100 lb. Club - Ideas I had to let go of to change my weight




caryesings
12-23-2009, 06:36 PM
There's a thread right now over in Maintenace on stomach size/hunger/satiety that got me thinking...

One thing I had noticed about myself is more food (either quantity or calorically) did not stop me from getting hungry. So I decided if I was going to be hungry in 2-3 hours anyway, then no point in eating much at any meal. I started eating what seemed to me at the time to be laughingly small "serving sizes" such as 1 cup of cereal, 1 egg, or 1/2 can of soup. And it worked. I didn't get any hungrier on the smaller meal and had the calories to spare when I did get hungry.

The second talk I had with myself was regarding "resting". When had staying in for the evening reading a book, watching TV, or even going to bed early actually resulted in having more energy the next day? The answer when I got honest with myself was "never". So now I head out for my workout or walk even if I'm walk-into-walls tired. Sometimes this means my workout only lasts 20 minutes but usually once I'm moving I can make it 45-60 minutes even on days I wouldn't have thought that possible.

What thoughts did you have to change to tackle this project of losing 100 lbs?


justbeu
12-23-2009, 06:43 PM
Very good self talk.....I think I'll borrow it for myself!

CLCSC145
12-23-2009, 07:04 PM
For me it was dropping the notion that losing weight had to include lots of rules and lots of things that I don't like. For example, I hate plain water. It makes me gag unless it's really cold and I don't have to drink a lot. But I can't tell you how many times I've read that drinking water is IMPERATIVE for weight loss. Well, it's not. Yes you need liquids to live, but there are other things that taste much better to me like iced tea, diet coke, diet lemonade, etc. that keep me hydrated. Another example is low calorie salads - they feel like punishment to me, so I don't eat them. There are lots of enjoyable ways for me to get veggies. So why would I eat something I don't care for?

The only rules I live by with regard to weight loss are eat near my calorie count, try to keep those foods nutritional and move around more during the day. And the simplicity of that is so freeing. All that other "do this, not that" stuff I think is meant to fill magazine pages and make people feel like there is some secret formula to losing weight, but there isn't.


sidhe
12-23-2009, 07:06 PM
I've had to tackle, over and over, the idea that I needed to follow someone else's rules. I'm well educated and well read, and I've studied scads of diet theories. Combine them all, and there's a rule for everything! Add this to ingrained perfectionism and I managed to squeeze myself into a relentless, judgmental, no-win box of diet rules and requirements. I finally just gave up, and accepted that I needed to listen to what my body was telling me and make my plan fit it, instead of trying to force my body to fit some random plan.

A corrollary of this is that I've let go of the idea that I'm a "bad" person/dieter/forum member if I don't follow someone else's rules. I keep reading, and am interested in ideas, but I no longer judge myself for not living by them. I tell myself that "my body is my body, and I am in charge" often! :)

I've ditched the idea that I have to weigh and measure and count everything--it doesn't work for me. I'm still aware of what I eat and I still write it down, but in a "medium banana" sort of way, not a "4.7 oz banana" way.

I'll eat when I'm hungry. What hungry feels like to me. I tend to want a bit of breakfast when I get up...then something about 2 hours later...then something else 2 hours later (if I've gotten up around 5, there's a lot of "every 2 hours" until lunchtime!! :))...something else at lunch...then I'm good til a light dinner. No snacks at night. I've always been flabbergasted by people asking for help with eating at night. Really? You eat at night? I've let go of the idea that dinner needs to be a big meal, and I'm far, far more comfortable front-loading my daily calories. Now dinner is a salad, or a small bowl of oatmeal, or a small dish of some sort of protein. It suits me much better.

Oddly, the idea that I had to eat measurable portions was tripping me up. One serving, or half a serving, or a serving-and-a-half, or whatever. I couldn't eat a bite or two of something and then walk away from it. Not because I had problems with the Clean Plate Club, but because I couldn't measure it! I would find myself eating all of a portion because I had measured it, and could therefore keep track of it. Even if I wasn't hungry anymore, I'd still eat it because I had parcelled it out to myself! I've told myself endlessly that it's okay to have one or two bites of something. Serving sizes are arbitrary measurements, and there's absolutely no way that anyone else knows how much food MY body needs. I sound like a broken record to myself, sometimes. :dizzy:

Interesting question!

CLCSC145
12-23-2009, 07:14 PM
I've had to tackle, over and over, the idea that I needed to follow someone else's rules. I'm well educated and well read, and I've studied scads of diet theories. Combine them all, and there's a rule for everything! Add this to ingrained perfectionism and I managed to squeeze myself into a relentless, judgmental, no-win box of diet rules and requirements.

:yes::yes::yes:

Gracie789
12-23-2009, 07:17 PM
For me, my weight issues centered around food and emotion. I was an emotional eater and I overate to pretty much any and all emotions. Needless to say I had a very unhealthy relationship with food. I had to learn to listen to my body so I could tell the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger. Like caryesings, I had to recognize the problem and make a very determined effort to change my behaviors.

One thing I learned pretty darn quickly was that I had no self-control when it came to food. Letting go of the junk food was one of the most difficult mental challenges I've ever experienced. I basically decided to go cold-turkey and cut out all the junk food, soda/juice, processed foods, and the like from my diet. After a few weeks I stopped craving those foods (for the most part) and after eating healthy (good food and proper portions) for the first time I was able to feel full after a meal.

The BIG talk I had to have with myself was my fear of losing the weight. All my life I felt 'fat' (even when I was in a healthy weight range) and for years I used my weight as a safety blanket protecting me from the world. As much as I hated being 300+ lbs, part of me embraced it because the weight was my scape-goat. One of my favorite sayings was "If it wasn't for the weight...". This fear is the reason why I never even tried to diet, I was the person that was always "going to start a diet tomorrow." Earlier this year something inside me just clicked and I was able to start letting go of the weight. It's still a struggle (I freely admit that I'm scared to be 'thin') but it's something I'm actively working on, not avoiding like I was before.

For me, my weight loss journey has really been about the mental barriers. Eating healthy and exercise is fairly simple, but it's hard not to fall back into those self-destructive behaviors. I think for most all of us, in order to lose weight we have to change our thoughts first. If being healthy was strictly about diet/exercise no one would be overweight, it's those darn mental issues that mess with us, lol. :)

junebug41
12-23-2009, 07:29 PM
I had to let go of the idea that I would be "missing out" by staying away from stuff that was detrimental to my weight loss and health.

It wasn't any way to live, I discovered.

Altari
12-23-2009, 07:35 PM
I let go of the notion that "we're all basically the same on the inside." I spent 6 months on a calorie-restricted diet. I was meticulous. I weighed, measured, read, compared, researched, exercised, habit-changed. End result? 3 pounds. Ultimately, I had to face the unfortunate reality that - for some reason - my body chemistry was different and calorie counting didn't work any more.

Also, as an above poster mentioned not following other people's "rules," I had to accept that the current medical establishment offers its best guess. Isolating a single from the whole isn't the key to health. I stopped listening to the "fat makes you gain" or "fiber makes you lose" or "you can't lose without 64+ ounces of water per day." These little things did nothing more than drive me insane. Now, I focus on eating REAL food and avoiding foods that I know will make me stall or gain.

Emily
12-23-2009, 08:15 PM
I think the biggest idea I had to let go of to lose weight was my all-or-nothing mentality--the idea that if I was not 100% perfect with whatever diet plan I had made for myself, then I was a failure.

Another big one was thinking I was somehow getting ripped off if I did not get the biggest size of everything at fast food places/restaurants/coffee shops, and also that I could never really be satisfied with smaller items. That was so huge for me--LOL! Now I always get a small or medium and I never feel deprived.

luckymommy
12-23-2009, 09:21 PM
There were lots of things for me, but one example is not eating to be social. I used to think that I have to eat in order to not offend anyone or make anyone feel uncomfortable. Now, I almost don't do this at all. I'm still a work in progress. ;)

cathydoe
12-23-2009, 09:24 PM
Oh my, what a wonderful thread!

Everyone has said everything I think! I had to give up the notion that I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. Well I can if I want to continue to be obese and have my health go down the toilet.

The thing I have to let go of is the amounts. I am 5 foot tall. I can not eat a lot of food and be at a healthy weight. Period. This is a big one... cuz for a long time...I ate what I wanted.

Thank you all for sharing! What an awesome thread!!

cherbear
12-23-2009, 09:46 PM
I had to give up the thought that I was in an eating race with my husband. The notion of "well, he got that so I can too" gave me about 50 pounds. He requires many more calories than I do.

The other notion that I didn't necessairaly give up, but realized is that a person that weighs what I want to weigh ate less than I did. Even this far into it and losing this weight for the third time now, I don't think it ever really sunk in that I can't eat whatever I want when I get to my goal weight. I will always have to think about every thing that goes into my mouth.

The sad part is that my mother is 5'9" and 145 lbs and has been telling me this my entire life. I guess I just don't listen very well (or is that all daughters...) :^:

sidhe
12-23-2009, 10:33 PM
Oh my, what a wonderful thread!

Everyone has said everything I think! I had to give up the notion that I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. Well I can if I want to continue to be obese and have my health go down the toilet.

The thing I have to let go of is the amounts. I am 5 foot tall. I can not eat a lot of food and be at a healthy weight. Period. This is a big one... cuz for a long time...I ate what I wanted.

Thank you all for sharing! What an awesome thread!!

This is related, but I'm at the other end of the spectrum. Kind of. :dizzy:

I had to accept that I am just a big person. I've been 5'9 since I was 13 years old. I wore size 10 women's shoes when I was 13. The second time I bought bras (6 months after the first time, when I was 13) I needed a 36D. Middle school was fun, NOT. :rolleyes: But anyway. I am a big person. I am never going to weigh what the charts say I should weigh. For my height the range is 125-169 pounds. Are you kidding me?? When I was at 180 I was a size 10-12. At 125 I'd be skeletal.

So anyway. I had to give up the idea that I was striving toward a commercially accepted definition of beauty, if you will. I had to give up the idea that I was working toward looking socially "skinny" or thin. I would get so discouraged by the results I was seeing that I would just give up. Duh. So I set my goal on being thinner, and set some physical goals around biking, hiking, and running.

Basically I let go of the cosmetic goals, and set goals for performance, fitness, and health. :carrot: Surprisingly, it took a lot of effort to give up those dreams! Accepting that I was never, because of my body type, going to be a sporty, lean, waif-ish person was really hard. We're innundated with the idea that if we work hard enough our bodies can be changed, that we are malleable creatures. To a certain point yes, but after that point you just are what you are. That was really hard for me to accept. :^:

Eliana
12-23-2009, 10:39 PM
Oh, so many things!

Emily, I struggle with feeling ripped off at fast places too. I hate that you have to get a soda with a value meal. I just want water, but there's no deal for that. But now, I'm way too conscious of my calories to eat any kind of value meal.

I've had to give up the notion that because I have PCOS, I can't loose weight. It's the poor me mentality.

