South Beach Diet - How to Deal with Skeptics




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jenne1017
01-20-2010, 08:56 AM
Hi all,

I encountered something interesting this week. I tend (as all of you well know) to post pictures of my food. I did so of the black bean brownies on my FB and encountered a number of skeptics saying "with the splenda in there and unnatural things in that and the cool whip, I'd just rather have a smaller slice of the real thing." Now, half my issue is that the real thing triggers my overeating. I said something like that but others chimed in and I just grew really angry. I didn't know if it was because they might be right or because I was embarrased or because no one defended my decision to have splenda in small portions rather than sugar in large portions because it triggers my overeating.

Anyway, do you encounter skeptics in you real or 3D lives and how do you handle it?


Teresa2010
01-20-2010, 08:59 AM
you know, you have every right to eat what you wish. if it works for you, ignore those opionated peeps. Also, i love see pictures of new recipes. when they need to make a recipe for a diabetic, i bet they go to your page!

tomandkara
01-20-2010, 09:21 AM
I laughed at your "3D lives" comment. That is a funny way to put it!

You have to do what works for you, and there's no reason you should feel like you have to justify that for anyone else. You've lost almost 20 pounds! That is a huge accomplishment and your choices are obviously working for you.

I'm sorry I didn't see your post because I would've had your back! :)


HealthierLori
01-20-2010, 09:21 AM
I've seen this kind of thing a lot over the years. My theory is that most people are REALLY threatened when they see someone working to lose weight and become healthier.

I grew up in a family full of alcoholics and I see the same kind of thing there. They make fun of you for not drinking, and pooh-pooh as being a ridiculous idea, the idea that maybe NOT drinking a fifth a day is the right thing to do. They do everything they can to try to MAKE you drink, because your NOT drinking makes them feel guilty about their own, and they feel VEEERRRRRYY uncomfortable. It's a defense mechanism for them.

Same thing in our society when you try to buck the mainstream eating patterns. Right now, we are a nation addicted to huge portions of fast food and no exercise. People envy people who are healthy and who have a healthy BMI, but they also kind of hate those people, you know? They feel more comfortable around people who are eating like they do, and not exercising, like they are. They want to stay nice and safe within their addictions, so to speak.

So someone comes along and says, "this is what has worked for me to lose weight and feel better" and boy the attacks never stop. "Don't get too skinny - men don't like skinny girls you know..." "Oh, that's ridiculous that you only get to eat a small portion or have to forgo dessert...how silly!" "Well, I'm a better person because I don't obsess about my weight - I'm not vain like you are!" Ad nauseum.

I'm old so I've seen this playing out time and time again over the years.

Anyway, I know it's infuriating. I hate it too. But that's the mentality, that's where they are coming from. And they don't even realize it on a conscious level - it's totally subconscious.

murphmitch
01-20-2010, 09:53 AM
I'd just rather have a smaller slice of the real thing

In my experience, they do eat the real thing. And they don't stop at a small slice. Easy to preach, hard to put into practice.

jenne1017
01-20-2010, 09:54 AM
I know I am doing the right thing for me. I know it. I don't feel less strong because of it. I just wish I had a good comeback. Here's the conversation on facebook under the picture (Which I was soooo tempted to delete):

Guy: "Artificial sweetner and Cool Whip? I'd rather have a smaller portion of the real thing!"
"Well, according to Wikipedia, Cool Whip is made of water, corn syrup and high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated coconut and palm kernel oil (CPKO), sodium caseinate (a milk derivative), natural and artificial flavor, xanthan and guar gums, polysorbate 60 (glycosperse), and beta carotene. Sure sounds delicious and nutritious. On the other hand, I do like agave .... especially when it's been fermented and distilled!"

So my comeback was disappointment for citing wikipedia as a source :lol3:

I don't know, I guess everyone is different. I know it's a trigger for me to eat the real thing but is having the fake doing damage too? Oh well. I am sure this "friend" also eats chips, drinks soda and other "harmful" things that he's preaching about now. I will just move on. Maybe I will delete the picture. Out of sight, out of mind...

oopsmyhalofelloff
01-20-2010, 09:54 AM
I've had similiar comments about certain things I choose to eat as well. I think it is more that they aren't educated in nutrition. No matter how small/big the slice how can anyone really reason that chocolate brownies.. with white flour and sugar is in anyway more healthy a choice then brownies made with black beans and splenda .. when I think about it that way I think the "other" people reallly look foolish for putting it down

tomandkara
01-20-2010, 10:06 AM
Oh, a comeback. I stink at those. We'll have to put our heads together and come up with something good!!! :devil:

WaistingTime
01-20-2010, 10:22 AM
Jenn - You raise a really interesting question. And I don't have a comeback for you because I am just not that clever.

