100 lb. Club - Do you love your body?




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SnowboundChick
02-09-2010, 01:04 AM
I was reading an article about loving your body. It made sense to me that if you loved your body you would accept it and take care of it. It also said that those that loved there body exercise at least 3 times a week and those that didn't love their body exercise as much as they could. Maybe in a search or struggle. I didn't quite understand that spot. I'll have to find it and read it again. But then I was reading an article in SELF mag about women loving their bodies, it was eye opening.

But I was thinking of my life long struggle to accept myself. I'm half white and half native american. I have big hands and long ear lobes and I was always told I had my grandmothers hands. I had a hard time for ages accepting my heritage, growing up with NA family who drank and drank a lot while growing up. I associated being native with drinking. It wasn't until years later for me to understand why they drank. Most of my aunts and uncles were taken away from their parents and put in residential school, including my mother.

I've come to understand they why's but it doesn't change how I grew up and what I interpreted my life.

I used to obsess about not being petite and having tiny features like all the girls in my class, they were all white except me. I was a good girl, I followed the rules, my father was pretty authoritative and I was never close to my mom, I can't connect with other women. All these things have something to do will how I see myself and it's something that I'm going to work on.

I've always loved my eyes and my feet and will work on loving the rest of me. My hands for instance. They are big but they are strong and the work hard taking care of my boys, the can still caress and sooth my children's worries. I can love my body and find strength in loving it without relying on someone else's preconceived acceptance of it.

So do you love your body?


ToriLeigh
02-09-2010, 01:17 AM
That makes sense about taking care of a body you love. I am working on loving mine, looking at the positives while I work on the negatives.

chickiegirl
02-09-2010, 01:18 AM
Honestly, as sad as it sounds, no, I don't. I think I actually try not to look at it, which is probably what has allowed me to get so out of hand over the years.

I'm not a petite woman either -- tall, broad-shouldered and heavy -- and I always remember not being the petite one, or people pointing out just how tall or how "big" I was.

I've spent most of my life hurting my body -- through starving as a teen or uncontrollably binging as an adult.

I have noticed though, in the times in my life where I accepted my body the most, those are the times I've gone slow and steady and had the most success for weight loss. Hmmm.


Gracie789
02-09-2010, 01:26 AM
I'm working on it. You're so right about loving your body = taking care of it. I had poor self-image issues and very low self-esteem growing up (I vividly remember comparing my 'fat' thighs to other little girls when I was six years old). As I got older, my self-esteem dropped lower my weight went higher. For me, in order to lose weight I've had to come to terms (or at least face) these issues. I don't currently 'love' my body, but I'm slowly getting there and one of my goals for during my weight loss journey is to accept my body and love it as is. :)

JennLin
02-09-2010, 02:05 AM
I can relate somewhat to struggling with the body type that most NAs have... genetically that is where I am from.... but its more distant that yours... but that strong figure... the one that will NEVER be petite no matter how hard I try... thats me. I can thank my mom... my grandfather... and my great grandmother for that one! lol

