300+ Club - I am fat. Not 5 years old.

I am feeling down today as I saw some full body pics of me that were taken recently. I barely recognize myself. It was very depressing. My face is so bloated (even though when I look in the mirror I feel like my face looks that same as when I was 60lbs lighter) and I have gained so much weight that now my upper body and arms even look heavy and have that maternal look going on. I mean, I really look bloated and like my weight is out of control. Before, I just looked more like a full-figured woman with a more solid build.

I feel that if I could just get below 300lbs, I would feel so much better. I feel like my weight is affecting how I am treated in public (guys look through me and not at me), my overall physical wellbeing, and how I am treated at work. I often feel as if some of my co-workers don't respect me on a human level and treat me more like I am 5 and an idiot (no offense to anyone who is 5). I often feel self-concious about eating in front of people because I feel silent judgment from them---sometimes that judgment is not so silent.

At the weight I am at, it is hard to look very professional. I have lots of nice and professional clothes, but I feel that the way my body is carrying the weight makes most of my clothes look a bit sloppy, no matter how nice they are. And my forearms are really heavy right now and that makes short sleeves look so weird on me. Sigh.

Sometimes I just feel a bit down because of it all. I feel like the only way to get their respect is to be thinner----I know this may not be the right thing to think, but, I just feel that I have alot of talent and people are caught up more on my physical appearance.

I wish I could do a debloat....I know that weight is weight, but I feel like I have a lot of overall puffiness in my face and that it is looking bloated. I am also at the point where my body is starting to look too big for my face and that is a bit disappointing. Any tips on how to do a quickstart on eating healthier? I know it is more about a lifestyle change, i am just wondering if there is something I could do to jumpstart losing the first few pounds---something to help me to feel like losing this weight is possible.

I`m sorry you feel that way. There seems to be a lot going on for you just now, but one thing "jumped at me": you hint that there is open judgement about your eating at work. Have you ever tried to address this, e.g. tell them that you find this hurtful and ask for it to stop? Because if you do, and it still goes on, that`s bullying.

milliondollar,
the first thing you have to accept is that you have value and that you have value now because the truth is, you do. You have an issue in your life, your weight, that you're not quite happy with. The great news is that you have power, you have the power to change that part of you, you have the power to make yourself healthier. The truth is, when I step back and look at myself, the weight, well I can change that. I'm happy I'm not a jerk-changing that would be much harder.
You get the respect you command, it's that simple. I'm 5'2" and right now I"m 304 but when I walk into a room, I'm able to work it and it's not because of my size, it's because of me. I'm intelligent, I'm witty, and I'm funny as h*ll and even though I'm working on my weight, I'm a kick butt person who has a lot to offer and a lot to give. I don't let anyone intimidate me to feel otherwise. You can't compartmentalize your life, your weight is more than numbers on a scale. You have to address why you let yourself get here, accept it, and move on to the next phase.
I don't mean to sound cruel, I hope you don't take it that way, but what attracts people (men, co-workers, etc) is confidence. You worry your insecurities are exposed, well they are, because you're allowing them to be. Stop. It's that simple.
Jumpstart-well that's a trap. Choose. Choose to embrace a new beginning and work on it everyday. Treat yourself with excercise, it nurishes your body and your mind. Choose to eat better, eat healthy. Don't look for a quick fix, there is no magic bullet, there is no magic pill.
Changing your body means changing your mind. Embrace all the wonderful things about yourself and remind yourself of those blessings daily.
To have someone else truly love you, you have to love yourself first. If you think you need to loose the weight first to have that happen..well baby that's not true. You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are incredible, you are a miracle and soon you'll be an inspiration.
Keep on going...feed your mind, feed your body, feed your spirit.
And embrace the wonderful creature of life that you are.