But I strongly feel that we are all different in what works for us and our levels of exactness in following a plan. I am like you and can't eat the real thing in moderation. But I can put honey in my salmon marinade and not cause cravings or feel guilty. And from earlier this week, I can eat a small bit of real ketchup with no problems either. And sometimes convenience foods can have a place in our lives despite the unpronounceable ingredients.

You have really inspired me and impressed me since I have been on this site - with your personal motivation and your amazing support for everyone else. I'd be happy to give that support back to you and come beat him over the head with a carton of Cool Whip for you:) BTW - you said facebook - does that mean he is a "friend?"

litar
01-20-2010, 10:49 AM
I understand how you feel Jenn. At work my lunch buddies always make a comment about my food and what I am eating. But you know what I feel better, I've now lost 7 pounds and they haven't. I wish I had a good come back for you, too! You might remind him that your brownie although it has some artificial sweeteners also is fiber and protein packed!

Mmckellen
01-20-2010, 10:54 AM
I think different plans work for different people. I have friends who swear by Weight Watchers. Not only does WW not work for me, I feel it is actaully detrimental for me, because I become hyper focused on food. We'll never agree, and that's ok.

crutcher
01-20-2010, 11:05 AM
You know in your heart that you are right...You know as you see the pounds fall away that what you are doing works...
That is all that matters...
How about a smile...always a smile...and a shrug...whatever...
We really don't always have to answer...
Best to you and your success...
(I lol inside when someone says to me that sbd is not healthy...I use the old smile trick and know that I am on the absolute best nutrition/exercise path of my life...)

Lexxiss
01-20-2010, 11:50 AM
No matter how small/big the slice how can anyone really reason that chocolate brownies.. with white flour and sugar is in anyway more healthy a choice then brownies made with black beans and splenda ..

Right on, Oops!

I'd have a hard time blogging because I'm so sensitive to criticism...but my Yoga teacher gets all kinds of comments from her conservative friends and takes the polite approach, which I am becoming very fond of; "Thanks for taking the time to comment, and I'm so glad you've found that just a small slice of the real thing works for you. For me, white sugar and flour are a trigger for me and so I personally choose to find ways to enjoy my treats without them."

Bottom line...don't take it personally.
P.S. We had a donut pusher at our athletic club last week. He refused to stop offering 3 obviously overweight women these droolfest donuts even though we politely declined numerous times. What could be the problem with just one?
:hug:

rdw1
01-20-2010, 12:09 PM
WHAT? who has donuts at the gym?! THats UNBELIEVABLE! HOW RUDE~ lol

Princesque
01-20-2010, 12:12 PM
I know the type of people you're talking about. All you can do is lose the weight and prove to them that your way works for you. Consider it a challenge to stay OP.

Ruthxxx
01-20-2010, 12:15 PM
Ignore stuff like that. You know what is right for you.
As my Irish grandpa used to say "The back o' me neck to yez all!"

Heidi58
01-20-2010, 01:17 PM
:D I think I would have liked your grandfather, Ruth.

Jenn, I'm sorry people can't just live and let live. As the others have said you're doing great. You've found what works for you and what others think about your choices doesn't matter.

I can usually let things go without getting too worked up, but for me the subjects of food/exercise/weight are very personal. I can laugh off rude comments about my work, my home, choices that I make, even my family and faith - because I am confident and content in those areas.

I have to work hard not to be hurt by remarks about what I eat, or about my exercise and recreation choices because I don't have that same confidence and contentment in those areas of my life.

So, rather than open myself up to criticsm that's hard for me to handle, I keep those parts of my life private. Other my husband and kids you ladies are the only ones I'm comfortable discussing my food choices and exercise habits with.
(But if they want to know my weight - they'll have to log in and check my ticker. ;) lol)

jenne1017
01-20-2010, 02:13 PM
Karen -- maybe it's PMS but I teared up reading your sweet words. Thank you for that (sometimes a little motivation and reinforcement from people who "get" what I am doing feels good). Yes, he is a "friend" - actually a former colleague so he knows the Jenn of 6 years ago...

litar -- good point. I'll just p00p out the bad :lol:

Sadly, I am a fighter and don't let things go :( But I will let this one slide...and be stronger than them ;)

Thank you all for your support. And I hope this helped out some others to read too.

Wavesmom
01-20-2010, 04:39 PM
Hello All, I am new here. My husband and I started on SB last week and are doing GREAT!! I am down 7 pounds as of this morning.