I've had to give up guilt eating. My mother in law may spend hours in the kitchen creating lavish meals, but I didn't ask her to, and I don't have to eat it all.

I had to give up the notion that I have to eat a full serving of everything at a meal. That's huge at the holidays! A tiny portion of everything offered allows me to eat everything, but I don't have to have normal size portions of everything.

Windchime
12-24-2009, 03:57 AM
I had to give up the idea that I could eat like I did when I was 15 or 16 years old. I really didn't eat THAT much then, and I was really, really active just with day to day activities; hauling sprinkler pipe, feeding and caring for the horses, mowing, cheerleading...I was a busy kid. So being 40-something with a desk job and thinking I can still eat whatever I want, whenever I want-- I had to change that mindset!

I also had to change the mindset that passing something up was deprivation, that it was somehow "unfair" that I couldn't eat <insert treat here>. I stubbornly stuck to my ways for a long time, eating whatever I wanted all the time and that got be to be many, many pounds overweight. So instead of indulging, I started to realize that my appetite is like a bratty 2 year old, and she can't always have what she wants no matter how many fits she throws. It's a lot easier now!

LizR
12-24-2009, 10:42 AM
I had to give up the idea of striving for a lofty goal and settle into the idea of making healthy eating and moderate exercise a habit. In the past I set my sights too high thinking I was suddenly going to be athletic and very thin but I could never keep it up because it didn't fit with my personality or life style. Sadly I will never be a person who enjoys exercise. I just need to do enough for my health and get on with my life. I will never be a health food guru. I do need to find enough healthy foods I like and healthier substitutions to make a decent diet.

Windchime - I love the "my appetite is like a bratty 2 year old" comment. :)

lovemyboy
12-24-2009, 11:12 AM
I've learned to listen to my body and how it responds to certain foods. Know that it isn't that I can't eat like a normal person but that normal eating is different than I thought. Someone already said it but getting over the idea that I can eat normally after I get to goal. Normal is different than I thought. Eating how I eat now IS normal.

raebeaR
12-24-2009, 11:32 AM
I had to let go of the idea that I would be "missing out" by staying away from stuff that was detrimental to my weight loss and health.

It wasn't any way to live, I discovered.

junebug41.... brilliant. That's exactly what I had to let go of, too. Like life was just going to pass me by if I didn't consume that special piece of cheesecake. And then finally figuring out that life was going to pass me by if I DID.

JulieJ08
12-24-2009, 12:55 PM
I had to let go of thinking that today's choices didn't matter if I got on track tomorrow.

Nevermind that tomorrow never comes - even if it does, today's choices *do* matter. All on their own.

KmbRN84
12-24-2009, 01:10 PM
I had to let go of the idea that if it doesn't come off fast then there is no point. Slow, steady, sane will be the key for me.

Eliana
12-24-2009, 01:39 PM
I had to let go of the idea that if it doesn't come off fast then there is no point. Slow, steady, sane will be the key for me.

Good one. I still need to take hold of that one.

ubergirl
12-24-2009, 04:30 PM
I had to let go of the idea that my eating was out of my control, that there was some quirk of my psychological make-up that made it "impossible" for me to control my eating.

I had to realize that when I chose to eat the wrong thing, I was in fact choosing, and that it was a bad choice, and there were other possibilities available to me.

I had to admit to myself that I was feeding myself crap as a kind of reward-- tired, stressed, bored, cranky, special occasion, whatever... I had ONE way that I was nice to myself-- by letting myself eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.... I had to start looking for other ways to be kind to myself, and also to realize that I don't always GET a reward. Sometimes I just have to suck it up.

I guess the last thing is that I was KIDDING myself about attempting to lose weight by "eating healthy" and "making healthy choices" some of the time. I mean, one minute I was ordering the lean fish dish in a restaurant and then next minute I was scarfing M&Ms in my car. "Cutting back" in a haphazard fashion was a complete waste of time. I needed to pick a calorie count and stick to it.

I also completely relate to the feeling expressed by so many on this thread that I always thought of eating healthy as a deprivation-- I was constantly throwing a one-man pity party with me at the center and food as the one invited guest.

I've finally managed to turn it around and realize that it's no deprivation to pass up on the food that was making me fat, sick, miserable, and constantly in this obsessive-compulsive mindset.

JayEll
12-24-2009, 04:40 PM
ubergirl, it has been so great to be able to watch you and share in your journey! :bravo:

Jay

Symmetry
12-25-2009, 01:18 AM
That it'll come off quickly and effortlessly like the weight loss ads promised. :lol:

Also that guilting myself into not eating is never worth it. My mental health is as important as my physical health, and health is more important than getting thin as quickly as possible.

greentara
12-25-2009, 11:33 AM
I am new to this forum, but NOT new to weight loss. I have taken my weight off and put it back on several times, and this time it is different. It is different because I have had to give up the notion that my life will be perfect as soon as I am thin.... My goal of being thin was my solution to all my problems, and I was always so disappointed when I still was lonely, stressed, sad, scared, etc.. even though I was thin.

I am losing weight this time not to make my life "better", but to make my body healthier, period.

ubergirl
12-25-2009, 04:17 PM
ubergirl, it has been so great to be able to watch you and share in your journey! :bravo:

Jay

Thank you! How nice of you!

duckyyellowfeet
12-26-2009, 02:43 AM
I had to stop thinking that I could just "try and eat better" and lose weight. While this may work for some people, I needed the structure of WW and the accountability. I was never just going to make healthy choices when i had unhealthy choices on the fringe of everything.

I needed (and sometimes still do) to remember that this is a priority. Slipping into old habits doesn't help and doesn't further my progress.

I had to stop thinking that people were going to think less of me for dieting, carrying my own food, sticking to my plan. I think I've earned more respect from my peers for sticking to my diet and making progress than I ever did just caving to everyone's offers. Its not rude, its just my new lifestyle

dragonwoman64
12-26-2009, 08:43 PM
I also had to change the mindset that passing something up was deprivation, that it was somehow "unfair" that I couldn't eat <insert treat here>

this was a big one for me, and emotional eating.

so was discovering that it was ok to formulate my own plan and not follow a "diet mold." I don't even think JC or WW are bad diet programs, but honestly there were times when it felt tortorous to me following them (maybe partly because I hadn't changed my habits enough at that time). Weighing and measuring everything and watching the clock for my next meal or snack, I set myself up to fail with that modus operandi.

I had to let go of the idea that being hungry was a torture. I don't mean starving or shaky, simply having hunger. to go with that, I had to change my way of thinking that satiating hunger required an entire meal or lots of calories. now, if I feel I need something, a few crackers, a piece of cheese, a glass of skim milk, an apple.

telling myself I couldn't eat a particular food didn't work for me either, because I'd end up binging on it down the line after I'd went without it for a while. there are things I don't keep around because I overeat them, chips, ice cream, stuff like that. I eat them rarely, but they're not verboten.

My mental health is as important as my physical health, and health is more important than getting thin as quickly as possible.

yes, for me too.

TJFitnessDiva
12-26-2009, 08:57 PM
The biggest idea I had to change was I needed to put others before myself. When I changed this to it's ok to put my well being first then everything sort of fell into place (with a little help from WW and this board!).

Also that it's ok to be different.....I don't have to eat what everyone else is eating at whatever misc family celebration, which we have a lot of those down here in Louisiana :lol:

ubergirl
12-26-2009, 10:32 PM
The biggest idea I had to change was I needed to put others before myself. When I changed this to it's ok to put my well being first then everything sort of fell into place (with a little help from WW and this board!).

Hear, hear!

How freaking long did it take me to just announce "I'm going to the gym..." and letting everyone just get used to it.

Seems like a little thing, but it was a big one for me.

mishll
12-26-2009, 10:57 PM
loved this thread....so many things mentioned are so true! Very inspiring! Thanks! :D

redreine
12-26-2009, 11:42 PM
This thread has been a Godsend to me.

Today, ALL DAY, I've been going through all the *diet* info I already know (and have tried, to no real avail), only to come to the same conclusion I always seem to come to, but can never seem to remember:

Only I know what I need to be the healthiest version of me.

I can deprive myself of all the foods I love while forcing myself to eat foods I hate all I want (and cry like a wah wah baby about it, too!), but in the end, it just gets me back to square one.

I can let the fact that I'm "on a diet" be this huge stigma and make me feel left out because "Everyone else gets to eat what they want! :(", or I can tell myself that mind, body, and spirit I am becoming a healthier person. My body is a temple, and I will not let my temple walls be torn down by a demolition team *I* hired. (if that makes sense).

I'll be honest. I am constantly telling people two things:
a)I don't have an addictive personality
b)I'm dieting

Now, if I really didn't have an addictive personality, why does it seem I am always dieting? *ponders*

In the end, each moment of your life is a choice. I'm human, and sometimes I will make the wrong choice. Instead of quitting or beating myself up, I just have to make the right choice the next time.

justformenow1
12-27-2009, 04:57 PM
For me it was dropping the notion that losing weight had to include lots of rules and lots of things that I don't like. For example, I hate plain water. It makes me gag unless it's really cold and I don't have to drink a lot. But I can't tell you how many times I've read that drinking water is IMPERATIVE for weight loss. Well, it's not. Yes you need liquids to live, but there are other things that taste much better to me like iced tea, diet coke, diet lemonade, etc. that keep me hydrated. Another example is low calorie salads - they feel like punishment to me, so I don't eat them. There are lots of enjoyable ways for me to get veggies. So why would I eat something I don't care for?

The only rules I live by with regard to weight loss are eat near my calorie count, try to keep those foods nutritional and move around more during the day. And the simplicity of that is so freeing. All that other "do this, not that" stuff I think is meant to fill magazine pages and make people feel like there is some secret formula to losing weight, but there isn't.

I just want to give a HUGE AMEN to this. I couldn't agree more. This type of philosphy has worked for me too. I'll continue this way and reach my goal weight come **** or high water. Congrats to everybody for all our hard work, and Happy New Year!!!! :newyear:

Momto2Ms
12-27-2009, 10:00 PM
For me it is an echo of what many of you said. I had to let go of the idea to be successful, that I had to be perfect at it.
When it comes to dieting (and a lot of other areas of my life), I have always been an all or nothing kinda girl. But, I've had to get over that in order to be successful this time around. I can't convince myself that just because I ate a few of one of children's fries, that it is okay to throw away the rest of the day. There are no more "throw away" days (or weeks, months, or dare I say, years).

That's been the biggest thing for me this time.

funnygirl33
02-27-2011, 01:38 PM
This is so great topic, thank you Cary! :carrot:

It made me thinking a lot and I still dont know the answer completely.

But! I realized that I have to let go the idea that I cant loose weight and that i will not be able to do it ever, whatever I do!

I can loose the weight of as everyone can!!!!

Thank you for this breakthrough, you have such great topics!

GirlyGirlSebas
02-27-2011, 02:12 PM
I had to let go of the idea that my eating was out of my control, that there was some quirk of my psychological make-up that made it "impossible" for me to control my eating...........

