100 lb. Club - I had an epiphany!!




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Ophelia31
01-08-2010, 01:35 PM
I had an epiphany!

Something came to me this morning that up until now I have been denying. I am addicted to chocolate. And I’m not addicted to chocolate like some people say they are just because they love it. I am addicted like a smoker is addicted to cigarettes. I am addicted like a heroin or cocaine addict is addicted to drugs. I have physical, almost painful cravings for it. I go through withdraws. I wake up craving it in the morning and go to be craving it at night.

I was lying in bed this morning trying to rationalize how I could keep chocolate in my life. One part of me said, you shouldn’t have to give it up completely! It’s not like your addicted to hard core drugs that are ruining your life and your body and brain. But then the other part of me said, YES you do! And it IS ruining your life and body and brain! Look at yourself!! Look how fat you are!!! Look how you’ve let being so fat ruin your life!!

So I came to a conclusion, and a painful one at that. I need to give up chocolate.

If I am doing to do this. If I am going to lose weight. I am not going to be able to keep chocolate in my house.

With me, the only way I can ever have the sweet stuff is as some kind of reward for meeting my goals for the week or the month. Then, and only then, can I maybe have a small chocolate sundae from McDonald’s. Or a small baby scoop of chocolate ice cream from Coldstone. Even then my reward will never be able to be brought into the house. Like, I can’t reward myself with buying a carton of ice cream to bring home. Nope….single servings only! Cause I have no control when it comes to sweets. NO CONTROL!! My rational mind seems to disappear around chocolate. So if this time is going to work, I’ve got to get control over this addiction.


Eliana
01-08-2010, 01:55 PM
Just a thought...have you tried any of the low-carb diets like South Beach or Atkins? I did South Beach, and the cravings really were eliminated. I guess I'm suggesting that if you just give up chocolate, you may find your craving never goes away. But if you give up sugar altogether, it's odd what your taste buds will do. An apple has never tasted so sweet as it did after successfully completing phase I of South Beach !

Aschekatze
01-08-2010, 02:05 PM
I second the South Beach/ low carb suggestion. I was addicted to bread. If I eat a piece, I can't get enough of it. When I'm on vacation, I would always ensure that I had a loaf or two in my suitcase to satisfy my cravings (just like a drug addict!). I tricked myself by saying it was healthy -- I only ate whole grain, organic bread, much of which I baked myself. But I was addicted and my weight showed it. So I went low carb and my cravings are gone. I miss bread for other reasons -- I loved baking sourdoughs. But it made me feel like crap. Now I feel great and am slowly losing weight.


JayEll
01-08-2010, 02:09 PM
I know what you mean about how hard it is to contemplate never having that food, ever. But I would make one suggestion, and that is, don't use chocolate as a reward. That's the wrong message, I think. It would be like a recovered addict shooting up to celebrate being clean... :dunno:

Think of other rewards you could have. New clothing, new makeup, a new game you like to play, a day trip somewhere...

If you can't stand the idea of never having chocolate, just pick an arbitrary day on your calender sometime in the future--say, 5-1/2 weeks from now. Or whatever. Write down, "I can have chocolate today." As you see it coming closer, you'll have an opportunity to figure out what kind of chocolate and how to fit it into your plan. An ounce of dark chocolate that's really well made does not have that many calories in it, for example--something like 160. Or a cup of cocoa made with unsweetened cocoa powder and 1% milk and some splenda is also under 160.

And when you get to The Day, you still can decide not to have it if you don't want to. It's up to you.

Hang in there!
Jay

Eliana
01-08-2010, 02:09 PM
Aschekatze made me think of another thing. I found when I did low-carb, and then I indulged in chocolate, I felt HORRIBLE! My body did not take to it well. That alone will cure you of your chocolate addiction! And I never thought I'd say that. I love chocolate as much as the next girl, though maybe not as much as you. ;) But I still think you may be surprised by what detoxing your body of sugar can do for you.

Ophelia31
01-08-2010, 02:10 PM
Just a thought...have you tried any of the low-carb diets like South Beach or Atkins? I did South Beach, and the cravings really were eliminated. I guess I'm suggesting that if you just give up chocolate, you may find your craving never goes away. But if you give up sugar altogether, it's odd what your taste buds will do. An apple has never tasted so sweet as it did after successfully completing phase I of South Beach !

Thank you for the suggestion. I did try South Beach, twice, in fact and it was just too stright for me. I could never get though the first weeks.

I guess what I should have said here in my post, to make it more clear, is that I know my cravings won't go away, not completely, but that I have to find a different, more healthy way to satisfy them. I will just be satisfying them with better things like fruit. Like you said above, I'm sure an apple will taste that much sweeter once I am off such refined sugars.

My cravings are going to be there for a long time I'm guessing. I am just going to have to learn to deal with them better, instead of still keeping the sweets in my house and trusting myself to learn moderation here are home. That is clearly not working.

I need to think smart. I know when I crave sweets the most...so I need to prepare for those moments with some kind of fruit or somthing that will kill the craving and still be good for me.

TJFitnessDiva
01-08-2010, 02:13 PM
I had to banish sweets from my house when I started...it's only now that I can let stuff like M&M's come in & it's always a limited serving sizes like the fun packs for the kids :lol: No it doesn't happen very often lol Any baked stuff like cupcakes are banned...I can not eat just one even now. The weird thing is that I can do the vitatops and keep those in the freezer.

You know it's an addiction, you have a plan to keep it out, the hardest part next it to stick to it and it's totally do able! Even if you think you are going to shrivel up and die if you don't have it that second.

:hug:

Eliana
01-08-2010, 02:17 PM
I have learned that I think Phase I SB is really just about the fast first week of weight loss to keep you motivated. I don't think it's necessary, I really don't. I think heading straight to cutting out refined carbs just may get you to the same goal slower and saner. ;) I think the cravings may take longer to dissolve, but maybe given a month, you'd end up in the same place. Just a guess.

Anyway, I think your plan sounds very wise.

Ophelia31
01-08-2010, 02:18 PM
I know what you mean about how hard it is to contemplate never having that food, ever. But I would make one suggestion, and that is, don't use chocolate as a reward. That's the wrong message, I think. It would be like a recovered addict shooting up to celebrate being clean... :dunno:

Think of other rewards you could have. New clothing, new makeup, a new game you like to play, a day trip somewhere...

If you can't stand the idea of never having chocolate, just pick an arbitrary day on your calender sometime in the future--say, 5-1/2 weeks from now. Or whatever. Write down, "I can have chocolate today." As you see it coming closer, you'll have an opportunity to figure out what kind of chocolate and how to fit it into your plan. An ounce of dark chocolate that's really well made does not have that many calories in it, for example--something like 160. Or a cup of cocoa made with unsweetened cocoa powder and 1% milk and some splenda is also under 160.

And when you get to The Day, you still can decide not to have it if you don't want to. It's up to you.

Hang in there!
Jay

That is a very good point, Jay. About an addict shooting up to celebrate.

Would it be crazy to allow myself to have somthing sweet, like a scoop of ColdStone's icecream, (and when I say a scoop, I mean a baby's scoop) maybe once every two weeks? So that way it wouldn't be a reward, it's just be like, a little treat once in a while.

xMeaganx
01-08-2010, 02:20 PM
I understand completely! I never really had a thing for chocolate when I was in America, but European chocolate is my weakness! Unfortunately I can eat candy bar after candy bar of chocolate to the point where I am sick. Even today I ate some, but I hid it which was the worst. Knowing that you are an adult yet sneaking chocolate!

I'm no model citizen when it comes to avoiding chocolate, however the best thing you should do is avoid it if possible! If you know that you can't have it in the house then don't bring it in the house! I've found myself bypassing the whole chocolate aisle! (luckily here they don't keep it by the cash register!) I am also a big fan of WW chocolate (especially the turtles!) I never binged on those, and they gave me my occasional chocolate fix. A friend once told me that dark chocolate is the way to go, just small quantities, I believe they suggested 3 small squares.

Good luck!

TJFitnessDiva
01-08-2010, 02:20 PM
That is a very good point, Jay. About an addict shooting up to celebrate.

Would it be crazy to allow myself to have somthing sweet, like a scoop of ColdStone's icecream, (and when I say a scoop, I mean a baby's scoop) maybe once every two weeks? So that way it wouldn't be a reward, it's just be like, a little treat once in a while.

You could try it and see if that works out for you...only you know if you can just keep it as a treat & not make up more excuses to visit Coldstone, ya know?

thistoo
01-08-2010, 02:22 PM
If it makes you feel any better about the idea of giving it up forever, I will say that at one time I was in your shoes. I would lose it around chocolate or any other carby sweets, and I could not keep it around. These days I am capable of controlling myself, limiting myself to a portion of chocolate or just a piece, counting it in my daily calories, and moving on. I don't know if/when you will reach that point, but it *is* reachable.

Granted, I still lose it sometimes. I don't buy ice cream and put it in my freezer. But I can handle having dark chocolate in my desk drawer at work without eating the entire bar in one go.

