My daughter is 2 1/2 and not potty trained. Which is entirely my fault. I'm a first time mom and old one at that I'm 36, and I really have no idea what I'm doing. My friend has found this 3 day program for potty training and told me to do it. But the program is very dedicated you can't leave you child at all for 3 days you are not to use dipers at all even at night. With my life I'm having trouble dedicating that time. We have shopping to do which involves several stores, i have stalls to strip and rebed which takes time. She comes with me to do everything and I can't stop every time she wets her pants and with the cold I'm scared she'll get rashes etcs if i don't get her changed that second. Plus my daughter sleeps really hard. She has wet out her diaper before and woke up the next morning soaking wet, bed, blankets, pillows. I don't want her to lay in Pee all night long. I just feel like a really really crappy mom now. My daughter loves to go sit on the potty and I take her any time she wants to, she rarely goes though. Does anyone else have any suggestions, or I am I going to have to figure out a way to get someone else to do all my work responsiblities to stay with my daughter that much time?
02-12-2010, 12:13 PM
There's nothing wrong, or even abnormal, about a 2.5 year old not being potty trained. I guarantee that it'll be smoother sailing for both of you -- and a heckuva lot easier on your laundry bill -- if you let her do it when she's ready, not when you (or, worse yet, your MIL :) ) think she should be ready.
02-12-2010, 12:34 PM
Exactly what Kaw said....child led potty training is much easier than the program you are talking about. :)
02-12-2010, 12:48 PM
My daughter is now almost 4 and she wasn't fully potty trained until she was three, don't be in any hurry. Like the others said, she'll let you know when she's ready. Just ask her from time to time. I think when they are older is a faster and less stressful experience. One day my daughter just told me she wanted to wear big girl pants like her friends and that was the end of pull-ups, atleast during the day. Nights however are another animal all together. If she wears a pull up she stays dry and if she wears panties to bed sometimes she wets. Murphys Law.
02-12-2010, 01:00 PM
All children are different. I have 4 children and 3 daycare kids. My 2.5 year old isn't potty trained either. We try a little each day, but sometimes she will, sometimes she won't.
Things I have learned:
Potty training is 10% desire and 90% physical ability on the child's part. If she isn't physically able to "hold it" and tell you when she has to go, then it's not going to work. My daughter will say "I'm peein' Momma!" and we go to the bathroom, sit on the toilet, and put on a clean diaper. She can tell me during, but not before.
You can take her every 30min and put her on the potty when you are home on the weekends. Keep her in diapers (pull ups are a waste of money). If you are at a store, make time to take her first thing when you get there. Pretty soon (might take a month or so) she will be consistently dry when you put her on there OR will be able to tell you that she has to go. Then you can try some cloth panties during the day if you want, but stick with diapers at night until she wakes up dry for a while.
If your daughter were 3.5, you might need to get concerned. But there is no magic thing that happens at 2 years old that makes a kid want to train. Some women I know say "Start training at 2, end at 3. Start at 3, end at 3." Might be good advice. Dunno.
02-12-2010, 01:08 PM
I did child-led potty training too - my son ended up training himself in about 4 hours when he was 3.5. I don't mean that I never worked with him at all before that - he started to use the potty periodically at around 2. But never consistently and he also wasn't willing to use it for a BM, so he stayed in diapers.
What ended up working - but at an age where he was really ready, was leaving him naked in the morning and he used the potty all on his own. A really great advantage of waiting until they are older is that my son was pretty independent with using the potty right from the start - he could get himself dressed and undressed and wash his hands. I supervised but I didn't NEED to be there, so if he had to go when I was in the middle of something else, he could.
Actually, he needs more supervision now, at age 5.5, because he's suddenly developed the nasty habit of not flushing and washing his hands! lol!
02-12-2010, 01:26 PM
My toddlers are now grown, but I remember potty training well and watched my daughter train my grandson. I had 4 kids and they all potty trained differently .... or the difference may have been in me. I really stressed over my oldest but by the time my 4th child came along I thought "I have not seen anyone go to college yet who isn't potty trained, so I will give it time." :) Once I relaxed the children relaxed.
There is nothing wrong with a 2.5 year old not being trained. It will be easier to train her in warm weather. I like mortonpixie's approach except that I would add some type of reward. My daughter let my gs put a sticker on a chart every time he used the potty. After she found some stickers he loved, he trained himself.
02-12-2010, 01:55 PM
Yup! 110% agree with previous posters! I can't remember exactly when my girls were trained but it wasn't at 2.5. Maybe 3 to 3.5? I waited until they were interested and physically able and it probably only took 3 weeks or so - most of it happened right away.
I will say that making the bathroom as accessible as possible helps. I had a stool to climb on and "push against" and a potty seat. We went to the store and let them pick them out.
One other piece of advice - if you have any car trips in your short term future, wait on potty training. That was NOT fun! DH and I looked at each other and contemplated letting her go in her pants so we didn't have to stop, but I couldn't do it. Consistency is key!
Lastly - these days pass by so very fast. Don't rush through them! 2 and 3 years old are such tender, magical ages. I would love to sit with my girls at that age again.
02-12-2010, 02:40 PM
Well I'm an old first time mother. I have a 20 month old and I had her at 43. She started potty training and didn't like so she quit. I don't press her, we work on it everyday. I have let her take the lead on her milestones and she seems to do much better with them. So I decided not to try and make her potty train.
02-12-2010, 03:16 PM
As the mom of three who are all well past potty-training, I agree with all of the above posters. Relax, give it time, it'll happen. It's completely not worth stressing out about, especially not with the other very significant stresses in your life.
02-12-2010, 03:23 PM
Totally agree with all the above! My son is three, and has been potty trained for 2 months now. He's had (ONLY!) a handful of nighttime accidents, but that's ok :)
We started talking about how cool it was to use the potty when he was around 2-ish, and then a couple days after his third birthday, I casually mentioned that when he was ready we could go buy some big boy underwear whenever he was ready. We went that day, and he never wore diapers again! I bought one of those toddler seats that go over the toilet, and in a few minutes he had the hang of it! I'd say the first three days he had a little bit of trouble getting there in time, but we didn't make a big deal out of it, and soon it wasn't a problem at all.
My advice, start talking about it now, but not in terms of her having to do it, just that you use the potty, other big girls and boys use the potty and how fun it is! (lol- oh the life of a toddler mom!) Don't push. And, some may disagree, but skip the training pants all together (except at night, if you feel you need them, we never used them at night and just cleaned up accidents).
Good luck! Don't put pressure on yourself! It's ok, really!
02-12-2010, 03:40 PM
I am the mother of 6 , 5 of which are potty trained. I taught 3 year olds for years before becoming a stay at home mom. You do need to wait till your child is ready and being your life has been abit crazy lately now could not be the right time. When the time is right your life needs to be settled and calm. You need to be positive and encouraging. The best way I have found would be talk it up to her. Let her pick out panties and decide on rewards for pee or poo (like one M&M for pee two for poo , or stickers/sticker charts work well too) . Only work on daytime training at first. Set yourself a timer and have her try every 15-20 minutes, sit with her , give her books, turn on running water, encourage her to push or even grunt alittle, praise her for the effort, let her flush and repeat in 15-20 minutes. If you need to leave home put the diaper OVER panties so it feels like panties and ask her often if she needs to go. Diapers at nap and bedtime are okay for awhile till she gets daytime down pat. Maybe come up with some prize that will motivate her. But it will take commitment for everyone she stays with so make sure they are willing to work out it the same way/routine you are doing. Just know it WILL happen in time and don't be hard on yourself about it.
I too would recommend the potty seat that goes into the big potty seat over the little potty you have to wash out. If she stays with a friend or grandparent buy them one too. That and a small plastic stool are great tools. Toysrus or places online sells a fold up seat for on the go uses and I used that too till they got the hang of things. Hope this helps.
02-12-2010, 03:51 PM
I run a daycare and have potty trained MULTIPLE children from there as well as my own three. My 3 year and 8 month son JUST potty learned TWO WEEKS AGO! lol!!!
When they are READY you will know. introduce the potty, take them after meal times, before naps, before bed. They will gradually figure it out. The youngest I had potty learn was just over two... but she's STILL not night trained at three and has frequent accidents. Where with my son, waiting until he was ready meant that he is dry DAY AND NIGHT and it took a matter of days.
I once told a friend... yah. You can start potty training seriously at 18 months. And be done at 3. Or you can start potty training seriously at 35 months... and be done at three ;) lol!!!
02-12-2010, 03:53 PM
I don't usually post here, but thought I'd chime in. I agree with everyone else, don't worry about it. My 2 year old is only occasionally interested in using the potty. It depends on your child's personality too. I know from watching my daughter learn to crawl, walk, roll over, talk, etc. that she doesn't consistently do something until she's very sure she's got it right. So my guess is she's holding off on using the potty until she's sure she knows what she's doing. But I know it will happen eventually, and your kiddo will be trained eventually too. So try not to stress. :)
Also, I wanted to point out that even when a kid is potty trained they may still need a pull-up or diaper at night and nap times, because learning to control their bladder and learning to wake themselves up if they have to go or hold it in their sleep are two different things. The only time to be concerned about bed wetting is after the age of 5 or so.
02-12-2010, 04:12 PM
Oh goodness, I think your expectations of what is normal are a bit skewed, and I means that in the kindest way possible. My 33 month old isn't yet potty trained, and certainly my 18 month old isn't! If she's not ready to have that idea on her own, I am not ready to force the issue!
I do child-led training on very few parenting issues, but the potty is one of those that just makes sense :)
02-12-2010, 04:20 PM
I was a child development major, and it is absolutely, positively, 100% normal for a child to not be potty trained at that age. And if you don't believe me, the American Academy of Family Physicians agrees:
It is not uncommon for a child to still be in diapers at 2 and a half to 3 years of age.
I think 2 1/2 isn't an odd age for a child to not be potty trained. With my daughter, I waited until she showed readiness which was around 2 1/2. She told me she wanted "big girl panties". I spent one weekend with her without a diaper on, just running around the apartment nudie buns with her potty in whatever room she happened to be in. She told me when she wanted to pee and poop, then sat down and did it. The next week I bought her Barbie panties (pull-ups don't feel wet and can delay potty training). She had a few days of wet pants but for the most part was easy to train because it was on her terms.
Studies have shown that kids end up being potty trained about the same age no matter what time you start. Example, you can start training at 1 and struggle for a year and a half...ending up with a child potty trained at 3. Or start at 2 1/2 and end up with a 3 year old trained only working on it for 6 months.
02-12-2010, 05:35 PM
Yes, it's different for every kid. I never could follow those reward system training. With my oldest I had no idea and we pushed too young and it wasn't until he was 4.5yo that he was fully day/night trained. My middle boy who is the most easy going kid trained himself at 2.5. My youngest is now 3 and we are training but he's not that into it. He poos but has tons of pee accidents, we arent' pushing either just not putting him in diapers and he goes all the time if he's naked but put undies on him and he'll wet himself. it's strange. He has more accident days right now but I'm way more laid back about it than i used to be, he'll be ready when he's ready.
02-12-2010, 08:03 PM
My eldest daughter wasn't fully trained until 3.5, and my youngest trained herself when she turned 2, but refuses to wear panties. All my white hair is due to the struggles I had with eldest daughter, so I am letting the little one chart her own course and make it her decision. I can't handle the stress of going through that again.
02-12-2010, 09:29 PM
Wow, thanks everyone so much. I am surprised to see such a huge response. I was feeling pretty bad about the whole thing. My friends daughter is a month younger than my daughter and I feel like i'm not doing enough for her. Any time she wants to go to the potty, we head that way. She was alot more interested a couple months ago, it has slacked now. She did start to use going potty as an excuse to not put her PJ's on, not head for a nap or bed. But I still let her go. I bought her 30 pair of underware today, so tomorrow I'm hoping to see how she likes them and see if wetting them help her make her understand when she has to go. But night time she absolutly will wear a diaper, she sleeps way to hard to notice if she wet and I won't have her sleep in wet bed. Her school loves her, and they say she's very normal and on target for her age, because I constantly ask if she seems behind others. I just don't know really how to raise a child, and my mom can't remember what she did with me. I'm scared I'll ruin my child and it will be all my fault. She's just the world to me. I want to do everything right but I don't know whats right sometimes. I'm doing the best I can, I love her, try to teach her right from wrong, she won't sit still to read a book, but will sit and point out the animals and say who they are in there. She has just started to watch TV a couple weeks ago. She watch's Nickjr and she seems to really like it. She is a very active child for the most part. She is in a testing me phase, and she can be a little bit of a drama queen when she don't get what she wants. My mom hates that, but I figure most kids go through this so I don't get to excited about it. My mom expects alot more from her than I do. She's pretty good for my mom though.
THANKS SO MUCH EVERYONE, I feel a little bit better now.
02-12-2010, 09:46 PM
I agree with everyone else here. My oldest was 3 and a half when he was about of daytime diapers - and not until pushing 5 that he could go without at night. I was luckier with my younger two - dd trained herself at 20 months and ds2 was a little past two and it was almost all him. I tried and tried with my oldest to get him out of diapers sooner, and I really think it backfired and turned into a power struggle.
When my kids were ready, the best thing to do was go completely naked from the bottom down everytime we were at home for awhile. It was easier for both of us to tell if s/he needed to get to the potty fast.