We've got a lot of visitors scheduled and a wedding coming up. All the events involve people we haven't seen in years. I feel anxious since the last time I've seen all of the people I was 40 to 50 pounds lighter. How do you deal with these situations. I know buy a good outfit and realize that they are friends or beloved family members who love me for me, not my weight. I also know that sometimes I think I look nice (enough) but then see pictures and am disappointed. The last time I had one of these reunions the person was elated (said she was glad) that I was overweight like her (in a tone that was very far from camaraderie and closer to smug).
I guess I'm asking how do you face people who knew you before and not feel self conscious or embarrassed?
I think you kind of answered your own question: for the people that are your true friends, it won't matter. Find a nice outfit, and try to enjoy the opportunity to reconnect with people that you care about. For the nasty people like your smug acquaintance, take comfort in the knowledge that you are working to lose the weight, but she will be stuck with her mean, ugly personality the rest of her life.
It IS hard, I know unfortunately from experience. It kind of, (well, it DID) make me a recluse. I am so happy those days are behind me now. Take a deep breath and put on a big smile.
Just relax. I was like that over the holidays because I had put on a lot of weight from the year before and I was going to see my family. They can be brutal. But they all acted like it was no big deal. We had a great time.
So buy something that makes you feel great and have a good time.
I'm across the country at college and rarely come home. Usually once every 1.5years or so. When I went home this last summer for a week, I was the biggest I have ever been. I was embarrassed, and my dad isn't great on the sensitivity issue. I got a few comments like "well they sure feed you well in the South, maybe you better lay off the good home cookin for awhile." Things like that.
Well I am now GLAD that they saw me at my highest, because they'll see that much of a difference when they see me next. I'm 25lbs down and have a few more to go, and I may keep going and just see where my body settles since I haven't reached any plateaus or anything. I can't wait to hear my dad's comments then!
I'm going to be honest...I've been overweight since my early teens. Recently I've gotten back in touch with a couple of old HS friends who where both skinny and pretty way back when, and now they are overweight. I felt sad for them b/c I wouldn't wish obesity on anybody, but at the same time I now feel so much less self-conscious around them...like now they can't judge me anymore. Am I wrong to feel that way?
But when I run into an old boyfriend or something...WOW is it embarrassing to let them see how much I let myself go. But, at the same time I'm proud of where my life has gone...I have a wonderful husband and little boy and we own a business...once they know all of that then the weight issue doesn't matter so much anymore.
BUT...I can't wait to let people see me after loosing weight...It feels great to hear people tell you how great you look! I'm really looking forward to that!
You've gotten great advice already. I would add that you will probably find at least a few of your friends and family have gained weight too. You would never judge them harshly or say something to hurt their feelings. Be as kind to yourself as you will be to them. And have a great time.
Are these people you're going to meet so perfect that life will not have assailed each of them with their own particular set of problems during the time since you last saw them? What I mean is, if you haven't seen them for a while, you're likely not the only one who has changed physically in some way, like gaining weight. There's hair loss, general health issues, etc. Times does a number on everyone. They will not be frozen in the state in which you last saw them, with you the only one who shows evidence of having had some struggles, be it with food or whatever.
Also, even as they see the changes in you, they will probably look at you & absorb those changes for just a couple of minutes. After those couple minutes pass, they'll move on & they'll be more interested in what you have to say to them & in processing all the new information about you & news you bring of other people. It's like adjusting to the temperature of the pool. There's the initial surprise & shiver, and then it's just the element you're moving in. They will not dwell on it nearly half as long as you have. Well, most of them won't. The weight is like what you're wearing. People will notice, but then the conversations you have with them & the relationships you've created with them have nothing to do with whether you're wearing a white sweater or a black dress at the moment. It's just you they care about. Not so much the body you are currently inhabiting.
Before I went on a trip this summer, I'd lost about 20lbs (I'm not sure where I started, but that's my best guess). I was at a normal BMI, although a bit high, but it was the slimmest anyone's seem me in years. I didn't exercise or anything, but I was very restrictive with my diet, so I'd say I worked really hard to lose that weight. I gained all of it back PLUS 5lbs by the time I got back (I was gone for 3 months). I was so depressed, I didn't want anyone to see me and even though I forced myself to go out and be social, I still felt so... well.... fat. I dreaded - yes, dreaded - what my friends would think about me. I knew they were thinking, "Wow, she's really put on the weight!" Nobody ever said anything, but I almost wish they would have... Just so I could be sure that's what they were thinking. This was my senior year of college, so all those pictures and memories are with me in clothes that I'm busting out of and of me feeling so disappointed with myself. On top of that, when my dad and I fight, he LOOOOOOVES bringing up my weight because he knows it's been a sensitive issue for me my whole life, whether I was skinny, normal, or overweight. He wouldn't even say anything, he'd just look at my thighs and smirk like he would say something, but then he wouldn't.
I'm glad I still went out when I did, and I'm glad I didn't let myself totally fall into a slump, as that usually makes it impossible to lose weight. Just relax and have a good time, if you haven't seen people in THAT long... I'm sure you're not the only one who's gained weight/gotten a little grayer/lost some hair/gotten a few wrinkles/etc etc.
Thanks for the great advice and helping me see things from a different perspective. You know you you build things up in your mind and then focus on that. Then you get to the point where you lose perspective.
My husband is in the military so we live far from our families. We went home for Thanksgiving and my grandfather, who I hadn't seen in almost 4 years said, "WOW! You keep getting bigger and bigger everytime I see you!!"
It left me reeling. He tried to cover it up by saying he meant TALLER (I AM really tall)...but I haven't grown in 6 years. And when you mean tall you say tall..not big.
I'm keeping it in the back of my mind for the next time I see him (in a year or so)....I'm NOT going to look bigger. And neither are YOU!
Seeing people after gaining weight?
This was my senior year of college, so all those pictures and memories are with me in clothes that I'm busting out of and of me feeling so disappointed with myself. On top of that, when my dad and I fight, he LOOOOOOVES bringing up my weight because he knows it's been a sensitive issue for me my whole life, whether I was skinny, normal, or overweight. He wouldn't even say anything, he'd just look at my thighs and smirk like he would say something, but then he wouldn't. 
