100 lb. Club - How do you handle discouraged days?




ubergirl
02-09-2010, 11:49 AM
Yesterday I had the WORST day, and there really was nothing wrong, I was just feeling kind of down and discouraged.

I don't know if this is true for everyone, but I still suffer from days when I "feel fat"... Except that I've been 100% on plan... excercising, not doing anything out of the ordinary.

I went to the gym last night, but struggled during my workout and never got the usual endorphin rush. Then I caught sight of myself in a window reflection while doing an overhead press and I was stunned at how HUGE I looked in my leggings and tee shirt with my arms up over my head.

All day, I kept thinking about how other people lose faster than me and how I'm still not really into normal sized clothes, and how my goal weight is too high because others at my height have lower goals and.... well, just the whole invidious comparison game...

I think I'm better this morning, but I'd love to know if others get this way?


traci in training
02-09-2010, 11:57 AM
I think every woman I know (whether overweight or not) has an occasional day where she feels like crap. I think a lot of it is hormones. Not that I'm saying we should feel like crap, I just think often there's more going on than meets the eye with us girls.

That said - dude! You are one glorious pound from your fourth mini goal! And who cares what your goal weight is? When you get to 175 you'll either say, "yes, this is perfect!" or "well, I made it here and it's not exactly what I had in mind so I'm going to change my goal to XXX" Might be higher, might be lower, but there's no reason you have to weigh 175 for the rest of your life if you don't want to! Personally, I set my goal at the top weight of "normal" on the BMI but I don't know that I'll ever get there. I weighed 171 for literally years and years and felt great about how I looked. So it could be that when I get there I'll decide that's a good spot. I really do think I want to try "normal" but maybe that's not going to be normal for me.

I guess what I'm saying is your doing great and I'm sure you're going to continue to do great things. And those normal clothes sizes are quickly approaching, dude, so just hang in there!

BeachBreeze2010
02-09-2010, 12:04 PM
It could be hormones, but we tend to say we "feel fat" as a generalized statement for when something else is wrong. No need to answer here, but think about what might have prompted those feelings. I bet it isn't about "fat" but about something else that made you feel inferior, dissapointed or upset in some way. Look at it as a sign of a problem you need to fix. In a lot ways it is very comforting to say, "I feel fat" because we can fix "fat." But the other problems aren't so easy. Maybe I'm really off-base as I can only speak for myself, but when I have had days like that (not TOM), it's usually something else that's the problem. I just need to ask myself some questions to figure it out.


TJFitnessDiva
02-09-2010, 12:10 PM
I think everyone has those bouts....what has helped me is positive affirmations.

Always remember, your journey is your own. It's hard not to compare yourself with others *but* when you do this you are getting away from your goal and why you are doing this. I apply this to both my personal life and my business. I'm in direct sales and it's hard to not compare yourself to the ones that are getting the awards, cars, etc. I still let it sweep me up sometimes and when I catch myself then I always center myself with finding my "why". Basically I sound like a 3 year old when I do this (for example Why do you want to lose the weight? Answer. Why? answer. Why? etc) but it's very enlightening :D Oh yeah and "because" is not an answer lol

giselley
02-09-2010, 12:16 PM
I guess, just don't fall into the pity trap. Or use it as motivation. I don't like looking at myself in the mirror so I don't (unless there is a need). Gyms with big mirrors are formidable opponents to people who want to lose weight, but I hear the mirrors are there to check to see if your form is right. I personally don't like them.

aerotigergirl
02-09-2010, 12:28 PM
Ditto BeachBreeze for SURE. Every time I have one of these days, it's because I'm lacking at something in my life. For me at least, my self-esteem is very tenuous. It doesn't take much to send me into a downward spiral, despite my best efforts to remain realistic and be honest with myself. If I had a less than productive day at work, I feel guilty about it and that causes me to notice my fat more easily. I think that is just because it's my most obvious "flaw" so it's easy to misplace disappointment with myself for something else onto the fat part of me.

