100 lb. Club - I'm in a bit of a pickle




View Full Version : I'm in a bit of a pickle


cfmama
12-29-2009, 12:21 PM
So most of you know I've lost 164 lbs in 15 months. I've done it through calorie counting, excerise and whole foods nutrition.

Well one of my GOOD friends is selling a detox line of nutrition products. Now I'm not denying that it WORKS and works WELL! She looks fantastic. But the REASON (imo) it works is that it's restricting calories and replacing nutrients that your body needs. It's an ENFORCED way of controlling your foods. I don't WANT to spend the $350 a month to do that! I can do that all on my own!

But of course she's always talking about it and I feel bad that I'm not doing it. I don't want to burn bridges and make her mad but I'm HAPPY on my journey and I'm doing something I can do for the rest of my life!!! I don't want to change to something else at this point.

Hrm. I guess I don't need advice (though it would be nice.) I just wanted to vent... anyone ever been in this situation?


Eliana
12-29-2009, 12:41 PM
Slightly different, but I have a best friend who teaches piano lessons. I want my children to take piano lessons but we agreed a long time ago that no money should ever be exchanged between us. It's not goo even between the best of friends.

Maybe she's not really hinting at you, even though it may come across that way. Maybe she just wants to share in her joy for what worked for her. Absolutely I agree that you should keep on keepin' on! It's working for you and that seems to me a running theme around here. It's all about what works for YOU.

JulieJ08
12-29-2009, 12:46 PM
$350 a month is waaaaaaaaaaay beyond friendship :) This is the kind of fretting I might do over not wanting to buy her kid's $5 fundraiser chocolate bar. Not spending freaking $350 a month would seriously affect the friendship?


ubergirl
12-29-2009, 01:03 PM
I had this same thing happen. A crazy friend of mine wanted me to get on this herbal plan that some friend of his was selling. He's a slim guy, but had lost twenty pounds on it, and supposedly the person selling it had lost 40 or 50.

EVERY time he saw me, he told me to get on this plan-- went to the website, gave me the card, the whole nine yards.

I just kept telling him that what I was doing was working and that I didn't really want to change anything. He kept insisting that this plan would work better.

He was driving me crazy, esp. since as an MD he should have been a little more scientific about the whole thing.

I just kept ignoring him and finally I guess he gave up-- although he did try to get me on the HCG diet later. UGH.

CLCSC145
12-29-2009, 01:05 PM
A good friend won't expect you to pay to do something you are clearly doing well on your own, especially at such as expense. Don't mess with success!

beerab
12-29-2009, 01:07 PM
Yeah if she pushes I'd just be like "that's great for you- but I'm doing fine my way" and change the subject. Seriously if someone wants you to pay $350 or it might hurt your friendship than maybe they aren't really a good friend... I'd NEVER spend that money!

One of my client's sells supplements on his site and anytime he asks if I want I'm always like "no thank you" lol.

rakel
12-29-2009, 01:19 PM
Uhh, hello, you've lost 165lbs doing what you're doing. If I were your friend, I would leave it at that. Maybe If I knew you were having some trouble and wanted to try something new I would suggest it, but even so, you could buy enough groceries for a whole family on $350 a month, not just for one person, and still manage to be healthy. I would just be honest with her, and congratulate her on finding something that works for her. Either way, her loss too is an accomplishment, but she should understand that there are many paths that following similar principles that lead to weight loss, and that you don't have to use her program, especially since you've proved that you found what works for you.

cathydoe
12-29-2009, 01:29 PM
Remember they are TRAINED to get you to BUY! They might not realize they are over stepping their bounds... CUZ they are in sell, sell, sell mode. IMO :)

NinaV
12-29-2009, 01:33 PM
cfmama, I think we have all had friends or relatives who at some point got in to some sort of a sales thing. Whether they are selling knives, electronics or weight loss systems, they are always trying to rope all of their friends and family in to it.

It is perfectly ok to say "No, thank you." Especially since you have already proven so spectacularly that you don't need her help in losing weight. If she is really a GOOD friend, she will be ok with you saying "No", and if she gets offended, maybe she needs a wakeup call. Your friendship should have a higher value to her than $350.

The fact that she is always talking about it can also mean that this is just something she is passionate about. She would have probably be talking to you about horses, dogs, sports, [fill in the blank] if that had been what she was it to. Has she actually suggested you try the system? Maybe she is not trying to push it, maybe she just likes to have a sounding board. Ask her if you aren't sure and ask her to stop if you are sure she is trying to sell it to you. Like I said, if she really is a GOOD friend, she will understand.

P.S. Kudos on the awesome results!
Keep up the good work. :carrot::carrot::carrot:

cfmama
12-29-2009, 01:34 PM
You ladies are ALL right. I just feel... kinda left out of the whole thing! All of our friends are doing the program and here I am... stuck in a plateau. lol!!! I don't WANT to do the program. I have no WISH to do it. It's hard to preach the virtues of healthful living though when everyone else gets to take that "magic pill" and lose weight ;) Okay I know it's combined with actually sticking to the program as well but still! lol!

Thanks for letting me vent my friends!!!

matt_H
12-29-2009, 01:40 PM
Is she nagging you to buy it? $350 a month??? HOLY CRAP.

Purplefirefly
12-29-2009, 02:14 PM
Think long term here...in a year or two I can almost guarantee most of them will be fat again because they can't take the products forever and most of those programs end up with weight GAIN...you are doing it the right way and will bust out of this plateau and zoom on to your goal weight. Seriously, they are probably going to gain it back because there is no "magic pill" ... do you want to be with them when that happens? NO, you want to still be healthy because you did the hard work of doing it the right way!!!!!!!!

Seriously...you can't sabotage your own health because of a friendship, and she will understand that if she really cares about you as a friend.

JayEll
12-29-2009, 02:45 PM
It's really sad when friends decide to sell things. I've had this happen a couple of times. Once it was some sort of change-your-life course, another time it was environmentally friendly phone service... And both times, I was not interested. The unfortunate thing was that in both cases, if you bought the stuff, you were also supposed to get on the bandwagon and SELL the stuff to all YOUR friends. Agh. Anyway, I just said no... It meant some bad feelings for awhile between us. But I'm not about to be taken in by those schemes. And IMHO that's what they end up being.

Jay

beerab
12-29-2009, 02:54 PM
Think long term here...in a year or two I can almost guarantee most of them will be fat again because they can't take the products forever and most of those programs end up with weight GAIN...you are doing it the right way and will bust out of this plateau and zoom on to your goal weight. Seriously, they are probably going to gain it back because there is no "magic pill" ... do you want to be with them when that happens? NO, you want to still be healthy because you did the hard work of doing it the right way!!!!!!!!

I totally agree with this- my friend started on a weight loss program where you had to spend all sorts of money- it did work- she did lose weight- she looks great. BUT last time I saw her it was so obvious she's gained a large amount back. I didn't say a word and later she acknowledged that the high cost was part of the reason she stopped. Programs that aren't able to be followed long term aren't the answer IMO.

And like others have said- you have lost 165 lbs! That's AMAZING!

cfmama
12-29-2009, 03:08 PM
you guys are making me feel a LOT better about this. It's hard to stick to your guns when you see this amazing transformation of your friends... but you've all helped to remind me of MY amazing transformation. Amazing and SUSTAINED transformation.

My new mantra? It's working. Don't change a thing. It's working. Don't change a thing.

Now could someone give my plateau a huge kick in the ***? Thanks.

JayEll
12-29-2009, 03:31 PM
:kickbutt: cfmama's plateau! :club:

Jay

Jen415
12-29-2009, 03:40 PM
Hey Tam.....if it ain't broke, don't fix it.....and your way certainly is not broke! :)

midwife
12-29-2009, 03:51 PM
Cf, we're gonna blink and you'll be in Onderland---I know it!

Eliana
12-29-2009, 04:05 PM
It's gonna happen. It's gonna happen. It's gonna happen!!

