100 lb. Club - Eminent help needed! What do you do when your an emotional wreck (other than eat)?




Michelle98272
01-03-2010, 08:29 PM
I'm pretty new to recommitting myself to getting healthy and have hit a bump in the road.

I just got home from the grocery store. I ran into my 9 year old son that is the light of my life that I recently lost custody of after a 3 year court case. He was with his step mom. OUCH! The court case was very ugly and emotionally wrenching for all involved. Vicious vicious uglies were exchanged every couple of months in court documents and in person until the final court date in Sept where I lost custody. I can safely say, my ex/his new wife and I are lifelong enemies.

When we were at the store, my son didn't come over to me nor did I approach them. He made eye contact, waved and smiled weakly. I felt like I was kicked in the gut. I literally was so startled by the unexpected encounter that I became nauseous and light headed. I immediately ended the shopping trip and headed for the check out counter. It's a small store any they ended up checking out at the same time.

Have you ever unexpectedly seen someone you love in public with someone else after a break up? That is the closest I can compare the feeling to.



I wanted to go straight the Teriyaki place next door and get something very unhealthy for myself but didn't as I was in a bigger hurry to get the **** out of the parking lot.

Ugh. My old habit is to eat like crazy at times like these but I know that hasn't ever helped. I called a friend but the call went to voicemail so I am hear hoping to get a kind word and some wisdom to keep me out of the fridge/drive through/chip bag/liquor store....etc.


Onederchic
01-03-2010, 08:32 PM
I come here and read the success stories and look at the pics. I am sorry about your situation and you are in my prayers :hug:

chickybird
01-03-2010, 08:36 PM
I'm so sorry for what you went through. Please stay strong==get healthy and even more gorgeous than you are now! Build your self esteem, take some classes, join some clubs. We love you!


Michelle98272
01-03-2010, 08:39 PM
I posted my plea and then read your post about missing your husband and now am really emotional. What crappy things some people go through. The loss of a husband to death is major...makes losing custody not so tragic.

Either way though, thanks for your support. :^:

bluebutterfly
01-03-2010, 08:41 PM
Good for you for coming home, calling your friend, and when the call didn't go thru - you logged on here!! How strong you are!!

I'm so, so sorry you lost custody of your son (with all the ugly things leading up to that) and that you saw him at the store today. :hug:

When I'm upset and trying not to wreck my eating plan, one of the few things that helps me is doing something with my hands. Painting, writing, thumping clay.

Breathe in...breathe out...repeat...

cfmama
01-03-2010, 08:44 PM
Tell yourself that eating won't make it better... a bubble bath or reading on here WILL. And that time will help but food won't...

I am SO sorry you are going through this. A good mother should never be without her child.

Onederchic
01-03-2010, 08:45 PM
I posted my plea and then read your post about missing your husband and now am really emotional. What crappy things some people go through. The loss of a husband to death is major...makes losing custody not so tragic.

Either way though, thanks for your support. :^:

You are welcome and thank you very much :hug:

Aclai4067
01-03-2010, 08:52 PM
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I usually de-stress by coming on here, caling a friend (both of which you did-kudos), taking a drive, working out, or journaling.

Lyn2007
01-03-2010, 09:07 PM
Oh how heartwrenching. Hugs to you.

When I am an emotional wreck here is what I do instead of eating. I cry.

Might sound ridiculous to say but this is new behavior for me. I was so used to stuffing down the feelings with food, trying to distract myself from my emotions, that it was a real breakthrough when I just learned to feel them.

It is VERY HARD to feel some of these things but after I have paid in my bed screaming into my pillow and crying my head off, I do feel like I have worked through *something.*

And THEN I go distract myself with a walk or a hobby or some friends.

I hope this helps somehow. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Michelle98272
01-03-2010, 09:12 PM
Oh how heartwrenching. Hugs to you.

When I am an emotional wreck here is what I do instead of eating. I cry.

Might sound ridiculous to say but this is new behavior for me. I was so used to stuffing down the feelings with food, trying to distract myself from my emotions, that it was a real breakthrough when I just learned to feel them.

It is VERY HARD to feel some of these things but after I have paid in my bed screaming into my pillow and crying my head off, I do feel like I have worked through *something.*

And THEN I go distract myself with a walk or a hobby or some friends.

