100 lb. Club - Yesterday I reached a new low in this forever struggle of weight loss...




Beverlyjoy
12-28-2009, 10:12 AM
I couldn't stop eating - I ate until I was physically sick. I went back and forth between sugar, salt, carbs. I was even thinking that I cannot live in this body - that I would be better off if I was dead. This is how low I felt. (this was hard to say)

Of course, being obese is just a symptom of all the things I am not comfortable with that I've faced all through my life.

So...I will try again. I have even cleaned out the fridge and cupboards further.

I will make my plan and start again. I can't feel that badly anymore. I can't let my weight make me feel so badly - when I do have alot to live for.

There will always be holidays, parties, celebrations, sadness, stress, joy and more. I must learn to live with life and feelings and not use food as my everything associated with everything in life.

I have tools - planning, journaling, exercise, meditation, reading,the basics that help (aware eating, fork down between bites, no standing and eating,etc) and more. I need to be WILLING to turn to them.

Here we go...thanks for listening.


KaCee J
12-28-2009, 10:18 AM
You can do it, and it looks like you already know this! If there is one thing I am learning more than anything it is that there is no "magic moment", no turning point where I faithfully stick to plan from that instant on, it's a whole lot of keep on keepin on...so to speak, :) I think now that I have accepted that I just might do all right! Good luck to you!

Beverlyjoy
12-28-2009, 10:26 AM
Thanks - I must learn to live with life. 2009 was a very stressful year: DH lost his job with cut backs at his company, I reinjured my foot, my son was sick in the hospital for 3 weeks, my sister had an injury and has been down and out for a year with horrible back pain, DS had 10 days of swine flu, my son will have to find another job because of his health problems, my mom had been in the hospital twice, my kitty cat died and I dealt with the stress by eating . It was all I knew how to do.

NO MORE - I must learn new ways to live with stress and not over eat.


Windchime
12-28-2009, 10:46 AM
You have had an unbelievably stressful year, Beverlyjoy. You're right, though; it's always something.

After almost a year of doing really, really well, I kind of went nuts this past week myself. All the sugar that was around just set me off on an orgy of eating like I used to -- whatever I want, whenever I want. Peanut brittle, fudge, cookies, potato chips--I ate it all, and in big quantities. I'm up 4.5 pounds over a week; I'm hoping that a lot of it is sodium but it's not all going to be.

I know where you are coming from. I was doing really well but this past week made me realize that I am NOT bullet-proof, that I really am just one square of fudge away from totally flying off into my old habits. Like you say, we cannot allow stress (or holidays or celebrations or boredom or anger) to be our reason for overeating. We must find new ways to deal.

rockinrobin
12-28-2009, 11:05 AM
So...I will try again. I have even cleaned out the fridge and cupboards further.

I will make my plan and start again. I can't feel that badly anymore. I can't let my weight make me feel so badly - when I do have alot to live for.

There will always be holidays, parties, celebrations, sadness, stress, joy and more. I must learn to live with life and feelings and not use food as my everything associated with everything in life.

I have tools - planning, journaling, exercise, meditation, reading,the basics that help (aware eating, fork down between bites, no standing and eating,etc) and more. I need to be WILLING to turn to them.

.

Yes - make that plan (it's ESSENTIAL in fact), use those tools, but please, please, please don't forget to make that COMMITMENT. THAT'S what will give you that stick-to-it-ness that is needed. DECIDE to do this - once and for all and permanently. Accept no excuses. DECIDE that you don't want to live "this way". That you want better - BEST in fact. Accept, realize and make peace with the fact that you simply can't eat "like that" and be at your optimal. Stop robbing yourself of joy. And speaking of joy - don't dread this. LOOK FORWARD TO THIS! FIND the joy in it. Find the joy in leading a healthy lifestyle. Embrace it. Celebrate it. Revel in it. It is a lovely way to live. This lifestyle is no burden what so ever. It's a joy and a blessing. Stop depriving yourself of joy, happiness, peace, serenity, self confidence, self control, self respect, good health and the VERY best you.

Get excited about the wonderful changes you are about to make. Get INTO it.

I look forward to hearing of your progress and your success! Because once you DECIDE to do this, once you COMMIT to do this - it shall be done. A better life is right at your fingertips. Success is yours for the taking. TAKE IT!!! :hug:

ubergirl
12-28-2009, 11:56 AM
BeverlyJoy,

I'm so sad to hear you talking about eating until you felt sick and hated your body. I can relate to what you are saying, having felt that way many many times myself.

Something that Robin posted once really made an impression on me and I often remind myself of that-- she said that staying on plan and eating healthy has become her way of comforting herself (forgive me if I'm misquoting...)

Silly thing, but I eat the SAME THING every morning for breakfast (wheat toast, peanut butter and sliced banana) And it's gotten to the point that it's my signal that I'm starting another good day.

I constantly remind myself that eating in the controlled way gives me a feeling of control.

Sounds like your year has packed a wallop-load of stress.... but put yourself back on plan and at least one part of your life will be under your control.:hug::hug::hug::hug:

We are here for you. You don't have to do it alone.

cathydoe
12-28-2009, 12:02 PM
Gosh you sure did have a stressful year! No major words of wisdom today from me...cuz the folks ahead of me said GREAT THINGS! Sometimes I think I need to print the replys from here and wallpaper my house with them. Keep sharing your journey with us...it helps us too!

