100 lb. Club - Major Boy Trouble, HELP PLEASE!

View Full Version : Major Boy Trouble, HELP PLEASE!

01-11-2010, 11:23 AM
So, I was talking with my bf last night.. & he tells me that he has feelings for another girl and wants to go out with her. My heart sank. He told me he's known her before we met (we've been together for 2 1/2 years..long distance, like an hour away) and he's like her ever since. He didn't go out with her b/c she had a bf then and he moved on and met me.

So, he recently started talking to her again & he finds out that she likes him alot too. So, he just up & dumps me for her. He just throws away all our love, memories, and future together for a secret crush he's had on this girl just bc he finds out she likes him too. Wtf? If he really loved me and cared for me he would want to just be with me only. He would be loyal and caring. He would tell her that he's found someone & they can be friends. I would have had no problem with that. I guess he didn't love me after all, if he's willing to give everything we had away for another girl. So, whatever, i'm talking to him about it tonight...lets see how things go. *sob* *sigh*

01-11-2010, 11:41 AM
I know you're hurting now, but your boyfriend does not deserve you. You deserve someone who will treat you right, will love you and respect you.

01-11-2010, 11:43 AM
Boys suck sometimes Hannah. Sorry to hear he's putting you through this.

For many people, the grass always looks greener on the other side and they forget to appreciate what they have. The excitement of a lost crush returning will often seem more exciting than the everyday (although perhaps great) person you're with.

Hang in, it will get better. I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but I would let him go. It's possible he will realize he's made a big mistake and his dream girl isn't all he's dreamt she would be.

Of course, it's also possible that should he decide he wants you back, you will be so far along your own personal journey of fabulousness, you won't be interested. :hug:

01-11-2010, 11:57 AM
He'll probably be back... don't make it easy if he does....

one more thing...put your energy into getting yourself together..don't get derailed.

01-11-2010, 11:57 AM
I know it's hard...but if he's willing to do this to you, what does it say about him - as a person and a boyfriend?

It hurts, but count yourself lucky you found this out about him NOW, before you made plans to relocate to be with him, etc. Use your frustration and anger and hurt and POUR it into your workouts. Become better for YOU, and move on from this guy.

01-11-2010, 11:58 AM
sorry this happened, but yeah, let him go - he isn't the right one for you if this is happening. Give yourself some time to mourn and focus on yourself and your goals and I bet that in a few weeks, you don't even miss him at all!!

But don't stay in contact with him and try and convince him to stay with you - any man who has to be talked into being with you isn't a man you want to be with.

01-11-2010, 12:13 PM
I'm with everyone else. Obviously you value yourself and are working on making yourself healthier so don't waste your time on someone that clearly doesn't value you. I know you are hurting right now but it will pass, not this week or maybe not this month but love yourself enough to let him go. He needs to pursue his fantasy but don't let his fantasy destroy you and how you see yourself. :hug::hug:

01-11-2010, 12:44 PM
I could have written this post myself. In a similar situation. Hang in there baby! Walk away.

01-11-2010, 01:09 PM
Thanks everyone! I am hurting a lot.. but i've decided that i'm going to still be friends, keep in touch every once in awhile with him and wish him the best of luck with whatever he wants. I'm moving on.

01-11-2010, 01:30 PM
I agree with all the above. Smart move to move on. Guys like this will do it again .

01-11-2010, 01:33 PM
Oh wow that sounds so tough. :( I am so sorry sweetie. He doesn't deserve you though. Just keep your head high, work on yourself and I am sure the right guy will come along. Hope you are doing okay. Hugs.

Thighs Be Gone
01-11-2010, 01:35 PM
Omgoodness. I am sorry. I wouldn't talk to him about anything, anymore. Period. I wouldn't have anything to do with him ever again. Period. If a man ever told me that I could never, ever trust him with my feelings again. Period. I know it's hard. If this is what he's about, you are so much better off knowing now. Your real prince and life awaits after all!!!

01-11-2010, 01:54 PM
((hugs)) I say move on sweetie... It sounds like he was just waiting for her to become single so he could make his move. You deserve someone who wants to be with you. You do NOT deserve to be treated like you are nothing more than a time passer for some idiot. There is a guy out there somewhere who will treat you the way you deserve.