(oops, I didn't realize I was signed in under my daughters account, I'm sweetcakes736)

Some people may get angry with me for saying this, but, in order to really jump-start your weight loss and get rid of the bloating, a lot of people start a liquid diet. So, protein drinks, milk, vegetable juices, etc. (nothing sugary)

Just know, this is very risky (as far as gaining back) and should be talked about with a doctor (as far as how much protein,etc. you should be drinking to get the proper nutrients).

I've just read about this from many pre-op patients for WLS. Maybe talk to some of the people in that forum?

Whatever you do, be good to your body and get enough vitamins and nutrients.

Silent judgment. Yep. I fear it. Especially since past judgment has been not so silent.

One thing that really burns my bacon is when people tell me some basic, obvious fact as if they didn't expect me to know it. Or when they assume, without giving me a proper chance, that I'm going to screw something up. I've even had people grab something right out of my hands and do it themselves, rather than let me. Same animal. It's still assuming fat = incompetent.

Hey! :wave: :wel3fc:

I have to say, if you are over 300 pounds, you are probably right about your weight being (somewhat) a barrier to respect, success, and being treated like a professional. Most people are pretty shallow and make quick judgments.

There are many good weight loss plans out there--Weight Watchers, South Beach, just to name a couple. And then there is good old calorie counting, which is now much simpler because you can get computer trackers with food already in a database. FitDay is one of these--you can use their program free on their website or purchase it to download.

Forget the fast way to "de-bloat." It's likely that you are retaining some water, but your face most likely isn't going to become thinner because you do something drastic for a week.

Find yourself a plan you can follow--one that is moderate rather than too extreme. You may find that simply choosing a plan, putting it into practice, and then following it rigorously will give you that fast initial loss you want.

Get used to the idea that to lose that weight is going to take months. Start right now and you'll get there that much more quickly. :yes: And keep in mind that you'll be forming habits that will help you keep the weight off.

Good luck!
Jay

I agree with taking steps toward an approach you will do forever!

I also really understand what you mean about just not liking how you look in your clothes and feeling the silent judgment (whether it's really there or just imagined).

You CAN do this. You CAN make a difference in how you look and feel. I lost 100 pounds and feel like I saved and changed my life.

Omg, thank you so much everybody. I read your responses and I can't let you know how good they made me feel...I am in a serious hug mode right now.

I think that you all are right. I feel extremely confident in my abilities and can rattle off an answer to a question lickety split! But I am just frustrated when people talk to me as if I am slow and don't know how to do things, when in reality, it is often that the issue is murky to begin with and I am seeking help.

I have been dressing better, and I feel that I do have confidence and I don't walk around moping and I try my best to not show that I have issues with my weight. I know, that probably sounds untrue. I think that maybe if I put more effort into my appearance people may interpret that as better self-esteem? Could it be that people are seeing my laid back attire as reflective of a lack of confidence? It isn't true, I am just more comfortable, but if dressing up will help with people's tudes, then I can do that.

You all are right about choosing to just treat myself better. That is the choice I have to make. I haven't been treating myself very well and that is something I want to improve upon.

You all are amazing and I can't express how much your comments inspire me. I know the tools I need to use to lose weight, I just need to use them. And I think that with the support of caring people, I can do that. :)

:carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::hug::hug::hug:

I can TOTALLY relate to you! Just know that you are in the right place here to make positive progress in your life and changes that will make you proud of yourself and able to hold your head high and respect yourself which is what really matters. I too work in business atmosphere and once I hit that place of exceeding 300 pounds peoples behavior towards me changed, and I also became more sensitive to criticism and everyone feeling their need to give me their two cents about whatever..because I felt or feel a lower esteem for myself for being in this position. In reality, being over weight is generally seen and accepted as a character weakness and I think it becomes easier for people to be rude and careless in their behavior because you are not competition.. I notice when I am very assertive and direct at work people leave me alone-- and Im not that way after hours at all, it is a self protection thing during the day because I cant deal with people hurting my feelings when Im already aware that I need to focus on my weight and fitness.

Good luck and you have lots of friends here who are on the same path as you are and cheering you on!!