Do I love my body? :chin:In all honesty... it depends. I do not like what I see in the mirrow in reguards to my body right now... granted I DID just have a baby 10 weeks ago... and before that I had a baby 18 months earlier (my babies are 18 months apart...:preg: my 1st son was 9 month when I got pregnant again)... so my body is out of wack and I gained ALOT from the first pregnancy. I struggled with my weight my whole life until college. I went from a size 20 to a size 12 when I went off to college:goodscale.... walking 5 hours a day and eating 3 regular meals a day (I never got that at home) seems to do the trick! lol too bad I have a family now, I cant just do that again! I was smaller then than I was in the 6th grade... my new goal weight will be lower than what I weighed when i was in the 4th grade (I specifically remember saying I weighed 146lbs).
I used to HATE everything about me... my face.. hair.. eyes...nose...skin.. feet... everything. Once I got alittle older.. high school and college (excluding the weight loss) I started taking better care of myself. I had terrible acne, so I started making sure I did a skin care regimen rather than ignoring it... I got my hair done on a regular basis... I wore makeup and worked on techniques to enhance my features... I started looking up things to care for myself better.. how to heal cracked feet... how to care for my nails... how to make my skin super soft... ect... even though, at the time, I felt my weight was totally out of my control, the other things, in some ways, were in my control. I also started trying to dress better... or at least caring about what I wore. I didn't always wear amazing outfits, but I wore things I felt good in for that day. Slowly I began to notice my chin didnt stick out as far as I once thought... my face had a pretty nice shape to it... my hair was strong, thick, soft, and beautiful... my eyes had amazing color tones to them because they never stayed the same color (they are green one day and blue the next!)... my nose is like a cute button nose and when I had my nose peirced I was constantly told I had the perfect nose for the look (even by my parents!)... my skin was becoming really soft, my face barely had blemishes outside of that time of the month... my feet were taken care of and I was even confident enough in them to get a tattoo on my big toe... I found ways to become happy with the things I hated!:goodvibes And, to be honest... even though I HATE HATE my size... I do think I am beautiful... but do I love my body? Right now I don't... but I accept it and love myself... I don't love my body right now for starters because I don't want to be fat...:tantrum: but I also don't love my body because I know it could be better! Outside of the issues I have with my tummy right now thanks to my kids.... I know I have the power to change my body back to what it once was.. or even better! Thats why my goal is to be 30lbs lighter than my lowest weight! But, I was very happy at 170lbs... actually I was still very happy at 190lbs (still a 12.. but not all 12s... some 12s and some 14s). I did love my body! Did I want to change it? Well yeah... when we see those stick thin women walking by we all start making mental check lists about what we wish we could change... lol especially when we are use to being bigger. :dunno:

Although I don't love my body right now... I accept I will always be just slightly bigger than some other women... I accept I will never be a 2.. or a 4... gosh.. probably not even a 6! I don't believe my body structure will ever allow it... I have learned in caring for my other features that I do love them!:dance: It might sound vain... but pictures of my face... whether at my heaviest or my thinnest... I still think I am beautiful. The only difference between the two is in my skinnier face pictures I just look happier.. because I have the confidence to be who I desire to be... and not be afraid because of my weight.

JennLin
02-09-2010, 02:07 AM
by the way Gracie, you have done an AMAZING job with your weight loss!! Congrates!!!!

Arctic Mama
02-09-2010, 02:23 AM
I just did a picture blog post on this topic this morning, what a coincidence :)

Short answer, yes - I do love my body these days and it doesn't have as much to do with weight as I thought it would. It's a good feeling :)

absster
02-09-2010, 02:35 AM
If I get honest, no-I've never loved my body. I have this picture from when I was younger. I was wearing a 2 piece bathing suit and a tank over it. I thought I was hugely fat which is why I wore the tank. I look back now at that picture and I cringe. You could see every bone in my chest. My family always made fun of me for being so skinny and not having any boobs. I was self conscious of my body either way.

Now, I've had several make comments of me being big and most days I could honestly tell you that I never looked in the mirror at myself. Like really looked at myself. I look at the parts I know I need to look at, in tunnel vision if you will. I look at my hair when it needs to be fixed. I look under my eyes to make sure there isn't mascara under them. I put makeup on where it needs. But I don't stand back and take an overall look.

I thought it was just a problem I've had since I gained weight, but looking back through school growing up, I realize it's far deeper than I really wanted to admit.

I'm working on it though. I'm tryng to learn to love myself, but I don't exactly know how to get there either.

ladyrider72472
02-09-2010, 02:37 AM
Snowbound,

Well, I am trying to learn to. It is hard. I am not NA..... but most of your story hits home to me. I will never be petite. It is very hard to accept that when you are in HS and all the other girls are smaller than you are. I am built like an "Amazon". It took me forever to learn that I will NEVER be in a size 0.... my body was not built for that. However, I did not realize until recently that most men or whomever you are seeking attention from do not care about that. What they do care about is that you are confident.... and that is something I have not been until now.... with just a glimmer of it showing up.

