100 lb. Club - How do you respond to your friend's plea?




Eliana
12-28-2009, 04:25 PM
As we all lose weight, I'm sure we've all been asked how we do it? When asked, I say I'm counting calories. I have two girlfriends who could each lose about 150 lbs, and I love them just the way they are!! They both want to lose weight. But one of them has weird food allergies that limits what she can eat. (No raw veggies, fruit, garlic or soy product of any kind) The other is a meat and potatoes kind of girl who will not eat any veggies but salad and broccoli and will not eat any fruit. So they both say they can't calorie count.

Part of me, a big part of me really, just wants to say that gosh, that's really too bad. And another part of me wants to tell them to stop making excuses!

I don't push them or even bring it up, but when they ask, I like to say the right thing. They have to want it bad enough to overcome these excuses, right? It seems like they do. They both have health problems all related to the weight and they're both miserable. One of them joined a gym, taking the exercise route, and then her trainer quit on her!! I was so peeved at the trainer! Now she hasn't been back. The other can't afford a gym, but works out at her home to no avail.


cathydoe
12-28-2009, 04:32 PM
Can u ask them if they really want you to be honest?

And then something along the lines of what you said...they have to want it bad enough to overcome these excuses, right?

This is a hard one. I hope what I said helps. Good Luck!

TJFitnessDiva
12-28-2009, 04:32 PM
Other than being there to be a support and lead by example there really isn't anything else you can do.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with them though....I'm really blunt and realistic with my best friend. She knows I'm there for her when she finally wants to lose the weight but I will not coddle her when she starts the "I really want to lost weight but...blah, blah, blah" whine. In fact I think I told her that first quote in my signature :lol:


CLCSC145
12-28-2009, 04:38 PM
Hmm. That's tough. Sometimes I think when people ask us things like that, they don't really want to know the answer, hence the excuses for why whatever works for us won't work for them. The great thing about calorie counting is that you can can count whatever you eat, whether or not it includes a lot of veggies or fruit. So their response doesn't make much sense. If they're eating, they can count it and eat within a specific range. That said, there is no one right way to do this. We're all different and what works for each of us can be just as unique. It brings to mind the old saying, "where there's a will, there's a way." If they want to lose weight badly enough, they'll find a path that works for them.

JayEll
12-28-2009, 04:39 PM
All you have to say, with a smile and a hug, is "Where there's a will, there's a way!" And let them know you care for them. Don't buy into the excuses, because no matter how challenged someone is, they can do something to improve what they are doing. Plenty of folks on 3FC have food allergies, but manage to work it out. Plenty of folks started out hating vegetables, but learned how to work with that. Plenty of folks had their trainers quit, or got a bad trainer, but kept on exercising. So... There you have it! :yes:

Jay

MindiV
12-28-2009, 04:39 PM
All you can do is tell them your experience and give them encouragement when they ask advice. You already know if you preach it at them, nothing will happen. It'll kick in one day that it is possible to lose weight, even with a limited range of food, and it'll work for them.

matt_H
12-28-2009, 04:40 PM
Other than being there to be a support and lead by example there really isn't anything else you can do.

I like this and agree completely.

We all have to find what works for us. Its great that you can be there to offer encouragement and be an example, but there is no real magic bullet that works for everyone.

Onederchic
12-28-2009, 04:43 PM
Hmm. That's tough. Sometimes I think when people ask us things like that, they don't really want to know the answer, hence the excuses for why whatever works for us won't work for them. The great thing about calorie counting is that you can can count whatever you eat, whether or not it includes a lot of veggies or fruit. So their response doesn't make much sense. If they're eating, they can count it and eat within a specific range. That said, there is no one right way to do this. We're all different and what works for each of us can be just as unique. It brings to mind the old saying, "where there's a will, there's a way." If they want to lose weight badly enough, they'll find a path that works for them.

I agree with this.

Eliana
12-28-2009, 04:44 PM
Other than being there to be a support and lead by example there really isn't anything else you can do.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with them though....I'm really blunt and realistic with my best friend. She knows I'm there for her when she finally wants to lose the weight but I will not coddle her when she starts the "I really want to lost weight but...blah, blah, blah" whine. In fact I think I told her that first quote in my signature :lol:

Oh, I like that quote! LOL! My friends are very blunt with me...but it's not in my personality to dish it back. ;) So yes, we're that close...but...

Eliana
12-28-2009, 04:46 PM
. The great thing about calorie counting is that you can can count whatever you eat, whether or not it includes a lot of veggies or fruit. So their response doesn't make much sense. If they're eating, they can count it and eat within a specific range.

That's what I thought too, and it seems like I said something along those lines, but the one friend had an excuse for that too. In which case, yep, there's not much I can do.

Stella
12-28-2009, 05:11 PM
Weird food allergies... May be something which may improve /go away with better general health? This can happen...

If she`s allergic and wants it that badly, would she try a formula program?

bargoo
12-28-2009, 05:21 PM
Of course they can count calories. You can count calories for anything you eat. The meat and potatoes girl might do well on Atkins since she doesn't like carbs anyway.

starfishkitty
12-28-2009, 05:57 PM
I made the same dang excuses. "I can eat what I want... I just need to go to the gym more."

Yeah. Didn't work.

Went to the gym for like 3 months at least 4 to 5 times a week and all I lost was about 5lbs and gained a bit of flexibility. Until I started counting calories and watching what I ate... and cut out the bad stuff and added the good stuff... until THEN I started seeing real improvement. And fast.

StarryEyes86
12-28-2009, 06:03 PM
I know whenever I have asked people how they lost weight, I think I'm secretly trying to find some easy way to lose all the weight. When in reality, it's all will power.

thistoo
12-28-2009, 06:08 PM
I tell my friends the truth when they ask, whether they want to hear it or not (they know better than to ask if they don't want to hear it at this point!) I mean, come on, there are still calories in the foods your friends *are* eating, so they can calorie count. That's what I'd say if a friend used that excuse with me. But I've heard I am sometimes hard to be friends with. :)

Beverlyjoy
12-28-2009, 06:27 PM
I agree with what others have said - basically, be supportive and lead by example. Sometimes some people need to try different programs. There's no one program that is for everyone.

People have to be WILLING to try things until they find something that they can really live with.

Gracie789
12-28-2009, 07:25 PM
Your friends remind me of myself (I didn't believe I could count calories or conform to some 'fad' diet). When I was in that place all I wanted was a quick fix, or some miracle pill to solve all my weight issues. Losing 100+ lbs was impossible for me (thankfully I was wrong, lol).

Losing a significant amount of weight is a personal journey that's different for everyone but the one similarity (in my opinion) is willpower/determination to make a lifestyle change. If your friends are not quite ready to change you can still lead by example and be supportive, and remember they might not be ready to commit to weight loss now but they might in the future. :)

Jilu
12-28-2009, 10:46 PM
Weird food allergies excuse makes me mad (always has).

I have a lot of food allergies. I'm allergic to almost every fruit but a few types of apples, some citrus and pomegranate (maybe a couple others that I haven't tried yet, but I'm open to new fruit suggestions!). I'm allergic to many varieties of nuts (both tree and ground), several raw vegetables, all soy products, and a multitude of seasonings and preservatives.

I've previously lost about 75 pounds with those allergies, and gained it back but that was a multitude of things not related to my allergies. In fact, the food allergies makes the focus on food a little easier. I'm so used to scouring the backs of packaging, making special requests, and focusing on what is going in my mouth that writing down my calories was such a tiny step.

My husband eats two vegetables: broccoli and canned green beans. He's managed to lose and keep off weight.

You can't make anybody change their lives if they aren't ready. It's frustrating especially when someone asks for help but doesn't necessarily mean it just yet.

All you can do is be supportive and sincerely be there for them when they are looking for help.

(Sorry for the allergy tirade, a friend of mine has bad food allergies as well and is doing a depressed "I can't go out anywhere or even to friend's places for parties because I can't eat anything" thing right now and I'm trying not to rant too much at her)

Violet73
12-28-2009, 10:53 PM
yep I agree with starryeyes....i think most people ask that because they want to hear an easy answer about how you did it and then when they find out it actually takes work they give excuses! maybe just by seeing your progress that will encourage them more and more. Its a personal thing though...they will have to do it when THEY put their mind to it.

LitChick
12-28-2009, 11:06 PM
These types of comments/questions I can deal with OK - I just tell them simply 'eating right and exercising' and if they ask if I'm following any specific plan, I tell them Weight Watchers.

The comments I find uncomfortable and am not quite sure how to respond to are the self-disparaging ones. In particular, this one coworker who is quite overweight and every time she sees me she makes a comment about how good I look and how bad she looks, or how good I'm being going to the gym versus her laziness, or how healthy I'm eating and how badly she's eating. I mean, what exactly am I supposed to say?

TJFitnessDiva
12-28-2009, 11:16 PM
These types of comments/questions I can deal with OK - I just tell them simply 'eating right and exercising' and if they ask if I'm following any specific plan, I tell them Weight Watchers.

The comments I find uncomfortable and am not quite sure how to respond to are the self-disparaging ones. In particular, this one coworker who is quite overweight and every time she sees me she makes a comment about how good I look and how bad she looks, or how good I'm being going to the gym versus her laziness, or how healthy I'm eating and how badly she's eating. I mean, what exactly am I supposed to say?


This is probably why most negative people leave me alone..... I have had people do that to me and I wound up telling them how horrible it was to hate on yourself like that...once I go onto my soapbox about it they get a little sheepish and try to wander off. I can not stand when people do that, if you can't love or respect yourself who else is ya know?

It'd be very hard for me to refrain at work...lol I'd try but who knows what would come out of my mouth?

JulieJ08
12-28-2009, 11:23 PM
I mean, what exactly am I supposed to say?

"Bummer."

Eliana
12-28-2009, 11:51 PM
Jilu, her allergies sound a lot like yours. I forgot about the nut component. She's allergic to those too, but not peanuts.

Jilu
12-29-2009, 12:01 AM
It's hard, but not insurmountable.

And it depends on the type of allergies. Mine are anaphylaxis and severe hives/rashes and very life-threatening. Other people's food allergies are more gastrointestinal.

I'm not saying those aren't serious in their own right, but you tend to focus on your food choices a lot more if it can make you die. That's my frustration with my friend, she has tummy problems from food.

I tend to be a little unforgiving with allergy complaints (because I am an allergy poster child with all of mine and manage to function); it's something I need to work on. ;>

JayEll
12-29-2009, 06:55 AM
JulieJ08 :rofl:

Jay

Windchime
12-29-2009, 09:52 AM
JulieJ08 :rofl:

Jay

I always love Julie's come-backs. Next time I have a situation where I need a quick, witty comment, I plan to say, "Can you wait right here for a minute?" Then I will race home, post my situation, wait for Julie to reply, race back to where the other person will still be waiting, and repeat Julie's comment.

I think it could work! :) :) :)

rakel
12-29-2009, 11:22 AM
I'm having this issue with my mother-in-law. She's getting more advanced in her age and in the past 10+ years or so, she's put on some weight. She was natrually thin in her youth, and now she is "perplexed" why she can't lose any weight. She'll lose 5lbs here and there, but gain it back. She's on a lot of medications and has quite a few health problems, so I can understand why it would be more difficult for her to lose weight, however, she has asked me for some advice knowing that I have lost a good 40lbs in the past (although now I am starting over again). BUT, what I tell her, she doesn't want to hear. She wants some kind of miracle pill or something.

This is what I told her: you need to exercise regularly, even if at your age you can't do what I can, you can at least do something for 10 - 20 minutes a day, which would also be beneficial for her heart (Her doctor has recommended that she do some light exercise for that purpose, too). You need to keep track of what you eat. She lives with my husband and I, so I have offered to help her exercise and keep track of her food, which would require more time and effort on my part, but I was willing to help her. But no, she doesn't even want to jot down in a small notebook what she is eating, and her portions. I told her if she could do that, then I could make an account for her on the Daily Plate (she can't use computers, I've tried teaching her that too), and input everything so she can start to get familiar with how much food she should be eating. I've tried working on an exercise regimen for her, but she does it maybe once or twice and then when I say, "Hey, let's exercise" she says, "Ah, I'm too tired."

Yesterday, we were talking about it and I said, "I know you don't want to hear this, but you should really write down your food." and she said, "I don't want to, because I'm lazy." and I just kind of gave her this look like... WELL then! Then she started bemoaning how she hasn't lost any weight since she started taking these "metabolism booster" acai berry pills. Unfortunately it takes a lot of discipline and hard work, not just taking a pill after your meal.

She is constantly groaning about her weight, yet she is unwilling to change. I have found that combination does not lead to any lasting results. You have to stop the whole "pity me, I'm fat" thing and move on to what you need to do to be healthy.

bcort
12-29-2009, 11:33 AM
My mom plays that role with me, whenever I whine to her about wanting to lose weight (she lost quite a bit a few years back). She just smiles & tells me that once I decide to do it, she knows I can & will. I like her approach. She doesn't tell me what to do, because we both know what I need to do; she's just there to support me & love me unconditionally. This approach works great for me. I know she's on my side. I know what I need to do & am slowly making steps in the right direction.

Also, your friend who works out at home - though she may not have lost any weight with her exercise, it's not to no avail - she's doing great by exercising at home (limited though it may be). Try to encourage her to keep it up.

JulieJ08
12-29-2009, 12:38 PM
I always love Julie's come-backs. Next time I have a situation where I need a quick, witty comment, I plan to say, "Can you wait right here for a minute?" Then I will race home, post my situation, wait for Julie to reply, race back to where the other person will still be waiting, and repeat Julie's comment.

I think it could work! :) :) :)

:rofl: Believe me, I would have to take the same strategy - it's hard to come up with things on the spot!