I agree with Noelle that people see overweight as a character weakness.

Everyone has their issues and their weaknesses, but when you're overweight everyone thinks they know what yours are. In the meantime, theirs might be hidden from view!

I understand how you feel about eating at work. I have lost almost 60lbs just by changing the way i eat. I dont buy from them vending machine anymore..and about 2 weeks ago i didnt bring a snack for the afternoon. so i headed to the break room with the other girls and i did get a doughnut of some sort. Its called a cheese danish. we get back to the room, there are 8 of us girls in there and one says..oh are you back to eating from the vending machine! Now I can be a sort of smartbutt..and they all know it..so i looked right at her and said why are ya keeping tabs on me..she goes no i just knew you were not eating from the vending machines anymore. i just looked at her and said oh. she knew i was mad. I have NEVER said I was not eating fro them..she observed that herself. So i sat down in my cubical and said said to her..oh by the way..did you go to the dr and get your blookd pressure checked like you said you were. She had not and I knew it.

People can be mean and cruel and I am sorry i maybe wrong ..but getting back at them with my words is only what i know to do. I DID NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR EATING FROM THE VENDING MACHINE. and i was not going to let her make me feel that way.

take it one step at a time..you'll learn to deal with those people. We are all here to support you!

Million, what worked for me at first was just pretending. I pretended I had already lost the weight, I pretended to have self-confidence, I pretended I loved myself and wasn't depressed...then one day (didn't take too long) I realized I wasn't pretending anymore! About one month after I started this journey (September 08) I had to get up in front of 100 people and emcee a fundraising event. That was the first day I had the courage to try on a pair of jeans because for 4+ years I hadn't worn any--I was nearly 400 lbs and wore a size 32. Well, one month into it I could fit into size 28 jeans and they looked pretty good. So I just stood up there on that microphone and pretended to be healthy and happy...and I actually had a stranger come up to me afterward and say, I love your positive energy! That was really nice. And a total pretense on my part.

It's OK to pretend. Fake it til you make it. :) And soon, you'll make it.

You all are right about choosing to just treat myself better. That is the choice I have to make. I haven't been treating myself very well and that is something I want to improve upon.
:carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::hug::hug::hug:

This is something that really stood out to me: not treating myself well.

I really, really get this.

Something magical happened when I dropped below 300 the first time: I felt like a completely different person. I still had a lot to lose, and I knew that, but something inside of me "switched" and I was no longer 300 lbs. It made a huge difference in my confidence, and my sensitivity.

It may have been that people had been treating me the same way before I hit that mark and that I just saw it differently after. I really don't know. Before I hit it, though, it seemed as if people equated being fat with being stupid.

Cause, you know, they're like the same thing and all. *eyeroll*

I just know that *I* was happier. I dressed better, I took care of myself better, by making an effort with my appearance, by exercising as part of taking care of myself, by watching what I ate because it became more about treating my body better and less about what the hungry little kid inside of me wanted.

Little steps will do it. I lost track of exercise, had a lot of change in my life that I allowed to let treating myself well get put on the back-burner, but I've recently come back to it, and holy ****, do I feel better.

You are so worth it, whether you weigh 3000 lbs or 30 lbs. When you're convinced that you're worth it, you naturally are attracted to things that push you further away from the 3000 lb mark :)

I hope 2010 is a wonderful, wonderful year for you, and that you see, and act, that you're worth treating wonderfully. Here's hoping you put the 300 lb marker behind you for good this year.

:hug:

As far as the bloating goes, how is your blood pressure? I had been trying to treat my HBP with diet and excercise and finally decided to go on BP meds. OMG - I peed constantly for the next three days and lost about 6 lbs, almost all of it (I'm sure) retained water. My face instantly looked thinner and my shoes could fit again! Obviously, you shouldn't take BP meds unless you need them, but some types of BP meds are diuretics and work by flushing all that retained water out of your system.