............I had to admit to myself that I was feeding myself crap as a kind of reward-- tired, stressed, bored, cranky, special occasion, whatever... I had ONE way that I was nice to myself-- by letting myself eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.... I had to start looking for other ways to be kind to myself, and also to realize that I don't always GET a reward. Sometimes I just have to suck it up.

Oh my goodness! It is crazy scary sometimes...the way your posts sound exactly like me! You're mini-me!:lol: You put into words the exact things I battle daily. Yet, I see that you're beating these things and that gives me hope. Thanks for posting.

MablesGirl
02-28-2011, 10:40 AM
This is a great thread. I need to read it every day. There are many of these that apply to me - too, too many.

time2lose
02-28-2011, 11:31 AM
I didn't reply to this when it was first posted. I read it yesterday and it has lingered on my mind. Reading all the posts reinforced my thoughts that we are all different. Some of us previously had too many rules while others of us had too few. I personally had to give myself some rules.

Here are some ideas that I had to let go of:

* That I would lose weight just by cutting back.
* That I did not need to write down what I ate.
* That I did not need to weigh or measure my food intake.
* That drinking water was not that important.
* That I could lose weight and then go back to the way I ate before losing.
* That what I ate in secret really didn't count.
* That exercise really was not that important.
* That I really did not care what I looked like.
* That I really did not care what people said.
* That I really had to have that chicken biscuit and hash rounds.

and finally

* That I was really quite happy with weighing almost 300 pounds with a 5'2" frame.

mandiana
02-28-2011, 12:14 PM
I guess the last thing is that I was KIDDING myself about attempting to lose weight by "eating healthy" and "making healthy choices" some of the time. I mean, one minute I was ordering the lean fish dish in a restaurant and then next minute I was scarfing M&Ms in my car. "Cutting back" in a haphazard fashion was a complete waste of time. I needed to pick a calorie count and stick to it.

OMG! This was so me. I've been a vegetarian four years now, and all of the food in my house has been extremely healthy for years... whole grain bread, only cereals without added sugars (not even the artificial kind), organic Greek yogurt, unsweetened almond milk, lots of fresh fruits and veggies, etc. etc..

However, every time I was at the grocery store without my husband I would buy a pack of M&Ms (the 2 serving size). I even convinced myself the M&Ms were healthy and wouldn't put me into binge mode, because I got the kind with peanuts.

If my husband was at the store with me, I would buy a container of Stoneyfield Farms After Dark Frozen Yogurt. Again, I would tell myself... it's only 400 calories in the entire container and NO fat! Well, until I added 2 tablespoons of all-natural Smuckers peanut butter to it, hid in my office, and scarfed the whole thing down while watching a show on Hulu (to also hide what I was doing from myself?).

I also conveniently forgot the fact that every time I had my period, I would buy and consume an entire bag of Doritos with a King size Snickers every time a doctor asked me, "what kind of food do you eat?" Anyways, craving fat and sugar during your period is normal, right? It's okay to give into that craving just once a month, right?

Or that, a few times a month, when I dropped my kids off at Jiu-Jitsu, I would use the drive-thru at Dunkin Donuts to order a "treat" of 2 cinnamon donughts and 2 Boston Creme donughts. I must have known how wrong this was, because I would throw away the bag in our big garbage cans outside, rather than throw them away inside, like I would have done other trash.

Oh, and there were also the Venti Skinny Vanilla Lattes on an almost daily basis. Skinny was in the name, so it must have been okay, right?

My husband used to weigh 400 pounds. He's lost more than 170 pounds so far. I watched in amazement as he slimmed down. I kept asking myself, "how is he doing it?" I asked him too. His response was always, "I decided."

I could not grasp what he was saying. It didn't make any sense to me. I had "decided" to lose weight many times before. Hadn't I? Each time I went on a diet, however, I would lose 10 or so pounds, slowly stop dieting and regain that 10, plus another 10.

After the birth of my youngest daughter, I weighed 130 pounds. 7 years later, I weighed 211. At 4'11", 211 pounds is HUGE! That's all there is to it.

For the next few years, I started eating healthier. I have lost about 25 pounds during these last 3 or 4 years, despite my little treats mentioned above. However, at 185 pounds, I'm still about 50% fat.

For the past year or so, I've been dealing with extreme tiredness everyday. I've tried anti-depressants, and while they've helped somewhat, I still struggle with tiredness throughout the day. After some discussions with my husband and doctor, it came to light that I probably have sleep apnea. I wouldn't know for sure unless I did a sleep study, however that's several thousand dollars that would probably result in somebody telling me I need to lose weight. Duh! I can't afford that kind of money for someone to tell me what I already know.

So, I talked with my dear hubby, who by now is a weight loss expert, and we discussed what I could do to start losing weight more consistently and a little faster than what I've been doing (8 pounds a year).

Coincidentally, after that discussion, we went to a local bank to open up a new bank account. We ended up being assisted by the branch manager, who, after seeing my husband's license photo (taken when he was 400 pounds), started raving about the weight loss center across the street from her bank that had helped her lose 24 pounds in less than 2 months.

Upon leaving the bank, I was pumped. Although I'd already been counting calories at that point for a few weeks, I was excited about the possibility of having support and accountably, other than my husband. Don't get me wrong, I adore my husband. I just don't want him analyzing everything I'm eating! :D

Sixteen days into the program, with 8 pounds lost, I'm beginning to realize what my sweet hubby means when he says he "decided". I have now also "decided" to lose weight.

I "decided" to not binge the night before starting the diet.

I "decided" to only put in my mouth what's on my plan. (I even declined the weight loss center's offer to taste samples of their new bar.)

