100 lb. Club - Just wondering? Do you think you're pretty?




ubergirl
12-13-2009, 01:18 PM
This might seem like a weird question, but it's one I've been pondering a little bit lately.

I've noticed from looking at 3FC pictures how many people here are strikingly pretty-- both before and after weight loss.

That got me thinking about myself, and I had a realization.

I was looking at a picture of myself, seeing how much thinner my face is, and I had this thought lurking in the back of my mind, something like "OK, thinner, but still not pretty..."

And it occurs to me that even if I get very slim, I probably won't match "pretty" in my mind.... but I guess I finally got SO SICK AND TIRED of being fat that I really wanted to get the weight off even if it didn't make me pretty.

I might add that objectively speaking, I'm not unnattractive at all and aside from the weight most people would think I was good-looking.

So, I was just wondering.... do you think of yourself as pretty but needing to lose weight, or do you think of yourself as not that pretty in general.

For me-- it's always been FAT and UGLY. Hand in hand.


cathydoe
12-13-2009, 01:26 PM
Oh my...I have heard all my life..."Oh what a pretty face you have" And then a pause...which meant "if only you would loose weight" Makes me want to scream! So, of course I am not answering your question. Do I think I am pretty? Yes, BUT it comes with negative connatations for me. And I feel arrogant saying I am pretty.

ANewCreation
12-13-2009, 01:39 PM
No, I've never been pretty. Even when I was size 3 in high school, I was not pretty. This is not a pity party, it's just an objective truth. It is what it is.

But, I clean up pretty good! I know how to make myself attractive regardless of my weight. I do think of myself as attractive, I've never thought of myself as fat and ugly.

And, I'm okay with that.


TJFitnessDiva
12-13-2009, 01:55 PM
I'm gonna sound conceited but I do think I was/am pretty ;)

Lori259
12-13-2009, 01:57 PM
I think I am pretty But I always see flaws....But only after My mother points them out to me ...then I can not get them outta of my mind. For instance when I was fitting into a size 11 (now in a size 8) I was feeling happy & feeling sexyfied!Anyways I saw my mother in town and she says you look great BUT you need to do some exercises to lose that big belly & you need to get your teeth fixed & oh my your hair is so thin...You need a hair do to your always so outdated ( i have long all the same length of hair! I don't think that ever goes out of style.)....ughhhh~What an "a double ss" That woman can be! Anyways, No one is ugly In my opinion Everyone has something pretty about them. Sometimes just attitudes are beautful. Skin complections. Finger nails. Ears....Eyes....Shapes...teeth....hands...Legs...T he list goes on. So everyone just needs to find what it is that makes them pretty & focus on it...I know it's hard to do~I have trouble with it myself....But So worth it for our self esteem. (OH And ignore that ones that help us have issues LIke For me My Mother!)

JulieJ08
12-13-2009, 02:01 PM
No. I'm not ugly, but pretty isn't one of my strengths either. Nobody *ever* said to me, "You'd be so pretty if you only lost weight." I suppose I'd be rather miserable if after 40 years in this body that still bothered me.

kaplods
12-13-2009, 02:10 PM
I've been fat since kindergarten, so "fat" has always been part of my identity, though not always with negative connotation. For as long as I can remember, my dad's nicknames for me have been fat kaplods, fat jammers (or jammer juicekins), and you'd think I would hate the ones that include "fat" - but it's hard to hate something with so much love in it (though as a preteen and teen, I was always terrified that he would "slip" and call me that in front of my friends - and I don't think he ever did, except the one or two "bestest, best," friends who would understand. Not sure how he knew when it was ok).

I always like my face, and always thought of faces as being the source of "pretty" (beautiful required a nice body to match, but fat did not erase prettiness), so I usually felt pretty (except when I had pimples).

Recently, I've been feeling a lot less pretty. I'm allergic to most makeup, I'm getting spider veins along my nose and cheeks (probably caused by the steroid creams I have to use to control seborrheic dermatitis) and the seborrheic dermatitis, which depending on the weather, and the severity of the flare can range from looking like slightly dry, flaky skin or eyebrow dandruff, to swollen, bright red "orange peel" skin (looking like orange peel because the skin around the pores is so swollen) to blisters and open sores oozing clear or yellow fluid with white and yellow crusts forming from the fluid drying (which burns and inches like a son of an expletive).

Yeah, don't feel pretty with (as my husband loves to call it) "face rot."

Feeling pretty one day, and hideous the next is an adjustment, to say the least.

