100 lb. Club - Feeling myself self-destruct (melodramatism, anyone?)

salsa chip
12-11-2009, 05:53 PM
Hi chickies,

It could be a cumulation of factors, including two consecutive evening meals which weren't home-cooked and thus were drowning in sodium. This evening I ate at home...but for some reason I can't quite pin down, dinner left me feeling bloated and tired - in short, just like I used to feel after dinner.

On the other hand, I'm pretty tired at the end of this week and have TOM to deal with. Maybe I'm making a big fuss out of nothing. But right now I feel so dull and listless; it's like watching a big piece of woven cloth you've spent so long on slowly, very slowly, unravelling and coming apart. And it's pretty scary.

Oh well. I'm drinking lots of water and tomorrow will be better.

Thanks for listening :)

12-11-2009, 06:11 PM
oh babe *hugs* I can understand WHY you are feeling like that.. and I won't tell you that you shouldn't feel that way... but you are really doing wonderfully and I KNOW that you won't let this make you throw it all away! 41 lbs in 4 months? You rock... seriously.

now more *hugs* and a tissue... and another *hug*

salsa chip
12-11-2009, 06:16 PM
Oh, thank you cfmama, thank you so much :)

I'm wondering if the weather isn't also contributing. It gets dark around 4pm here now, and I've been having problems sleeping.

You're right: I want to change so much that going back to "before" isn't an option. But right now everything seems quite...not actively bad, but very much blah.

I'm going to chug some more water, read a book, and see if I can get some shuteye :)

12-11-2009, 06:17 PM
Awww, I'm sorry you are having one of those times. It happens to the best of us and it will pass.:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: I hope you are feeling better soon.

12-11-2009, 06:40 PM
You're going to feel better tomorrow!

12-11-2009, 06:41 PM
Hang in there, Salsa Chip! You'll get past this. You're reacting to the emotion of the moment rather than the facts. And the facts are that sodium is not fat and there is no way you have derailed yourself with two dinners.

I think you need to hunker down and take care of yourself for the rest of the night. Take a bath, watch a happy movie, or read a good book. Then regroup and start over tomorrow. You're doing so well! You're not unraveling, that's just hormones talking. You're stronger than those feelings. :hug:

12-11-2009, 07:10 PM
I totally get where you coming from. This month I am determined that all the holiday activity will NOT be my undoing. But, like you I am having my up and down moments.

It is more 'mental' than anything else--although like you, too much sodium does a real number on my body. It's scary out there and navigating it is exhausting at times. But we will do this. Because you're right, going back to the old way is not an option.

A couple of high sodium meals will not be your undoing. You've got a good plan--lots of water! Destress. Tomorrow is a new day.

Hugs, more tissue if you need it, and a basket full of encouragement to you! Keep up the good work!

12-11-2009, 07:27 PM
I struggle with this every fall, as soon as the days start to get shorter. Recently I started taking melatonin for my sleeping issues, and while it's helped with that, a bonus is that it's helped a lot with my SAD-induced mood swings. Something to consider.

Feel better! Try to be kind to yourself. Curling up with a good book sounds like an excellent plan to me.

12-11-2009, 07:29 PM
Sodium bloat always messes with my head, even more than it does with my body. It seems like every bloody time I eat something I haven't prepared myself, and I am aware is just LOADED with salt, it sends me into a (temporary!) downward spiral, where I just about convince myself I'm blowing it, and I am going to end up right where I started, and so on and so on...

And then I pee a lot. And things start to level out, the negative feelings ease, and I realise I am being way too hard on myself, and I will be fine. So hang in there, you are doing SPECTACULARLY, and this feeling will pass.

Judy Lynn
12-11-2009, 08:20 PM
:hug: Hang in there chickie!

12-11-2009, 08:49 PM
Salsa Chip (love the name by the way), you're not at all alone and you've come in here for support and look at all the support you have!!!
Don't beat yourself up over going off track, we all do it, what matters most is how you move past it... get up do an extra work out, feel those endorphines and then drink some extra water and that extra bit of sodium will leave you...
You're on track now and you're doing awesome!

12-11-2009, 09:38 PM
ANewCreation is sooooo right in that "it is more 'mental' than anything else." During my whole weight loss journey, it's these self-destructive thoughts that have been the absolute hardest. For me and I think a lot of people here, eating healthy/exercise is so easy compared to overcoming the mental barriers.

I’ve felt myself sort of slip into a funk the past few days, kind of depressed and feeling fat/unattractive/.... The best solution I've found has been to be like Pollyanna and play the 'glad game.' I physically wrote a list of everything I am glad about from weight loss to life in general. It sounds really hokey and silly, but it does sort of work. It's a good way to get perspective and help you to focus on the glad, not the bad.

And always, just remember that you're not alone. We all go through funks where it feels impossible to move forward, but you just got to keep going!

12-11-2009, 11:22 PM
Salsa Chip, HANG IN THERE!!! I know how it feels to be sabotaged by those "feelings" but they are just feelings and you will be fine once the feelings pass.:hug::hug::hug:

Tomorrow is another day.:carrot: And it will be a better one. :)

12-11-2009, 11:27 PM
Tomorrow WILL be a better day. MAKE CERTAIN OF IT!!! And the day after that and then the day after that. And after those 3 wonderful, better, on plan, less sodium filled-days you will be feeling all relieved and back in the groove again and these feelings that we all have from time to time will dissipate.