For me, the key is to be realistic and honest. Sometimes we mess up in lots of different areas of our lives. But no one is demanding perfection from you, and you shouldn't demand it of yourself either. As long as you're making progress, you're moving in the right direction.

ubergirl
02-09-2010, 12:33 PM
It could be hormones, but we tend to say we "feel fat" as a generalized statement for when something else is wrong. No need to answer here, but think about what might have prompted those feelings. I bet it isn't about "fat" but about something else that made you feel inferior, dissapointed or upset in some way. Look at it as a sign of a problem you need to fix. In a lot ways it is very comforting to say, "I feel fat" because we can fix "fat." But the other problems aren't so easy. Maybe I'm really off-base as I can only speak for myself, but when I have had days like that (not TOM), it's usually something else that's the problem. I just need to ask myself some questions to figure it out.

I totally hear you here, and I suspect it must be true! I could not pin point what was bothering me yesterday. All of us have some underlying stresses, but there isn't anything going on in my life that seems especially stressful.

Weirdly enough, I think it might have been my little shopping expedition into "normal" sized stores last week.

I've noticed that the smaller I get the more conflicted I get in some ways.

Whenever I compare myself to the 295 pounder I get really happy and feel terrific about myself.

But comparing myself to "normal" and feeling fat in normal sized stores represents a very long and painful part of my history, one that I more or less suppressed, I guess, by getting morbidly obese.

So, I'm thinking maybe that the improvement from a size 24 or 26 to an 18 or 16 seems FABULOUS... but the comparison of myself to what I would consider "normal" is still really painful and fraught. And I start worrying that I won't really look "normal" unless I get down to 130 or 140, which is below any weight I've ever weighed even in high school.

Guess I need to keep working on it.

Traci-- thanks for your words of encouragement. Somehow it slipped my mind that I am ONE POUND FROM MY MINI-GOAL :carrot::carrot:

Giselly-- thank god my gym doesn't have mirrors-- this was the window reflection that did me in. :dizzy:

Lori Bell
02-09-2010, 12:34 PM
I have watched, (read) you truck on day after day, week after week, and month after month. You have lost 74 freaking pounds in approx 8 months. There are not many people in the *real world* who have done what you have done. You are very inspiring to many people and you are a strong woman.

I think we all have fat days, but just remember where you came from. As far as goal weights, that is such a personal thing. I understand what you mean though, because I struggled with the same thing. Goal weights are deffinately one of those bridges you cross when you get there. Keep the faith, never give up!

cfmama
02-09-2010, 12:43 PM
You rock. And don't EVER forget that.

My days like that are few... but they happen. Mostly when I think that I've been at this for 16 months ALREADY and lost 170 pounds (huge feat!) but STILL HAVE MORE TO GO!!!!! I have another 57 pounds to lose and it's probably going to take me close to a year at this rate... and that p*sses me off.. so I know where you are coming from... sigh.

Eliana
02-09-2010, 12:44 PM
Uber, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you're comparing yourself to normal weights. Those are the days you're looking down the really long road. But even though that road seems really long, it has far fewer obstacles than the road behind you.

I definitely have days like that. There are mornings I wake up and could swear the weight all crept back on overnight. Or I'm feeling really good about myself, until I try on a pair of pants that my eye ball thinks will fit, and I can't even zip them up. Or I'll feel really good about putting on size 16 pants and then I remember that's the size that most women see as their last straw size.

catherinef
02-09-2010, 12:46 PM
Oh, I get this. I was standing in the Gap dressing room today, with a pair of what they call US size 12 jeans on -- and not squeezed on, I could sit down comfortably and everything -- and you'd think that'd make me happy, right? Nope. All I could see was how bloody enormous I looked, all the sagging skin, etc. And not five minutes before, I'd looked in that same mirror, fully dressed in the clothes I wore into the shop, and thought I looked really good.

And I plan on switching it lower, once I get to my stated goal of 195, but I really can't see myself trying very hard to get any lower than about 180, which is at the top end of a normal BMI. So what? I'm 42-freaking-years-old. I want an ultimate goal weight I can maintain without killing myself. Neither one of us has to compare ourselves to people of approximately our height and build who are at the lower end of normal. That's great for them. Everybody needs a final goal they can live with as comfortably and happily as possible, otherwise, what's the point of all this hard work?

Loving Me
02-09-2010, 01:04 PM
I know just how you feel and it sucks doesn't it.
Yesterday I weighed myself in the morning, shouldn't have done as it wasn't my usual weigh in day, but I did it, and it completely ruined my day. I was 2lbs up and that scale and those 2lbs ruled my day.
Even though I knew I couldn't possibly have gained 2lbs, I felt so fat all day. I kept crying, snapped at my DH and DD all day, and considered not going to my step class at lunchtime because I just wanted to hibernate.
I know I had a specific reason to feel bad (the scale number), but I have other days where I just feel like it's all too hard.
I had a similar day to you on my birthday. Went shopping in some normal stores and although I've lost 61lbs I still can't fit into anything in our UK normal clothing stores yet. I just felt like what was the point of all this hard work, I'm still classed as bigger than everyone else, an outcast, like I still don't belong.... I have days where although I've lost 61lbs it's blatantly obvious that I'm still the biggest girl in the gym and I feel like I've still got so far to go that I'll never reach my destination.
But we get over those days, we keep going because there's no other option for us now, we are too far down the road to turn back...

CLCSC145
02-09-2010, 01:19 PM
I have those days all the time. More so now that I'm closer to my goal than where I started. I'm not where I was but I'm not where I'm going. This limbo state can wear on a person!

ubergirl
02-09-2010, 08:27 PM
Thank you everybody! I'm feeling much better today.

I think it's just a process, but it certainly does help to hear all of your insightful voices.

No matter how I feel about it, I think as long as I stay on plan it wil take of itself.

mygritsconfessions
02-09-2010, 08:33 PM
ubergirl it looks like you have had some wonderful advice. It is always reassuring to know everyone goes through the similar emotions and difficulties. I just try to remember how far I have come, and 'this too will pass.'

LaurieDawn
02-09-2010, 08:47 PM
I absolutely have those days - and not always in a weight loss context. Some days, I am convinced that I am brilliant. Other days, I'm convinced that I am not even competent enough to tie my shoes. The pendulum is not swinging as wide as it used to, though, which helps a lot. I am not going to guess what it is. I just wanted to assure you that you are not alone. And at least for me, my goal is not to stop having those days. My goal is to recognize those days for what they are, push through them, and come out on the other side feeling better than ever.

caryesings
02-09-2010, 09:02 PM
Uber, thanks for sharing this, as I had nearly the identical experience today and simply could not explain it to the beau on why I was crying (I rarely cry). I was in a bit of a down mood, needed to do some minor shopping (underwear). As I walked through the store, it hit me that I can't shop in the "Women" section anymore. Should have been a good moment, but instead I got all weepy. This being a super Target, I next headed to the grocery section to pick up yogurt. Stood for LONG time in the chips section, which would have been my former method of dealing with a "mood". And got all weepy that I don't even want to binge anymore.

I am usually a person who thrives on change yet today all of these good changes were just overwhelming me. No wonder the beau is confused! I am so glad I have 3FC where others are feeling some of the same chaos and others willing to talk it through.

thistoo
02-09-2010, 10:17 PM
Oh, goodness, I feel this way far too often. I get so down on myself because I work really hard and I have such a terrible time losing weight, and it's not fair etc. etc. I throw regular pity parties for myself!

And even though I know I'm practically normal-sized now, I still feel huge a lot of the time. Coworkers call me crazy, but I wonder if I will always have 'fat days'. Maybe so. At least I don't deal with them by eating a Snickers bar anymore (the saddest thing about that is that I don't even like Snickers.)

LitChick
02-09-2010, 10:42 PM
Oh my, I could have authored your posts! That's exactly how I feel. Just wanted to add my voice as one of those letting you know you are not alone, by any means. :hug:

Sometimes 3FC is a double-edged sword for me. I see people's progress and while I am happy for them, inspired by them and motivated to stay on my own path to health, sometimes there is a twinge of 'poor me' mixed with jealousy. The mean little voice in my head says 'why can't YOU do that?' - even though, rationally I know that I am.

And for clothing sizes, right now the clothes in my closets are mainly 18s and 20s but I have a whole slew of 16s that a friend gave me when she lost weight and they were too big for her. They are a goal for me but they've been taunting me, too. The 18s are slightly too big, but the 16s are slightly too small. It's aggravating!

And then there's the 'how far I've come, how far I've left to go' feeling. I've lost almost 75 pounds, but I'm not even halfway there. :ugh: And the idea that I know, and people who know me know, how far I've come, but to everyone else, I'm still the fat chick. And yeah, I know that doesn't matter and generally it doesn't - it just bugs me sometimes!

Sorry to vent on your thread, but I do feel better knowing I'm not the only one who gets these crazy feelings sometimes!

ubergirl
02-10-2010, 12:19 AM
Uber, thanks for sharing this, as I had nearly the identical experience today and simply could not explain it to the beau on why I was crying (I rarely cry). I was in a bit of a down mood, needed to do some minor shopping (underwear). As I walked through the store, it hit me that I can't shop in the "Women" section anymore. Should have been a good moment, but instead I got all weepy. This being a super Target, I next headed to the grocery section to pick up yogurt. Stood for LONG time in the chips section, which would have been my former method of dealing with a "mood". And got all weepy that I don't even want to binge anymore.

I am usually a person who thrives on change yet today all of these good changes were just overwhelming me. No wonder the beau is confused! I am so glad I have 3FC where others are feeling some of the same chaos and others willing to talk it through.

Oh, the image of you getting weepy in front of the women's section is JUST PRICELESS. :hug:

I am so happy to hear from all of you, and it makes the journey so much less lonely!!

Today, I'm feeling good again, and really looking forward to getting to those teens!!!!

ubergirl
02-10-2010, 12:28 AM
Oh my, I could have authored your posts! That's exactly how I feel. Just wanted to add my voice as one of those letting you know you are not alone, by any means. :hug:

Sometimes 3FC is a double-edged sword for me. I see people's progress and while I am happy for them, inspired by them and motivated to stay on my own path to health, sometimes there is a twinge of 'poor me' mixed with jealousy. The mean little voice in my head says 'why can't YOU do that?' - even though, rationally I know that I am.

And for clothing sizes, right now the clothes in my closets are mainly 18s and 20s but I have a whole slew of 16s that a friend gave me when she lost weight and they were too big for her. They are a goal for me but they've been taunting me, too. The 18s are slightly too big, but the 16s are slightly too small. It's aggravating!

And then there's the 'how far I've come, how far I've left to go' feeling. I've lost almost 75 pounds, but I'm not even halfway there. :ugh: And the idea that I know, and people who know me know, how far I've come, but to everyone else, I'm still the fat chick. And yeah, I know that doesn't matter and generally it doesn't - it just bugs me sometimes!

Sorry to vent on your thread, but I do feel better knowing I'm not the only one who gets these crazy feelings sometimes!

Oh gosh, you're not venting-- it makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone. I spend a lot of the time just convinced that I'm that one person who will lose a hundred or more pounds and still be just as fat as I am now. It's illogical, but I just don't have a self-image that doesn't include being fat. I imagine myself being a miniature fat person... the same lumpy body, the same plus size self, just in miniature. Weird huh?

And I think there IS something weird about being in that 16-18 range, where is just where I am too... it's kind of like having a foot in both worlds-- where we're shrinking out of plus size, but still big in the world of regulars.

catherinef
02-10-2010, 04:56 AM
Uber, believe it. 16-18 (I'm going with US sizes here, but the British equivalent is just the same way, only the numbers are different) was definitely the hardest part of the whole trip. You are just SO CLOSE, but you're not there yet, and it's maddening. I'm just tipping solidly into 12-14 (US, and I'm an American expat, so my brain still registers in US sizes, regardless of how long I've lived here) now, and 16-18 was crazy-making.

thistoo
02-10-2010, 07:28 AM
I imagine myself being a miniature fat person... the same lumpy body, the same plus size self, just in miniature.

I suppose at 5 feet tall I already *am* a miniature fat person, but I know just what you mean. I can put on a pair of size 10 pants, knowing full well that I started out pushing a size 24. I can look in the mirror and see a normal-sized person, get compliments from people at work, and then see a photograph and get depressed all over again at how fat I still look. It's enough to make a girl want to stomp her feet. (Which, at least, would burn some calories!)

Beverlyjoy
02-10-2010, 07:46 AM
I think we all do have those days. Folks have said such great things... I like to use meditation when I get to feeling that way.