I guess, for me.... the bottom line that made me begin to accept who I am and how I am buit.... is for some reason God made me this way and I have no right to question him! So.....I am learning to take care of this "big" body and love the person I am. Like I said, I will never be a size 0.... but a size 12 is fine with me.

I wish you all the best of luck.

Btw, snowbound..... you are beautiful! God gave you those hands for a good foundation of the strong person you are.

traci in training
02-09-2010, 02:53 AM
A couple of years ago I would have said no. Take it or leave it - not really that attached to it. Then the doc found a lump in my breast. Then the lump turned out to be a sarcoma. Then I discovered I really DID love my body - particularly my nipples and that I'd very much like to keep them.

Long story short, I have about half of one breast and 2/3 of the other and two nipples (thank you very much) and I appreciate my body everyday for the gift that it is. I feed it well (although often too much) and I take it to the doctor regularly and I exercise it (although often not enough) and I realize I only get one.

Although most of us are in the process of trying to "lose" some of our body, trust me that losing fat and losing parts are entirely different matters. And I have to say yes - although it is far from perfect - I do definitely love my body.

JustSharing83
02-09-2010, 05:37 AM
I do not love my body. I can't think of a single thing about it I even like. I have always been big... I started getting chubby in first grade and I got very fat very fast. The bulk of my weight is in my belly so I don't have pretty curves or anything, I just always look pregnant. I cover up as much as I can, but I hate the parts that show, like my fat face and my pudgy hands.

I want to love and embrace my body, but I just can't in this form. I'm working on it though...

bonnnie
02-09-2010, 06:42 AM
I'm torn on this topic - do I love my body?

It's somewhat similar to the question: do I love myself?

Both of those questions feel completely foreign to me, like, they just don't make sense and therefore, there is no correct answer.

If someone asks me, do you love your boyfriend's body? I would say yes. Or, do you love your boyfriend? I would say yes. Then the questions make complete sense.... but they feel odd - logically incorrect - if I ask it about myself.

Maybe because I had a 'choice' with my boyfriend. I chose him. I never had a choice about my own body. Its simply there and I deal with it as best as I can.

So, do I love my body? I don't know - it is simply there. It gets me from point A to B.

Had I an actual choice in the matter, I would have chosen otherwise. I suppose I just make do and I don't think about it. It is what it is.

These two questions also seem particular to our generation, our culture. I haven't ever read, in historical literature, past cultures/generations asking this question.

My immediate guess is that the question is a product of the the current "Self-Help" trend. Interesting to think about! Thanks for posting.

Elladorine
02-09-2010, 07:45 AM
If someone asks me, do you love your boyfriend's body? I would say yes. Or, do you love your boyfriend? I would say yes. Then the questions make complete sense.... but they feel odd - logically incorrect - if I ask it about myself.
That's eye-opening . . .

Eliana
02-09-2010, 08:10 AM
No. I've always thought I was supposed to have a different body based on my hands and feet, both of which are tiny. One foot is a AAAA, the other a AAA and I wear ring size 4.5 on my left hand. Doesn't that mean I should be tiny? The rest of me has never been that small.

I went through a really bad spell last year where I was reconciled to the fact I could die and it wouldn't matter. It wasn't sad, I wasn't depressed, it was just messed up thinking and selfish really. But in the midst of it, I felt like it would be a non-issue. How I thought that would be ok with my children is beyond me. Again, messed up thinking, but I think it was my typical way of making lemonade from lemons. I felt like my weight was beyond my control, so I accepted it. And to accept my weight was to accept death.

BUT I'M MUCH BETTER NOW! :D

PeanutsMom704
02-09-2010, 09:04 AM
Interesting question. I have had a couple of points in time when I was generally happy with my body. Not necessarily loved it, but was ok. But I'm still a far way from where I was at that point, and it's many years and a pregnancy later. I suspect that regardless of how much weight I lose this time, I'm never going to love my body completely because I think I will end up with bulges and skin that won't go away aside from surgery and I'm not sure I would be willing to go through with that.

I'm hoping I'm wrong, of course, since I still have a long way to get to goal and I know I can't predict what will happen by then.