I'll tell you though, having a husband who can make me feel beautiful, even WITH face rot, really is a blessing I never would have planned on. Unfortunately the magical spell only works in the apartment when other people aren't around - the bubble bursts as soon as I see someone with that "OMG, what's wrong with her face," stare.

Most of the year, I can keep the seb derm under control, but winter is seb derm season for me. Let's just say, I'm feeling kind of ugly today.

PinkyPie
12-13-2009, 02:11 PM
My grandmother always said "Pretty is as pretty does". It doesn't matter if a person looks "pretty" on the outside if they treat people badly. I'd rather be ugly on the outside and have everyone love me for who I am.

Pretty is truly objective. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you really think you are ugly on the outside I bet you there will be people out there who would totally disagree.

BE a beautiful person. That's all that matters. That's all I want to be. Sure I want to lose weight and look sexy and fit. One day my packaging will not be as it is now but at least I will still be as pretty as I can be to others (from the inside).

Lackie
12-13-2009, 02:20 PM
I think I am pretty and I think that it is just a confidence factor for me. I also think that when I am happy and excited I feel like I am prettier. My attitude on how I look for me is directly correlated to how I *feel*. I think my face is prettier when I am a little fuller in the face. :)

cfmama
12-13-2009, 02:27 PM
Huh. I dunno! I FEEL pretty. I feel I look okay. AM I pretty? I don't know! But I am happy with the way that I look at any rate :)

kuhrisuh
12-13-2009, 02:29 PM
I've always felt both fat & ugly.. but I think I feel like I'm ugly because I'm overweight. I have my days where I feel like I'm the cutest, prettiest girl there is (a lot of that is thanks to my sweetheart of a boyfriend :]) and then there are others where I can't see past my weight. So it def. has to do with my mood as well.. & with not wanting to sound conceited... once I get comfortable in my body, I think I'll be a lot more comfortable saying that I am pretty.

Lizzyg
12-13-2009, 02:41 PM
I've always been called fat AND ugly. So its hard for me to think I'm pretty, since I've had it drilled into my head that I'm ugly on top of being fat.

I think that sometimes I can look kind of pretty in pictures. I've had days where I've felt pretty.

Though, I'm starting to have more days where I feel pretty.

But overall, I dont think I'm that pretty.

:dizzy: I have no idea if I made any sense.

starfishkitty
12-13-2009, 02:46 PM
I'm with Kuhrisuh on that one... some days I feel like a million bucks... that I have pretty good looks, different in that I don't think I've got typical "pretty" looks.... which is easy to do because I'm mixed races... and some days I feel like complete sh*t on a stick. I wonder how in the world so many guys can be hitting on me lately... even calling me "beautiful". *shakes head*

And the funny thing is that weight wise, typically there will be no difference on Day A, when I feel gorgeous, from Day B, when I feel like crapola. Don't get how that works.

*sigh* Well, in all... I'd have to say I'm not bad... I definitely thank god for what I have been given, so to speak... and as someone who suffers from similar problems like Kaplods (extreme eczema, steroid creams, etc)... I appreciate every good day as much as I can! On top of that... my sweetheart is a definite appreciator. He definitely is my biggest cheerleader sometimes. :)

redreine
12-13-2009, 02:50 PM
I KNOW I'm pretty! I'm downright BEAUTIFUL. Does that make me conceited? NO. It makes me confident, and honest.

How many times have I heard, "You'd be really pretty if you lost some weight!"? Too many times to count. How many times did I care? NONE.

Know why? Because first of all, I look in the mirror and see a damn gorgeous girl, inside and out. Not only that, but it takes someone with a pretty FUGLY personality to tell someone they're ugly because they're fat. DUDE. YOU'RE UGLY BECAUSE YOUR PERSONALITY SUCKS.

*steps down from soapbox*
*bows*
;)

raebeaR
12-13-2009, 02:52 PM
My grandmother always said "Pretty is as pretty does". It doesn't matter if a person looks "pretty" on the outside if they treat people badly. I'd rather be ugly on the outside and have everyone love me for who I am.

Pretty is truly objective. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you really think you are ugly on the outside I bet you there will be people out there who would totally disagree.

BE a beautiful person. That's all that matters. That's all I want to be. Sure I want to lose weight and look sexy and fit. One day my packaging will not be as it is now but at least I will still be as pretty as I can be to others (from the inside).

PinkyPie, well said!! I am in complete agreement. Beauty really IS in the eye of the beholder, and nothing can overcome one person's poor treatment of another.

As for feeling pretty, well... it's complicated, isn't it? When I was young, and at various times in my early middle age, I was a knock-out. The sort of woman who turned every head when she walked in the room. I apologize for sounding vain, but it's just a point of fact. I always thought it was the most interesting phenomenon, and at various times I have attempted to parse out what exactly made me attractive in that way.