Michelle98272
12-28-2009, 12:27 PM
I understand your feeling of desperation and of hating your self and your body. I felt just like that on Christmas after eating myself sick as well. Coming here and reading others posts and reminding myself that I have done it before and can do it again (being in control of myself and my eating).

Best wishes to you and big HUGS. Thanks for sharing how you are feeling. It really helps to see that there are others that feel just like I do.

Eliana
12-28-2009, 12:50 PM
I just want to echo the sentiment to find the joy in eating healthier. Every day you have to wake up and remind yourself of what you have accomplished already. What can you do this week that you couldn't do 10 lbs ago? How much better do you feel when you stay on plan? Set up yourself of for success every single morning, entering the day with a plan.

I too look forward to reading about every little ounce of SUCCESS that you will have!

greentara
12-28-2009, 01:00 PM
I totally understand how you feel.

I always thought that I would be happier and I would love myself more if I were thin. So, I lost a lot of weight. But I wasn't happier. Yes, I got attention from men, but that brought a different set of problems and challenges that had nothing to do with weight. My job was still stressful, my family was still dysfunctional, I still was insecure. The only thing that had changed was my jeans size.

It is not surprising, that I put all of the weight back on. Now I am not trying to lose weight to feel better about who I am, I am trying to feel better about who I am so that I can lose the weight and keep it off. If I don't love myself and my body now, I will never love them at any size.

I think it is great that you came here and posted. What a great way to take care of yourself. :)

CLCSC145
12-28-2009, 01:23 PM
I have tools - planning, journaling, exercise, meditation, reading,the basics that help (aware eating, fork down between bites, no standing and eating,etc) and more. I need to be WILLING to turn to them.

And don't forget - you have US! :hug:

Matilda08
12-28-2009, 01:30 PM
I was just about to post something about how terrible i ate over the holiday. Im going to get back on track though. I wish you luck. We are all here to support each other.

dragonwoman64
12-28-2009, 03:37 PM
yes, stress gets to me too, and you've had a big load of it.

for me, it can be very knee jerk to reach for food in stressful times to make myself feel better. It has helped me to concretely think of ways to deal with it other than food.

knitting
talking or emailing friends/family
a movie/video
shopping (even window shopping, if spending money is part of the stress)
church
reading
playing with/holding the cat
cross word puzzles
a walk
the gym

I pick stuff that I enjoy and relaxes me, and I try to make it a regular part of my routine.

changing my way of dealing took some time, and I'm still not perfect at all, but it's way better than it used to be. be easy on yourself, and take one day at a time.

mj5
12-28-2009, 03:47 PM
Beverlyjoy--I am so very sorry to hear that you hit such a low point yesterday. The good news is, you recognize it and you know what to do. We are all here to support you! I know you can do it!

Trefle
12-28-2009, 04:34 PM
I cannot express my sympathy enough for you. That's a tough year to survive, and your resolution to start again, to continue your journey is admirable :)

With all the tools you're having, you're certainly will got back to track! And there's the community to support you :) Don't think about all the bad stuff; accept it and move on. As you had said, there're going to be pain and suffering, but also joy and happiness, and both should not -- and would not-- disturb your plans and resolutions.

Me, too, is planning to go back on track after months of procrastinating, and as a fellow starter (or soon-to-be), and a comrade in the same journey, I wish you bests of luck!

Beverlyjoy
12-28-2009, 04:57 PM
this past week made me realize that I am NOT bullet-proof, that I really am just one square of fudge away from totally flying off into my old habits.

I totally agree with being a bite away from insanity with food.

Beverlyjoy
12-28-2009, 05:08 PM
Kaycee - I agree, there's no magic moment. Thank you.

RockinRobin "make that plan (it's ESSENTIAL in fact), use those tools, but please, please, please don't forget to make that COMMITMENT" - it is commitment. Thanks so much.

Ubergirl - "
Silly thing, but I eat the SAME THING every morning for breakfast ." I have a good friend who also eats the same thing or a minimal of healthy choices and does so well with her program.

Cathydoe - thanks so much for your support.

Michelle - thanks for your good wishes and listening.

Eliana - thanks and also the reminder to remember my accomplishments in this too.

Thanks, Greentara, for your support.

CLCSC - GREAT reminder that I do have you all here to help me. Thanks!!

Matilda - thanks for your support.

Dragonwoman - a wonderful list of things to turn to instead of food. Thank you for the reminders.

MJ - I didn't think that food could make me feel so, so bad - it was scary. But, maybe I had to reach a rock bottom with it to move forward. Thanks...you are such a good friend.

Trefle - I agree - 2009 is just about over - thinking about all those things can only bring me down. And, I want to move forward!!!!

Thanks everyone.

Beverlyjoy
12-29-2009, 09:19 AM
I feel better today. I am so grateful that I got through yesterday with healthy and sane food choices. Thanks, folks.

rockinrobin
12-29-2009, 09:25 AM
I feel better today. I am so grateful that I got through yesterday with healthy and sane food choices. Thanks, folks.

Yay!!! One day down. Today is another day. Take it an hour at a time - heck take it a minute at a time - just get through it - any which way that you can. Before you know it, you'll be FIRMLY back in the groove and what once seemed so difficult will become natural, comfortable and automatic.

You can do this. You can do this. YOU CAN DO THIS!

lovemyboy
12-29-2009, 10:06 AM
Beverly,

I cannot add anything else to the wisdom that has already been shared, but here is a hug.:hug: