100 lb. Club - Can I really do it? (Rambly)




View Full Version : Can I really do it? (Rambly)


Sunrose
02-09-2010, 11:34 AM
Most of you probably don't know me/remember me, but I've been here almost forever. I am a lurker, but "come out" every so often with a goal of staying out, but I always seem to go back "in", LOL!

I am just struggling so badly with not believing that I can do this. I know I have made some progress, and I've pretty much maintained what progress I have made. I promised myself last January that I wouldn't give up no matter what, and I haven't. Last January, I think I was in the mid 230's and in April I was 225. Now I am 216.

However, I am mentally stuck. A few months ago, I saw 211 and completely freaked out and gained back up to 219. The one time in my adult life that I got down lower than 200 was a very difficult time in my life. I was in my early 20's and going through a bad depression and went from 190 up to 254. I didn't know what to do with my life and I was stuck at home with my parents in an unhealthy situation. Somehow I lost weight and got down to about 190 (about the same weight I was when I graduated from high school). After leaving home and moving into another very unhealthy situation, I gained about 80 pounds in one year. This is the same weight I am trying to lose now. I have since gotten out of the unhealthy situation and am married to an awesome guy and we are looking forward to our fourth anniversary in June!

Anyway, I am wondering if losing this weight is just bringing back memories of a bad time when I weighed the same amount? If that is the case, yes it's difficult but it's not an excuse. I am tired of not believing in myself and I really, really want to get this done. I cannot picture myself in regular size clothing. I know there are people here that wear regular sizes, but I have large hips and thighs and even when I was 190, I still wore size 18 jeans (although I can already fit into some XL tops). I just cannot picture myself accomplishing this.

I guess I am just looking for a butt kicking. I mean I know that I just need to do it and well, I am doing it. I've been perfectly on plan for ten days now, but I guess being on plan is what brings out all these issues. I just really need support right now and I need someone to give me a reality check. I'm so serious. Don't worry about hurting my feelings (within reason, of course), I need reality. Sorry about rambling, and thanks for listening.


aerotigergirl
02-09-2010, 11:45 AM
I totally hear you with the whole "mental block" situation. For me, all my life, I've been fat. Even as a child, I remember being bigger than my friends. So, for better or worse, being fat has been a part of my identity.

So, even though I know I want to lose the fat and become a better, healthier version of myself, when it starts to happen, I freak out because if I'm not "the fat girl" then who will I be? Will people start to notice other things about me? Maybe things that aren't so great (not as if noticing me being fat is so great, but you know...)? Will I feel lost? Will I no longer know who I am?

The truth is, you're YOU! Your life is full of other things that define you. Healthy happy things. You're not going to lose all those things when you lose the extra pounds.

Lori Bell
02-09-2010, 11:46 AM
...Anyway, I am wondering if losing this weight is just bringing back memories of a bad time when I weighed the same amount? If that is the case, yes it's difficult but it's not an excuse. I am tired of not believing in myself and I really, really want to get this done. I cannot picture myself in regular size clothing. I know there are people here that wear regular sizes, but I have large hips and thighs and even when I was 190, I still wore size 18 jeans (although I can already fit into some XL tops). I just cannot picture myself accomplishing this...
NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!

Losing the weight is not a form of mental torture, losing weight is a form of physical health. If a certain weight reminds you of bad times, once you get close, don't weigh yourself for a few months until you have clearly bypassed it. We all have baggage, KWIM? our goal is to shed the baggage, not to cling onto it. Losing this weight will free you of more baggage than you can imagine. DOn't give up this time. Keep on going. If you can't walk, crawl. It is worth every amount of effort you put into it.

BTW, WELCOME BACK! :hug:


westernsoutherngirl
02-09-2010, 01:28 PM
Okay so I don't know Lori Bell personally and I haven't been on this site all that long but I am quickly figuring out that she is one of the wisest women out there! Listen to her and read her post as many times as you need to!!!!

ubergirl
02-09-2010, 01:32 PM
Yes...! What Lori said.

I don't know why it took me so long to figure out that the past does not need to predict the future.

I used to hash and rehash some experiences of my youth thinking that the secret to my weight loss lay there.

Weirdly enough, I finally realized that linking my food behavior in the present to feelings I had years ago was just standing in my way, and worse, had even become a kind of excuse or crutch.

I finally had to say to myself "hey uber, you know that bag of candy you're eating right now? That has nothing to do with your mom criticizing your weight at age 12, and everything to do with the fact that you feel like eating that candy right now...."

Maybe there were reasons that you gained the weight. But those reasons no longer apply. Let yesterday be yesterday-- you can't control what happened then, but you absolutely and positively to have a choice in what you do now!!!

GiddyupKaos
02-09-2010, 02:50 PM
Okay so I don't know Lori Bell personally and I haven't been on this site all that long but I am quickly figuring out that she is one of the wisest women out there! Listen to her and read her post as many times as you need to!!!!

x2... I havent' been on here for very long either.. but LORI BELL is very WISE.....as she stated:
Crawl if you have to girlfriend.. just keep going!!!
and CONGRATS on your weightloss so far!!!! :hug:

rockinrobin
02-09-2010, 04:07 PM
If it's a butt kicking you're after - consider yourself kicked.

I think you need to stop giving yourself excuses NOT to do this. By telling yourself your past is getting in the way, it kinda gives you permission NOT to do it. It's giving yourself permission to eat this and that and stay overweight and not live your life to it's full potential And that's a shame. So cut it the heck out!

The past is the past. It's irrelevant. You've got to deal with the here and now. Take a deep breath and jump in with both feet. You won't regret it.

