way I can do it if she can't maintain it, I think is what she's thinking.

Maybe she's right, I don't know. Since I can't seem to break 150 I have my own doubts these days. But your mom is definitely not right about you and plus-size tops. You'll get there, and then she'll just be even more pleasantly surprised!


PeanutsMom704
02-18-2010, 01:18 PM
thanks Uber and Caroline.

It's so great to be in a place where people get that losing 100 lbs is a huge accomplishment but something that CAN be done!

(and caroline, you have come SO far, I know your will get there too, even if your body is hanging onto 150 for now. I think it just needs a little time to adapt to what you've already accomplished)

ubergirl
02-18-2010, 01:28 PM
thanks Uber and Caroline.

It's so great to be in a place where people get that losing 100 lbs is a huge accomplishment but something that CAN be done!

(and caroline, you have come SO far, I know your will get there too, even if your body is hanging onto 150 for now. I think it just needs a little time to adapt to what you've already accomplished)

I told my mom I wanted to lose 25 or 30 more pounds yesterday (not confessing that I'm hoping to lose at least another 45...)

There was silence on the phone, and then she said... "but that would be more than 100 lbs..."

Maybe it's just hard for her to accept that I had really gotten that big.

Loving Me
02-18-2010, 01:36 PM
I have a similar problem so I feel your pain. My mum bullied and insulted me (said she was trying to help) about my weight for years. I didn't tell her I was losing weight to start with, and then when I did I think she just thought it was like all the rest of the times I'd lost a bit to gain it all back again and more.
I think she realised this time is different from my commitment to the gym and the fact that I still lost weight when we went on holiday last summer. But when I talk to her about wanting to get into a size 12/14 UK which is 8/10 US I think, she keeps saying, oh you don't want to go that far, a 16/18 is far enough! After all this hard work I am NOT settling for anything that is not where I want to be and how I want to feel, so I guess I'll have more bullying and insults (you're looking gaunt etc) to deal with in time.

PeanutsMom704
02-18-2010, 01:36 PM
Maybe it's just hard for her to accept that I had really gotten that big.

interesting.

I haven't specifically told my mom I want to lose 100 lbs. I said my starting point was 50 and she asked if I was going to keep going and I said yes. So I think she is not unaware that I have that much to lose.

But I just don't know why she thinks it's not possible to get out of plus sizes. I did tell her that my goal is for NOTHING I currently own to fit me in the end, and she did say "well, maybe an XL shirt" but I don't think she gets that I am working towards something more than that. (well, LESS than that! lol!)

PeanutsMom704
02-18-2010, 01:39 PM
LovingMe -

what size is your mom? if she's a 16/18 or bigger, I could see where she thinks that is fine, because that's what she's been telling herself.

And maybe that's part of my situation, now that I've posted it - my mom is trying to lose some weight herself, but I don't think she feels capable of putting in the effort to get to normal sizes. But as I said before, I hope she ends up being motivated by me to lose at least 10% - she's got some health issues that would definitely respond well to that and an increased level of activity.

Loving Me
02-18-2010, 02:00 PM
LovingMe -

what size is your mom? if she's a 16/18 or bigger, I could see where she thinks that is fine, because that's what she's been telling herself.

And maybe that's part of my situation, now that I've posted it - my mom is trying to lose some weight herself, but I don't think she feels capable of putting in the effort to get to normal sizes. But as I said before, I hope she ends up being motivated by me to lose at least 10% - she's got some health issues that would definitely respond well to that and an increased level of activity.

My mum was an 18/20 but she's now edging more towards 20/22. I honestly think she thinks that a 16/18 is normal and anything smaller is too thin. But in the end this is about me, and I'm going to keep going til I feel I'm where I want to be. Maybe when I get to a 16 I will decide that that is the right place, but I don't think so.

Eliana
02-18-2010, 04:57 PM
You guys just made me realize what my own mom's problem is. She's 4'9" on a good day and I'm totally guessing, but probably 200 lbs, which is pretty big for such a tiny person. So 100 pounds to her is like a mountain of weight. The smaller you are, the larger the 100 pounds is. That's why my mom looked at me like I was unhealthy when I told her I wanted to lose so much weight. That's also why she thinks I should wear a 2X like she does. She doesn't have a concept of what I should wear and never has!

Wow, now I get it! When I was in the fourth grade I was already five inches taller than her and was wearing way bigger clothes. I wasn't fat!! She just thought I was because I weighed so much. She never adjusted for my height.

thistoo
02-18-2010, 05:23 PM
(and caroline, you have come SO far, I know your will get there too, even if your body is hanging onto 150 for now. I think it just needs a little time to adapt to what you've already accomplished)

Thanks, PeanutsMom. I hope you are right!

salsa chip
02-18-2010, 06:04 PM
Wow, this is so interesting to read. I'm semi-estranged from my mother and have no idea how she'd react to my weight loss.

Mikayla
02-18-2010, 08:57 PM
My MIL did this a lot. When I first started out, I told her my goal was 135 and she looked at me like that was impossible and I shouldn't expect that to actually happen and that I should just be happy to get down to my high school weight(which was 190) Now that I'm getting smaller and show no signs of stopping she is less skeptical, but she still has doubt that I will ever be thin, it makes me sad.

What odd is she is my height and about 130 and my SIL is my height and about 115, so I'm not sure why she can't picture someone with my body type being smaller, maybe she just thinks it's impossible for formally fat people to get that small...

That is why it great to come to 3FC, now we know it is possible!

Thighs Be Gone
02-18-2010, 09:03 PM
Peanuts Mom, You absolutely will NOT be in plus-sized tops. You can do this and you ARE doing this. Unwelcomed comments is why I have never shared goals IRL and discussed methods casually. I have two friends IRL that are safe for open discussion. Otherwise, I hit the 3FC. My guess is that your weightloss is very threatening to her.

honeybjones
02-18-2010, 09:45 PM
For once, I am going to take the less cynical road. I think our moms just want us to be happy and so they want us to know its ok to not be skinny and its ok to lose a lot of weight and still wear an XL because we might achieve wonderful things only to end up feeling like failures anyway. My mother is deceased but I know she would want me to be happy and healthy and no law says I also have to be skinny.

marigrace
02-18-2010, 10:10 PM
Mothers seem to do the most disturbing things sometimes. When I was about 16 my mother took me to a diet doctor. He put me on a very strict diet...about 1000 calories a day with the same specific foods everyday ... and the weight melted off quickly. It was then that my mom started offering me foods that were't on the diet plan....I still don't know why she did that. Maybe she just felt sorry for me because the diet was so strict, I don't know.. but I also think there was a part that didn't want to accept the new me....and I gained all the weight back after that.

KnitALisa
02-18-2010, 10:24 PM
I honestly think she thinks that a 16/18 is normal and anything smaller is too thin. But in the end this is about me, and I'm going to keep going til I feel I'm where I want to be. Maybe when I get to a 16 I will decide that that is the right place, but I don't think so.
Replace those sizes with anything lower than weighing 150 lbs and you have one of my best friends. I love her dearly, but when I told her that I wanted to get down to 135 (a perfectly normal number for a 5'4 gal), she completely flipped out. She's 5'9 and looks great and slim at 150; when I weighed 150, I still felt very heavy and in my opinion, was fat. She was maintaining I looked fabulous back then and that I would look anorexic at 135 (melodrama much?). It's kinda one of those things where all I could say is, "Ok, well it's still a long way off and I just evaluate as I go..."

PeanutsMom704
02-18-2010, 11:14 PM
I've been thinking about this a lot all day, I think what I posted to LovingMe is really what's happening here. I think that she cannot imagine whatsoever putting in the time and effort herself to get down to my goal weight (we are about the same height). So I don't think she can imagine me putting in that effort either. Not as a judgement about ME, but in a more general sense, it's just a mountain that seems far too high to climb to her.

And like I said initially, she's very supportive overall, and it's not like she's saying things like "oh, you'll be too thin." I think that as I get closer and she sees what I'm capable of, she will be just as supportive as she is now. But I can't really blame her, I've never pulled off this amount of loss (let alone maintained it!). Of course, I never had 3FC before either, so now I KNOW that I CAN do this!

Heavenlymom
02-19-2010, 01:30 AM
Hang in there. My mom is very supportive to my face lol but then tells my family I'll fall off the wagon behind my back. Prove her wrong!! :) We support you all the way. Don't let her get you down and remember you are the only way who can stand in your way. (That's someones quote on the bottom of their sigg who posts all the time on here and I LOVE IT!!)