Jenn, I completely get what you are saying. When I mention to people that we are on South Beach, I get lots of comments, such as "Well, you better be careful on that" and "Do you REALLY need to lose weight?" (which makes me laugh.)

Wouldn't it be nice if people just said "Good for you" and left it at that?

SBD Sass
01-20-2010, 04:47 PM
I used to defend my baby South Beach Diet, but I don't anymore. I just let people say what they want to say. I know for sure that this diet works and that I am a healthier and disciplined person from it. Once I dropped all of the weight I got back into "real" things because now I look and think before I eat.

Point is that you have to do what works for you.

Xan
01-20-2010, 04:54 PM
I think I'd be tempted to delete the comment :) It's a downside to the internet.

Sometimes people are well-meaning, and sometimes clueless, and sometimes, I think, just plain spoilers. Poster: "I've found something wonderful! Product X. It's totally changed my attitude to breakfast. i can stick to this! I've lost 20 pounds in a month!" Comment: "Did you know that Product X was found to cause cancer in worms? AND it has .000001 grams of cane sugar." Grrr. Enjoy your brownies :)

jenne1017
01-20-2010, 05:28 PM
I think I'd be tempted to delete the comment :) It's a downside to the internet.

Sometimes people are well-meaning, and sometimes clueless, and sometimes, I think, just plain spoilers. Poster: "I've found something wonderful! Product X. It's totally changed my attitude to breakfast. i can stick to this! I've lost 20 pounds in a month!" Comment: "Did you know that Product X was found to cause cancer in worms? AND it has .000001 grams of cane sugar." Grrr. Enjoy your brownies :)


:joker: That made me LOL for real!

KicknKnit
01-21-2010, 02:12 PM
They do everything they can to try to MAKE you drink, because your NOT drinking makes them feel guilty about their own, and they feel VEEERRRRRYY uncomfortable

You have just described my grandfathers relationship with my father

Come on Jer, just have a drink with me.. just one.. aw come on.. just one.. what are you a wimp?

My father is now a recovering Alcoholic

I don't think food is much different.

Come on Jen, have some pie.. just one piece.. aw come on.. what are you a wimp?

ETA: My name is Jen too.. just realized the Original poster is Jenn.. I was referring to myself... :) boy this could get confusing

CyndiM
01-21-2010, 03:04 PM
Everyone thinks they are an expert on food and everyone has an opinion. On top of that a lot of people feel threatened when someone they know gets healthy. Hey I was obese and sedentary for years. I always blamed my genes, my metabolism, etc and there was something intimidating about someone I knew actually doing what I couldn't quite manage.

I admit that I often just tell people I eat a whole foods diet and avoid white stuff. Sometimes I don't feel like getting into the whole song and dance. I do spend a lot of time explaining my program in great detail if I think someone is genuinely looking for answers though.

Just wait until you lose a significant amount of weight. I just loved all the people I barely knew who felt they had a right to tell me they thought I'd lost enough weight now. People like a little success, but I suspect many would prefer we gain the weight back and stop making them question their food choices.

I really learned a lot living with a diabetic. I could always defend her food requirements and choices. It's amazing how many people just suggest shooting a little more insulin so you can eat those cookies :dizzy: When I remember that I am making the choices I must make for my health I'm less concerned about all the helpful input from otehrs.

SBD Sass
01-21-2010, 03:36 PM
Just wait until you lose a significant amount of weight. I just loved all the people I barely knew who felt they had a right to tell me they thought I'd lost enough weight now. People like a little success, but I suspect many would prefer we gain the weight back and stop making them question their food choices.

I can cosign that one. I lost all of the weight and people still tell me why I shouldn't eat healthy all of the time...someone's Aunt passed away because she was too healthy. *hears crickets* And people who lose weight fast like me usually gains it all back fast. I've been maintaining for a little over a year...Jan. 7, 2010 was my Anniversary. So, they were wrong. We call them "haters" from where I'm from. Write them off.

tomandkara
01-22-2010, 12:54 AM
Sass, where are you from in New Jersey? I grew up near Philly.

SBD Sass
01-22-2010, 09:52 AM
Sass, where are you from in New Jersey? I grew up near Philly.

I'm no where near Philly...I am in Union which is next to Newark which is 10 mins away from NYC. :carrot: I went to Philly only once in my life and that was to attend a bird competition my hubby participates in. Great city!!!!

weebleswobble
01-22-2010, 10:48 AM
3D people are weird, and ultimately, I think you have to consider the source and give all respect where respect is due.

Here's a conversation I'm still puzzling over that happened about 1 month after I started SBD. I had just discovered Sugar Snap Peas in a convenient ?8 oz bag (about a quart bag size) for maybe $2? or $1.75? and I was buying them and bringing them to school. I could snack on them all day, I liked them, and the only alternatives at school were 100% BAD. I was about 250 (down from 260 and 5'6". I was talking to my good friend who I knew was also struggling with dieting (and specifically had just fallen off a diet where she had tried cutting out carbs a few months earlier) so I wanted to share with her how much I liked the peas, and to another good friend of ours who has successfully lost 70 pounds and maintained a size 6 for several years (and is now a vegetarian).

Friend #1: I'm starving, I missed dinner. Guess I'll go get a candy bar from the machine...
Me: Hey, I have some cheese sticks, and try these, they are great, they are called "sugar snap peas" but they don't taste like peas!
Friend #2: Oh, those are great! I'll have some, thanks!
Friend #1: *tries* Wow! these are great, they taste really good!
Me: Yeah! They taste great, they have this fresh-pack and they only cost $1.69! I carry them around all day and munch on them, totally satisfies my snack craving.
Friend #2: That's a great idea!
Uninvited 3D woman: *incredibly loudly* Eeew! PEAS!!! I wouldn't eat peas if my life depended on it! And a DOOOOOLLAR, that's a RIPP to pay for PEEEEEAZ. I can't believe you would waste your MONEY on something like that!

Uninvited 3D was lucky she was at a seminary and not in a high school, 'cause we couldn't respond with our "inside voices." U3D doesn't fit into the desks at school (and a friend who is 350 pounds does). She appears to spend more on her food than I do (since every class I have with her she brings a bag of fast food, which I notice because I have to smell her fries the whole time). Health and wellness doesn't seem to be a priority.

But I think that U3D was not commenting so much on how much she disliked peas, but rather her own feelings about her own weight (or other people's weight loss).

weebleswobble
01-22-2010, 10:56 AM
Haaa Debbie. Donuts. :) That's funny. I would have graciously taken a nice jelly donut and then jammed it in his face!

:)

zeffryn
01-22-2010, 12:09 PM
I'm dealing with something similar right now, except it is with my best friend. For the new year, we decided to get healthy together. She gets upset with me because I've stuck to my plan and lost weight. She is a sometimes atkins, sometimes phentermine, sometimes nothing type person and has been yo-yoing the same 3-4 lbs. She poo-poo's my food choices all the time. I told her earlier that tonight, I'm having my curry chicken on top of shredded cabbage instead of over rice and she laughed and said that any healthy plan would WANT me to eat brown rice. She doesn't really understand the concept to South Beach. She does, however, love to experiment with diet drugs and gets totally upset when I continually upstage her in our weekly weigh in. I've lost 12, she's lost maybe a pound or so.

Just yesterday, she said that she was cleaning house and was really hungry, so she ate half a bag of pizza rolls. really? someone that is trying to lose weight probably shouldn't touch pizza rolls. I gave her a recipe for the SB tortilla pizza and said it would satisfy her pizza craving and she turned her nose up at it.

I guess some people never change and I guess I have to learn that I have to do what is best for MY life and not worry so much about what the people around me think :)

CyndiM
01-22-2010, 12:39 PM
Sass - Are you married to a birder?? Me too. Luckily I'm one too.

Weebles - everyone has an opinion and for some reason a lot of people think you want to know what it is ;)

Zeff - I think alot of people like the idea of losing weight but want to do it without actually changing anything in their lives. I spent years looking for that magic bullet myself. It ain't out there. All you can do is take care of yourself the best you can, answer serious questions she asks and get on with it. She might see your success ultimately and decide she can do it. Or she might not. Ah the things you learn growing up with an alcoholic ;)

weebleswobble
01-22-2010, 12:51 PM
zeffryn, you're right. And, ultimately, we all have to decide whether we are going to continue down our weight loss path or turn back and wallow with our friends who are trying to hold us back.

I just noticed that U3D is in one of my classes this semester (and I've lost 55 pounds in the 6 months since her "ewww PEEEEAS" outburst and gone from a 22 to a 14 jeans). I'm sure I'll pull out the veggies during break again, We'll see if she's as opinionated. :)

tomandkara
01-22-2010, 12:58 PM
I'm no where near Philly...I am in Union which is next to Newark which is 10 mins away from NYC. :carrot: I went to Philly only once in my life and that was to attend a bird competition my hubby participates in. Great city!!!!

That's funny. I've only been to New York twice in my life! What kind of bird competition is your husband in?

jenne1017
01-23-2010, 05:52 PM
You all make me giggle. Thanks for that!

I got over it, and haven't deleted the photo and posted the recipe. Meh to him!

10 pounds down...one pound past my monthly goal! Booya I say to him!