You absolutely, positively have the ability to do this. Losing weight and lots of it is a DOABLE thing - for every one and any one - yourself included. So why the heck NOT you??? You've come so far - don't stop now. Just keep at it. There are so many more rewards just ahead for you. Don't settle for better - not when best is available to you.

You CAN do this. And you should. Why wouldn't you? Really - why wouldn't you???

Sunrose
02-09-2010, 09:02 PM
If it's a butt kicking you're after - consider yourself kicked.

I think you need to stop giving yourself excuses NOT to do this. By telling yourself your past is getting in the way, it kinda gives you permission NOT to do it. It's giving yourself permission to eat this and that and stay overweight and not live your life to it's full potential And that's a shame. So cut it the heck out!

The past is the past. It's irrelevant. You've got to deal with the here and now. Take a deep breath and jump in with both feet. You won't regret it.

You absolutely, positively have the ability to do this. Losing weight and lots of it is a DOABLE thing - for every one and any one - yourself included. So why the heck NOT you??? You've come so far - don't stop now. Just keep at it. There are so many more rewards just ahead for you. Don't settle for better - not when best is available to you.

You CAN do this. And you should. Why wouldn't you? Really - why wouldn't you???

You are completely right. Totally right. You are also wise and an inspiration. Thank you for telling me how it is and what I need to do. I knew it to some extent, but hearing someone else say it gives it more meaning somehow. Does that make sense?


I finally had to say to myself "hey uber, you know that bag of candy you're eating right now? That has nothing to do with your mom criticizing your weight at age 12, and everything to do with the fact that you feel like eating that candy right now...."

Maybe there were reasons that you gained the weight. But those reasons no longer apply. Let yesterday be yesterday-- you can't control what happened then, but you absolutely and positively to have a choice in what you do now!!!

You are absolutely right. I need to separate then from now.


NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!

Losing the weight is not a form of mental torture, losing weight is a form of physical health. If a certain weight reminds you of bad times, once you get close, don't weigh yourself for a few months until you have clearly bypassed it. We all have baggage, KWIM? our goal is to shed the baggage, not to cling onto it. Losing this weight will free you of more baggage than you can imagine. DOn't give up this time. Keep on going. If you can't walk, crawl. It is worth every amount of effort you put into it.

BTW, WELCOME BACK! :hug:

This is awesome. Awesome. I mean I think that is going to become my new mantra: Losing weight is not a form of mental torture, losing weight is a form of physical health. Simple, yet profound. Everyone is right when they say you are wise, Lori (by the way, my name is Lori, too). You are inspirational as well.


The truth is, you're YOU! Your life is full of other things that define you. Healthy happy things. You're not going to lose all those things when you lose the extra pounds.

You are totally right and I need to remember that. Thank you!

Wolf Runner
02-09-2010, 09:41 PM
I am a newcomer and am grateful for everyone's support.

I have just returned to a full time job where there is all kinds of food available all through the day. Employees bring food in, clients bring food as gifts, --- it's all over the place. When I see this food, it brings back memories of enjoying it before. But this time I WILL NOT EAT THIS FOOD. This food is not in my plan. The opportunity of eating it and the temptation sometimes makes me feel like I could easily slip into just that. But I cannot let myself get stuck again, no matter for what reasons or emotions. I must move forward. And so, when I tell myself I am moving forward, it feels easier to leave all that food behind. Maybe when you tell/see yourself in the "Now," you can also remember that you, too, are moving forward and leaving the old stuff behind. I hope it can be as powerful for you and it is for me.

WE ARE LOSING WEIGHT!!! TODAY ... AND TOMORROW .... MOVING FORWARD TO HAPPY, HEALTHY, BEAUTIFUL BODIES!!!

rakel
02-09-2010, 11:13 PM
I know what you mean... I seem to face this every step of the way. I still fear that I won't be able to do this. It's easy to say, hey silly, stop doubting yourself, you can do this! and another to actually believe it. I've been trying to do some mental exercises where I say to myself, "When I am thinner..." instead of "if I am thinner..." maybe it's a small thing, but overall I do feel like I have a little more confidence this time then I did the last time. Even if it takes me a lot longer than I'd like to accomplish my goals, I'm not going to give up -- even if, like you, I need to come back here from time to time to push me along. I've already done it once, and then gained all of the weight back and then some. Oops. I won't be making that mistake again. I've pretty much made up my mind that I'm going to do this.

I just don't know what I consider "goal" ... I do believe I am a "husky" woman by default, but then again, I've never really been "normal" so I really have no idea what my body type really is. So I am trying to just erase any pre-concieved notions and figure it out when I get there (not "IF", mind you!). In the meantime, I have at least 160lbs to lose, so that's plenty to focus on (but maybe just 10lbs at a time as to not overwhelm myself ;)).

So keep on hanging on... I know there is a lot of emotional baggage that comes with this, but like Robin, Lori, etc have said: this whole weight loss thing is really about your physical health, so don't let your emotions take you away from that... and so you know, I'm saying that to myself as much as anyone else. I think we all pretty much understand where you're coming from.

From what I can see, you definitely have the gumption to do what needs to be done, and I certainly have the faith that you can make it wherever you need to go. All of the tools necessary are in your arsenal, plus you now have a loving partner that will support you, which I know helps a ton! There are some people out there trying to do this without that. In the end, we should all be thankful for what we have.

Sunrose
02-10-2010, 05:40 PM
Thanks for your kind (but firm :drill:) words everyone. I am going to do this. Well, I am doing it. But I'm going to get it done and not stop until I get there (and then not stop maintaining, of course). Just watch. this is a HUGE turning point for me.

Thanks for being here!!!