So recently I was out at the bar with a friend of mine having a couple drinks and listening to a band. I've already posted on here before saying that I've got really low self esteem and that I just can't get motivated to workout because I've become so down and depressed about how I "let myself go" even though it could be worse. I'm at the weight that I have never wanted to be BACK to in a long time. I know I'm not real big to where its a health scare, etc. but I'm not comfortable.
Anyways, back to the other night. I had just shown up and met up with friends when I needed to go to the restroom. The place was pretty packed so I was trying to weave in and out of all these people on the way to the restroom. As I squeezed by about 3 guys, saying excuse me, one guy had the balls to say as I walked on by, "Talk about 'Fat Bottom Girls' " (It's a texas country song by Kevin Fowler) and I'm about 99.999999% sure that he was talking about me. I was so infuriated and wanted to turn around and say something but I convinced myself that it is true and MAYBE, JUST MAYBE that would be my motivation to work out---guess what? It wasn't. It just made me more down in the dumps and so now I'm terrified what people think of me when I walk by. All I assume is that they are saying to themselves how big I am or how big I've become.
What should I do? Its INCREDIBLY hard to ignore comments like that. I don't know what to do. ANY ADVICE?
It IS hard to ignore comments like that first of all, take comfort in the fact that most people are too concerned about themselves and their fat bottoms to be worrying about yours So its really very unlikely that people walking past you have even noticed your butt, which is probably not that big to begin with. Secondly, you will never know which people DO notice that and think that, so why worry about it? Thirdly, people who DO say something are either insecure themselves or insecure little pricks not worth you worrying about for one iota of your precious time. Dont let peoples thoughts control what you do with your life, health and weight that would be a terrible shame
Last edited by Iconised Ghost; 02-17-2010 at 04:47 AM.
What should I do? Its INCREDIBLY hard to ignore comments like that. I don't know what to do. ANY ADVICE?
Comments like that are going to happen no matter what your size. Your head is ALWAYS going to interpret comments that way because of your own insecurities - same as me. I've seen really skinny girls get called fat by guys thinking they're sooo funny - it's just that they're a bit thick - the skinny girls that have always been skinny will laugh and the ones that haven't always been skinny will take it to heart.
Ignoring them is the only way. And although that's hard, I don't think there's another answer.
HOWEVER. My advice as to what you should DO is different. It's easy to say that you can't get motivated to workout. I can't remember who it is on here, but someone has in their signature that it's not about motivation, it's about commitment. And when I see that it reminds me that exercising isn't something that will magically happen when I get some motivation. I go down to my gym and run on that treadmill because I know the consequences if I don't.
You have to choose to workout. You have to make that commitment to yourself. It's isn't easy. It's the opposite of easy. That's why there are so many people struggling with it and so many people on these forums trying their best to stay on track. But if you just DO IT rather than fretting about it all the time it becomes easier and more routine and you can feel proud of the commitment you have made.
It isn't that scary. But you have to force yourself to get moving or it will never happen.
"Fat Bottomed Girls" was a Queen song from the '70s. I hate that song. The first time I heard it, it was almost enough to make me hate Queen. The weird thing is that the lyrics are about how Brian May (who wrote it) likes curvy women. (Sorta like "Baby Got Back" from Sir Mix-a-lot.) I think my aversion to the song (and probably yours and most women's) is that we have such negative ideas about what the word "fat" means. So it's kinda our head trip.
I agree with Dayoneagain: people will think what they think. It's SO HARD to shrug it off, but a lot of people are jerks and make stupid, unfeeling comments. If they're not about weight, then it's the way you dress or your age or your income/job or whether you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/kids.... You get the point. The best I've been able to come up with is to use those comments as reminders to NEVER do the same to someone else (which is also hard) and to let myself feel angry/frustrated/sad for a few minutes, then move on. Even otherwise decent people can be jerks. Especially after indulging in alcohol.
