100 lb. Club - Competition with little sister?!




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Kae
01-12-2010, 12:10 PM
Great... I think my younger sister's competetive side has kicked in again... the other day she sat down next to me and said, "You don't weigh more than 240 lbs do you?" (She is planning my birthday present for July but it supposedly has a weight limit of 240.) *Shock* "240?! Thanks a lot. I haven't weighed that much in months," I replied. "Well, how much DO you weigh?" she asked. So I say, "211 lbs... I only 15 more lbs than you." And you know what she says, "Oh gee. Thanks a lot." As if I meant that as an insult... and as if I am so huge that my being 15 more lbs than her is so horrible.. I mean, geez.

My sister has always found pride in being "the smaller one" and I think finding out I am catching up to her weight has motivated her to get back into gear.

We had been workout buddies the past few months but ever since she found out I am 15 lbs more than her she hasn't worked out with me. I text her from work twice yesterday asking if she wanted to workout later... she never replied... and when I got home all of the workout stuff was sitting out. She did it without me.

Hmmm... I know I need to focus on myself but it just kinda bugs me that she is so offended that I could weigh the same as her. Or that she thinks I look so huge that it is shocking that I am close to her weight. Thoughts???


JustBeckyV
01-12-2010, 12:23 PM
Probably best to sit her down and talk to her about. It sounds like the two of you are pretty close and would be able to talk about anything. I am sure it's her own insecurities and dealing with her weight.

starfishkitty
01-12-2010, 12:30 PM
Sounds like she needs a visit from the "Grow up" bug....


club
01-12-2010, 12:32 PM
This is a ticky. I would talk to her about it so you can see where eachother is coming from. I have an older sister and she was always the 'small one' and recently the rolls have been reversed; and it has changed our relationship a little. Our own personalities and insecurities mixed with what we think others think is hard; expecially when its your sister!

You need to talk to her, but be completley honest with her and yourself with what you are feeling! Good luck.

JayEll
01-12-2010, 12:42 PM
If it were my sister, I'd sit her down and say, "Okay, competition now over. What i weigh and what you weigh have nothing to do with each other."

Jay

Kae
01-12-2010, 12:44 PM
Hmm...thanks for the replies. You've given me something to think about. :)

lovemyboy
01-12-2010, 02:56 PM
I too have a sister that prides herself on being the small one. She is competitive in all areas, not just this one. It is an especially sensitive area as I tend to win the other things she is competitive about. she isn't supportive in this or any other area lest she inadvertently help me win. It is all so silly and Winning doesn't matter a lick to me. I wish she were a partner in my weight loss and other areas but she is not and never will be.

Kae
01-12-2010, 03:12 PM
I too have a sister that prides herself on being the small one. She is competitive in all areas, not just this one. It is an especially sensitive area as I tend to win the other things she is competitive about. she isn't supportive in this or any other area lest she inadvertently help me win. It is all so silly and Winning doesn't matter a lick to me. I wish she were a partner in my weight loss and other areas but she is not and never will be.

You bring up a good point... I almost wonder if it is better not to say anything to her and just keep quiet. If I don't talk to her about my weight and just stick to eating healthy and working out on my own maybe she will cool down and not be so competetive for a while... ? Hmm... thanks.

medinazarley
01-12-2010, 03:18 PM
my guess is that she, like most people, doesn't realize how big she is and just knows how big everyone else is. maybe when she realized that you arent that much bigger than her now, she finally realize how big she is, and it's tough for her.

Eliana
01-12-2010, 03:20 PM
I can not relate. I have a brother who always weighed 118 pounds soaking wet. Now he's putting on a good bit of weight in the belly...and he's proud of it!! LOL!

I think I'd probably confront her and ask what's up. But my relationship with my brother is so different than it would be with a sister.

Kae
01-12-2010, 03:25 PM
my guess is that she, like most people, doesn't realize how big she is and just knows how big everyone else is. maybe when she realized that you arent that much bigger than her now, she finally realize how big she is, and it's tough for her.

That crossed my mind too... I don't think she has admitted it to herself yet. I know she is struggling with trying to lose weight but she also doesn't want to do it the 'right way.' She is still tryin to switch between eating all kinds of junk food and eating nothing and exercising a lot...

CLCSC145
01-12-2010, 03:26 PM
Stuff like this makes me glad I'm an only child! :D

It sounds like a good bit of her identity and self-worth is wrapped up in being "the smaller sister" and you are challenging that. I agree that separating your journey a bit from her is the right way to go for your own sanity, but don't expect the competition and snark to disappear, especially as you pass her!