12-12-2009, 01:57 AM
I will only echo what has already been said. We all have those days...days when we feel overwhelmed, or unmotivated or...whatever. It will pass, as will the sodium gain.

Keep your chin up, do some self care and remember tomorrow is a new day :hug:

12-12-2009, 12:26 PM
Water combats sodium, and I'll drink to that! Green tea too! :)

Also, because it's your TOM (I hear you, girl-- I'm there now too), your sentitivity to salt might also be increased. I can be up anywhere between 3-5 pounds during my TOM week, but I just have to stay on track and wait for the results!

Stay the course, Salsa! This is a bump in the road-- your progress is amazing!! Keep up the consistent good work!! :)

12-12-2009, 12:57 PM
Awww salsa, not much to say except hang in there. You've made such great progress so far, don't let a case of the salty blues derail you. One stop, one bottle of water, and one meal at a time. You'll do this!:hug:

12-12-2009, 01:36 PM
lots of good talk from everyone here.

the holidays, the shorter days, hormones (TOM), physical tiredness, those can be tough on a gal and her positive outlook, I experience the yuckiness of those things too.

you know, you've done really well on your weight loss, your health, your eating. take a deep breath and acknowledge that to yourself. PLUS, you are MORE than your weight loss. the weight loss is an admirable goal, and a gift your giving to yourself, and something you're showing great success at, but it is only one thing that is part of you.

what I'm trying to say is to keep the ups and downs of the weight loss effort in perspective.

12-12-2009, 03:36 PM
the weight loss is an admirable goal, and a gift your giving to yourself, and something you're showing great success at, but it is only one thing that is part of you.

Thank you for this, because it's so, so true. I find that I can get so caught up in this mission I feel it almost defines me. Losing my grasp or seeing a slight gain, no matter how temporary, feels like an assault on my identity. (That sounded way more dramatic than intended, but I don't have another way to explain it.)

I need to remind myself that losing weight isn't who I am. It's something I'm doing.

Again, thank you for this insight.

12-12-2009, 04:42 PM
Sounds like a combination of things are giving you a case of the blues ...

Take care of yourself, like you said - drinking water, getting some rest, and staying on plan - and I hope you feel better soon. :hug:

Loving Me
12-12-2009, 06:15 PM
Salsa I know just how you're feeling!
Earlier on in the week I suddenly felt fat and bloated and on facing the scales found I was up 2lbs with no explanation. I totally panicked and felt like I was suddenly going to lose control and put all the weight back on again and that I didn't know how to do this anymore.
I posted on here and it was suggested that sodium and water retention could be the problem, so I gave some thought to what I'd eaten over the few days before and low and behold over two days I'd had two high sodium meals which I haven't eaten in a LONG time. One is one of DH's favourite meals and the other DD's, and I'd done them because they'd been asking for them for ages. Thinking back, even at the time of eating them I remember feeling SO full like I used to at my heaviest, uncomfortable and yuck....
So I've stuck with it even though I've been miserable and three days later the numbers on the scales are back down and even half a pound lower than they were.
Now I look back I think how silly I was to panic like that, but when it's happening it's like a bad nightmare, all those horrible memories from us at our heaviest and feeling terrible, and being really scared they're going to come back and get us.
I don't know if this will have helped at all, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone feeling like this.

salsa chip
12-13-2009, 06:44 PM
Hi ladies,

I don't know what to say. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all you've written.

This is a really hard time at the moment. I'm at a point in therapy where I've begun digging up some things about my past. It's both incredibly difficult and immensely relieving and uplifting. My family (where I think many of my problems come from) are spectacular at not keeping in touch and it's hard for me to trust either of my parents. There are some lovely friends around me, but not many close enough that I can really talk to.

The early sunsets suck royally, but today I got myself out for an hour-long walk in the afternoon, which helped a lot. I'm thinking about dragging myself out for a run early in the morning, even if it is pitch black out there. The sunrises are worth it and the fresh air has got to help in kicking my systems into gear.

As for food: about an hour ago I took a big bowl and poured lots of yummy dessert into it. Took a couple of (tea)spoonfuls, there's tons left, and...nope, dessert is not going to make me feel better. This isn't the stuff you can pour back into the carton, so down the sink it'll go.

<warning: religion stuff coming up>

So I find myself in a position where I don't feel I can completely trust those around me. But because I do feel the need to completely open up, I guess the answer is to turn to Christ (I've been a Catholic since I was tiny). Only, ack, when you've trusted people who have hurt you, and you've never really had a personal relationship with God, the idea of making yourself vulnerable again, and to someone who you can't see, to boot, is terrifying. But, uh, Scripture says over and over I should trust Christ more than I actually would any other person, so I guess my fears (whilst real) are me seeing things in a mirror.

If that made sense. Gah.

<end religion stuff>

Ok, I'm going to stop waffling now. Hand on heart, I can't say that I'm out of whatever hole it was on Friday that had me in a tizz. But I think things are looking up. Thanks again for your support. It's good, so good to know that you guys are here to encourage me take control of what I can and let go of the rest. You're very special folks :hug: