This is what happened to me the other day (taken from my blog 299lbs.wordpress.com):
My fear is that someone is going to be rude, like this teenage boy at the bus the other day; ďLook at that fat girl sitting next to Fred!Ē, he whispered to a friend. I heard him. Of course I did. We always do. His other friend, Fred, sitting next to me replied ďNo, please donít say it out loud. Wait until we get off the bus.Ē. Bless his soul, the little brat named Fred. Because it sometimes happen that someone comments on my weight, and theyíre usually loud, obnoxious, little teens, itís quite the embarrassing and shameful event. Thatís why I pray a silent prayer every time I got to the gym; please, dear God, if you exist, donít let anyone be rude to me today here at this gym. I just know in my heart that if someone says something that I donít want or need to hear, Iím going to have a meltdown of some sort. And thatís simply because I donít have the confidence yet to carry both this excess weight and pride at the same time.
How rude is it possible to be!? :?: It's 2010, people, time to keep our opinions to ourselves...
I guess that was just another bump in the ol' weight loss journey. :?:
12-29-2009, 12:34 PM
I'm sorry, 299. People can be *so* cruel. :hug: And I agree-my mama taught me way better than that. It was drilled in our heads that you don't talk about the way people look, where they live or what they drive.
12-29-2009, 12:47 PM
That hurts, and unfortunately we are never immune to other peoples' rudeness. But I can tell you that as this weight comes off, you are going to feel better and better about yourself. You will be surprised by what 10 lbs will do for your confidence. Life will just get easier and easier with every pound you lose, and every compliment will hopefully outweigh all the negative from the past.
I don't know why our society is so prejudice against fat, like it's a disease people think they can catch.
12-29-2009, 12:54 PM
Once, a long time ago, I was walking down the street with my then little boy. A collage age boy said to me - Gosh - you need to lose some weight lady. It was the only time an almost adult ever said something randomly about my weight. I felt horrible. It just blurted out, "I may be fat but you are rude and stupid." That is very uncharacteristic for me. I felt bad about saying it - stooping to his level.
I never forgot that day and how bad and mad it made me.
Yes, people are rude and stupid sometimes. They just weren't brought up right. These people will always be around. Be proud of who and what you are no matter what. You are a special person!
12-29-2009, 12:56 PM
Sometimes I wish that we all got a freebie and smack people who are rude. I just don't get it...
12-29-2009, 01:14 PM
It frustrates me to no end how rude people can be to overweight people! Seriously you have no idea what that person is going through, why they are overweight- and so on. I could go on and on but bottom line it's not right to talk like that.
12-29-2009, 01:28 PM
I'm surprised I don't experience this more often. I am thankful that I am surrounded by friends and family that love and respect me for who I am, not what I weigh. I generally try to avoid the subject of weight with people, but every now and then I will confide in someone with my struggle. I think sometimes people say something that they think could have been perceived as negative towards my weight and it's awkward, but I often don't even assume that. For example, we were playing apples to apples at a friends, and the adjective was "Puffy" and my friend said, "That's what Rakel and I are." I thought nothing of it, and assume she meant the menstruation cycle because the card also said bloated on it, which is pretty obvious to me. But later my husband said that it was awkward because he thought she thought that I took it the wrong way... I didn't even think that she could have been referencing my weight, nor did I perceive any awkwardness but I guess I was just focusing on the game.
I've had more rude experiences when I was younger... I guess I was around teenage boys a lot more back in high school than I am now. I used to get random guys in the hall coming up to me and saying, "Hey, my friend here wants to go out with you, will you go out with him?" and the "friend" would be laughing or embarrassed and slink away. I always felt like they were being sarcastic picking on me for being overweight. I felt like they wanted me to say yes so they could laugh at me and "turn me down." Like I would ever fall for that! I just ignored them, moved on and felt a little sorry for myself that I never got any real offers.
12-29-2009, 02:17 PM
I work in a public library and it's pretty amazing the way people treat strangers in public. I've also had strangers comment on my weight, and no matter how hard you try to rise above it, it hurts. It hurts a LOT. I'm sorry you ran into an ill-mannered little brat.