Lori259
12-29-2009, 04:34 PM
You ladies are ALL right. I just feel... kinda left out of the whole thing! All of our friends are doing the program and here I am... stuck in a plateau. lol!!! I don't WANT to do the program. I have no WISH to do it. It's hard to preach the virtues of healthful living though when everyone else gets to take that "magic pill" and lose weight ;) Okay I know it's combined with actually sticking to the program as well but still! lol!

Thanks for letting me vent my friends!!!



When there $350 runs out monthly...they will run to you..,.Because you will be off your plateau and a skinny minnie cause your basically there anyways....without there magic pills....So Hang in there.JUST LOOK AT YOU GIRL WITH ALL THAT HOTNESS~In other words they may be the popular ones now...But Look who will be in the end....YOU & ONLY YOU!! unless they go to your free method!!!:hug:

YOU GO GIRL! I am proud of you.

losermom
12-29-2009, 06:36 PM
Cfmama, all of your friends should be running to you begging you to help them lose weight on "your program". And trust me, as soon as their $350 a month runs out, they soon will. You are kicking butt!

As far as your plateau goes..visualize onederland and soon you will be onderland.

famograham
12-29-2009, 07:05 PM
:eek: Wow :eek:

There's NOTHING I could afford to spend 350 a month on!!!
Let alone to appease a friend...LOL!
You're doing amazing on your own, and those band wagoners are going to feel very silly spending those thousands when they gain it all back!

saef
12-29-2009, 07:31 PM
Cfmama, you're far, far nicer than I am. I'd be thinking things like "possible Ponzi scheme" and wondering how to help get my friend deprogrammed.

What you've accomplished on your own is extraordinary. Don't ever forget that. There should be a hushed sound of awe at your greatness at your doctor's office when you enter for your appointments & checkups.

bargoo
12-29-2009, 07:48 PM
I would simply say I cannot afford $350 a month .Or to put it another way $4200 a year !!

Beverlyjoy
12-29-2009, 08:28 PM
Is your friend really serious about you 'needing' her product. It's over $4000 a year. That's alot of money.

You seem to be doing well on your own.

Windchime
12-29-2009, 08:51 PM
You ladies are ALL right. I just feel... kinda left out of the whole thing! All of our friends are doing the program and here I am... stuck in a plateau. lol!!! I don't WANT to do the program. I have no WISH to do it. It's hard to preach the virtues of healthful living though when everyone else gets to take that "magic pill" and lose weight ;) Okay I know it's combined with actually sticking to the program as well but still! lol!

Thanks for letting me vent my friends!!!

How about we wait and see where they are in 15 or 16 months. Will they be as successful as you have been and continue to be? My guess is "no", because I've not yet seen the whole supplement thing be successful for anyone long-term. I could be wrong and for your friend's sake I hope I am, but my guess is that people will eventually drop off her product and eventually drift back to their old ways.

I think that you can just continue to politely thank her for her interest, appreciate and celebrate her success, and continue on your own path.

cfmama
12-29-2009, 09:25 PM
That's what I have been doing :) "thanks but no thanks!" lol!

Suezeeque
12-30-2009, 02:59 AM
Two things need looking at: (1) you feel bad, even guilty, because you say no to something that will not help you, (2) you find it very difficult to say no because you think she won't like or approve of you anymore. These are the kind's of things that could cause you to regain the weight you have lost; sometimes when your life changes so drastically the people that were part of that old life fall by the wayside because they no longer fit into your healthy picture, a picture that reflects your new ideas. Losing as much weight as you have results in a total turnaround emotionally and causes you to confront things you haven't before. It's not easy and sometimes former "friends" are lost and you move on to people who support how you are now.

cfmama
12-30-2009, 11:28 AM
Oh she TOTALLY supports how I am now (and please don't EVER say that I have issues that will cause me to regain my weight... that's NOT helpful at all.) and she became a friend AFTER I started losing weight so there is no worries there. She's just excited about her detox products and wants to see how I'll do on them! Of course it's a multi level marketing scheme and she knows I know that and she also knows that I want no part of it. She is pushing me a bit... and that has to stop.

Mikan
12-30-2009, 11:35 AM
I would be flat honest with her and say that you don't want this kind of thing to get in the way of your friendship, but your not interested. I would just tell her you don't have that kind of money each month (350$ wowsa). Don't feel pressured by friends to spend money on something they are selling.. as someone else said it is WAY beyond friendship.

Thighs Be Gone
12-30-2009, 11:43 AM
Oh, my. I am so sorry and know just what you are going through. I know exactly how it feels to be asked to buy something from a friend. You are totally right in your assessment though--you don't need that stuff. Stick to your guns--I know you will!

Thighs Be Gone
12-30-2009, 11:43 AM
Oh, my. I am so sorry and know just what you are going through. I know exactly how it feels to be asked to buy something from a friend. You are totally right in your assessment though--you don't need that stuff. Stick to your guns--I know you will!

luckymommy
12-30-2009, 11:57 AM
It just came to me as I was reading these posts: maybe she thinks you are just doing so awesome and that you know what you're doing (quite obviously) that if you agree to do her program, it would make her feel better about doing it? It is probably subconscious but still....She probably has a great deal of respect and admiration for you and maybe she's worried that her own program isn't as good long-term as yours....so if you agree to do what she does, that would make her program more "legit" in her eyes? This is a total guess, but if this is what is going on, then that helps to understand some of what's going on.

Yes, I did have a friend try to sell me a drink (developed by Deepak Chopra) claiming it would help me with my chronic daily migraines. But, at about $100/month, I just couldn't get myself to do it. She claimed that this drink helps people with weight loss, depression, headaches, taxes (just kidding)! ;) It obviously made her feel terrific, but I wonder how much of that was a placibo effect. I just told her that I would love to have it, but not at that price. After a while, she gave up. I'm sure your friend will too, but I can understand that it's annoying to be constantly asked (at least it was for me).

Finally, I am ASTOUNDED at your weight loss! WOW!!!!!! That is just a tremendous accomplishment. You are an inspiration!!!

Lori Bell
12-30-2009, 03:28 PM
I'm such a tight wad that most of my friends would ever ask me to buy their stuff except for the occasional Girl Scout/Boy Scout cookies/popcorn from their kids....(FOOD...lol) ;)

Though over the months I have had people suggest different products to "help" me on my journey. My comment has always been..."No, I'm saving all the money I would have normally spent on weight loss products/gadits/plans for an entire NEW wardrobe." So far, I'm loading up on new adorable clothing, (on sale of course ;)) and it is so much more fun than sitting on the toilet waiting for the "detox effect"! I could buy 4 or 5 outfits (plus a new pair of shoes or 2) each month with the amount of money your friend is selling her product for. I guess you could always ask her for a "free sample" to see how you like it. :)

You're rocking the weight loss world mama, and I love that you are doing it "free"...

Judy Lynn
12-30-2009, 03:38 PM
Stand tall and proud Mama! You are achieving amazing health and wellness the all natural and healthy way. No gimmicks needed. Just think how many new pups you could buy with $4200/year. Don't give in to the peer pressure. Just politely tell her you are doing fine with your own program. You know that plateau is going to break soon.

Trazey34
12-30-2009, 04:05 PM
I had a friend like that, she was selling some weight loss product, but as i said -- we've lost significant amounts of weight FOR FREE and know what works! Besides, detox drinks or fasts seem counterintuitive to me - our organs are there for a reason and have a function LOL let them do their jobs by giving them good food to work with and detox will occur naturally for FREE :D

If she pressures you at all, just point to your body and say "umm i think i found something that works, i'm not ready to mess with it thanks "

paperSkin
12-30-2009, 04:41 PM
I think you should just be honest and tell her that you can't afford to spend $5000 a year doing something that you are currently doing for free.

cfmama
12-30-2009, 08:31 PM
I had a GREAT talk with her today and said that while I understand these products DO WORK and they work well... that I don't need them. That they are useful for people to get started, to start learning about nutrition but that I already HAVE that knowledge. That I support her emotionally in her journey but that I won't be partaking of them and I'll continue on my own plan.

She told me she greatly respected my opinion and outlook and that she was happy I told her where I stood :)

PROBLEM SOLVED.

Thanks everyone for all of your input! You've been instrumental in helping me deal with this :)