Glad you feel better today - you know....that's why we take one day at a time.

katkitten
02-10-2010, 09:34 AM
I often have to fight those feelings off when I’m receiving report on my patients in the morning. The night nurse will say things like “he’s so big he can barely move” and “you’ll need help with her because she is reallllly obese” and then I’ll look at the weight and he/she is like 40 pounds less than me!! And I’ll think: Geesh! I’ve been working on losing this weight since August and I’m StILL bigger than a person who is “so big he can barely move”?! What would they say about ME if I were in that hospital bed?

Mikayla
02-10-2010, 09:53 AM
I have these days sometimes. It's been happening for me after I try a piece of clothing on from a regular store(fitting into 14's is my biggest accomplishment at the moment) and it doesn't look right on me, it's pulling across the wider parts of me or it makes look lumpy or whatever, and try on the next size because I already have on the biggest size and then suddenly I feel like the biggest person in the store, the girl that can't fit into the biggest size they carry and then I think I've lost 88 lbs and I'm still busting out of clothes...it just makes me sad.
On days like this I look at progress pictures...sometimes I even take a picture of myself that day and compare to older pictures of me. There is such a difference that just a quick look at these pictures snaps me out of it real quick....

time2lose
02-10-2010, 10:12 AM
I know that you are feeling better today and that many others have responded but I still feel the need to chime in. I often fight this same battle. I compare myself to others who have lost so much faster, who weighed more than I did when I joined 3FC and now weigh less. It is tempting to compare myself to the Biggest Loser where contestants lose more in a week than I lose in a month.

I have to remind myself that this is a personal journey. I compare myself now to myself before starting. I feel so much better and can do so much more. I can usually talk myself into feeling better!

DCHound
02-10-2010, 10:49 AM
Oh how I wish I had started at 295 instead of 370. :) We all have our own demons to deal with...but you are doing GREAT!!!!!!!! You are!!!!!!!! I for one am extremely proud of you. And jealous, because I have yet again been plateaud for like 3 months...sigh.

caryesings
02-10-2010, 11:13 AM
Uber, believe it. 16-18 (I'm going with US sizes here, but the British equivalent is just the same way, only the numbers are different) was definitely the hardest part of the whole trip. You are just SO CLOSE, but you're not there yet, and it's maddening. I'm just tipping solidly into 12-14 (US, and I'm an American expat, so my brain still registers in US sizes, regardless of how long I've lived here) now, and 16-18 was crazy-making.


Wow, I hadn't thought of that! Maybe that's what got to me. Instead of now being the smallest size in the Women/Plus section, I'm now in the largest of the regular sizes. Good point.

bonnnie
02-10-2010, 11:31 AM
Your goal weight is great - I am only a little bit taller and not so long ago at 175. I was wearing a 12 pants (14 juniors) and small/medium top. I'm 100% pear-shaped.

Your body will be curvy - but really really far from overweight. No one will say or think you are overweight and you will be able to shop anywhere you choose.

If you would like a picture of me at this weight, to get a better idea - just msg me.

Your SO close to reaching the finish line! Quite an inspiration.

losermom
02-10-2010, 11:42 AM
I think that this whole journey is such a personal one. And you, myself included, are all making such big changes in yourself. It's hard sometimes to adjust to all of those changes. Some days I don't even recognize myself in the mirror even though I feel the same on the inside. I think that when those days and feelings occur, that we have to be really gentle with ourselves, just like you would with a child. For me, I usually take a hot bubble bath and go to bed early if I can. I know it sounds crazy, but 99% of the time I feel better in the morning.

Michelle98272
02-10-2010, 01:42 PM
When I have days when I am feeling discouraged I seek out and read the posts from people who have been successful in their weight loss. I especially like the ones that I can find ladies who started at a weight near mine (270) and were victorious in losing 100lbs. It is so inspiring!

There is such a wealth of experience here with all the ladies and guys who have made it to goal. I love to read about thier ups and downs and how they handled set backs. I especially love the stories where people have struggled and have taken the long road to weight loss, not losing the typical 1 lb a week. People who have stuck with it, not giving up when the scale doesn't budge for a month, enduring the "feeling fat" days.

Also, when I am discouraged I post here. I am practicing asking for what I need instead of eating when I'm sad, happy, lonely, discouraged etc. I think many of us eat our feelings and end up big!!

