100 lb. Club - I'm scared it's all going to end.




View Full Version : I'm scared it's all going to end.


Mikayla
01-08-2010, 01:40 PM
Sometimes I worry that my weight loss is just going to stop. Now because i go off plan or stop exercising, but because I'm truly destined to be fat forever. Now logically i know this is not true. I know that if I stay on plan I will lose weight, but I've never been a normal weight and as i get smaller, sometimes I worry that it will all end I will just stop losing and I will be fat forever.

Does anyone else feel this way?


Passionista
01-08-2010, 01:47 PM
I have felt doomed in that way before, especially since I lost over 100 pounds in the past then gained it all plus some back! :(

What I know is this:

It isn't true.

We can do this.

It's human to feel as we do sometimes.

Consistency is king.

;)

lemondrplvr
01-08-2010, 01:53 PM
Mikayla, we've all felt this way at one time or another. If you go off your plan, you just have to dust yourself off and get back on. You can't let your fears control you. I'm terrified in my weight loss journey, I've never been thin. I ask friends if they can picture me thin cause I can't. I've been heavy since I was in 3rd grade and been in a size 18 since high school. We are all in this together. I need you just as much as you need may need us!! :hug:


saef
01-08-2010, 01:55 PM
Yeah, absolutely. All the time. Then I have to remind myself that it's not personal. What I mean is, I am not broken, or weird, or damned & deserving of punishment. And that I should not engage in magical thinking. (I am prone to magical thinking.) There's science involved in this whole project. If the weight loss stops, or rather, pauses, there's a reason. It's not going to be "taken from me." Except through my own actions.

Now you can be fat forever, in your own mind, even if your body is thin. But that's another issue entirely ....

nelie
01-08-2010, 01:57 PM
At my highest weight I felt I was truly destined to be fat. Once I got below 330, I knew that I had a chance. You should be proud, you are under 200 lbs and really if your weight loss stops then that just means you need a new strategy.

Eliana
01-08-2010, 02:05 PM
Wow. I'm actually a little saddened that you feel this way after losing 80 lbs. I thought eventually my own thinking would work itself out! :tantrum: :D Seriously though, yes, I definitely think this way. In fact, just last night I slept really heavy or something. I woke up and just ached. I felt like a big brown bear had crawled in and slept on top of me in the night. Oh, it hurt to move, I felt so heavy. I lay there thinking, oh no, all the weight came back on last night. I ran through what I had eaten the day before. Then when I weighed in, I had actually lost .6 pounds from yesterday. So I don't know why I ached so. But it's a very real fear. It's absurd to think I'd put back on nearly 30 lbs in one night even though I was on plan, but there it is. It was a real fear.

I fear very much that this weight loss is going to stop. But I have tricks in my back pocket. When/if I stall out, first I'll increase my calories. If that doesn't work I'll do Phase I of South Beach. (Been there, done that, know I could do it again.) If that doesn't work I'll add exercise. If that doesn't work...well I'll cry! LOL! But seriously, if that doesn't work I think I'll focus on maintaining to re-set my body, if there's any real science to that, and then I know that would have to work.

Hang in there. We're all right there with you.

saef
01-08-2010, 02:16 PM
In fact, just last night I slept really heavy or something. I woke up and just ached. I felt like a big brown bear had crawled in and slept on top of me in the night. Oh, it hurt to move, I felt so heavy. I lay there thinking, oh no, all the weight came back on last night. I ran through what I had eaten the day before. Then when I weighed in, I had actually lost .6 pounds from yesterday. So I don't know why I ached so. But it's a very real fear.

Oh. My. God. This. Exactly. I could have written this. And thank you for your image of the big brown hibernating bear.

I always think one of the most relieved moments of my life is when I wake up in the morning, sling my legs over the side of the bed, get ready to stand up, and see that my legs **are still thin.** Just like they were the night before, when I last saw them. The fat didn't all come back in the night & bury me in a landslide. It didn't grow back, like a culture in a petri dish.

Like I said, I am prone to magical thinking. :dizzy:

Eliana
01-08-2010, 02:19 PM
Oh. My. God. This. Exactly. I could have written this. And thank you for your image of the big brown hibernating bear.

I always think one of the most relieved moments of my life is when I wake up in the morning, sling my legs over the side of the bed, get ready to stand up, and see that my legs **are still thin.** Just like they were the night before, when I last saw them. The fat didn't all come back in the night & bury me in a landslide. It didn't grow back, like a culture in a petri dish.

Like I said, I am prone to magical thinking. :dizzy:

And you are not helping either! :dizzy: LOL! You have lost all your weight and still have this ridiculous fear? Is there hope for any of us? :D

thistoo
01-08-2010, 02:27 PM
I feel this way every time I hit one of my stupid, relentless, killer plateaus. Logically I know that the fat *has* to give at some point, but boy, does it ever not feel like it's going to right now. It's a totally normal fear, I think. After all, we probably wouldn't have gotten morbidly obese in the first place if we didn't engage in a little psychological self-sabotage every once in awhile.

