Lighten Up! - Dating....

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01-12-2010, 03:29 PM
This is the second time it has happened to me in the last year. I mean really what is up with making a 2nd date with someone, talk to them 2 hrs before, and then just not show up? What is this? This hasn't only happened to me. Several of my single friends have had this happen to them also.
Either a lot of men have been abducted in the Los Angeles area or this city is just full of children playing at being men. It is so frustrating. It isn't like I am going out with 20 somethings or early 30's. Most of the men I date are in their 40's, established careers and what not. So why the games? I would respect a man more if he just came out and said that he wasn't interested over the game playing. It is petty and childish to do that.

It has been suggested that it may be what I have in my profile... so here is it is for your reading it enjoyment..

Well I am looking for "that" nice guy to date/love/spend the rest of my life with.He is funny and smart. I lean towards tall guys with some meat on their bones! I like men with tattoos or without. I am looking for someone that I like and respect.
Someone I can have fun with. Enjoy music, travel and friends.

I read. I listen to music. I have fun. I have friends. I have a job. I am a curvy girl. My hair has an identity crisis and doesn't know what color it wants to be. I aspire to make it up Runyon Canyon without gasping for air. I have saved a few lives. I have jumped out of an airplane with the Flying Elvi. I love live music/concerts. I love to travel.I have tattoos. I like learning new things. I care. I am loyal. I can be sarcastic. I am generous.

So in a nutshell, I am up for the adventure! Are you?

Sometimes I am lonely hike
sometimes I am a conversation
some days I am gentle saint
some days I'm bound for ****
some days I'm a gourmet chef
some days I'm a taco bell
sometimes I just give and give
sometimes I just need and need
some nights I'm a ticking clock
some nights I'm a timeless vision

So what is this giving out the vibe that I am just looking to be messed with? Give me feedback folks because I am confused by this.

I think I am a pretty good person. I have been a good girlfriend in the past.. I don't try and hurt anyone intentionally and I am pretty upfront about what I want out of a relationship. I am tired of being lied to or cheated on. What should I be doing differently?

Sorry I am just really venting, because this is getting old!

01-12-2010, 03:57 PM
Well you always have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince charming.

These people who have stood you up- are you calling for the second date or are they? And are they comfirming or are you?

Anyone who flakes one me is written off in my book. I had a friend who would flake on hubby and I all the time- finally we stopped inviting him places and he figured out quickly that we weren't going to deal with him anymore lol.

01-12-2010, 03:57 PM
So...these are guys you went on dates with once before? The only conclusion I can come to after reading and rereading your post is that maybe the first date wasn't a huge hit and they didn't know how to say that politely? I mean, did you think the first dates went well and did you feel like you had a lot of chemistry with them?

It is super rude to stand someone up, omg. I don't see how someone can even stand to do that. I guess it's less confrontational or awkward (assuming that they for some reason were not interested), but it still seems very childish and unecessary. I don't think most men realize how much women appreciate honesty...even if it's hurtful at first.

I don't see how anything in your profile could be misunderstood or could be causing this to happen to you...seems good to me.

I've never been stood up before but I've been blown off. And eventually I would just get the hint and leave them alone....but it hurt. Especially if I had gone out of my way to look cute or make plans in advance.

01-12-2010, 04:11 PM
Oh the first date went really well I thought. In fact, the date that brought this one, was Saturday. .. half way through the date he asked me out again. Called me twice after the date Saturday night, then texted me first thing Sunday morning. He called me at 5pm to confirm we were going out, said he had to go home and shower/change (he had been with friends watching the game all day) then would call me in about 20 mins ... haven't heard from him since. I left a voice mail and a text message and nada. Today I see that he was on the dating site we met on.

But like I said this is the 2nd time this has happened to me.

01-12-2010, 04:14 PM
Hi Sinderulla - I know how you feel. For the first time ever, I was stood up a few nights ago & could not believe it. Got an email from the fellow saying he was held up at his daughters & wanted to know if I wanted to replan another date. I know this sounds very rude but I have not responded to his email yet.
I just cannot believe someone could do this to anyone. But there is no way I would go out with him again.

I believe people should be on their best behaviour & if they are like this when you first start going out, things will just get worse later.

Forget him & move on. Better to know what kind of real person he is rather than wasting your time on someone who doesn't deserve it.

01-12-2010, 08:20 PM
Bizarre and incredibly rude. I don't see how it can be your profile if this is happening after they have asked you out for the second time. The flakes in this world out number the good eggs by a hefty margin. And I think ALL of them are internet daters! It's not you. It's them. Be glad you know early they are the sort to treat another person like that.

01-12-2010, 10:38 PM
They're just rude. I think your profile is great.

01-12-2010, 11:26 PM
You will come across alot of these type of men its life. And i know a few friends who have tried this approach and have been let down.
But if first you dont succed try and try again same as with weightloss , we all will get there in the end.

In reguards to your dating profile , I wouldnt make it so concrete and describe persifics. Yes we all think we have a type but in reality our type is generally never the same as who we end upwith.
Having so much detail may intimidate men and refrain then from replying to your ad......they may think your to fussy or looking for a replica of an ex .

Id keep it light and to the point......yes yor looking for something long term and meaningful but describing the man of your dreams on your profile doesnt mean hes sitting reading it, and may stop the perfect man in their tracks from pressing the submit button.

Let like minded individuals contact you.............and they may not have tatoos or a great houmor or even tall but they might just be the one to rock your world;)

01-22-2010, 08:37 AM
In all truthfulness we are lucky we make it to the end of the first date without a total social disaster going down... that's just the nature of dating!

I'm confident that it's not you. You are self-assured, unique, and know what you want, which sometimes intimidates men. But think about when you didn't know what you wanted, and the grief you experienced then - it becomes easier to weed out the "frogs" as we get older, although that's no guarantee we still won't wind up kissing a few!

northcarolina RN
01-27-2010, 02:16 PM
I think your profile reads well and is truthful. I am sorry that you are having such rotten luck right now with these so called men. Hang in there. I definately believe in fate and he is out there for you.

06-13-2010, 05:13 PM
I've been doing the online dating thing for a little bit and I am finding that older doesn't mean better. Sometimes I want to say that there is a reason they are that age and single. I try not to since I am "older" and single. I've seen quite often men saying what they think they need to say to get what they want or saying what they think will make them look like a great guy not caring how it actually affects you. Stay strong to who you are and be confident that God will send you someone, in His time....if that is what He has planned for you. Until then, enjoy the uncomplicatedness of the single life.

07-09-2010, 02:14 AM
Well if he does get in contact with you, let him explain the reason..

Bandit, i personally think the guy with the daughter had a valid reason - his daughter.. and he tried to replan with you because he would LIKE to try it again! :)

Always let the guy vent his side, if he decides to call back or whatever.. Dont hold your breath, but at least be open to his side of the story :)

07-09-2010, 02:25 AM
There is nothing wrong with your profile.
If these men are too chickenpoop to be upfront about not wanting a second date, then they're the ones with the problem. The problem being rudeness and weakness. You wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them anyway.

Be yourself, be confident, and you'll get the man you deserve, not some spineless baby.

motivated chickie
07-09-2010, 10:26 AM
It's tough out there in the online dating world. It takes a lot of effort to contact a person, chat with them, and then go on a date. I think a lot of us are tired and don't have the energy to have a second date with someone we don't click with.

In your case, this guy is just weird. I've never heard of being stood up after somebody was so enthusiastic about a second date. Usually guys I've dated give me a signal if they are not that into me. By not texting or calling.

Last night I went on a first date with a guy I met online. He was really great in every way, except I wasn't into him. I felt bad for not liking him & I did lead him on. He suggested we see each other again & I said yes. I know it was dishonest, but I really wanted to like him. I don't know if I'll go on a second date, but to be honest, I really don't want to.

So I admit, I've been on the other side of the equation and leading people on. But I don't have the heart to reject someone so quickly.