Million, I totally understand you! I have struggled with judgement issue all of my professional career. I'm an engineer, so I've dealt with mostly judgemental men! One actually told me I needed to lose weight...thank you, captain obvious! I told him he could judge me when he was able to pass a kidney stone the size of a golf ball with no pain meds. That shut the idiot up. You can do this, and we're all here to help you along the way! Keep your head up!

Dessi

Hi Million! I just wanted to kind of chime in with some support and hugs and say that any little change you make is a start. And new starts are always exciting! I notice that little changes I make in my habits and wellness kind of snowball into other ideas and possibilities. I feel like I'm in charge when I do at least one healthy thing for myself a day. *hugs*
Tam

thank you, everyone! I have been taking your advice and this year, I have put more effort into my appearance. I am not thinner, but I make sure to wear nicer clothes to work now. I feel like I want to look better and hopefully my co-workers will treat me better. It is weird, because there are times when my boss seems to mentally roll her eyes when a co-worker may compliment me on my clothes. I don't know why she does this, and I can't explain why she seems so interested in my plate when we are at events, but I am learning that I will have to be more careful about what I have on my plate in front of people at work. I don't like having to do that, but a lot of my co-workers who treat me a bit odd (because of the weight and appearance, I think), have openly discussed their issues with food and weight and body image. The only difference is that they seem to be winning the weightloss war and because they are thin, their issues with food are not as apparent as mine.

sometimes it feels like people think obesity is contagious. So they feel like they can observe and judge, because they are comparing themselves to you, what you eat, how you dress, etc. and they want to be able to convince themselves that they are fine, they could never get that big.

So while I know it can be hurtful to get those looks and know you are being judged, try to think that it's not really personal, meaning that while they are comparing themselves to you, they are still coming from a self-centered place and what they say and do says far more about them than it does about you.

People and relationships are funny things. One person might interpret that your co-workers are trying to be helpful without realizing they are offending you, while another might think otherwise. I often think I internalize what others are saying too much. I think everyone has body issues. (Thank-you consumerism!)
Example: My stepson's girlfriend is an actor and very, very shallow, I mean very driven by her profession to look a certain way. You could fit two of her into my clothes. Anyways, she told me this Christmas that women who were thin had a 'certain power'. Which to me is just a weird thing to say, and I understood her to be making a backhanded sleight at my weight and I was a little taken aback because I kind of thought being well-spoken and kind and smart and funny and gorgeous and all the things I am counted for something but I guessed not to her. I felt very hurt.
Then I realized that she is likely intimidated by me and a little jealous. So I let it go. She's got her own issues.
I think your co-workers likely do too.

I agree that I could be internalizing some things. I had a situation where I could not understand why these particular women were kind of catty towards me. I had been really nice and super friendly, etc., and yet, they seemed to see through me, did not value my opinion, did not acknowledge that I have years of experience over them, etc., talked to me as if I am an imbecile. It really felt like silly high school all over again. to this day, they still talk to me as if I am a chore. I try to stay friendly and civil with them, even though they are so obvious in their prejudices against me. It is hard because I often feel self-conscious around them, even though I have just as much, if not more, talent and skills as they do. I am just not fixated on weight (they would constantly discuss losing weight, though being well within the healthy weight range) or physical appearance.

I was always overweight and yet I always had a fella *hehe* and I was always successful with turning some heads and not just casual relationships, but long term ones ever since I can remember back. I remember in high school how my best friend, who was thin and pretty, never had a guy. Ever. She used to say things to me like "being thin and empowered" or she would literally say "I can't believe HE asked you out?!" and I remember one time going "Why?" and she says something to the effect of, "Well...you just aren't..." and I went "thin?" She sort of looked awkward and walked away lol. The thing is, some people really dislike it when someone who they feel is "inferior" to them either does better than them, seems happier than them, is learning and growing more efficiently than them, or worse, turns heads MORE than they do. They hate it and I don't think that is limited to thin people, but no doubt I've experienced this from people including my own god forsaken step mother (who is a very bitter and mean woman). She used to HATE me for getting any sort of attention, even friends! She would try to break me down by saying how fat and ugly I was! Why? Because SHE didn't get that attention when SHE was young or old! I remember one time I was walking with her and a group of guy friends honked, called out my name, and waved. Of course I waved back and laughed and my step mother goes "They waved at you?" and I sort of sighed and she went, "You're the thinnest I've ever seen you!" As if THAT is why people like me! Good god woman, get your head out of your *blank* lol...