I'm sorry that this happened to you. People are just MEAN. I remember the episode of Sex and the City where someone in Atlantic City called Miranda fat and all the ladies jumped in and said, She just had a baby, what's YOUR excuse? My wish is that we would ALL do something like that in real life when this happens. But unfortunately we say nothing and let it fester and destroy us. But I honestly feel that people don't even think about what they're saying. I am at my goal weight and even though I still feel like a fat girl in my head, deep down I know that in reality I'm not. And a couple weeks ago I was apparently in some guy's way and he says, Move it, fat-@$$. It bothered me for a little while but I think it's just guys thinking they are "clever" by calling a woman fat. I think of it as a generic insult because they can't come up with anything better.
I'm sure that doesn't make you feel any better and unfortunately I don't have any good advice to handle it. It's a hard situation but you should try to forget it and move forward, and know that you are making changes for YOU and not because some dumb guy made a dumb comment.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this! I've been there trust me! Last spring, I was out with some friends and some guy kept trying to buy me a drink. I wasn't interested and I told him no very politely several times. He ended up getting mad and asking me how much I weighed, and when I asked why, he said "Oh well you know you're a large girl." It hurt me so badly, but then I realized the only reason he had to say that was because he was being rejected. I know it's hard to ignore comments like that, and not take them to heart, but you just can't let them get to you! In all reality, that guy probably wasn't even talking about you! Just keep your head up and stay strong, because you can do this!! You have to be motivated for yourself, and not for anyone else, because in the end, this is for you!
Ditto to what's been said above, and I want to add that one of the best things that I can do for me when I'm feeling down in the dumps is to go work out. Maybe this won't be true for you, but I really think you should give it a try, no strings attached. I agree with what Dayoneagain said about motivation vs. commitment, and you do need to commit to it if that's what you want, but sometimes taking that step can be really daunting. So at first, rather than looking it as some monumental step that is going to be the start of your metamorphosis or whatever, just look at it as half an hour of physical activity, which you don't have to like or even repeat if you don't want to. Strip it of its power to intimidate you, and instead do it just to give it a try and discover if hey, you might actually like it.
On days when I have 0 motivation to go to the gym, I go anyway, not just because I'm committed, but also because I know it makes me feel better. I walk into spin class super stressed out unable even to relax my jaw, and by the end I'm relaxed and in a much better place mood-wise than when I walked in. It makes me feel good about myself, and it's something I feel like I have control over. No, it's not a miracle high that solves all my problems, but it really does help pick me up when I'm feeling down. Just give it a shot; I hope the same turns out to be true for you--you CAN do it
It's hard but you can't worry about what people say.
People say negative things about ALL people skinny and heavy.
Men especially mostly to try to be "funny" and/or "cool" with their friends.
I will never forget when I first started to gain weight (I'm 5'7 and weighed about 175 at the time) I was out at a bar and this REALLY REALLY drunk guy who probably could have been my grandfather was dancing his butt off on the dance floor all by himself trying to get women to dance with him. He came up to me and yelled "OOOOOH maybe the BIG girl will dance with me, come on big girl show me what you got" I was so humiliated and angry.
So after the dance (haha just kidding of course I didnt!)....
I turned the guy away and ignored his offer but I let it ruin my night... until my friend said to me "You are going to let that person effect your happiness? If someone came up to you and said "Hahaha this girl has BROWN UGLY HAIR" would you allow that person to RUIN the good time you are having? Probably not. You'd brush that off. Don't let something someone says play on your insecurities and alter your happiness because they probably only said it due to insecurities of their own" (or drunken stupidity in my case)
But its true. We only have one life to live. No matter how big or small. No matter what anyone says to us we can't live like that. So as hard as it is you have to make the decision to think to yourself
"I am better than that person for not talking bad about others and I am not going to let them affect my happiness"
Once you do this a couple times it will get easier. After all sticks and stones can break your bones but words will never hurt you!
I had a really similar situation happen to me this past weekend. I was standing in line at a bar and turned around right as some guy was walking by me and he looked me straight in the face and said "yikes". This of course hurt my feelings. But before the "yikes" incident, I was having a great night and everyone I was with (who I haven't seen in a long time) kept telling me how great I looked and asking me how I lost weight. I was having a great night and felt better than I have felt in a very very long time. But anyway, my super long story has a point and it is: why did I let the negative comments affect me so much more than all the positive ones? I think it's all in what you focus on. I was bummed after he said that for about 5 minutes and then I thought about all the nice things people have been saying and made the choice to move on! I do wish I would have been quick enough to have a good comeback though!