One part was, without a doubt, being an "acceptable" weight. Whenever I gained, I noticed that people's attention more readily turned elsewhere -- even though that was the ONLY thing that had changed.

Another part was youth. Can't do much about that.

Yet another part was pure personality. Even at my heaviest weight, I've never been the sort of person others can ignore (for better or worse). People are seldom indifferent to me -- they are either very attracted to me as a person, or they can't stand me. I guess I just take up a lot of room in every respect.

In the end, who you are inside is all you've got. Eventually the looks slide on down the road... you start doing battle with body hair virtually non-stop... as they say, getting old ain't for the faint of heart. So I've focused on the "pretty" part of me that comes from within. I still have days when I feel pretty on the outside, when the make up is good and the hair looks decent, but I understand that I can never compete with true "pretty" anymore. I am grateful that there are people in my life who still see me as pretty no matter what fresh **** time visits upon my appearance... and those are the ones to hold onto, aren't they? The ones who see inside.

MoveMoveMove
12-13-2009, 02:58 PM
Uh, no. There were times back in high school when I played around with makeup that I thought my face looked OK but never pretty.

I'm the youngest of seven and the only girl. Sometimes I think God forgot He was making me female because He gave me the same looks as my brothers. And oversized pores.

Beautiful on the inside - you betcha. On the outside - nope.

Onederchic
12-13-2009, 02:59 PM
No, I don't think I am pretty.

Goddess Jessica
12-13-2009, 03:04 PM
Look at the name. I'm a freaking GODDESS.

Ubergirl, I think this speaks to an issue that a lot of overweight women have. Many women think that when they lose weight, this will fundamentally change something about themselves. For instance, the ideas "If I lose weight, I will be beautiful. If I lose weight, I will find the love of my life. If I lose weight, I will love myself. If I lose weight, I will be successful."

The problem comes when they lose weight and their big dreams do not magically come true. I have seen so many women give up and gain the weight back because their idea of the "after girl" does not match reality.

This is why I like to hear people talk about self-confidence issues, loose skin problems and self-love because in the end, you're still the woman you started out as. If you don't reconcile and love that person, you're not going to be able to just because you're thin.

hometowngirl
12-13-2009, 03:09 PM
When I was 130-140 I was called pretty all the time. Now I am 217 no one really says a word to me about my looks (except for telling me that I've gained weight). When I was thinner I would walk in a room and get attention... now... I am just ignored. This all plays in to how I feel about myself. I grew to think I was pretty when I was getting compliments but now those have gone away I am feeling ugly.

Symmetry
12-13-2009, 03:17 PM
I think I am/ will be. I lost alot of weight once and looked pretty good.

Grace73
12-13-2009, 03:25 PM
I think no matter what weight i was cute..
lately i take pictures and look and look and cant believe thats me..
i know it sounds crazy. but i think we get this fat picture in our head and no matter what just cant seem to shake it..
im down 40 lbs with about 30 to go...
My husband thinks im vain when i look at the pictures.. but its more like amazement to me.. than love..
hard to explain but its the truth..

saef
12-13-2009, 03:32 PM
I'm not comfortable with the word "pretty" because it's a word for a younger woman than I am now. It sounds flirty & frivolous, in an effortless way. That's never described me.

I am attractive. I prefer that word because it also refers to my effect on people, so that there's a transaction involved. I am no longer invisible, as I was when I was heavy. People are attracted to me. Often in a nonsexual way -- they are more attentive to me in meetings, they're nicer & more respectful, in public, and on occasion they admire me -- I mean for aesthetic reasons, because of the way I'm dressed & groomed, not because they're desiring me. I could not say that when I was obese. When I lost weight, I gained back some kind of power when I regained visibility, and that was the power of attraction, of having a certain presence. I am just sorry that our culture hasn't changed much & that so much of women's power depends on their physical presence.

LizR
12-13-2009, 03:33 PM
I'm definitely not pretty. That is one of the "excuses" I've used to let myself get so overweight. I won't be pretty anyway. But losing weight is a matter of health to me now. I want to be healthy and to be able to spend time with my family as long as possible.

dragonwoman64
12-13-2009, 03:50 PM
I'm with Kuhrisuh on that one... some days I feel like a million bucks... that I have pretty good looks... and some days I feel like complete sh*t on a stick.

And the funny thing is that weight wise, typically there will be no difference on Day A, when I feel gorgeous, from Day B, when I feel like crapola. Don't get how that works.


this would be true for me, too (I edited it a bit to fit me). I would rather be able to answer like Jessica (a freaking goddess, ha!) loved that reply. and you know, you made me think that about your looks by saying it!