And of course, that's just the visual aspect. I do love my body enough to want take care of it and be able to do more active things and have a long and healthy life. So I'm hoping that I'll be happy enough with that aspect, even if still not where I'd ideally be in terms of what my body looks like.

jigglefree
02-09-2010, 10:24 AM
I do. I have always loved my body no matter what size it was. The thing for me was I never suffered the teasing and shame in high school or at any age. My parents always told me I was wonderful. My motto is as long as my parents love me all is well. I never gave a second thought to my body being a hindrance. I played sports in Jr High and High School even as a big girl. I think I have always had a high self esteem which took me a long way. For me the part of my body I wanted to change was my belly but no one would cut it off. They told me I would need to lose weight before they could liposuction and tummy tuck. When I my breast grew to DDD, I found a fabulous doctor in Charlotte, NC and she cut them down to a comfy size. I have hips and booty as part of my genetics and I really appreciate them.

One of my friends used to tell me, I try to lose weight but I wasn't trying really hard because I didn't see how things would be different. Things "they" said fat girls couldn't have, I had them all. No health problem even to the surprise of doctors. They even told me I wouldn't have kids because of my weight and if by some reason I did, there would be problems. WRONG. I would always say I am a living exception to the "FAT" person rules.

I do sympathize with people that have weight issues and the emotions that come with that. My mom taught me that I have strengths in areas that others have weaknesses but don't be hard on them because I have weaknesses that are their strengths. She had a way of keeping me grounded. Thank God for that, because I would have been completely out of control.:hug::hug:

SnowboundChick
02-09-2010, 10:59 AM
What comes first acceptance or the love, though one commenter said she didn't love her body but accepted it,maybe it's different for everyone.

There are so many to respond to, I'll get to it later today but I wanted to add that I do love my shoulders, I've always had broad shoulders and I liked the strength that made me feel and I've always had the figure 8 (hourglass shape) with my big hips, by child bearing hips and I loved that I could carry my 3 wonderful sons in my body. Those things I love and accept, those are my strengths and I will continue to build on those.

lovemyboy
02-09-2010, 11:03 AM
My body does not stack up when compared with our society's standards of beauty. I'm too short and even at an ideal weight I've never been waif-ish, leggy, or blond. That said, love has nothing to do with beauty. My trying to eat well and exercise is how I am loving myself. If I don't, who will?

saef
02-09-2010, 11:07 AM
I do not. I want to, but I keep making my love conditional, which isn't very good for this kind of love. I'll love it IF my stomach tightens up. IF my thighs stop puddling out when I sit down. IF it looks well in a particular pair of jeans. IF my batwings diminish a little more. My problem is that I have this Platonic ideal of a body that I wish it would live up to, the best version of myself.

Years ago, I used to be even worse about this, and my ideal was unattainable & unrealistic. Now at least, it's attainable, but only with great effort & continual vigilance & maintenance. I guess because it's more socially & culturally acceptable now to be an athlete in training than an anorectic.

I have to stop thinking of my body as a vaguely unsatisfactory project I'm working on, quite apart from my "self," & see it as inherently me, inseparable from my mind & heart.

I attain that self-acceptance only in brief flashes, that could be measured in minutes.

ubergirl
02-09-2010, 11:21 AM
Great question!

I remember, vividly, HATING my body as a young woman-- it was so strong that I used to conceive of this massive separation between my mind, which I liked well enough, and my body which felt like an alien creature.

I was also "big"-- I'm only 5'8" but I got my height early, and I had big boobs. I just wasn't built like my skinny little prepubescent friends.

But, I have to say that now I DO love my body.

My body has been enormously good to me. I had 4 normal healthy pregnancies and 4 wonderful babies in spite of the fact that I was 43 years old and morbidly obese when I had the last one.... thanks body! That was a gift I did not deserve.

I rarely get sick. Thanks body! I was blessed with a strong immune system.

I've taking up RUNNING at age 48 in spite of 19 years of the morbidly obese lifestyle, and it's coming along nicely. Thanks body!

Turns out my body was far kinder to me than my mind. My mind kept me trapped in these destructive and harmful eating patterns that almost wrecked the god-given strong and healthy body I was born with.

Since, apparently, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, I had to get to a BMI of 45, and have some things happen that made me realize I was teetering on the edge of losing my health that got my attention....

I'm grateful to my body for giving me a second chance.

TJFitnessDiva
02-09-2010, 11:41 AM
I used to hate my body and well I had to do a lot of soul searching for me to get the point I am today. My body is not perfect now by any means, lots of loose skin there. But I love it :) It's mine! Hating and not liking is such a drain on everything else that you love....it takes way too much energy lol

I might feel a bit bashful now over hitting goal but it has nothing to do with the way I look. (it's just a weird feeling and I guess in a way I just don't want to admit to myself that I actually made it. If I post that goal pic then I have to admit that another journey begins...way OT :lol:)

BeachBreeze2010
02-09-2010, 11:46 AM
Like some of you, I have come full circle on this. Yes, I love my body. I wuold like it to weigh less and have less fat, but my body I love. My body gave me two beautiful healthy daughters, has stayed reasonably healthy in spite of all of the damage I have inflicted on it, and is right there with me as I am changing. I look in the mirror and see things I would like to change, but those are all the effects of what I have done to my body, not what it's done to me.

It is interesting that I started exercising again about the same time that I started loving my body again - not necessarily the time I started my weight loss journey. I could definitely see a correlation between the two.

IMO - I think NA traits are absolutely beautiful!

Mariella
02-09-2010, 12:21 PM
Loving yourself is like loving a child. We love our children unconditionallyl, with all their faults, although we try to help them grow and become better, we still do that with love.

I don't have the "ideal thin" body type either. I started to be more accepting of that as a younger woman when I realized that men were still attracted to me not in spite of my body but because of it, just the way it was.

But at first, that meant I was only loving the reflection of myself in other people's eyes.

A real love includes acceptance and caring for myself no matter what other people may think. It includes knowing that I may not be "perfect" today but still treating myself well and doing the best I can.

CLCSC145
02-09-2010, 12:45 PM
No, I don't. I hate saying that because that's not the person I want to be, but it's the truth. I'm disappointed in so many aspects of it - many being things I did to myself by gaining all this weight. I obsess over things I cannot change like what I would look like if I hadn't gotten fat in the first place, the saggy evidence of having been morbidly obese for so many years, my height, my large frame, my face, stuff like that.

And yet, I am trying to be kinder to myself. The weight loss is a big part of that. For so long I just didn't care enough to do anything about it. And now I do. So that's progress, right?

But I do want to make more progress on this. I actually bought a book the other day (haven't started it yet) called Love Your Body, Love Your Life by Sarah Maria that is about breaking free from negative body obsession and make peace with yourself.

vixxi
02-09-2010, 01:22 PM
I don't particularly love my body but I'm trying darn hard to! Im also part Native American, and French Canadian, so I'm a hardy build. Broad shoulders, muscular. I'll never be petite but im perfectly okay with that. I think accepting my body is directly linked to accepting myself, the inside me. I think having low self esteem makes it hard to love anything about yourself including you body. I love my body for what it can do though, I loved being able to donate blood and my kidney to my sis. I think in general, its pretty amazing what its accomplished and how it continues to work, and i love it for that, but the way it looks, not so much.

bonnnie
02-09-2010, 03:21 PM
I like this topic - its interesting reading a lot of the honest responses.

But, I just had this vision: Men sitting around, talking about whether or not they love their body.

There are many forums where men talk about their weight/building muscles, calories and carbs - but I'm not sure I can imagine them typing about loving their body.

Which makes me wonder, why is this topic of particular interest to females? hmmmm....

astrophe
02-09-2010, 03:43 PM
I have a mixed background like you but so's my fam and my crowd of friends. We're not all the same mixes, or even mixed only in ethnic background -- think class, religion, politics, etc. We manage to rub along without too many upheavals.

I've always had a good self image and confidence.

Where I lack is correct body nurture.

I flip flopped from taking body for granted and living inside my head and always stimulating intellect at the expense of body care -- regualr fitness, enough sleep, etc.

To wrong kind of body nuture in terms of dining out, lots of "treats," not enough physical activity, etc.

It isn't an excuse, but my fam is sedentary so it isn't like I grew up with that "built in." On the other hand, drinking water and healthy eating were things I grew up with so that's IS kind of "built in."

So I would classify my problem not so much in the body image department and learning to love my body.... but in the fitness department and learning to love physical fitness. I find it hard.

A. :P

JennLin
02-10-2010, 02:58 AM
I'm torn on this topic - do I love my body?

It's somewhat similar to the question: do I love myself?

Both of those questions feel completely foreign to me, like, they just don't make sense and therefore, there is no correct answer.

If someone asks me, do you love your boyfriend's body? I would say yes. Or, do you love your boyfriend? I would say yes. Then the questions make complete sense.... but they feel odd - logically incorrect - if I ask it about myself.

Maybe because I had a 'choice' with my boyfriend. I chose him. I never had a choice about my own body. Its simply there and I deal with it as best as I can.

So, do I love my body? I don't know - it is simply there. It gets me from point A to B.

Had I an actual choice in the matter, I would have chosen otherwise. I suppose I just make do and I don't think about it. It is what it is.

These two questions also seem particular to our generation, our culture. I haven't ever read, in historical literature, past cultures/generations asking this question.

My immediate guess is that the question is a product of the the current "Self-Help" trend. Interesting to think about! Thanks for posting.

I am quoting yours because it was the one post that had the most questions about why we seek to love ourselves or even ask that question... about it not historically being something that people have wondered or pursued and I found a few quotes...(I have to admite I dont know all these people)

“The first thing is to convince yourself that life's more fun if you love yourself. Don't worry about trying to find other people to love you. Love yourself first.” - Dr. Lynn Cutts

“If you don't love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others.” - Dalai Lama

“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” - Leo F. Buscaglia

“Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.” - Thaddeus Golas

“Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence. Love others as well as you love yourself.” - Jesus Christ

“Love yourself unconditionally, just as you love those closest to you despite their faults.” - Les Brown

"For an impenetrable shield, stand inside yourself."--Thoreau

"Ninety percent of the world's woe comes from people not knowing themselves, their abilities, their frailties, and even their real virtues. Most of us go almost all the way through life as complete strangers to ourselves."--Sydney J. Harris

"Self-confidence is so relaxing. There is no strain or stress when one is self-confident. Our lack of self-confidence comes from trying to be someone we aren't".--Anne Wilson Schaef

"Self-conquest is really self-surrender. Yet before we can surrender ourselves we must become ourselves. For no one can give up what he does not possess."--Thomas Merton

I hope these maybe helped some... from what I noticed... at least within the last two thousand years... loving yourself (which includes our bodies) is a common question and occurance. I really like the Dalai Lamas quote...

And about the men sitting around talking about loving thier bodies or themselves... lol... I know men think it. They would NEVER talk about it with other men (at least rarely) but some have talked about it with me... some with weight issues... but even others who don't have a weight issue. An old friend used to tell me he hated his body because he was so hairy... that he wanted to get lazer surgery and refused to swim in front of me... another guy (who was REALLY fit and honestly, very sexy) complained he was never fit enough and that he looked ok... but never sexy... he wasn't happy with himself either. Men and Women just communicate differently.. but I know they feel those same things.... but its not as socially acceptable for them to be concerned about it publically.


I hope we ALL learn to love ourselves and our bodies... and remember that we can love something that still needs improvement. Loving our bodies is really more about accepting the vessle we have and if we arent happy with it we need to try to change it. If we just settle for what makes us miserable then we aren't living the life we were intended to live!! Ok.. off my soap box now!:soap::soap:

bonnnie
02-10-2010, 08:02 AM
Jennlin - great post and I also thought the Dalai Lama's quote was inspiring.

I guess my initial reaction is: does having self-esteem and self-confidence ALSO mean that you love your body? Does loving ourselves equate to loving our bodies?

I would think most people would say no - as we live in a society that typically tends to separate the mind from the body (the inner me vs. the outer me)

For example, one of our favorite quotes is "Beauty comes from the inside"

And as far as men sitting around talking about their bodies/body image with you - I think its interesting that they opened up to you. But they still needed you (an understanding female) to do so - which still makes the question/discussion "Do you love your body?" somewhat gendered.

But I'm sure men think about it - maybe not directly, but in some fashion. You are right.

I would have to say tho, that it is still a "female" topic - the female identity is SO influenced by the outer appearance. We have much more pressure to "look good" than men. Its a shame, but true.

activeadventurer
02-10-2010, 08:07 AM
Donna

I really related and was touched by your post. I always enjoy seeing you on the boards. I grew up cross culturally in a totally white neighborhood. My father is from Mexico and my Mom is from Italy. My father had a lot of shame about his heritage (his mother, my grandmother is Native American) and I really believe that is where my hatred of my body began. In my experience, shame is passed down from generation to generation until we choose to break the cycle, I really struggle with a negative self image and body issues but I tell myself at least I am aware of and open to the need for change. I wish you the best on your journey and am glad to see you bring this REALLY important topic to 3FC.

Denise

ChrissyBean
02-10-2010, 11:58 AM
Put me in the "no" camp. I love "me", but not my body, if that can possibly make sense. I guess I see that "I" am MORE than just my body, and I love the whole package. The bod on its own...not so much. I don't ***** about it in front of others though, especially my children.

My daughter is 11 and is having self-esteem issues. She's nearly as tall as me already, and I just bought her shoes in a ladies' size 8 this weekend--she's going to be a tall, sturdy girl. She's upset that she's so much bigger than the other girls in her class, but the women on her dad's side of the family are nice and tall and sturdy. Not at all fat, but with large bones. I'm trying to get DD to see that she's got beautiful long, muscular legs, porcelain skin (for now LOL), beautiful blonde hair, and that she's so good at sports. I hope I can help her love her body.

SnowboundChick
02-10-2010, 03:22 PM
Thanks for all the comments. It's a work in progress and different for everyone I guess. But I will learn to love my body, I did briefly when I was about 21 and I felt sexy I think I was about 220lbs then and I'd met my now H.

Great quotes Jenn. I used the Dali Lama one on my facebook status.

Thanks Denise. I don't know if it's generational for me but I just know that I was put on diets by my dad and my dad was always making comments to me, my brother and my mom. Still does in fact. Even when my brother was skinny, he's make some comments, thinks he's funny but he's not. I've told him off a few times now and he seems to get it. It took a lot for me to stand up to him but I did it because I didn't want my husband to do it and I knew he would someday, so I had to put a stop to it. I hate conflict!

ubergirl
02-10-2010, 03:54 PM
Thanks for all the comments. It's a work in progress and different for everyone I guess. But I will learn to love my body, I did briefly when I was about 21 and I felt sexy I think I was about 220lbs then and I'd met my now H.

Great quotes Jenn. I used the Dali Lama one on my facebook status.

Thanks Denise. I don't know if it's generational for me but I just know that I was put on diets by my dad and my dad was always making comments to me, my brother and my mom. Still does in fact. Even when my brother was skinny, he's make some comments, thinks he's funny but he's not. I've told him off a few times now and he seems to get it. It took a lot for me to stand up to him but I did it because I didn't want my husband to do it and I knew he would someday, so I had to put a stop to it. I hate conflict!

Yeah. There's something really destructive about negative comments from our parents....

In fact, just the other day, I was talking to my mom and she passed along a message from my dad that I shouldn't feel like I needed to lose too much more weight because I'm a "big woman," unless I "wanted a new husband..."

I think both of them thought it was funny, but it wasn't!

It reminds me of the time that I came home after living abroad for several years-- I was really thin-- about 145.

My mom said, "oh, now you look so good I could take you down and introduce you to some of the guys in your dad's office..."

That just burned me up.:mad:

What? Like I wasn't good enough for "the guys at my dad's office" until then?

I have a hard and fast rule in my own family that nobody comments on people's bodies. My mom used to try to say stuff to my taller stronger daughter like "oh your body is so beautiful, it's so strong..." and I said NO. No evaluative comments good or bad. Just leave it be.

Matilda08
02-10-2010, 03:59 PM
I dont have a problem with my body/figure I just want a smaller virgin of it. I would just like to shed these lbs once and for all!

Onederchic
02-10-2010, 10:44 PM
Honestly, I do not like my body but I know I am a lot healthier now than I have most likely been in my entire life and I am very grateful for that.

duckyyellowfeet
02-10-2010, 11:04 PM
I am trying really hard to learn to like my body. Strangely enough, its never been about the weight for me; its become more of an issue now that I'm actually losing weight.

I've been angry with myself for years for the PCOS, injuries, and the general imperfections I've found. I've always felt like i'm "defective" and tried really hard to beat and abuse my body into submission, as if that could somehow fix it. So now, I'm working on changing those laundry lists of things that are some how wrong with me (with the correlating ideas to fix them) and learn how to like myself. While I may not like my body, i'm learning to accept it, slowly. For me, thats progress...acceptance, instead of hatred. I might never love myself, but its ok.

jkinboston89
02-10-2010, 11:40 PM
I can honestly say that I have always loved my body, no matter what size. I mean that. It's something that I've always loved about myself; my high self esteem. I never understood those friends that insulted themselves for their appearance. I could never imagine thinking of myself as ugly.

The only times I've ever had an "issue" with my image is 1) when I was at about 220 I finally told myself that I need to accept myself as plus sized. It wasn't that I didn't like my body, it was more that I needed to accept that I was no longer just chubby, I was actually quite large and I had to find a way to dress for it and I had to adjust my self image. I knew that I preferred my body smaller, but I still loved my larger body and found myself to be attractive. And 2) Now lol. I still love my body and like the way I look, but I'm having problems figuring out what it looks like. I look exactly the same to myself as I did 80 pounds ago. If I focus on one part, I can see how it has changed, but overall, it really creeps me out that I can't see it in the mirror. I really hope that with time and some more weight loss, I can figure this out.

TempleBody
02-10-2010, 11:52 PM
I love myself. I dont love my body. But that's what I got ....so thats what I have to work with.

I love my face though. lol

Windchime
02-11-2010, 12:58 AM
This is a really interesting thread!

I have a love/hate relationship with my body. It was really difficult to be a tall girl in the late 1970's when I was in high school. There were really only a couple other girls who were my height, so it was hard to feel pretty when I was taller than most of the boys. Looking back at pictures, I was quite slim and pretty so I don't know what I was worried about.

After kids, I got pretty heavy and then I started thinking that I hated my body. I blamed it on being tall, but really now that I have lost a bit of weight, I can see that it was being "tall AND fat" that I didn't like. I'm not slim yet, but I'm slimmer and I find that being tall doesn't bother me nearly as much now that I don't weigh as much as an NFL linebacker. :)

There are a lot of reasons to love my body, and very few to hate it. My body has carried me along faithfully, despite my abuse of it. It has carried two healthy pregnancies to term. It has blue eyes and nice thick hair. My feet are big, but they are strong and healthy and they walk when and where I want them to.

I think if we look at the practical aspects of our bodies instead of comparing them to the artificial standards of our society, we would be a lot happier with ourselves. Remember, not even the models and celebs in the magazines don't LOOK like the pictures--they've all been retouched. We are judging ourselves against an artifical standard.

Another poster mentioned having survived breast cancer. I have always hated my long, huge, droopy boobs. That is, until I had a suspicious mammogram and ultrasound. I realized as I was crying on the table during a biopsy that I had been foolish, that I desperately wanted to keep my big old floppy booby and that I wanted to keep living in my big, tall body. Thankfully, I got my wish.

JustBeckyV
02-11-2010, 01:22 PM
TY for this great post!

Myself - I love parts of my body but I struggle with others. I do find that I am realizng more and more that I don't have to have those 6 pack abs to be ok with who I am and what I look like. I am finding more confidence in who I am and what that means to me. Not so much what others think of me or of women in general.