People like you for who you are and those who judge others based on their appearance are shallow and pointless. I have found that the more success you have will just piss them off and to be honest I tend to view people like that in two categories, destructive and self destructive. My old best friend, at the time, was self destructive but very shallow, materialistic, the only thing she wanted was to be popular and she wanted it so much so that she ditched all her friends, not just me, ALL for her wishes. My step mother is a destructive person, she likes to cause pain to other people on purpose to make herself feel better. Those are the people I tend to look out for and if I can I just detach from them. It doesn't matter if it is a coworker or not, but lol i'll tell you, I've noticed when you are indifferent to a destructive person they don't like it and that is when things become interesting lol.

Hang in there! You rock and they don't! :hug:

"watching what I ate because it became more about treating my body better and less about what the hungry little kid inside of me wanted." --EarthShaker

Great quote.

"watching what I ate because it became more about treating my body better and less about what the hungry little kid inside of me wanted." --EarthShaker

Great quote.

I really like that quote. I don't like to think of myself as a little kid, but I do have to realize that my eating was a way of dealing with some really semi-abusive things from childhood. I don't like to think that I was abused....at least not in any typical sense. I think that maybe there were times when I wasn't as supervised as I should have been, and that my parents may have let people of questionable character around me. I remember at that time, that I started to have massive amounts of cereal for midnight snacks and 2-4 pieces of buttery toasted bread with it. I was around 9 or 10 at that time. And yeah, eating at 2am in the morning.

I think a great way to get things moving is to start researching various plans and find out what will work for *you* for the long haul. You have to look at the change in eating as a permanent thing...and not one that ends at goal or you will be setting yourself up to fail.

I did low cal/low fat/high carb and I was hungry ALL THE TIME and eventually I regained all I lost. I did research and found that low carb might suit me and then looked into the various LC plans and I am doing Atkins...and have been for over a year. It works for me. It goes beyond weight loss...*for me*. My bloodwork, etc. has improved and my Dr. is thrilled. The weight loss is a bonus to the health that comes along with it........*for me*. You need to find a plan that will work for you. Start googling...and find a good plan and work it...and you will succeed! :hug:

I felt really beat down today. I have a talent that I am very proud of and feel comfortable with, but that gets really under utilized. Another person who doesn't have the same talent, and who openly admits to not being very comfortable with it, was selected for a certain task, and because they are very close with certain people, it seemed like that was the deciding factor, rather than a person's actual abilities. It feels like more and more that my abilities are not discussed. Instead, the person seems to be more upset that I am able to do things, rather than supportive of my abilities. It doesn't help that I have heard and seen that people who don't look a certain way get selected to do the more behind the scenes things, while others get selected to be more in the public eye. It also hurts a bit because the people selected for the more public aspects don't always know all of the material and it feels more like their personal relationship with certain people is more the deciding factor than actual abilities.

I really, really feel like certain people may feel that my weight makes me not a good image. I also feel like though I am able to do very many things, I am treated as if I am not able to do them, and when I do them, then I get mocked at times as if I am doing them too well. Like the better I do, the more I get mocked or it bothers someone. Why is doing good seen as bothersome, but when another person does the same, then it is favored? I feel like if I were thinner and kept up the same level of ability, then it would be looked at more as a good thing and I would be treated better. I really feel like I have got to lose weight in order to be respected and before my abilities will actually be looked at in a positive manner. I was so upset today that I just felt so discouraged and drained mentally.