Eliana
01-08-2010, 02:24 PM
Along the lines of Thistoo's thinking and also Jay's, what about setting a date a year from now? What if you said, not while I'm losing weight, but a year from now maybe I can indulge more appropriately? If I say never again to myself, the little rebellious me will come out and say "Fine, then I'm doing this at all." :tantrum: (My new favorite smilie)

Ophelia31
01-08-2010, 02:27 PM
If it makes you feel any better about the idea of giving it up forever, I will say that at one time I was in your shoes. I would lose it around chocolate or any other carby sweets, and I could not keep it around. These days I am capable of controlling myself, limiting myself to a portion of chocolate or just a piece, counting it in my daily calories, and moving on. I don't know if/when you will reach that point, but it *is* reachable.

Granted, I still lose it sometimes. I don't buy ice cream and put it in my freezer. But I can handle having dark chocolate in my desk drawer at work without eating the entire bar in one go.

But how did you get to that point? Did you go cold turkey?

Also, I see you have an LJ. I have one too! It's my main blog. May I friend you?

thistoo
01-08-2010, 02:37 PM
But how did you get to that point? Did you go cold turkey?

Also, I see you have an LJ. I have one too! It's my main blog. May I friend you?

I did go cold turkey for a long while, yes. I gave up sugar completely, and that's how I try to live as a regular thing, but I relapse fairly often and have to start all over again. Giving up sugar is HARD for me.

Sure, friend away! That's my weight loss journal so I have been neglecting it since I hit this latest killer plateau, but I need to start posting there again.

ubergirl
01-08-2010, 02:44 PM
Think of other rewards you could have. New clothing, new makeup, a new game you like to play, a day trip somewhere...


You know, I think JayEll is really on to something here. I'm a recovering binge eater-- and I used to get hooked on one specific thing-- like chocolate eclairs or twizzlers or whatever, and I would move mountains to get those things.

I gave all that stuff up cold turkey, though eventually I was able to introduce some small lo-cal treats to satisfy me later. But first I had to retrain myself to think of other ways to be nice to myself besides food treats.

What has mattered for me A LOT is that I started treating myself in other ways.

I never realized how completely self-sacrificing I was and how incredibly rare it was to do anything for myself.

Now, I do stuff for myself. Little stuff, but things that I used to always systematically tell myself no-- whether it be buying a little piece of cheap jewelry, or a nice soap.

Because, weirdly enough, I realized that the ONLY THING I ever treated myself with was food-- and that was a free for all-- I bought myself all these "secret" binge treats. It was unhealthy, it was expensive, and ultimately it made me miserable.

So, ask yourself if there are other ways you can treat yourself besides chocolate. Pretty soon, you'll start to drop pounds and you'll be able to treat yourself with CLOTHES!

Ophelia31
01-08-2010, 09:10 PM
You know, I think JayEll is really on to something here. I'm a recovering binge eater-- and I used to get hooked on one specific thing-- like chocolate eclairs or twizzlers or whatever, and I would move mountains to get those things.

I gave all that stuff up cold turkey, though eventually I was able to introduce some small lo-cal treats to satisfy me later. But first I had to retrain myself to think of other ways to be nice to myself besides food treats.

What has mattered for me A LOT is that I started treating myself in other ways.

I never realized how completely self-sacrificing I was and how incredibly rare it was to do anything for myself.

Now, I do stuff for myself. Little stuff, but things that I used to always systematically tell myself no-- whether it be buying a little piece of cheap jewelry, or a nice soap.

Because, weirdly enough, I realized that the ONLY THING I ever treated myself with was food-- and that was a free for all-- I bought myself all these "secret" binge treats. It was unhealthy, it was expensive, and ultimately it made me miserable.

So, ask yourself if there are other ways you can treat yourself besides chocolate. Pretty soon, you'll start to drop pounds and you'll be able to treat yourself with CLOTHES!

Everything you've written here, I could have written myself. At least about the self-sacrificing things.

In fact, I was just telling my friend today, and I am going to make a post about it in my blog, about how this whole thing for me isn't just about losing weight. It's about taking better care of myself. Treating myself like I'm worth it.
For me, that's a big part of my problem. I have such low self-esteem I don't feel worthy of anything. Before I changed my thinking...I beat myself up over spending $10 on a new pillow, even though I hadn't had one in years.

It's all connected. I spent all my money on food, so I never had any money for other things. And in my mind, that was ok, because I didn't deserve other things.

Goddess Jessica
01-09-2010, 12:54 AM
Ophelia -- Your self-talk is contributing to your self-esteem issues! In your first entry, go back and read your own words and you're beating yourself up. You should be amazed that you made this realization and you are determined to do something about it. Be proud. Berating yourself isn't going to get you anywhere. You're worth your own respect.