Shmead
02-10-2010, 08:08 PM
This is so interesting. I am at exactly the same place--started out around 300, down to 220, wearing regular 16s, and more depressed than I've been in a long time. I'm not going to go off plan or anything--those habits are pretty ingrained--but I'm generally bummed out. These are the reasons I have come up with:

1) I've run out of goal clothes that I am anywhere close to fitting into. I'm at the end of my "closet shopping". I bought a pair of size 12 pants on clearance, and they are SO SMALL that it is just depressing. I used to go in my closet every few days and try on all the clothes that almost fit, and watching them get looser and looser was a powerful motivator that I don't have. I think I am going to go to a thrift store this weekend and buy a ton of cheap, non-stretch clothes--I don't even care if I like them, I just want them to almost fit now so that I can see the change.

2) I never looked at myself when I was at my biggest. And I mean NEVER. Never looked at pictures, never looked in the mirror--****, I haven't looked straight ahead into a plate-glass door in over a decade. I've started looking at myself again, which I think is very healthy, and I don't hate what I see, but the fact is, it's still a 200 lb woman. The other day I was getting ready to get on the exercise bike, wearing a sports bra and yoga pants (in my own home). I feel athletic in that get-up. I feel capable. I caught a glimpse in a (back) window of myself and there was this huge fat woman! Bummed me out terribly. I don't know what to do about this.

ubergirl
02-10-2010, 08:34 PM
This is so interesting. I am at exactly the same place--started out around 300, down to 220, wearing regular 16s, and more depressed than I've been in a long time. I'm not going to go off plan or anything--those habits are pretty ingrained--but I'm generally bummed out. These are the reasons I have come up with:

1) I've run out of goal clothes that I am anywhere close to fitting into. I'm at the end of my "closet shopping". I bought a pair of size 12 pants on clearance, and they are SO SMALL that it is just depressing. I used to go in my closet every few days and try on all the clothes that almost fit, and watching them get looser and looser was a powerful motivator that I don't have. I think I am going to go to a thrift store this weekend and buy a ton of cheap, non-stretch clothes--I don't even care if I like them, I just want them to almost fit now so that I can see the change.

2) I never looked at myself when I was at my biggest. And I mean NEVER. Never looked at pictures, never looked in the mirror--****, I haven't looked straight ahead into a plate-glass door in over a decade. I've started looking at myself again, which I think is very healthy, and I don't hate what I see, but the fact is, it's still a 200 lb woman. The other day I was getting ready to get on the exercise bike, wearing a sports bra and yoga pants (in my own home). I feel athletic in that get-up. I feel capable. I caught a glimpse in a (back) window of myself and there was this huge fat woman! Bummed me out terribly. I don't know what to do about this.

:hug::hug:

This sounds a lot like me!

I walk around feeling tiny a lot of the time. I am so much smaller, fitter, and more active than I was when I started, that I can't seem to get it through my head that I'm still obese. Because 74 pounds makes a HUGE difference in almost every aspect of my life. I FEEL pretty thin-- unless I use a yardstick like normal sized clothes or my reflection in the gym window.

Somebody said up thread that there is a big difference between the littlest woman in the plus size department, and the biggest woman in the normal store. It's a mental shift, for sure. Depends how you think of yourself--skinny fat-lady, or fat normal-lady.

I really like having goal clothes too-- I think thrift store shopping sounds like a great idea.

Idealmuse
02-10-2010, 08:42 PM
:hug::hug:

This sounds a lot like me!

I walk around feeling tiny a lot of the time. I am so much smaller, fitter, and more active than I was when I started, that I can't seem to get it through my head that I'm still obese. Because 74 pounds makes a HUGE difference in almost every aspect of my life. I FEEL pretty thin-- unless I use a yardstick like normal sized clothes or my reflection in the gym window.

Somebody said up thread that there is a big difference between the littlest woman in the plus size department, and the biggest woman in the normal store. It's a mental shift, for sure. Depends how you think of yourself--skinny fat-lady, or fat normal-lady.

I really like having goal clothes too-- I think thrift store shopping sounds like a great idea.


I could have wrote this too. It's weird it's all relative. My husband took a photo of me shoveling snow yesterday and I was like WHO is that TINY girl in that photo? Then I went to my Group workout for Ironman where I am the heaviest one in the room and I just see the shrunken fat girl.

In general I feel good about myself though because being over 100 down makes a huge impact on ones life.

I guess I don't really have a point. Just know your not alone with the struggle.