Forgotten Quill
01-08-2010, 02:40 PM
Greetings!

Once I crossed that 200 threshold, I literally held my breath. I was so sure that my body would "rebel" at falling under 200 and simply stop. I had this strange idea that my weight loss had been done without my "body's" consent, and that eventually it would find out what I was doing and put a stop to it.

Then, that next week, I saw 198...and 195...and 192...and I realized that this was actually happening. My greatest "fear" now is where my body WILL eventually stop, and if I'll be ready to accept my body at that point.

ubergirl
01-08-2010, 02:55 PM
Greetings!

Once I crossed that 200 threshold, I literally held my breath. I was so sure that my body would "rebel" at falling under 200 and simply stop. I had this strange idea that my weight loss had been done without my "body's" consent, and that eventually it would find out what I was doing and put a stop to it.

Wow! I thought I was the only one who felt this way.

I feel like me and my body are in a locked battle of the wills.

Me: "I'm only feeding you 1200 cals per day 234!@$#%#^#^!!

My Body: Ha! Yeah? You think you're smarter than me? I'll just slow down my metabolism. Who told you I wanted to lose weight???

Me: I'll exercise more.

My Body: HAheeehaheeee (cue evil laughter) You've never heard of the THRIFTY GENE????: (repeating three times in an incantational tone...) if you don't quit, you can't fail...if you don't quit, you can't fail... if you don't quit, you can't fail....

cathydoe
01-08-2010, 03:11 PM
My mind wonders back to those days when I was eating and felt I couldn't stop. The days when I said I didn't care (but really did) and ate anyway. Sometimes I feel like the compulsion that has been removed is a gift and it can be taken away...at anytime! BUT today I can make choices. Today I have tools. Today I can ask for help. I still get scared and then I pray for peace.

catherinef
01-08-2010, 03:12 PM
Yes, this is where I am right now. My body is not getting with the programme, even though I have been very much sticking to it. There are probably hundreds of good reasons why I'm currently stalled (and, yes, I am being very stringent) and I can tell them to myself over and over again, but somewhere, in the back of my mind, there is an ugly little voice telling me that this is it, I'm not going any lower, I am absolutely doomed to stay just over 200 pounds, like it or not.

That ugly little voice can bite me. Sooner or later, my recalcitrant body is going to have to give up, because I am determined to out wait it.

Mikayla
01-08-2010, 05:18 PM
Thanks guys, it's nice to know I'm not alone.

CLCSC145
01-08-2010, 05:24 PM
I can identify with being scared it's going to end and I'm zooming along. I think it's because A) I've never maintained my weight. Ever. I'm always either losing or gaining. I have no idea how it's going to feel to maintain. I worry I won't be able to; and B) I have a pretty good imagination, but I can't picture myself living long term as a thin person. I can hardly picture a thin me in my mind. So if I can't imagine it, it's hard to believe it's a dream that's going to come true.

But that's just all fear of the unknown. I'm really good at fear of the unknown! And my general MO is to run from fear. The trick is to fight through it and prove to ourselves that we can have the life we want.

marigrace
01-08-2010, 05:59 PM
I have had weight issue since I was 6. I am 59 now, and although I reached a "normal" weight a few times along the way, somehow I never quite believed it.... Funny.... if I ate an extra slice of pizza or whatever two days in a row, there it was... the spell was broken the carriage turned back into a pumpkin and I was fat again, and slipping faster. I wonder why that is.

NebraskaLady
01-08-2010, 11:26 PM
I have been reading on this forum for months but never wanted to comment on anything until I read this. I could have very easily written this myself. I have been overweight my entire life except for one brief moment when I lost 109 pounds twenty four years ago. As soon as the scales hit 151, I was off and running, putting every pound plus more back on. I have now lost 103 pounds and am reaching the place where I want to start maintaining. I've never maintained anything in my life and it just scares the crap out of me. I know all it would take would be one good binge and I'd be off and running towards 290 pounds again. I know I'm quite capable of putting the weight back on, but I don't know if I'm capable of keeping it off. This is totally unfamiliar territory to me.

Arctic Mama
01-08-2010, 11:41 PM
Oh, I SO hear you on this, I am struggling with these same thoughts right now. Even though I am losing weight, I still feel like it is someone else, or that I'll never really get to goal. Every pound lost feels really surreal, because my mind thinks of my identity as 'fat', like I am never supposed to be 'thin', and rebels against that imagery.

How could I want something so badly and yet be subconsciously repelled by it at the same time? I'll never know.

What I DO know is that I am DONE being fat, so even if my mind isn't entirely on board yet, my body will prove that it CAN do it, and I just pray my thoughts and self image will follow along and see me as I really am, not stuck in a depressing, fat cocoon that isn't me at all.

marigrace
01-09-2010, 08:58 AM
Nebraska, Arctic, I am so glad you are there. I thought I was by myself for a while. Not to play psychologist, but I suspect all this stuff...the bad dreams...the terror, and the ease with which the nitemare can supplant success are all the same.....but of course, you speak so clearly, when you say "the cocoon isn't me at all". In the end ther really is no choice but to persevere and know that we can create positive images with our minds as well.

DCHound
01-09-2010, 10:28 AM
**ALL YOU PEOPLE NEED TO GO VISIT THE MAINTAINERS FORUM**

Go! Go now!! :)

I spent a few days in December with 209 on the scale then it did what it always does, thumbed its nose at me, and I'm back in the 2-teens. Yeah, so what. I'm stronger than it is. Really, I don't care. Maybe I'll plateau here for 3 months. Maybe 6 months. Maybe a year. Who knows. I don't know, I don't care. So long as I don't GAIN, I'm OK with it. I have put my poor body through so much, gaining, losing, gaining, losing...I'm just trying to be kind to it. I have been 100% OP about half the time and about 95% OP the rest of the time. Consistency is key.

If you are consistent, really consistent, and keep plodding along...the weight WILL come off. It will. It will come off on its own timetable, not yours. That is the way of the universe. But the key is, don't give up and remain consistent.

Excuse my bragging ;) but frankly I look so darn good now, if I never lose another pound, I'll be OK with it. Nobody and I mean nobody ever guesses I weigh over 200 lbs. It's mine and my scale's little secret. But...one day (soon I hope) I will see a 1 on the scale rather than a 2 and you may rest assured I will start the biggest, baddest thread ever on here that day.

Y'all, you can do this. Just keep plodding. Stay on plan. It works. Really.

rockinrobin
01-09-2010, 10:41 AM
The only way for your weight loss to stop, is if YOU STOP doing what's necessary to get the pounds off. And you said you're not going to do that. It is your choice. You have the power. You hold the key. It's your choice, your decision. As long as you keep putting forth the effort needed to make it happen, there's no way that it can't.

You've got to allow your practical, knowledgeable, intelligent side win an *argument* every now. Keep telling yourself over and over and over again that there's no reason on earth why you CAN'T do this. It's a doable thing. Weight loss IS a doable thing for every one and any one. It's not some crazy, wacky, hare-brained out of this world scheme. As long as there's excess fat on you, there's excess fat to come off of you. KNOW that you CAN do this. Because you can and you should. And you WILL!!!!

BethC
01-09-2010, 10:50 AM
I absolutely feel that way too. I said it to my physical therapist yesterday, I'm afraid that I'll wake-up and have gained all of the weight back... he looked at me like I had 2 heads, and then calmly, reasonably explained how hard I worked to get here and how I need to just stay focused and on track...that this is a priority for me. I actually believed hm when he said it. I guess it's all part of the process!

marigrace
01-09-2010, 11:04 AM
Yes ...sometimes easier said... but focus and intention are powerful tools.

Loving Me
01-09-2010, 11:52 AM
I SO needed to read this today because I thought it was just me feeling like this.
The scale has been going up and down between the same 3lbs since before christmas and it's driving me mad.
I'm trying to stay on plan so much but it's getting harder and harder when I'm not seeing any results. I have this feeling of total panic and dread that this is it for me and I'm not going to be able to lose anymore weight, or worse still that I'm going to start gaining again.
I actually feel sick thinking about it and have been near to tears on lots of occasions.
But reading how everyone else is feeling and deals with it I am just going to try to keep going. I know I'm very stubborn, so maybe my body is just being the same way for a while, or preparing itself to work it's way down to onederland in 2010!

Lackie
01-09-2010, 12:07 PM
Mikayla, we've all felt this way at one time or another. If you go off your plan, you just have to dust yourself off and get back on. You can't let your fears control you. I'm terrified in my weight loss journey, I've never been thin. I ask friends if they can picture me thin cause I can't. I've been heavy since I was in 3rd grade and been in a size 18 since high school. We are all in this together. I need you just as much as you need may need us!! :hug:

That post made me feel re-motivated. :)

OP: I feel the same way, but I know that it isn't logical. :) Just Keep on Keeping on and everything will fall into place.

lemondrplvr
01-09-2010, 02:10 PM
That post made me feel re-motivated. :)

I'm glad I could help. I'm very glad I found this site, I have no close friends where I live, they've all moved away. I'm over 300 miles from my family so finding motivation when you're down in the dumps is hard. I meant every word I said. I really do need you guys!!:yes:

Sskar
01-09-2010, 03:34 PM
Destiny - bah, humbug. You can get to your goal. Look at what others have done. Heck look what you have done so far!

It is so important to keep your self-confidence up. I agree that reading the maintainers forum will be a great source for all of us as we hit barriers - mental and physical - during our journeys.

marigrace
01-09-2010, 04:36 PM
Not destiny at all...just acknowledging some feelings...sometimes talking about things that make you uncomfortable can help you to deal with it.