100 lb. Club - Could do with a hug, please.

View Full Version : Could do with a hug, please.

01-17-2010, 08:05 PM
Big meanie of a day here - I'm a church minister. It's a traditional church, where ritual is important. There's a team of servers - guys in the sanctuary who have set roles in the service. One guy has spent my first year showing off, disrupting the service, talking when I'm preaching, distracting me and the congregation. I've had several conversations with him, including a formal meeting and a reprimand. Today I told him to quit. He's not pleased, understandably.

It's the first time I've ever had to fire someone, so I'm kind of all of a quiver still. And of course, as the evening goes on, I'm starting to feel guilty..... However, I know I'm right, and, like it or not, tough stuff is what leaders have to do some times.

Still could do with a hug, though.

OTOH, I feel like a great weight has lifted - believe me, for the last 3-6 months, I haven't been able to sleep on Saturday nights for worrying what he'll be like on the Sunday - and that ain't good for a minister, to be afraid to go into their own church! So I'm hoping that now this weight's gone, I can concentrate on this other weight. Tomorrow, I'm back on track. Again.

And yes, it is midnight here. And no, I can't sleep.

Judy Lynn
01-17-2010, 08:11 PM
:hug: Good for you, sounds like it was the right decision.

01-17-2010, 08:13 PM
I'm so relieved for you that you've gotten that conversation over. You've done the hard part, stay strong.

01-17-2010, 08:17 PM
Here's a huge hug -- it's hard and you've done what was best, for your congregation and for all involved. The man needs to grow up, both personally and spiritually, and he had his chance to deal with the issue and turned away. You've faced it and grown. Well done.

I'm in a traditionally male field myself (engineering) and I've been there more times than I ever wanted to be.

One more hug! And get some sleep.

01-17-2010, 08:18 PM
I remember your writing about him earlier...I'm surprised he's still there. He needs to GO! You did the right thing!!

01-17-2010, 08:22 PM
Big hug for you! My sister is a Pastor with the ELCA and our services are very similar to the Anglican Church services so I understand what you are saying.

You absolutely did what you needed to do, for the good of your congregation. So many of us recharge each Sunday in church - we are fed not just with communion and your words in your sermon, but also with the beauty of the music and the beauty of the rituals - and anything that disrupts that, disrupts the spiritual growth of the flock and keeps them from getting what they need.

As part of the congregation, I always depend on the Pastor to do the hard things like what you have done, to preserve the beauty and peace of the service and to ensure we all get what we need each Sunday.

Thank you so much for doing this. You did absolutely the right thing, even though it was very very hard to do, so give yourself a big hug and a big reward! (((HUGS)))

P.S. A warm bath and some lavender oil (if you have some handy to put in the bath) might be just perfect now, along with a non-caffeine herbal tea like chamomile!

01-17-2010, 08:22 PM
I hope things get better now that the guy has been booted.

01-17-2010, 08:23 PM
A BIG HUG to you, and I understand what you are saying-- I'm very non-confrontational and can procrastinate for MONTHS instead of dealing with it. GOOD FOR YOU!

01-17-2010, 08:35 PM
((((Rosinante)))) Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing. You did everything you could - but, he chose to continue that same behavoir. Try to feel better.

01-17-2010, 08:36 PM
Good for you for taking care of the situation. I imagine it was hard but necessary, and speaking as a member of the congregation (Episcopal) I would be very happy to have someone like that no longer disrupting the service and taking the focus away from worship. I bet everyone is relieved and now that the hard part is over, you'll sleep better on Saturday nights and enjoy your Sunday services more. :hug:

01-17-2010, 08:39 PM
Firing people is the worst part of any leadership job, but you certainly gave him enough chances to shape up. Sounds like you did the right thing, even if it was hard. :hug:

01-17-2010, 08:57 PM
:hug: You did what needed to be done and the whole congregation can have a peaceful Sunday service now.

01-17-2010, 09:05 PM
ditto what everyone else has said. So glad this weight over your head is gone now and you don't have to dread going into your church!

Thighs Be Gone
01-17-2010, 09:12 PM
If you know he is was disrupting your outreach--well, then --that's all that needs to be said about that.

01-17-2010, 09:16 PM
Rosinante here is a :grouphug:. It must be a big relief not to have to deal with that server. He should be embarrassed for how he behaved. It sure wasn't setting a good example for the children.

01-17-2010, 09:33 PM
ANYONE who would interrupt a speaker, religious leader or not, DESERVES TO GET FIRED. That is so unacceptable in the secular or religious world. I work in public education and for MLK JR day we'll all be listening to speakers tomorrow. I would certainly not last long if I was a disruption during our school events. You are completely in the right of way!:hug:

01-17-2010, 09:37 PM

Hopefully now you can move on and be able to sleep Saturday nights. You did the right thing!

01-17-2010, 09:51 PM
I'm glad that you were able to do what is right for YOU and YOUR church!!!! Big hugs and take peace in knowing that you did the right thing.

01-17-2010, 10:15 PM
O wow! You guys are so nice! Thankyou!

I'm back up again because it's now 02:30 and I still can't sleep, drinking a little hot milk and repeating my bedtime rituals - a little very light tv (Two and a Half Men), putting the dogs out, glass of water, couple of pages of trash novel, light out.

Thanks again for the hugs!

BTW, I checked back to when I'd last posted about him, early November. I had that meeting with him: he was late, he tried to lead the meeting, he was stunned when I officially reprimanded him, and told him his behaviour was plain bad manners. His improvement lasted a fortnight!

Still, over now. (I hope.)

01-17-2010, 10:27 PM
Big hugs to you; I know that must have been a very difficult situation.

01-18-2010, 06:28 AM
Well, 3 hours' sleep, who needs more?!?

Had a healthy breakfast of oats, nuts and apple, out for lunch - I'll pick a salad - then going shopping between meetings for something healthy to eat tonight.
Here's hoping! (Here's trying, too.)

01-18-2010, 07:55 AM
Some people mistake kindness for weakness....too bad.... I guess that was his mistake.

01-18-2010, 09:07 AM
Good for you for setting the tone on how you'll allow others to treat you and the congregation!! It had to have been difficult to do. I hope some relief is starting to set in and that you can sleep again.

01-18-2010, 09:19 AM
:hug: :hug: I will say this to you, God trusts you to lead his people and there are times that order has to be set it the house just like at our homes. I have worked in ministry and I know the struggles when it comes to dealing with the "people". You don't want to be harsh but you need to do something. I think you did the right thing. Even Jesus, when he was feeding the five thousand told the disciples to make the people sit down before they could be fed. So take heart and know you have to consider those that look to you as their leader.

01-18-2010, 09:35 AM
It must be a big relief now that that is over and done with. Lots of cyber hugs sent your way.

I am SO glad that you're back and posting. KEEP ON POSTING, ya hear?

Sounds like today is off to a great start! You CAN do this. I'm certain of it. Give yourself that gift of getting back into that groove. :)

01-18-2010, 09:58 AM
wow, if you still feel like you need a hug: ** hug **

everyone has said it so well. you should never have had to put up and deal with his kooky, immature and unprofessional behavior. you rose to the (difficult) occasion and did what needed to be done. he's the one who should be losing sleep over embarrassment from acting that way.

01-18-2010, 11:36 AM
(((Hug))) Glad to have such a major stressor lifted, even though it took some unhappy activity to get it done!

01-18-2010, 12:16 PM
:hug: When faced with a tough decision you know you made the right one when you feel bad about it! :lol: Teasing, but I'm glad you were able to do what's right for you and your church no matter how hard it was.