I'm embarrassed to admit I'm the woman who has moments when she asks her bf too many times, do you think I'm pretty?? yikes. it's kind of overly exhausting, if you know what I mean, to have that kind of stuff take on too much importance in my head.

bf says most people, looks wise, are in the middle -- not gorgeous, not hideous; I agree with that. I tend to be drawn to quirkiness, and an interesting personality will override many flaws, while a bad personality for me will cancel out a more attractive exterior.

getting old ain't for the faint of heart. So I've focused on the "pretty" part of me that comes from within

you said it!

Windchime
12-13-2009, 03:57 PM
Looking back at some pictures from when I was young, I think maybe I used to be pretty. Now I'm 48, so I don't really think that "pretty" would apply (if it ever did). Now my feeling about my looks is that I'm not really pretty (or good-looking or whatever), but it also could be a lot worse. I agree with the notion that most people really are someplace around "average" and I'm guessing that's where I fall.

I think I smile more now that I've lost some weight, and I'm probably more confident which I suppose could result in people perceiving me as better looking. I dunno. Like I said, could be better but it could also be worse!

Matilda08
12-13-2009, 04:10 PM
I think I am very pretty! The only complaint I have about myself is really my weight and even with the weight I still think I look good and carry it well. I love myself and I like myself I just want to get healthier and be more attracted to my body when Im naked lol

rakel
12-13-2009, 04:21 PM
I've always been the one that was, "You're pretty but..." in high school, I had many male friends, and they would always refer to me as being beautiful, but that never changed the fact that none of them ever asked me out! haha. I have gotten a few honest opinions from men that have said, you are a very pretty girl, but you are also very overweight. My father used to tell me that I would be very foxy if I lost some weight. I think that I look a lot better in person than in pictures, too, but I think that's mostly because I've never been thin enough to be very photogenic. When I was, thinner I was just a kid, and still a somewhat chubby kid at that.

Do I believe I am pretty? Yes. Even being very obese, I still think that I am pretty. I do think that I will become even prettier as I lose weight, which is something I really never wanted to be true. I wanted to be able to stay fat and be gorgeous, just because I never thought I could actually lose the weight. Losing weight for me is not just vanity, it's also for health. So if feeling better means looking better then I am all for that. No more pity parties here.

Now, my husband has been very vocal about how he feels about my looks. He says that his main concern about my weight is my health, though I think he is looking forward to my losing weight for other reasons... *ahem*... But it's not because he finds me unattractive now.

thistoo
12-13-2009, 04:30 PM
I have never thought I was pretty. My whole life I felt just really plain, and I always assumed that if I lost weight I'd still be plain.

It's only lately that when I look in the mirror -- not every time, but sometimes -- I think, "hey, I actually am sort of pretty". Then I see a picture of myself and I don't see it. I'm not sure if it's a self-esteem thing or just being realistic. It would be nice to feel pretty all the time, though, I gotta admit.

Trazey34
12-13-2009, 04:34 PM
I've always thought I was pretty, now that I'm 42 the word 'pretty' seems a bit silly tho LOL My DH makes me feel gorgeous, but even before I knew him I thought I was a pretty girl. Maybe that's why I always spent so much time on ABOVE the neck lol always had great haircuts, great makeup and jewellery, hoping no one would notice the 300 lbs underneath me ;) hahaha But like others have said, pretty IS as pretty DOES.

lauralyn
12-13-2009, 04:34 PM
No, I have never thought of myself as pretty, I feel very plain and even ugly.

Sheena41
12-13-2009, 05:16 PM
I have never considered myself pretty no matter what my weight. I think I am just average looking. I am losing the weight for the rest of my body not my face anyway.

Lyn2007
12-13-2009, 05:18 PM
In grade school and middle school I felt like a freaking DOG. I really felt ugly. I think I was ugly when I look back at pictures, I am like, OMG, I looked SO BAD. But it was really just a bad combo of haircut/glasses/no confidence.

In college I felt sorta pretty but not gorgeous.

As an adult I feel very pretty, yes. With the exception of when I got up over 250 pounds I got this large ring of fat circling my face/chin, with big fat padded cheeks and I feel like it made me look pretty bad.

But yes I do think I am pretty and I wonder how I can go from being a "naturally ugly" kid to a "naturally pretty" woman. But I'll take it.

Thighs Be Gone
12-13-2009, 05:25 PM
Yes, I do think I am pretty. I think it incorporates confidence. I no longer 2nd guess myself. I know what I like. I know what I don't like. I know what I am about. I am not afraid to voice my opinion and will stand behind it unless I decide it's wrong.

Judy Lynn
12-13-2009, 05:59 PM
No, I have never thought of myself as pretty. Maybe because I have been overweight since childhood, my weight has always been my focus. It is hard to feel pretty when you are fat. When you have always been fat. When I look at pictures form my 20's I think I could have been pretty if I had been a normal weight.

susiemartin
12-13-2009, 06:01 PM
I'm not comfortable with the word "pretty" because it's a word for a younger woman than I am now.

Me too. I'm 56 and a grandma now.

That said, I still turn heads and I've been described as "beautiful" "striking" or a "Botticelli Madonna" my entire life - no matter what I weighed.
Do I know that I'm beautiful?-
Yes.
Did I have anything to do with it?
No.
I think it was the role of the DNA dice.

I was an ugly little fat girl who grew into her looks when I was about 17.
I'm not afraid to tell the truth and share that it has been a gift and for the most part a life long advantage.

Extreme physical beauty can often isolate people and be a source of embarrassment at times.
For women it also can be a handicap/advantage in a male dominated work place.
Physical beauty opens many doors - but cannot keep them open for long unless there is interior beauty too.
I think we've all met very beautiful people, who didn't seem so attractive to us once we got to know them. And conversely, funny looking or average people who grew more beautiful the better we got to know them.

In my opinion, ideal physical beauty changes with every new century and within different cultures.

LookingForMeAgain
12-13-2009, 06:03 PM
I was just thinking this again today -- How prety soooo many of the people here are ---its ridiculous really! LOL
Seriously though we have some smoking hot gals on this board and I think thats kinda weird. I mean Im on all sorts of boards and know lots of people in real life but % wise of the people who post here more are beatiful than just normal looking.
I think I would have been pretty if I had lost weight when I was younger but now given all my health issues and being overweight for so long I do not think Im pretty now nore will I be at Goal but I hope Im wrong!
And my husband thinks Im beautiful and sexy and thats all that matters.

Twilightwing
12-13-2009, 06:25 PM
When i was in my 20's i felt pretty even tho i weighed around 200 lbs. i never lacked for a date, and my lil sister who had a gorgeous bod used to get jealous sometimes when we would go out and i would be the on being hit on. i used to get proposed to all the time .. 14 times in fact in my 20's and early 30's...
now however i am 45.. i am 300 lbs and am in the middle of getting my teeth pulled out and getting dentures so i am missing my two front teeth.. do i feel pretty now? heck no.. my face has aged so much the last couple years partly due to 'aging' and partly due to the extreme stress i have been under. i also can see how much of my weight i actually carry in my face now that im 300 lbs and it looks so bad to me..
im not an ugly woman, but no beauty. im hoping when i lose some weight my face will thin back out and once i get my teeth finished i will be an attractive woman at least.. but either way i am a 'good ' woman and that is much more important to me than looks:)

duckyyellowfeet
12-13-2009, 06:29 PM
I...don't know. I have days, moments, pictures, etc. where I realize that I'm pretty. But I've been hard on myself for years so getting past those issues are difficult.

At the same time, I don't worry much about it. Beauty fades but character doesn't. I think Shakespeare has a sonnet about this whole idea, how beauty will fade, but the legacy you leave behind is more important than having a nice view in the mirror

vixxi
12-13-2009, 06:29 PM
I don't think i've ever FELT pretty but i've been told I am. I guess I would say im attractive, I've never said "I feel pretty today"! for some reason id rather FEEl pretty instead of just looking it.

HeyHeyGabby
12-13-2009, 06:39 PM
I think I'm beautiful. It could just be because I've heard other people say it too much, I don't know if they actually meant it, though. I feel different about myself from day to day, but the general conclusion is that I'm attractive, but that thought is always followed by, "... and I could have any guy I wanted if I weren't so gigantic."

Hopefully I'll be totally comfortable with myself someday. All i know is that I do have a pretty face and I'm a really good person.

JulieJ08
12-13-2009, 07:25 PM
I was just thinking this again today -- How prety soooo many of the people here are ---its ridiculous really! LOL
Seriously though we have some smoking hot gals on this board and I think thats kinda weird. I mean Im on all sorts of boards and know lots of people in real life but % wise of the people who post here more are beatiful than just normal looking.

I think pretty persons are more likely to post their picture anywhere, perhaps even more so on a weight loss forum.

summerlove
12-13-2009, 07:48 PM
It's getting better.Before it was like; Im not attractive at all. Now it's more like...I personally find myself pretty, but I don't think anyone else does. It's something I'm working on...and something I know weight loss wont fix. It's all about baby steps..story of my life, haha.

caryesings
12-13-2009, 07:51 PM
I am attractive. I prefer that word because it also refers to my effect on people, so that there's a transaction involved. I am no longer invisible, as I was when I was heavy. People are attracted to me. Often in a nonsexual way -- they are more attentive to me in meetings, they're nicer & more respectful, in public, and on occasion they admire me -- I mean for aesthetic reasons, because of the way I'm dressed & groomed, not because they're desiring me. I could not say that when I was obese. When I lost weight, I gained back some kind of power when I regained visibility, and that was the power of attraction, of having a certain presence. I am just sorry that our culture hasn't changed much & that so much of women's power depends on their physical presence.

This describes me as well. If I'm truly objective about it, my face is getting less "pretty" as the weight comes off. I'm 50 and frankly the fat was kind to my face.

GirlyGirlSebas
12-13-2009, 08:30 PM
Do I think I'm pretty? At times I do. Like when I'm donating time to a favorite charity, pampering my husband and children, helping a friend in need, taking care of my spritiual, physical and mental health....these are the times when I smile a lot and have a peaceful air about me. This may sound trite to some, but I think a joyful smile makes everyone pretty.

Violet73
12-13-2009, 08:30 PM
I think it's important to find a great quality about yourself. Right now, I don't feel pretty..not with this much weight...but I do try to focus on the positive and there are always a few things about yourself that is attractive. Maybe its your eyes or your nose? It could be that you have nice hair or skin. You may look in the mirror and find yourself not attractive but I bet you would find something attractive about yourself if you looked at each individual thing that makes you YOU! :)

CLCSC145
12-13-2009, 08:49 PM
I wish I did, because I so admire people who have good self-esteem and confidence in who they are. I think I look a whole lot better than I did 100 pounds ago, and I like myself more than I did then, but no, I don't feel particularly pretty or attractive. There are moments when I feel like I look my best and that feels good, but those moments are fairly few and far between.

DCHound
12-13-2009, 08:51 PM
I spent my whole life thinking I was plain at best, usually butt-ugly.

I modelled in college (plus sized) and at the time thought it was because clothes hung well on me due to my good proportions.

I was in a bad marriage for a long time and after the first two years of our marriage never got a single compliment from my husband about my appearance.

My mother was strikingly beautiful (still is in an elegant, aged way) and my sister was utterly gorgeous when she was younger, still beautiful now. People used to get us confused, I never knew why. I thought it was because we had the same hair/eye color, same height, same last name.

(Do you see where this is going?) ;) Duh, body dysmorphic disorder. Now that I'm in my 40s I finally figured out, all those people in my teens and twenties and thirties, really until I gained 150 extra pounds, weren't being flatterers or liars or wanting something when they told me I was beautiful. I was. But I truly, truly did not see it.

I finally had to be able to see it myself, as part of the post-divorce post-depression healing process I went through in 2008, to be able to make this journey.

So, yes, I am beautiful. My features aren't classically perfect but I do have a striking and interesting face, with very unusual hair/eye coloring, and I take no credit for it, it's luck of the genetic draw.

All that said, I *truly* believe it's 'pretty is as pretty does.' There are many, many beautiful people in this world that do horrible things, and to me they are as ugly as decomposing garbage in a landfill. Seriously.

ubergirl
12-13-2009, 10:15 PM
Thank you so much everybody for giving me your insights into this matter.

I'm 48 and so I don't spend a huge amount of time worrying about whether or not I'm pretty, but as I go along in this journey, I'm trying to excavate some old old feelings that I think still get in my way even though they're not relevant any more.

And the pretty thing is one of them. Objectively speaking, I'm probably average to above average attractiveness. I'm not a beauty, nor am I a dog.

But for some reason, I spent many years actively, almost aggressively neglecting my appearance. I walked around with frizzy hair with a skunk stripe, shapeless clothes that neither fit nor flattered.

And I was SUPER self-concious about my appearance-- worrying about meeting people, especially people who could help me in my career.

I mean, for a person who actually has achieved quite a lot in her life, I have a really super bad case of thinking I'm ugly and then just perpetuating it by not doing what it takes to look my best.

I think there are people who get overweight, and then it can affect their self-esteem, and then there are people who just have crappy self-esteem to start out with, and when the weight piles on it just reinforces the inner view of pre-existing suckage.