Kae
01-12-2010, 03:29 PM
Stuff like this makes me glad I'm an only child! :D

It sounds like a good bit of her identity and self-worth is wrapped up in being "the smaller sister" and you are challenging that. I agree that separating your journey a bit from her is the right way to go for your own sanity, but don't expect the competition and snark to disappear, especially as you pass her!

Thanks... I'll definately have to remember to separate myself from her with the weightloss thing so I don't go insane. You make a good point... :)

170starting
01-12-2010, 04:41 PM
I had a friend that was ultra-competetive when it came to dieting...We were actually best friends for a few years. We would start off great and supportive of eachother... well, all of that changed when I began to lose more quickly than she did, and in different areas than she did. She would not do her weigh-ins in front of me anymore. When I would tell her what I lost, she would say she beat me... every week. SO... in order to help the problem I just started lying and saying I didnt lose anything... She came around again but discovered I was lying when I dropped sizes. That was years ago and now I am back on the weight-loss wagon. I do not look for competition at all anymore, I look for support and opportunities to support others. It makes a huge difference. :D

Elladorine
01-12-2010, 05:18 PM
I've never had a sister to "compete" with, but this makes me think of one of my old best friends, who like me, always struggled with her weight.

It seems like she grew up in direct competition with a slightly older sister over a lot more than just weight. Anyway, she was 90 pounds soaking wet . . . until she had her third baby. My friend was elated to see her sister's pant size go from a 2 as a teenager to a 20 as a mom when she herself had been a 20/22 since she was a teenager. I figured it was the wrong way to look at things, but my friend argued that she deserved the weight gain for being mean and teasing her over being the "fatty" for all those years.

I think the whole weight-loss thing tends to bring out the green-eyed monster in most girls . . . this same old friend stopped speaking to me last fall when I told her I'd lost a substantial amount of weight . . . but in our case I thought we were in this together as we used to diet, work out, and discuss ideas about weight loss together. I never thought it would be a competition between us, of all people . . .

SNMomof1
01-12-2010, 06:05 PM
Oye. Definitely NOT what you need.

My mother is really competitive as well. When she saw that I was heavily getting into calorie counting, she began making snide comments about. She just started up WW, surprise surprise.

I just let it go. The immaturity is beneath me and not something I want to bother myself with. Plus she probably won't stay with WW very long. ;)

Kae
01-12-2010, 06:43 PM
Thanks for all the great responses... I know I just need to let go of the situation and move on. Easier said than done of course... but it's nice to have some outside input to gain perspective. Thanks!!!

improbable
01-12-2010, 06:51 PM
I have an older sister and she was always the 'small one' and recently the rolls have been reversed

Haha I know this is a serious problem but I couldn't help but love the freudian slip of the "rolls" being reversed!

She's your sister, it's always hard when dynamics change in that relationship - acknowledge that it might be hard for her when talking about it, and hopefully she'll open up and be able to be supportive of your healthy choices without feeling offended. If she wants to stay the skinnier sister, maybe she'll even join in! Good luck :)

duckyyellowfeet
01-13-2010, 02:17 AM
My best friend was always my "smaller" half. Anytime I lose a little weight, she is quick to mention that she still weighs less than I do. Not any more, but she doesn't know that. Its hard to have that roadblock....

I think you just have to focus on yourself. If she wants to invent some competition, let her. Nothing she can do or say will change the fact that you have the tools you need to achieve your own goals, no matter how she acts

cheercoach0101
01-13-2010, 02:34 AM
I too have a sister who has always been the 'smaller' one.

I have always floated around 150, short and mired with every flaw our parents could have possibly passed down. Meanwhile, she has always been about 110, tall, long legs, full long hair - the list is pretty endless folks. lol

Everytime we go shopping she jokes about my size and always picks clothes that are at least 4 sizes too big for me. She sabotages any diet i attempt, sings 'big girl you are beautiful' or plays the song to our friends when i'm around, jokes about how much space i take up etc.

After a while, i just realized that i cant focus on what other people think. I cant waste my energy on that when i can use it on other, more positive things. Keep your eyes on your prize. I know it's hard to do and even harder when the people you love the most are the people hurting you the most but just remember that noone can make you feel small without your permission so dont let her get to you so much. Just continue doing what youre doing and start enjoying your journey to healthy-town!

Kae
01-13-2010, 10:18 AM
Thanks so much guys... I just need to refocus. Keep my eyes on the prize. :) The only person who can actually derail my success is myself. Thanks!!!