Having said that, I don't think that would happen to you at the gym. Even at my high weight, no one was ever anything less than pleasant to me at the gym (if they weren't ignoring me completely, which was also fine). Most people are there to do their thing, and they're not interested in what anyone else is doing. If they *are* thinking about you, chances are they're thinking, 'good for her'. People at the gym, for the most part, care about health and want to encourage others, even if they look like total hardbodies.
12-29-2009, 05:03 PM
I have been there, believe me. I know it's easier said than done, but don't let that stuff be a blip on your radar. Some people obviously struggle finding enough worthwhile thoughts to occupy their minds, sad as that is.
I'm not perfect at this, but to my mind, it's a better idea to focus on the the positives, you're going to the gym, you're changing your life, right? I agree that people at the gym won't have in their minds thoughts like that, I have not had one bad experience, and have had people say nice things to me (PS I was REALLY nervous about going when I started)
12-29-2009, 06:34 PM
Maybe it's cuz I live in Canada, or maybe I have blinders on, but people have never said rude things to me like that?! Maybe I don't notice? I hear honks now and again, but I'm not so self-absorbed as to think they're all for me LOL It's probably the Canadian thing -- here, when you bump into someone, THEY say 'oops sorry' LOL i'm not even kidding
12-29-2009, 06:34 PM
Nastiness about weight or appearance is a reflection solely on the state of their heart, it has absolutely no bearing on you.
Hold your head up high and improve your fitness at the gym. You have everything to gain by going (except weight :)).
12-29-2009, 06:59 PM
Tracey, I'm kind of inclined to agree with you on that one! I can't recall ever being hurt like that by a stranger (except that one incident at work, I've told here over and over)...and I HOPE I never do. I'm so sorry to anyone who has ever experienced something like that on any sort of regular basis!!!!
I agree! Almost always, the bumper AND the bumpee will BOTH apologize here too. I apologize when I walk past someone in the video store and I cross their view...:lol: We're a VERY polite bunch, for the most part!
Thighs Be Gone
12-29-2009, 07:27 PM
Hey--when you hear some obnoxious, little boy (one day little man) say something like that--well, that's when you turn and say to him.."Shut the F Up!"
12-29-2009, 07:32 PM
It just blurted out, "I may be fat but you are rude and stupid."
Well done for answering back! :carrot:
12-29-2009, 09:09 PM
It has been my experience that people are super nice and supportive at most gyms!
As for jerky people, i am totally oblivious most of the time.
However,when i DO notice, i try to remind myself that they are not even reacting to me. they are reacting to some person that they think I am that really has nothing to do with me.
people can be dogs. but just think how miserable and insecure they must be to feel like they need to judge others like that.
12-29-2009, 09:37 PM
I've met some of the nicest, most helpful people at my gym. Granted, this gym is in a small town and has a contract with the local hospital - so most of the people in the cardio room with me while I'm working out are heart patients, older, and not gym bunnies. But it's always a welcoming place.
No matter how rude someone is to you, don't let the fear of being treated poorly affect what you do. Enjoy your life, it's yours to live - don't let some stranger control you!
12-29-2009, 11:22 PM
I used to swim at a Community Center. At that time, I weighed 400+ pounds. If the high school swim team was practicing when I was there - I had trouble concentrating on my laps because I was so afraid one of them would make a nasty crack about my fat. You know what? In the 4 years I went there, nobody said anything negative : ) While gyms/swimming pools feel like vulnerable places...they are usually filled with positive people who aren't inclined to nastiness.
So, I think you have every reason to believe your prayer will be answered.
Your last sentence showed wonderful insight! That will go far in helping you reach all your goals, not just losing pounds. :cp:
12-29-2009, 11:49 PM
I totally agree with you guys about the gym - but as a newbie it _is_ very intimidating going to the gym only because you're kind of saying "here I am, I'm fat, I know it and I'm dealing with it." (which _we_ all know is a good thing :D). Needless to say perhaps, I might be preaching to the choir here, but it was hard even to make the decision to go to the gym, sign up and be a member for a full year. Who knew it was possible to do it, and still feel good about it three weeks in? Thankfully people have not commented there, and I doubt they will, but still.... you feel vulnerable.
Thank you all for your support! :)
12-30-2009, 06:11 AM
My experience at gyms and health centers has always been positive. Never ever a negative word. I wouldn't be concerned about it!
12-30-2009, 06:51 AM
When I joined the gym for the first time at the end of July this year I was literally terrified. The first few times I walked into the cardio suite I was positive everyone was staring at me and thinking what's with the fat lady, she doesn't belong in here. I know for a while I was the biggest person in there. But after a few weeks I realised people are more interested in themselves and really, does it matter what they think anyway? I'm there to get this weight off and get fit.
And now, 5 months down the line, I've had lots of lovely comments about my weight loss and how well I'm doing!
12-30-2009, 08:05 AM
299~ I know I replied to this in your blog but reading this again made me think of my one girlfriends a few years back. She has an amazingly quirky sense of humor. She has overcame a lot and always inspires me in her own quirky way:)
Anyways she was getting out of a car and some teen boys yelled "fat fat~ want some cake!!!!????" Horrifying right??? The people with her thought so. Not her! She thought those boys were the most stupid, goofy, funny thing she had ever seen! She was laughing hysterically AT THEM for being that way !!!!!!!! I still don't understand why it struck her as so darn funny but she swears it was too funny and stupid to even be insulting (told you she had a quirky sense of humor and she doesn't lie) but I hope everyone of us who ever may be insulted again just sees what she sees~ the total stupidity~ goofiness of the commenter.
12-30-2009, 12:42 PM
Great story, thinnerbyjuly! I love your friend - like totally, in love :D
I wish we could all be like that! But yes, I will try, and I shall keep this story in mind for whenever I hear something like that again :)
12-30-2009, 01:08 PM
My biggest cheerleaders during the year that I lost weight were the people at my gym. They saw me there every day, working hard to better myself, and they -- better than anyone -- understood the effort and determination it took.
Funny story -- a few months after I joined the gym, I was nervously working out in the weight room, feeling like a fish out of water. Me, still a fat PTA mom, in with all the buff guys. A huge, very fit guy walked over to me, complete with multiple piercings, tattoo, chain around his neck, bandana, dressed all in black ... and I thought OMG, what have I done, what unwritten rule have I broken? :fr: In a deep voice he said "I've been watching you" and I thought I was going to die. Then he went out to say he'd seen how hard I'd been working and the progress I'd made, told me to keep up the good work and said all kinds of sweet and complimentary things. Turns out he was a big teddy bear. :D
I've never seen anything except respect and admiration for heavy people in the gym who are working to change themselves. Walking into a gym at 257 pounds was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, but it turns out to have been a life-changing decision. I wish I could freeze that moment in time and somehow save it, because it was the turning point. :)
12-30-2009, 08:32 PM
I was also afraid of doing things like buying work out videos and dumbells and yoga mats etc. I didn't want people to look at me like, "who are you kidding." I actually didn't get any looks like that, and why should I? Just today I saw a women jogging down my street and her weight is definitely in the 300s. All I could think was how fantastic that is!! I had been embarassed to just buy work out stuff but she was out running with no shame (why in the world SHOULD she be ashamed). Anyway all the hang ups I had were my own problem, I don't think the majority of people would actually look down on a heavy person for working out!
01-06-2010, 12:34 AM
Yep, we Canadians are definitely polite! It's a shame that in today's world, that is often seen as a sign of weakness, and rudeness is more readily accepted.
I can't say, though, that I haven't had comments directed at me about my weight. It started in grade three, on a daily basis, until the day I graduated high school. Wait, that isn't exactly truthful - I had some respite during Summer holidays. I had experiences similar to that of Rakel...boys used to sarcastically ask me out, etc., pretending they were in love with me. Of course I knew better. They always used to sing that song "You Are So Beautiful to Me" and I am nearing 40, but to this day, I hate that song and will change the radio station, or t.v. channel, if I hear it.
I had no self esteem growing up and had to work really hard to get it. I still have days of self doubt. The boys who treated me like that in school, well, we all grew up and get along now, but to this day, I don't have much confidence when it comes to men.