I'm DEFINITELY part of the latter group, and it's really good for me, really eye-opening and life affirming to see those of you who weigh just as much as me and say "I'm pretty"... which you are! For others, I can see that you can be pretty and overweight at the same time, so why not for me too?

JayEll
12-13-2009, 10:32 PM
Hon, let me tell you, I am hot. ;) And I have been that way all my adult life. BUT, I was not so hot when I was obese.

I can say that I have been blessed with regular features and nice eyes and a nice smile (thanks to braces as a kid! :lol:). But I think the difference for me is that I wasn't overweight as a younger person. I only gained weight after a certain age. So, in my mind's eye, I still think like a "normal" sized person, and for a long time, that is who I would see in the mirror, with my nice eyes etc.

One day I took a good look and saw that I was way above normal sized. And I didn't like that.

So, yeah, I guess I do think I'm "pretty"--and more so with less weight.

Jay

catherinef
12-14-2009, 02:27 AM
I was pretty, really, really strikingly pretty, when I was younger, and just kinda-sorta big, and yes, I definitely got the "you have such a pretty face..." stuff. The fatter I got, the more my features blurred, but still, if you looked, I definitely had a very pretty face.

Ah, age, and as somebody said above, that fat was pretty kind to my face in terms of keeping it youthful. My husband was playing around with his camera the other night, and I asked him to take a couple of quick shots of me (my, how times have changed) and not to worry about making them flattering, I just wanted to see what I looked like now, in terms of size.

I had no idea my face is now so thin and angular. I mean, yes, of course I knew, I see it in the mirror every day, but this last 20 pounds...whoa. I do think it makes me look a bit older, but holy cow, I don't recognize my face without all that fat padding it out. It was really, really striking. And now I don't know if I'd say I'm pretty, but I also don't much care, because hey! You could hang a picture off those cheekbones, and look at how sharp that jawline is, and just look at those collarbones and those narrow shoulders and that slim neck...you get the idea.

Violet73
12-14-2009, 07:18 AM
when someone is truly happy....there is something that shines from within.....it makes that person beautiful whether they are physically beautiful or not. You can take a gorgeous supermodel with a scowl or an average-looking woman who shines and the average-looking woman is much more beautiful. That is my opinion anyway :)

sprklemajik
12-14-2009, 09:24 AM
I think I'm pretty. Not 50 lbs ago, but now, still overweight I get a lot of compliments (from people who know me as well as strangers). As an overweight teen I looked boy-ish and was so very uncomfortable, but as I got older 18-now I've settled more into a womanly look. My weight shifted about that time to my hips and chest. I think with another 30 lbs or so off I'd be flat out gorgeous... (that sounds vain, but I truly feel it).

Kae
12-14-2009, 09:34 AM
It depends on the day... and my mood. If I wake up and feel good then I feel more confident about myself. But usually I kinda stand in the blah middle ground.

emilydreaming
12-14-2009, 10:49 AM
Most days, I feel pretty. I am not a knock-out at my current weight and I may not be at goal, but I'm pretty and I've never let my confidence drop enough to not at least see that - I hope I never will.

dandk0204
12-14-2009, 11:01 AM
You know its hard to say. On the days when I am eating right, I am beating my addiction I feel pretty. I don't care what anyone things because I believe it. Now on most days when my addiction is beating me I feel ugly & fat, I feel like my 300 pound self and that's all I can see. One day I hope to defeat it and just feel pretty and I am taking it one day at a time.

nelie
12-14-2009, 12:48 PM
I don't think I'm pretty and I've become unhappier with my looks since I've lost weight. That is just the way it goes though.

Aclai4067
12-14-2009, 01:03 PM
I've always found it interesting that so many women complain about the "you have such a pretty face" compliment because I would LOVE for someone to tell me that! I'm only told I have pretty eyes, or occasionally pretty hair. I hate my hair most days, but agree about the eyes (they're my one point of vanity).

As far as overall, do I think I'm pretty? It depends on the day. Most days I look in the mirror and think "eh, hopefully you'll be average after weight loss." But occasionally I'll have days where I look and think "You really might be pretty someday!" I'd like to think I have the genetics for it. I come from a very atractive family (my sister and cousins are all beautiful, and I kind of have that ugly duckling feeling). I think it's hard to feel pretty growing up with "Wow, you're sister is soooo pretty... you look nothing like her!"
There are the very rare occasions where I feel like I'm pretty now (these occassions usually involve copious amount of alcohol). But these occassions are like a high, and when I come down I crash hard.