Hey milliondollarbbw. :)

A great deal of what you described in your last post is mainly the usual corporate BS one has to deal with. Being overweight does not help, that's for sure, but that sort of stuff goes on regardless of whether one is fat or thin, tall or short, etc. It's just like the cliques in high school....the in-crowd and the out-crowd. I've seen kids who were small for their age get picked-on and then they'd grow a foot and the others were still targeting them. They would pigeon-hole you into a slot and you could not get out of it.....probably because of the loss of self-esteem and low confidence that resulted from getting picked-on in the first place.

Does becoming a normal weight make things better? Absolutely! It's great! But has it solved ALL my problems? No. I couldn't play the piano when I was fat and I still can't play it, even after losing the weight. I could learn how to, of course...and in fact, could have learned how to back when I was fat, if I'd set my mind to it. But, you know what I mean.

I have learned that by far, the thing that people will envy you the most for is being HAPPY. Insecure people will try to target your weaknesses because your pain makes them feel better. They know JUST how to zone in on the ones they can upset/make unhappy. The woman who rolls her eyes when others compliment you and looks at your plate has her own insecurity problems...you can be sure of that! Happy people do not begrudge anyone else their happiness or need to make others unhappy.

You're right...it's NOT fair. But unhappy people will pick on any weakness or insecurity they can find. That doesn't mean you have to let them. And it doesn't mean you have to be thin to get them to stop. In fact, they may never stop....and may try to find something else to criticize about you when you DO lose the weight. It's confidence and happiness that will cause them to lose interest in upsetting you. It's only really fun to hurt someone who lets them.

Losing weight will be awesome and will make you feel great. But believe me, you don't have to let people make you feel bad NOW. In fact, feeling down and discouraged is not helpful when you are trying to stay motivated and stay on plan. Focus on feeling happy....and meanwhile, you'll lose the weight. Stay positive, I'm serious. THAT is what will help you get to your goal. Feeling bad about yourself can defeat you. Don't let them do that to you or stand in your way. You can do it. Do it for yourself.

deena :)

Thank you, everybody. I do realize that some people will try and find fault in others no matter the reason, and that favoritism does exist. Sigh. I have been through this before, and when I lost the weight, I got treated with a lot more respect. I really feel that I need to show that I am losing weight, because it may help others to gain more respect for me---because obviously doing well and knowing how I do what I do, just doesn't matter so much to some people.

I also feel like I need to focus on me for a while, and just do the best that I can. I think that if I focus on getting healthier, that will help me with my feelings and if I have a more positive outlet, then some of the staring at my plate and other things won't bother me as much. In other words, I think losing this weight will help me to recapture some of my joy.

This thread came into my mind today. With the recent passing of my aunt, who was mentally disabled and functioned on the level of about an 8 or 9 year old, she has been in my thoughts a lot, and my mind led me to some of the personality traits that she and I have in common.

One of those is a tendency to be hypersensitive when people tell me basic things I already know. I realize that a person isn't "stupid" just because they didn't know something, but I'm really talking about elementary facts that any normally functioning 5 year old would know. For example, when I worked as a cashier in a grocery store, I had a customer who had purchased a mylar helium balloon and weighted it down with a candy bar. I rang up both items, and then put it aside to make the transaction, whereupon a co-worker ran toward me in horror, telling me I'd better not let go of that balloon... She hadn't seen that it was weighted. After that turned out to be the case, she was satisfied. But honestly! There I was a middle-aged woman, and I've known since I was a toddler, at a carnival with a helium balloon tied to my wrist, that they float away if they're not attached to something. She really thought I didn't know better?

My late aunt Barbie was always quick to let someone know when they were being overly helpful. "I'll take care of myself!" And I do feel the same way, especially when my intelligence is being called into question.

I never associated it with being fat before. I always thought that people just assumed, for whatever reason, I was stupid. Does being fat make it more likely that I'll be perceived that way?

I'll blog with more detail; I don't want to hijack the thread.