01-11-2010, 02:11 PM
Well...at least you just lost 200 ugly unnecessary pounds! Right? But seriously, any woman who steals a man away from another woman will have the same thing done to her one day. Gosh I hope that makes sense.

01-11-2010, 02:15 PM
I think you solved your own questions when you wrote:

If he really loved me and cared for me he would want to just be with me only.

he doesn't, so don't agonize over the 'why nots' of this world; you'll find someone who DOES eventually and this will be a mere blip on the radar. In the meantime, let yourself grieve for a while but don't give him total control over your life by letting yourself get derailed! Big Hugz from all of us hun

01-11-2010, 02:20 PM
I think you have the right attitude about this. At least he was honest with you and ended things instead of cheating on you with this crush. It's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. Think of it as a learning experience. You get the idea.

01-11-2010, 02:36 PM
I think you have the right attitude about this. At least he was honest with you and ended things instead of cheating on you with this crush. It's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. Think of it as a learning experience. You get the idea.

Since I am in a similar situation.... thinking I would have been better off not loving at all. However, I know my attitude will change in time. At least I'm not eatting!!

01-11-2010, 02:46 PM

Souless Angel
01-11-2010, 04:38 PM
To be totally blunt seems like the guy was a waste of time and this happening is a blessing in disguise. Could you imagine being married to him with kids then he all the sudden he dumps you on your butt? I know its hard but keep in mind better days are yet to come:) good luck

01-11-2010, 04:45 PM
guys are jerks. i'm really getting pretty prejudiced about them in my "old age". he doesnt deserve you. clearly he is not capable of true commitment. that is all.

01-11-2010, 05:24 PM
Girl, don't bother with that fool anymore! Kick his butt to the curb and put him on ignore.

You deserve MUCH better.


01-11-2010, 09:56 PM
Ugh. That is the worst feeling in the world and when that happened to me I remember saying, "I wish it were one year from now, so I could just feel a little better...so I could breathe a little easier". It's been a very, very long time now and I'm married to a wonderful man who is perfect for me and is far better of a person than the one who broke my heart.

You deserve to have someone love you with his whole heart. Someone who CHOOSES to love you, even when he doesn't feel that gooey, dreamy feel like he did in the beginning. You can't make someone love you, but one day, the RIGHT man will and it won't take any work.


01-11-2010, 11:28 PM
Hey, so I didn't read all the posts, bc I relate to this so well my almost exploded. I was with someone for a looong time and for reasons I have yet to comprehend he left me. we were friends for a while, but it was horrible. I could not move on & still be friends, and he was using my friendship. he would flirt with me and stuff while he was dating other girls, uck! since I have completely let go I have found myself, found someone great, and gotten married & started a family.

my advice to you is to focus on you & the things that make you happy. Keep working towards your wl goals & cut out anything that makes you cry. I stopped talking to my ex, stopped watching grey's anatomy, and stopped listening to country music. It helped me alot to feel happier all the time!

p.s. according to your own signature quote, let go of the memories of what was, try not to fret over what may be, live today! And the truths today are that your (ex?)bf is a jerk, and you are worthy of a better, healthier life.

01-12-2010, 11:59 AM
So, I talked to him last night.. and I was getting soo pissed b/c he wouldn't make up is damn mind about who he wanted. He kept saying idk.. So, I keep bugging him to choose one or the other & finally i just said forget it.. it's over. You couldn't imagine how much it hurt to say that :'( But, we are still (Well, I'm trying) to be friends..i told him tho to give me a week or two.. b/c i don't think i can talk to him w/o getting pissed/depressed. So, that's that. It sucks. End of story. It's very difficult to get him out of my mind and not think about him. He was my first love and a first for A LOT of things. :( Bleh.

01-12-2010, 12:21 PM
That seriously sucks girl... the guy is a jerk. He can't decide who he wants to be with?! That is ridiculous!!! You deserve someone who knows how awesome you are. Stick with your goals... and you'll find someone who makes you their #1. :)