I've "decided" that I can do anything for 6 months.

I've DECIDED to finally lose the weight!

katy trail
02-28-2011, 12:40 PM
I had to let go that i have to have special often expensive foods to lose weight. I can do this even on a dried beans budget.


Also, i don't need to eat the whole month's worth of produce in a week, because it was 'healthy'. then at the end of the month i'm left with almost no fruit or veggies for healthy meals.

i try to ration the fruit especially now to make sure everyone can have some and it lasts longer. now i get frozen greens and dried or canned beans. i'm the only one who will even touch lentils and spinach, so it's always there, unless i ate it.

SouthLake
02-28-2011, 02:14 PM
I had to let go of the idea of losing weight quickly. I "only" lost 35 pounds last year. I'm 25, in surprisingly good shape, I have a good amoutn of weight to lose, I "should" have lost a lot more than that. Except I had the busiest and possibly most stressful year anyone could have asked for. We had 5 weddings in the course of three months that involved officiating, coordinating, Maid of Honoring, and Best Maning. I lived apart from my DH for nearly the entire year, traveling 4 hours each way on the weekends to see him. We put in offers on over 30 houses, we waffled with moving to different places, we had a roommate from ****, etc. etc. No, I shouldn't have lost more weight. I had to choose to stop berating myself for "only", and start celebrating the fact that I did lose weight. I have lost almost 40 pounds no and I have never gained back more than 3 of them (temporary water weight). Most people I know can't say that, and I am proud to say I've reached that goal.

I had to let go of the idea that I can be only be proud of my weight loss when I get to goal. Yes, I might still be fat right now, but damn if I'm not makign progress!

I had to give up on the idea of everything in moderation. It works for some people, not for me. Some foods cause me to lose weight SLOWLLLLY. Some cause me to stop losing altogether. Some foods set off insane cravings. I can't have whatever I want in moderate portions. I'm okay with that now.

I had to let go of the idea of food as always havign to be something "Exciting". Sometimes I eat the same thign a few days in a row. Sometimes I eat something that I'm nto craving or excited to have. I don't eat things I don't like, but I don't need every meal to be some sort of amazing experience. Food isn't the only enjoyable aspect fo my life and I need to stop treating it like it is.

MadameZombie
02-28-2011, 02:46 PM
The hardest part for me was learning that weight loss isn't a "Tomorrow" kind of thing. You don't throw out an entire day worth of positive changes because you had a donut for breakfast. Once I learned that, things became infinitely easier because I wasn't expecting failure to be the end result.

The best thing I learned was that... all you have to do to lose weight is stick to a plan. I know a lot of people have problems motivating themselves so when I would think "Ugh, I don't want to do this workout today," or "I should have fries instead of a salad," I remember that I don't have to tell my cells how to use the energy I give it. Weight loss is EASY when you think of it that way. If I'm doing the right things my body won't defy the laws of physics, I WILL lose weight.

Truffle
02-28-2011, 10:26 PM
Thank you for this excellent thread! Marking so I can come back to it again.

Trazey34
02-28-2011, 10:33 PM
So many things I had to let go of!!!

- food as a reward. That I'm so special that the laws of physics shouldn't apply to me LOL I should be able to eat all that i want and look like Heidi Klum!

- the thought that it's for "a while". Nope. This is my life. I eat this way now. I can't go backwards or I will be fat.

- the thought that I was powerless over food. That I was so addicted to food there was no help. I was not addicted, I used that as an awesome excuse to escape all blame and responsibility

- let go of the notion of a 'bikini body' of a 20 year old. I'm 43, I'll never have that. But i'll be alive, and better than i was

- the 'all or nothing' crap. A meal is a meal. If i screw up, I'm better for the next one. If i blow a day, i'm better on the next one. No letting it drift into weeks of gaining

- that i wasn't one of the 'lucky few' who got to be thin and lose weight permanently. I AM a lucky one! :D and there's no magic to it. It's absolutely as corny as everyone says - eat less, move more, repeat!

- the notion that any person can affect my eating but ME. No one can FORCE a 2nd helping on me, I'm immune to emotional blackmail. I have a voice, I have a sense of humour, and I use both to get my point across in a respectful manner. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to hurt MYSELF more!

- most of all, I let go of the crazy idea that just NOT having chocolate in my house was the cure. That avoiding things was the answer. I can't UNinvent chocolate, it's always going to be in the world -- I can only control MY reactions and responses to things. Food is not a scary demon to me anymore, it's just food.

synger
03-01-2011, 02:42 PM
I'm still working on letting go of the idea that this is "my fault," in that if only I'd eaten less and moved more I wouldn't be this obese. Being diagnosed pre-diabetic and measuring my blood glucose after meals has been eye-opening! More and more I am convinced that I ate so much because I was eating the wrong things and my cells were indeed starving because they couldn't get the fuel they needed. I was always hungry. So dieting and calorie-counting became semi-starvation, which is doomed to failure in most people.

Cutting out sugars and most starches has completely changed how I eat and how I lose weight. My blood sugars are constant and I am seldom hungry. I don't have the cravings I used to have. I can fairly easily say "no thanks" to things that used to trigger overeating for me.

I've had to let go of the idea that I can eat carbs/sugars so long as they are within my calorie-range. I can't say "I can eat 100 grams of carb/day" and eat it all in one meal. I CAN eat 30 grams with a protein-rich meal and not see much raise in blood sugar. That's a slice of fiber-rich bread and some veggies.

I've had to let go of the idea that I'm a glutton and have no self-discipline. it's not solely mental. It's physiological. I didn't become obese because I ate too much. I ate too much because my body was over-pushing fuel into my fat cells rather than using it for fuel. I have a disease. It's not easy, and it's not "fair", but once I've learned new tools for my toolbox the weight is slowly coming off.

I've also had to let go of the idea that I have to exercise to lose weight. Study after study seems to show that it's more about what you eat than about how much you move. I have had to embrace the idea that moderate exercise is EXTREMELY helpful for controlling my insulin resistance and blood glucose. But that's a different tool than exercise for weight loss. I exercise because I want to be healthy, not because I want to lose weight.

Angie
03-01-2011, 08:10 PM
I love this thread and all the ideas you mentioned. I'm struck by how many of them come down to accountability and ownership, at the very bottom line. It's like you have to wade through all your own baggage before weight loss really works. Thanks for posting this!

ParadiseFalls
03-01-2011, 08:29 PM
I had to let go of the idea that I can be only be proud of my weight loss when I get to goal. Yes, I might still be fat right now, but damn if I'm not makign progress!


I'm working on that now! By the way, you look fantastic! I wouldn't call you fat :)

Along the same lines, I had to let go of the idea that my "real life" would start when I lost the weight. It wasn't happening, and I couldn't keep waiting. Now that I *have* a real life, I'm happier, so it's easier to lose the weight.

I also had to let go of the idea that I somehow "deserve" to eat the same junk as my boyfriend and my friends do. I used to think, well, that's not fair. I'd kill for some pizza right now. But I got myself into this mess, and doing it I ate enough pizza to last me a lifetime. Now enough is enough! :p

ThinningVegan
03-01-2011, 10:28 PM
I haven't lost all of my weight yet, but I know what ideas I've let go of that let me know I will succeed.
:carrot:

I let go of the notion that losing this weight is going to solve every single problem and make my world a non stop happy laugh shop. I know that it will help increase my confidence and all of that but the problems around me will still be there and that's ok. I'll just be a lot more healthier and equipped to deal with those said problems!

I let go of the disappointment that I will never have a stretch mark free body. I've realized that I may or may not have loose skin. I am never going to have an air brushed model body and that's ok, I'll be beautiful and healthy anyway!

I've let go of the obsession with numbers and realized that they will fluctuate from moment to moment, day to day. Consistency is key!

I've let go of the ideas that I am not worth this. I don't deserve it, etc. etc.

YES I DO!
:carrot::carrot::carrot:

krampus
03-01-2011, 11:02 PM
One idea I'm trying to let go (it's hard) is that overeating or binging will produce satisfying fullness.

I cannot name one incidence where I ate until I was stuffed uncomfortably and didn't feel at least sort of guilty or bad afterward. I never achieve that "full" feeling I seem to crave. I just feel "stuffed," "uncomfortable," "bloated," or "crappy."

shcirerf
03-02-2011, 01:14 AM
I'm working on letting go of taking care of others first and putting me first! It's ok to put me first when I'm grocery shopping, going to my WW meeting, planning meals, going to the gym. Treating myself to a long bubble bath on Sunday afternoon. These activities really don't take that long, but putting myself first, and giving my self "ME" time, makes me feel better.

I don't take my cell phone to the gym or to my WW meeting, that is MY time. Somehow that time has become very precious to me, it's a time when no one can bother me and I can focus on just me, no worries about anyone else.

shannonmb
03-02-2011, 09:06 AM
For the past year or so, I've been dealing with extreme tiredness everyday. I've tried anti-depressants, and while they've helped somewhat, I still struggle with tiredness throughout the day. After some discussions with my husband and doctor, it came to light that I probably have sleep apnea. I wouldn't know for sure unless I did a sleep study, however that's several thousand dollars that would probably result in somebody telling me I need to lose weight. Duh! I can't afford that kind of money for someone to tell me what I already know.

You know, I suspected (well, pretty much knew) that I have sleep apnea for a long time, and I knew it could have devastating health consequences, but I just kept thinking, well, I lose weight and it will probably go away. I could never quite make it there, and finally I got to the point where I was so damn tired I just was hanging on by a thread. Literally using every bit of energy I had just to get through a work day, then pass out on the couch and eat in between. This was after years of getting progressively more tired/sleep deprived that I finally got to that point and asked my doc about a sleep study. I knew it was good for my health to get it treated, but NOTHING prepared me for how much difference good sleep would make in my life and how I FEEL. THAT has been what it's all about -- yes, greatly increased risk for cardiac disease, stroke, etc diverted, but the part I wasn't expecting --feeling absolutely UNBELIEVABLELY better, and THE MISSING LINK for weight loss that I've been searching for for what seems like forever. Hunger hormones acting like they are supposed to (satiety cues, appetite control), the "get up and go" in the morning that I don't recall EVER having. NEVER waking up in the night to go pee, turn over, get a drink - just sleeping right on through and fully ready to tackle whatever the day has to throw at me upon waking. It has been nothing short of miraculously life changing for me.

Losing weight may well help you, and it's most certainly worth a try! But I just wanted to advise you not to take getting a sleep study totally off the table. Because you may find, as I suspect in myself, that *maybe* your obesity isn't causing your sleep apnea - but that your sleep apnea is exacerbating your obesity. I was losing and gaining the same 20 lbs for years, but AS SOON as I started sleeping well I ran with it and have lost 90 lbs since last May, life is just getting better and better, and in my heart I feel like I owe it ALL to the sleep study I begrudgingly went and got.


I've had to let go of the idea that I'm a glutton and have no self-discipline. it's not solely mental. It's physiological. I didn't become obese because I ate too much. I ate too much because my body was over-pushing fuel into my fat cells rather than using it for fuel. I have a disease. It's not easy, and it's not "fair", but once I've learned new tools for my toolbox the weight is slowly coming off.