These days, people don't say much to me about my weight. The last person was my former supervisor, who blurted out "you gaining your weight back?" when I got into work one day, without saying "hello" or anything else. It kinda jarred me, I admit, who expects to hear that the second they walk in the door? She used to make comments often like that anyway, so I am really glad to be out of that toxic place.
I have been direct and snarky with people that DO comment. One older man, one day, who is known for being rude, made a comment one time when I was at a store buying a diet Coke and Aero single (100 calories). He made a comment, pretty much saying I should be careful of what I eat so I wouldn't get any bigger. I said, "Now you listen here, I have lost 80 pounds, so don't you dare say anything about my weight" and walked off. Not that I think anybody should be subjected to comments about their weight, regardless of whether they started their journey or not. :)
Another time I was doing "Couch to 5K" and was walking along, when the direction to run came up. When I started, some kids started laughing. I smirked at them, and said, "what, never saw a person jog before?"
Anyways, I had no idea I would make this post so long! Sorry that had to happen to you, 99Pounds, but try not to let it bother you. I know, it's easier said than done. Just take satisfaction in the knowledge that you are doimng something positive with your life. Some people can't handle that, but that's their problem. Just keep on taking care of you. Take care.
01-06-2010, 10:14 AM
People can just be stupid. They need to work on the internal filter. My story is slightly OT, but proves the point that it isn't just weight people can be idiots about.
Several years ago when I was noticeably pregnant with my first daughter I had a routine appointment with my OB which always meant that I had to give a urine sample. In those days, I went so often that I couldn't wait until I got to the doctor's office and then of course didn't have to go there. On this particular day I decided to stop at the Dairy Queen right by the office and get a large diet sprite hoping that by the time they actually take me I will have to go. So, I am standing in line and some guy comes up beside me and very snottily asks if I am having a craving. :?: Really? WTF? :?: I was so confused and taken aback that I just smiled and turned away. Later I thought how fun it would be to order a chili dog with chocolate sauce and drop it on him on my way out. :D
I don't know what it is about pregnancy or weight that people feel like they have some sort of open license to comment. And it's rarely polite - almost always very judgemental. I would never do that. When does something like that even seem like an option?
We all have our issues that we are working on but the thing that gets me about food issues is that it is so public. I have thin people that I am around that seem so smug at thier thinness but they also have other issues that aren't on a big billboard. I would never go up to someone that was having a problem overcoming an alcohol addiction and taunt them about a drink. Our society just seems to be more accepting of rudeness to overweight people. Okay, now I really am getting OT, but thanks for hearing me out.
Hold your heads high ladies - like someone said - I may be overweight, but they clearly have a bigger problem!
01-06-2010, 12:04 PM
Once upon a time, I was a "gym bunny". 2 hours a day, 6 days a week, on top of playing soccer and leading a healthy, active lifestyle. And I can tell you that every time a larger person walked in the gym- it made me smile, and, quite honestly, inspired the **** out of me. Here was someone with enough balls to walk into an environment that most likely made them uncomfortable and say "**** with it- I care more about myself than what other people think about me" Not to mention the fact that the physical challenges of being obese make working out so much more difficult, so my 2 hour workout (in terms of effort it required on my part) was nothing compared to someone 2 (or even 3) times my size working out for less than half the time. So the next time you go to the gym- hold your head high and know that the other people there- especially the hard bodies and gym bunnies- are doing an internal happy dance for you, and using your courage and determination as inspiration for their workouts.
01-06-2010, 12:15 PM
SouthLake, I love the quote in your sig :)
01-06-2010, 12:28 PM
I think most gym people understand that everyone is there for a common goal of improving our fitness and/or working on losing/gaining weight. I have been going to my gym since last March and I go at the same time as this young gal, 20-ish, who participates in triathlons. I know this because we also change in the same general area in the locker rooms and have chatted. I was never so thrilled as when she mentioned that I have lost a lot of weight and she admired me for it. :)
I remember worrying about going to the gym because of my weight, and I'm glad to see that it isn't an issue.