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Old 02-08-2010, 01:23 AM   #1  
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Default The Comparison Game - How do I once and for all stop playing that game?

I am ashamed to admit that 99.9% of the time, I compare my physical body to that of my friends, coworkers, and relatives. I have this unhealthy message in my head where I tell myself that as long as I'm not the fattest one out of the bunch, then I'm realy not fat. I've been saying that to myself ever since I knew what the word 'diet' meant (i.e. ever since I was a girl).

Ths comparison game that I do to myself is harmful and I have known this for a long time; however, that does not stop me from doing it. My weight was 'okay' in my teens and 20s. I was a size 10, but carried it really well because I'm 5'6'' and pear shaped. Now I am almost 32 years old, my weight is 155, I wear size 14 pants, my BMI is almost 25 (it's currently 24.66 according to Wii Fit), and my body fat percentage is a whopping 40%.

I use to think I was not ''fat'' because a friend/relative/coworker was usually fatter than me. Well, not anymore. I recently came back from living abroad for a year and EVERYONE that I know has successfully lost weight. Everyone looks great! Now I really am the fattest one of the bunch.

Instead of being motivated by my friends' weight loss, I find myself stuffing my face to temporarily feel good, which then leads me to feeling like more of a failure. I'm self-sabatoging myself and I really don't know how to stop it. I do not know how to stop with the comparison game. We women, in general, compare ourselves to each other for anything and everything. So how can I actualy stop comparing myself to others' weight loss? Even on this message board, I see all of you weight your weight trackers going from left to right to show weight loss. Instead of it motivation me to get my own weight tracker and lose weight, I find myself thinking ''why the heck is everyone succesfully losing weight and I can't even lose a solid 5 pounds?''

With the exception of one friend, whom I consider like a sister, I feel embarassed hanging out as a group because I am now the ''fat cow'' of the bunch. I'm now the single girl of the group who doesn't get a guy to talk to her...meaning, if I'm out with 3 of my gal friends and a group of 3 or 4 guys comes over to strike up a conversation, I'm the odd girl out! I notice that the guys try to select the other (slender and pretty) girls. This leads me to harbor resentment towards them, when I know that it's not their fault. Most importnatly, I harbor resentment for myself. I'm still young....I have no husband and no kids, so it's not as if I am lacking in free time to work out. My father is currently ill (he has heart diease and just recently had a heart procedure done...he is currently recovering and I temporarily moved back into my parents' house to give them some support...which has taken a toll on me mentally as wel as toll on my social life).

I just...for once in my life, I want to feel truly good about myself physically. I'm not fat enough to be on a show like 'The Biggest Loser', but I'm certainally not slender either - far from it!

I dont' what I'm rambling about anymore. I just can't seem to stop comparing myself to other women. Now I am the fattest one out of the bunch of women that I know. I can't lie to myself anymore and think it's 'okay' to be/look this way.

How do I break the cycle?
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Old 02-08-2010, 07:10 AM   #2  
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One way is to use mental discipline. You have to come up with ideas and statements to counter the comparisons, and then use them whenever those negative thoughts arise. The best countermeasures are phrases you can come up with on your own, but here are examples:

"My friends like me for more than my size."

"I am more than my size or weight."

"Others don't judge me harshly."

"I have better things to do than put myself down."

This approach falls under the general "heading" of cognitive therapy, and the techniques can be widely used. As you can tell it involves recognizing what you're thinking when you're thinking it, and instead of emotionally going along, you contradict it.

Maybe do some research on it!

BTW, you are barely overweight, not obese, according to BMI--and although it's good to want to improve, try to keep some perspective on this. You are not a "fat cow."

Jay
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Old 02-08-2010, 08:47 AM   #3  
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Hi FreeBird, Welcome to 3FC.

First, in an all so friendly sort of way, I'd like to clue you in on a little secret. Calling yourself a fat cow at 155 pounds in a group of woman, MANY well over 100 pounds overweight, isn't going to go over very well. And saying you can't get any guys because you are 20 pounds overweight when there are MANY of us who have landed wonderful DH/BF/SO even when we are/were OBESE is another thing that might sound odd to some.

You can do something about the extra 20 pounds. It can be gone by swim suit season if you just work at it, and quit using it as an excuse for not getting a guy. I know TONS of overweight girls with super husbands. I seriously don't think it's your weight pushing them away. Self confidence is a powerful thing. Maybe you should address your confidence first.
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Old 02-08-2010, 09:13 AM   #4  
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Lots of things to address in this post, here's one that I'll start with

Quote:
I find myself thinking ''why the heck is everyone succesfully losing weight and I can't even lose a solid 5 pounds?''
Weight loss is available for anyone and everyone. We ALL have the ability. There's no big secret, no magic powers required. So really, you CAN lose 5 pounds - if you choose to, if you decide to that is. Weight loss IS a doable thing - you must *just* do what is necessary and what's required to get it done. You've got to MAKE it happen. It won't happen *to you*. You can't wish for it, hope for it, pray for it, long for it, desire for it - you just have to plain old fashioned WORK FOR IT. Decide to do it, commit to do it and then map out a course of action to get it done.

That's about it for me. LoriBells' pretty much taken care of what else I was thinking for a change. She's one smart lady - I'd certainly listen to her.
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