Dulce Vida
12-14-2009, 01:32 PM
I do feel that I am pretty, when I was thinner I got a little too much attention. I feel awkward saying that, but that was the past. Now, I do get compliments, but I don't always feel pretty because of my weight. Since I've gained weight, I haven't cared as much about my physical appearance, which is a shame. I've been slowly returning to my old self little by little, buying a few pretty clothes even if I know they will be too big soon--I figure I can do good by donating them. I wish I would've felt this way a while ago. Now I don't want to wait until I get to goal to feel good about myself. Life is too short for that.

annie175
12-14-2009, 01:44 PM
I don't know that I am pretty but do feel at least attractive now. I just hope being as kind as possible to others makes up for the rest.

Mikayla
12-14-2009, 03:52 PM
Most of the time I think I'm pretty and I'm overall pleased with my appearance. I wish my teeth were straight, and it would be nice to be a bit taller, but overall I don't look too bad. I do think I will be more attractive at my goal weight though, right now I'm still kinda round...I think people are prettier less round...LOL.

salsa chip
12-14-2009, 04:16 PM
Yes. No. I don't know.

The thing is, a while back I started on the "fake it 'til you make it" thing. At the moment I don't know how much is fake and how much is make. Until a few months ago I had the rottenest self-image ever.

LitChick
12-14-2009, 04:36 PM
I think parts of me are pretty, or attractive, or whatever adjective you want to use, and parts are not. Overall, I'd say yes, I feel good about how I look. I did not feel that way until I reached adulthood and did not feel that way when I was at my higher weight. Particularly when I was heavier than I am now, I did not feel attractive and that affected my self-confidence and my relationship with my husband. Now that I'm more confident, and growing more so with each pound gone, I think I project that self-confidence and that in itself is attractive. I hope that makes sense!

justaloozer
12-14-2009, 05:13 PM
I did consider myself beautiful when I was thinner. Now I don't think I am ugly but I am far from pretty. I think once I lose weight and become confident in myself again, I will feel better about my looks.

Jennelle
12-14-2009, 08:40 PM
It depends on my mood. If I'm being a witchy, PMS-ing shrew, then I'm certainly not pretty. But if I'm my sweet self, I'm a really beautiful girl. :) I don't wear a lot of makeup, and I'm not a fashion plate, but I turn the most heads and get the most compliments when I am completely myself.

And this thread just breaks my heart. :cry:

In the words of Sarah in "A Little Princess": "I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell you that? Didn't he?"

medinazarley
12-14-2009, 08:55 PM
First of all let me say that I am shocked at how many of you women are gorgeous in your avatars and say you don't think you're pretty! but, i'm sure if i had a photo avatar someone would say the same to me.

I have not always been overweight, and throughout high school I'd feel like i looked good enough until I saw a picture of me, Ugh! I hated the girl in the pictures! And that was at 135.

Now at 258 I don't even see me in my minds eye. i felt beautiful on the day of my mock interview, and asked for my dress rubric photo to be e-mailed to me. I feel like I look bloated and fat and hideous. But when I'm out 7 about I still feel I look good enough. And good enoug his good enough to me! I am a mom, a wife, a student, a daughter, and aunt, a sister, I have enough going on that I'm okay with good enough so long as I can say I'm healthy, happy, and fufilling my duties.

CollegeGirl
12-14-2009, 11:04 PM
I have never felt pretty and never really been told that I am even from family members. I have always had bad self esteem, it has been slowly improving in the last couple months. In middle school and high school I felt absolutely hideous. Looking back I was probably in mild depression (that was also around the time that my dad left). Now that I am in college it is not much better although I dont feel AS ugly. I hope that one day I will be able to stop comparing myself to others, and feel like I am worth it and good enough. I dont know if I will ever look at myself and think that I am pretty; hopefully one day I will be able to see beauty in myself( I am working on it! ) but not yet.
I will say that sometimes recently I will look at a picture and not recognize myself for second and think that that girl is attractive but I wouldnt say pretty.

ICUwishing
12-15-2009, 08:44 AM
Aside from my grandma, I don't recall ever being told I was pretty. And grandma went on about it so much that even as a kid, it sounded shallow to me! I "clean up" pretty well, as one poster said - but I'm not a fan of the hair/makeup routine, so I don't typically get a lot of attention.

What I have noticed, however, is that being successful at this weight loss thing is changing me from the INside - I really do walk taller, look people in the eye longer, and smile more readily. It feels good to take on a project that culturally, we're told is nearly impossible and almost everybody fails at, and yet here's a whole crew on 3FC who's bucking that trend. Maybe it's feeling like part of a community, maybe it's the "achiever aura" around here, maybe it's just the inner sense of pride, but yeah, it's getting a lot easier to look in the mirror now and like what I'm seeing. :)