100 lb. Club - Back....again! I don't want to do the stereotypical New Year's Resolution




Michelle98272
12-26-2009, 03:58 AM
So I am back again, to recommit myself before the ubiquitous "New Year's Resolution". I really need just a few seconds to whine about "poor me" and then I'll suck it up and re-dedicate myself to getting healthy.

I used to come here every day and had a nominal success. I loved the camraderie and support! I am a very emotional eater, over eater, etc. Food has been my best friend for the last 20 years of bad relationships, flirtation with drugs, alcohol and sexual acting out. Like a lot of people I come from a family of dysfunctional people. I have overcome a lot and am really on a path to a much better life (great job, healthy friendships, a man that treats me like a queen, a new shih tzu puppy, 8 overnights a month with my son) but can't seem to get the grip on the overeating.

When I stopped posting here in Feb, I had just got fired from my job, lost custody of my son(didn't see him for 3 months) in a years long custody fight, ended a bad relationship, found a new better job....etc. Blah. One big excuse to eat! Eating to celebrate, eating to fill the void in my heart, eating for something to do, eating just because the clock says breakfast, lunch, dinner.

And eat I did. I haven't checked to see what weight I was when I left here but I am sure I was around 240. I was in snug size 20 jeans and now graduated to 24's. I am now over 270 and at this moment so ridiculously overstuffed from Christmas that I really wish momentarily for bulimia (no disrespect intended). I way overdid it at my co-worker's multi-ethnic Christmas party, eating Pakistani, Puerto Rican and Filipino food. I ate so much that I feel like I can't take a deep breath. Darnit!

I can't do this anymore. I want to stop and get a grip on this one last weird part of my life. I've often felt smug when I'm around "addicts". I used to drink A LOT, use drugs quite a bit and found validation in fairly anonymous sex and have stopped ALL of that. I felt smug that atleast I wasn't an addict. I could control myself unlike true addicts. I guess I really didn't so much heal from the other mini-addictions I 've had, I've just traded one for the others.:?: (I call them mini-addictions because I've never lost a days work, crashed my car, got a dui, been arrested, am able to hold down a Professional type job etc..probably just a form of denial)

I am hopeful after checking in on Onderchick and CFmama. I know if regular girls like you can do it, I can to. Thanks for listening.

I'm back and now re-dedicated. :^:


lovemyboy
12-26-2009, 10:55 AM
Welcome back. There are some very inspirational ladies here. Sometimes the big goal seems so big as to be unattainable. A marathoner finishes by putting one foot in front of the other. This is achievable too but bite by bite.

Windchime
12-26-2009, 11:09 AM
Welcome back, Michelle! You definitely don't have to be a stereotypical Resolutioner. I, too, started right around New Year's but in 2009. I had made countless resolutions before but never really stuck with them. Despite that, I stuck with it last year so I know that you can, too. It sounds like you've had a year of ups and downs, and you're right-- you can do this.

Remember: You do not have to be perfect at this. If you make good, healthy decisions most of the time, then you're way further ahead than before. You can do this!


Bazz Major
12-26-2009, 11:43 AM
I really dislike stereotypical New Year's resolutions. You tend to make a lot of unrealistic goals. I'm sorry to hear about your recent troubles.

Hugs x x

CLCSC145
12-26-2009, 12:53 PM
Welcome back and good luck to you!

TJFitnessDiva
12-26-2009, 01:56 PM
Welcome back Michelle! :)

susiemartin
12-26-2009, 02:13 PM
Glad you're back :hug:

dragonwoman64
12-26-2009, 08:03 PM
welcome back, Michelle!

it never helps me to think in terms of NY resolutions, I try to put my blinders on, and stick to my plan as best I can day to day, and learn from my mistakes. I see the successes here, tell myself ok, it can be done, I only need to stick to it and work to improve.

Thighs Be Gone
12-26-2009, 08:57 PM
Welcome back. New Year's Resolutions--I have been thinking about them too for sometime.

Thighs Be Gone
12-26-2009, 08:59 PM
Oh ETA--it sounds like you have been quite an ordeal. My thoughts are with you and I am so very, very glad things are looking up!

Lyn2007
12-26-2009, 11:33 PM
Welcome back. You are one strong woman.

Michelle98272
12-28-2009, 01:10 PM
Thank you all for your care and support. I have contacted Over-eaters Anonymous and have looked into online meetings for support. I realize I need to DO something about my overeating. Ignoring it obviously hasn't helped!

Here's to a health-ier 2010.

starfishkitty
12-28-2009, 03:04 PM
I really identify with you on a lot of the things you said. As you went through with the drinking, the drugs, and the sexual acting out... I did too. Not to mention the food and eating problems. I was at such a low point in my life a few years ago it wasn't even funny.... years of abusing my body in those ways had taken a toll on my body. I felt like I was 24 going on 40. *sigh* So, finally, I shaped up all that and quit it. Except for the eating and the food. I had gotten my life on track, and in control... but for some reason it felt like an empty success cos I couldn't even control my own body and weight.

Finally, though, I took control of even that. I told myself "No more failure" and I DID IT. And you can too. :) Just as you were determined to quit all that other stuff that was nothing but emotional, physical, and mental drainage to you..... you can make yourself determined to fix this and succeed too! And it seems like you're WELL on your way! :) So go, lady, and conquer! You've already done so much... you can rock this! :hug:

matt_H
12-28-2009, 03:15 PM
Welcome back Michelle. I'm looking forward to seeing many more of your posts here.

Trefle
12-28-2009, 04:45 PM
Welcome back :)

I'm going to say a controversial thing but here goes: don't let go of your best friend.

As a fellow food lover, I can say a lot about the good effects of food to my emotional well-being. But the point is: I'm not judging here but in general, you don't have to eat unhealthy foods in a huge amount to be happy. You can find good food, great food, and be healthy and lose weight at the same time. Moderation and control, perhaps, is the second and third best friend to accompany you and your best friend together.

And working out, but I'm still working out on that too.

Bazz Major
12-28-2009, 05:00 PM
Michelle, I think you're amazing, fair play. You have gone so many crap in the recent year but you're still here today, standing on your two feet :] As for the New Year's Resolution, it's a good idea to make one or two resolutions that is realistic and make you determined enough to achieve them. For me, I want to lose weight so my resolution will be to eat more healthily and make the right food choice. Also, I will do something productive each day I'm not in college because I hate not being able to slump and do nothing, knowing that I have a lot of things to do. I hope that makes sense, haha.

Most importantly, YOU control the food. The FOOD doesn't control you ;)

chewysmom
12-28-2009, 06:35 PM
Welcome back, and good luck. It sounds like you had a bad 2009, here's hoping 2010 will be much better.

Beverlyjoy
12-28-2009, 07:49 PM
I don't think New Years Resolutions are a bad thing. Perhaps it's just another day to set forth wanted changes in our lives. You have dealt with alot of stress - it stinks that we often go to food to help us not feel or to deal with these things.

I agree - many of us gave up addictions and replaced them with others.

You are here....that's GOOD! Everyday is a new beginning.

cfmama
12-28-2009, 08:38 PM
welcome back sweetie! I am SO GLAD TO SEE YOU!!!!!!

Suezeeque
12-29-2009, 04:31 AM
Welcome back Michelle. I'm looking forward to seeing many more of your posts here.


Matt, for some reason I find your pics particularly inspiring. Maybe it's because you are so fat in the first one and then in the "after" you have exercise clothes on and have been in a race and just look so healthy and fit. And happy. Like a normal person.

I want that more than anything. To be normal.