Last edited by foresmewithlove; 02-17-2010 at 11:57 AM.
before i got in the routine of working out i was depressed a lot too but I started realizing that when I work out I felt better afterwards. My depressions slipped away, that was what really got me working out. I realized that if I kept working out I would be happy and after a very hard couple months of emotional turmoil I was ready to be happy again.
So workout a couple times and really take the time to appreciate how you feel better afterwards. I wouldn't even care if I lost weight when I work out as long as I feel as good as I do now.
It helps when I tell myself this is something temporary that I can change if I so choose to--I am not stuck in this forever. I try to think about people who are stuck with the conditions they get made fun of---and I tell myself I ought to feel lucky that at least I have control over whats wrong with me. I may think my legs are fat, but they take me where I need to go. I bet someone in a wheelchair would be grateful to have them. This is a weird way to look at it and I hope it doesn't come across as disrespectful to the handicapped but this is the only way I can force myself to count my blessings/stay focused and keep things in perspective.
Keep your chin up girlie! We all have had experiences with jerks (and it's not just males that can be mean like that...) but we have to ignore it and just move on. They are not worth your time.
One guy in high school that I totally adored was in the same group of friends. He never made a comment about my weight, but when we were talking together one day, he and some of the other friends and I were sitting around chit chatting and we talked about why we had never dated (I had thrown myself at this kid numerous times). He told me, right to my face, and tried to hide it from the others, but said that he didn't want to date me because he thought my face looked like it had been run over by a truck, so I should move on.
It hurt so bad, but after I realized how hurtful it was, I thought about how much of a creep he was and that he was never that great of a person. We didn't talk much after that, now we never do, and I'm totally okay with that.
I'd prefer to take it as a compliment. You know, that song (originally by Queen) is actually about LIKING bigger girls. So if he was making a snarky comment, he wasn't doing it very well by referencing a song with lyrics like "Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round" and "I seen every blue eyed floozy on the way, hey...But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while...".
Basically, that song is a love song to the sexiness of bigger women. So if he did say it and was trying to be negative, he's an idiot for choosing that reference. And if he did choose the reference well, it was a compliment (sort of like that "Big Girls" song by Mika).
If he's an idiot, why waste your time worrying, and if he isn't, it wasn't an insult.
Keep your chin up girlie! We all have had experiences with jerks (and it's not just males that can be mean like that...) but we have to ignore it and just move on. They are not worth your time.
One guy in high school that I totally adored was in the same group of friends. He never made a comment about my weight, but when we were talking together one day, he and some of the other friends and I were sitting around chit chatting and we talked about why we had never dated (I had thrown myself at this kid numerous times). He told me, right to my face, and tried to hide it from the others, but said that he didn't want to date me because he thought my face looked like it had been run over by a truck, so I should move on.
It hurt so bad, but after I realized how hurtful it was, I thought about how much of a creep he was and that he was never that great of a person. We didn't talk much after that, now we never do, and I'm totally okay with that.
He said WHAT?!?
The thing about that? You're hot! Pretty! Beautiful!
I think boys will say just about anything to not appear scared out of their minds of rejection.
The thing about that? You're hot! Pretty! Beautiful!
I think boys will say just about anything to not appear scared out of their minds of rejection.
Yeah, the guy was just a complete jerk, and I have no idea why I was ever attracted to him. I couldn't believe that he said it, but he did, and he still to this day I'm sure thinks he did nothing mean. However, the more I think about it, the more I know how wrong he was. Thanks for the kind words, dear!!
The things people (guys) say...
first of all, take comfort in the fact that most people are too concerned about themselves and their fat bottoms to be worrying about yours 
So its really very unlikely that people walking past you have even noticed your butt, which is probably not that big to begin with. Secondly, you will never know which people DO notice that and think that, so why worry about it? Thirdly, people who DO say something are either insecure themselves or insecure little pricks not worth you worrying about for one iota of your precious time. Dont let peoples thoughts control what you do with your life, health and weight 