I hope this helps somehow. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Thanks for the advice...I usually try not to cry because I have a hard time stopping once I start. (Years of bottled up feelings?) But this afternoon, after I posted here, read Onderchicks post about losing her husband...a sad song came on the radio and the dam burst and I was finally able to cry. I haven't cried in literally 6 months. I do feel better. Just acknowledging that I AM sad and have a good reason to be sad is a start for me. I usually just tell myself "it is what it is" and then eat.

Michelle98272
01-03-2010, 09:14 PM
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I usually de-stress by coming on here, caling a friend (both of which you did-kudos), taking a drive, working out, or journaling.

Thanks, I think journaling might be helpful work for me!

Michelle98272
01-03-2010, 09:15 PM
Tell yourself that eating won't make it better... a bubble bath or reading on here WILL. And that time will help but food won't...

I am SO sorry you are going through this. A good mother should never be without her child.

Thanks for your good advice.

shcirerf
01-03-2010, 09:22 PM
Sorry for your bad day!
Along with the advice the others gave. I will do something like wash walls, something very physical that I can get into and tire myself out. It helps to work out all that anger and what not. Every swipe with the rag or sponge or whatever is someones a**.

Michelle98272
01-03-2010, 10:56 PM
Thank you for all your help! I made it through the wanting to stuff my face.
I posted here, read a lot of posts, drank some water, called my mom, listened to music, finally cried and then went to clean the kitchen.

While I was cleaning the kitchen I found a pound of sliced mushrooms in the fridge that I didn't get around to eating this past week that were on the verge of being yucky. I sauteed them in 1 tbs real butter & 1 clove of garlic. To that I added two tbs of spaghetti sauce and put it over a slice of lightly buttered garlic toast. I drank a large glass of ice water. I didn't figure out calories but feel satisfied with my big amount of food with relatively few calories vs. Jack in the Box. I am sure the sodium was higher than a healthier meal would be but the main thing is I asked for help first rather than just eating my feelings.

Beverlyjoy
01-04-2010, 05:03 AM
I am so sorry you are feeling so, so badly. I am sure it was an overwhelmingly emotional situation.

I didn't go to the Teriyaki place to binge. Good for you.

Posting here always helps.

bluebutterfly
01-04-2010, 10:53 AM
You handled that amazingly well!! Good for you!!

starfishkitty
01-04-2010, 01:36 PM
If it makes you feel any better.... I went through that with my parents. My mom had a VERY bad alcohol problem (and still does, honestly) and she lost custody of me to my father (who wasn't exactly a choice parent either) at age 9. For about 2 to 3 years, our contact was sketchy at best. My dad and his live in girlfriend (whom I hate to this day) made it a point to keep my mom from contacting me... even taking letters out of the mail and destroying them if they got them before I got them out of the mail. I made it a point of running to meet the mailman on my way off the bus before they got home from work!

But I never gave up loving my mom, despite her problems, and I knew she loved me too. When I turned 12/13, I put my foot down and told them it was going to end. That my mom was part of my life, no matter if they liked it or not. I have a strong personality, so it worked quickly. Even if your son takes longer than that.... I have a feeling that one day he will do the same. He won't be a child forever. As my mom did... never give up on him, or his love. And whenever you get a chance... makes sure he knows it! He won't forget, I promise. :)

Michelle98272
01-04-2010, 02:49 PM
Starfishkitty: Not that you said it or implied it but I want to just let everyone know, I didn't lose custody due to drugs, alcohol or bad parenting. The mother doesn't always get custody automatically anymore. Part of what bothered me yesterday was the memory of the stigma of only bad moms lose custody. I feel like people must assume that I did something horrible to lose my son. I didn't.

I have been upfront here about issues that I have but my only "acting out" I've done in 20 years is the overeating. Just to clarify.

Starfishkitty: I thank you for your reassurance that my son will still love me and we will still have a relationship even if we don't live together full-time. :hug:

starfishkitty
01-06-2010, 12:29 AM
Absolutely. :) You're right actually... a lot of moms DON'T get custody anymore just off the bat. Its kind of amazing actually, what some judges base their decisions on, to me. *sigh*

:hug: Stay strong sweetie... :)