And this speaks to what I have experienced! I was not just a big fat slug who can't get off her a$$ and take some control. I had a physiological problem that was making it near impossible to get control. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful and feel so lucky to have gotten this sorted out, so that I can get down to the hard work of weight loss -- with all the TOOLS in place.

Okay, I know, I go on about this! It's just the change has been so dramatic for me that I can't keep the good news to myself!

PaulaM
03-02-2011, 11:36 AM
This thread is a real keeper! At the ripe old age of 56 I finally learned that just because I "crave" something doesn't mean I have to have it. This behavior has been so childish and ridiculous. You can get away with it in your teens and twenties but after that, not so much. I also learned to put myself FIRST instead of at the bottom of the list, my constant going to the gym interferes with other things but I don't care, it's about my health now.

pamatga
03-02-2011, 01:19 PM
ShannonMB, can you elaborate on what exactly you are doing differently with your sleep than you did before?

PM me if you think it would be too long for a general discussion, okay?:hug:

I am making a separate folder on my desktop for all of your comments. Each one has such a pearl of wisdom in them. Definitely a "keeper".

shannonmb
03-02-2011, 01:47 PM
Oh my gosh, pagmata, that is really, really flattering! Thank you so much.

I went and had a sleep study, and found out that I stopped breathing in my sleep about 2 times per minute, every minute, with my oxygen saturation levels falling as low as the 60s at times (should always be 95-100%). Yikes! I was prescribed a CPAP machine, it's a mask that blows air up my nose when I sleep and keeps the airway open.

It sounds daunting and scary, but honestly, I love the air now and as soon as I strap that mask on, it's like a Pavlovian response, I fall asleep within 5 minutes. I usually wake up 7 or so hours later in almost the exact same position I fell asleep in with no wakings in between. I go to bed around 10pm, and I wake up every morning without my alarm between 5-6am. It's amazing. I have never slept like this since childhood, so I suspect I have had sleep apnea most of my life. As I said before, I really wonder if I'm obese BECAUSE of it, and not the other way around. I won't really know which came first until I get closer to my goal weight -- but whatever came first, I do know that successful weight loss wasn't possible for ME until I got it worked out.

The reason I talk about this as often as I get a chance on here is because I have had conversations about weight with my sleep doctor. He has told me about some of the hunger hormone stuff that goes so badly out of whack, and that MILLIONS of people have sleep apnea and don't know it. I suspect that there are quite a few here in the 100+ club because of what I have found to be such a huge correlation between obesity and sleep deprivation from my own experience. I obviously still have to do all the work involved with weight loss, but now, for the first time ever, I feel like significant, sustainable weight loss is possible. Very possible!

Feel free to PM me if you want more info, I could talk about it all day long! :D

pamatga
03-02-2011, 02:04 PM
Thank you for such a quick response. I was busy reading all of the other responses right down to the first person,careysings, who started this thread. I am just so d***n glad that we are all wising up about what it takes to lose weight. I just wish some other support groups that I am a member of would understand that it is not about exercising to the point of falling down, avoiding "white stuff", drinking water vs drinking diet soda, etc. We all know the "rules" and yet it is so refreshing when someone has the "guts" to admit that it could be something that we often overlook like a good night's sleep.

I discovered that losing "just" 25 lbs opened up new possibilities in my life: being able to sleep better (like you mentioned) since I have HUGE breasts and they were in my face literally. That was the first place that I lost weight---my midriff and bust. I could actually stand longer than 10 minutes which then opened up new possibilities of being able to walk on a treadmill for 10 minutes.

I started drinking water because I wanted to fit in with another diet support group but after I drink 64 oz each day I switch back over to my diet soda. There I said it. I will admit that I do like the water when it is ice cold but it also makes the taste of the diet soda taste even better. LOL I got chewed out by that leader of that group for God forbid drinnking diet soda. She sent me an article (how many more studies are these experts going to do?) that really didn't say diet soda per se was bad for you, only regular soda. Duh! So, now I am closet diet soda drinker. It's human nature, what we feel is going to be judged we take it underground. Silly, silly, silly!

I say that anyone who can figure out what works for them and then proceed instead of the "pack mentality" that exists even in this "world", I say BRAVO!

After all, we don't applaud the fact that you drank 64 oz of water every day , or whatever else worked for you, during your journey, we celebrate that you did what we all want to do and will do, once we listen to our own "still voice", and that is reach a personal goal of health and a new lease on life.

God bless you all!:hug:

shannonmb
03-02-2011, 02:52 PM
:carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot:

cherrypie
03-02-2011, 03:38 PM
I've come to a couple realizations the past few weeks. Some have already been pointed out but what the heck.

1) Cravings are no different then the 100's of other things a day I can't do as soon as the desire manifests itself. I don't just leave work in the middle of the day and go home and have a nap do I? some days I want to do that just as bad as I might want a donut.
2) same with exercise. I wouldn't go weeks without cleaning my toilet just because I don't enjoy it do I? why treat exercise differently than all the other things I do every day that I would rather not.
3) I have been in control of my eating all along. I'm choosing to shove crap in my face that will make me miserable later. I can choose not to do it as well.

synger
03-02-2011, 06:05 PM
2) same with exercise. I wouldn't go weeks without cleaning my toilet just because I don't enjoy it do I? why treat exercise differently than all the other things I do every day that I would rather not.

Thank you! That visual will help me a lot next time I find myself trying to talk myself out of getting on the elliptical or the bike!