Living Maintenance - Lifestyle Based Maintenance

Hey! :wave:

As many of you know, I've been working and struggling with maintenance for some time now (about 2-1/2 years). And I've also been watching as others proceed with maintenance.

I've seen stories in magazines about former Biggest Loser contestants (women) who have been successful in keeping their weight off--but at 5'8" they eat 1200-1500 calories a day and work out 7 days a week.

I've seen folks on 3FC who are still eating at about that level, trying to keep or get their weight to goal, while training for events like triathlons and half marathons, etc.

I've read so many posts from people worried about a piece of birthday cake (or whatever). Who report that they don't know what happened, they just had to eat X. Who are facing the holidays with clenched teeth, hoping their iron will can get them through.

Well, I can't take it anymore. All my attempts to get back into the low-cal groove to get back to my goal have been unsuccessful. After eating low-cal (we're talking 1300) for a few weeks, and managing to eke out maybe a four pound loss, I have not been able to sustain the effort. This has happened several times now.

And, earlier this year I tried increasing my exercise with added classes and personal training sessions. My reward for that was an arthritis flare-up that required me to cut back on exercise for weeks.

So, I'm opting for something different now. Instead of basing my actions on a weight goal, I'm going to decide on the food and exercise level that I want to sustain, and just see what happens with my weight. I want to eat 1500-1600 calories per day (averaged weekly), and I want to exercise 4 times a week.

It's possible that I won't be able to get down to my goal weight on this plan. In fact, I have no idea where my weight will go with it. But I am just too tired of the mentality of endless struggle. I don't have it in me anymore. All the "you can do its" and cheerleader icons I can muster aren't making a difference.

I'm calling it "lifestyle based maintenance" because the focus isn't on how much my body weighs--rather it's on eating right and getting enough exercise--in other words, living in a comfortable, moderate way--not an extravagant way, not a mindless way, not a restricted way, not an eternal vigilance way--but a comfortable, moderate way.

Wish me luck.

Jay

Jay, I think sometimes it takes weeks or even months for our bodies to adjust. So I think sometimes people try something like what you've described, see an initial small gain, or no more losses, and declare it a failure. But sometimes if you stick with it, a few weeks or months later something happens, and you level out or even start to lose again. I know I've had that experience more than once, but you'd never know it if you don't stick it out. And what you are describing is hardly throwing caution to the wind! It's still a weight loss plan.

Anyway, if nothing else, it will be a good mental break. I think sometimes the struggle itself keeps us from having the perspective we need to be able to find what works for each of us.

Jay (JayEll) - I wish you well on your new path.

It's a great name, "lifestyle based maintenance" - captures the notion well. From time to time I've read someone on 3FC mentioning that they just started out in maintenance mode and let their body chose itself.

I've been drawn to that since that's what I did - without knowing four years ago that others had gone that way. What it did for me was to shield me from the oughta's that a goal would have wielded, and to shield me from the guilt that I wasn't doing enough. I was doing what I was doing.

Sounds to me like a wise choice to get back your own feeling of being in control.

Boy Voyage.

.

This sounds as if you've put much thought into it and have come up with something very reasonable and rational. I hope this is the "answer" for you, as I know you've struggled to find your happy balance. Something tells me that you will have very good results! And the great thing is, is that you can always re-asses down the road if need be. Wishing you tons of good luck and peace. :)

Jay (jayEll) You've put into words exactly what I've been struggling with for close to two years.

I picked an initial goal weight (just to have a number really) that my body refused. Then I upped it 5 lbs. and my body refused again.

It's so frustrating to keep striving and struggling for something this hard.

I think your new plan is brilliant! I'm going to adopt it (hope you don't mind) as my plan too. I will see where my body wants to comfortably be (within reason) and maintain at that weight, rather than imposing something on myself that makes me miserable and frustrated all the time.

I wish you much success! Please keep posting (you will be maintaining) and let us know how it's going.

Dagmar (bigger but happier? :p)

Your ended your post with wish me luck, none is needed.
You have a well thought out plan, that is perfect for your needs.
I have been struggling with mean-o-pause so I know exactly how frustrating walking the walk is when the result is not happening. I too need to recalculate my plan. My last posting involved me adding exercise to my already jammed schedule to get this weight too budge. Maybe I too need to do some lifestyle maintenance. I do have prediction for you, the scale is going to surprise you and you will land at your desired place in scale land.

My prayers :angel: and wishes of luck :lucky: surround you :hug:

JayEll - I know you will make this succeed. :)

I am still in the re-losing stage, a real effort at nearly 65, but I already know that the weight that WW and others set for me won't be the goal for me. I know that where I was before I relapsed is a good weight for me. I look good, and better, I feel good, and I can - with a little more vigilence that I had last time (though I kept it off 2.5 years) - maintain it with a lifestyle I can live with. Too bad I didn't find this maintainers forum until I was well into the relapse. :shrug:

JayEll,

This is pretty much what happened to me. I picked a lifestyle and then did it and my weight settled out where it would. I count my anniversary from the day I changed the path I was on, day one of my lifestyle change. I lost 110 pounds, and have been on that path coming up on 7 years now, with some rather large speedbumps along the way, but ultimately my weight still settles in about the same place when I make the choices I can live with in a balanced lifestyle, settled nicely between indulgence and deprivation.

I do track my weight because I think it is a reasonable indicator of how far I'm willing to go, and interim goals are helpful for me, but I don't have a goal weight. I was NEVER successful until I trashed the whole concept. I often feel a bit out of place here with the XXX/YYY/ZZZ status quo. But the wisdom is good, and I still have to actively work at making good decisions or I won't be able to do the things I want to do now. My after weight is higher than many people's before, and I don't really care. I just care about living, and that includes lots of healthy, active hobbies, and yes, the occasional beer or dessert. It is a balance for me. I don't need to be a size 2 to be happy, but I do need help to avoid being a size 20+.

Wishing you the best with your lifestyle-based maintenance. I know it can work, if one remains conscious about good decision making.

Anne

Jay, that sounds like a great idea. Please do keep checking in and let us know how you are doing!

I live this way now. I have created a mantra for myself to never feel guilt over food, ever again. It's so liberating. That also makes me more conscious of what I am eating, because I don't want to regret anything that goes into my mouth, but I also make sure what does go in tastes really good to me.
I can get away with more calories because I do like to exercise a lot now (I still cannot even believe I wrote that LOL).

I am not at what I had always thought was the perfect number, which is 135, but I have maintained between 140 and 145 for over a year now with the approach to food and lifestyle- so maybe that is what my maintenance weight is.

Jay -- I so hear you. I think what you are planning is very rational, and balanced. It's a "moderation in all things" approach.

I have to say that maintaining my weight as my current level (the lowest in my adult life) can be a real struggle. It takes exactly what you describe - a strict attention to diet while working out strenuously every day. Any time I relax that vigilence, I start to re-gain. I keep hoping that my body will somehow re-set that magic set-point and maintaining will be easier. But two years into maintenance, it really isn't easier. I've gotten more used to it, but it isn't easier. I sometimes dread the holiday season, because it is one long series of food potential pitfalls to be navigated like a minefield.

So why do I do it? Well, athletically, I've never performed better. I'm hitting new running PRs and am as strong and fit as I've ever been. I like that. I like how I look too. So I keep at it. But, I wonder how long I can keep this up. I'm 50. What happens if/when I can't burn calories the way I do now due to age or injury or whatever? Is this weight unrealistically low for me? Can I find a happy balance, even if it is at 5-10 pounds (or more) higher weight? I don't know.

Please keep us posted on how it is working for you .... and thanks for posting this.

I think this is an excellent, realistic way to look at things and I suppose what I have done. I'm now maintaining and although my BMI is still in the high 20s I think that is realistic if I want to have a lifestyle that is not a punishment. My GP has been supportive in declaring that I have reached 'goal' . Heck being in the high 20s has to be better than the high 40s where I came from.

For me going below an average 1500-1600 calories a day is not an option. I already work out 6 days a week for 40-mins to an hour. I think I can maintain this but don't want to be a weight where I am going to be constantly overly restrictive or struggling to maintain. I really don't see the point in existing (not living) like that.

Good luck

Kitty

Sending you all my support Jay. I think this sounds like a great plan.

Sounds like Health at Every Size to me :)

Jay, I've been holding steady at my current weight for a month now for the very same reasons that you describe--I just feel like most of the time I do OK, but sometimes it all feels like a huge struggle to continue to lose more. I still want to lose more because I'm not truly at maintenance, but just this morning I was thinking at how I'm not sure I can do this for always. Forever. Maybe I can, but maybe I can't? I know I don't want to go back to stuffing myself silly with crap and drinking unlimited beer, but I also know that there is no way in **** I am going to skip my Mom's ham gravy at Christmas.

So yeah, it's a balancing act. Please keep us posted on how this goes for you; I'm very interested.

Well, I can't take it anymore. All my attempts to get back into the low-cal groove to get back to my goal have been unsuccessful. After eating low-cal (we're talking 1300) for a few weeks, and managing to eke out maybe a four pound loss, I have not been able to sustain the effort. This has happened several times now.


I could have written this. I've come to the conclusion that constant dieting, strict vigilance makes me more miserable than the 12 pounds I'd like to lose do. I'd been trying to re-lose those pounds for 8 years when one day I woke up and realized I couldn't take it anymore, and I just decided to be as happy as I can with my perfectly sustainable (is that a word? Sorry, English is not my first language.) lifestyle.

Good luck! It sounds like you have a good plan :)

Jay, I think sometimes we forget that a maintenance weight needs to be both physically and mentally sustainable. Driving yourself crazy, getting stressed out, getting hungry all the time, to get to some arbitrary weight you picked along time ago isn't healthy in my mind. Sometimes we need to remember that and "give ourselves permission" to weigh a little bit more, but be much happier there.

I've regained some weight and often think about this. I definitely got to this weight by overeating, and want to lose some of it, but really need to determine whether my "hoped for" or "former" maintenance weight of 135-140 is truly sustainable. I know I need to lose some of this weight but maybe not all of it - even though at 140 I'm heading towards the upper end of the "healthy" weight on the weight chart at the doctor's office. We know our bodies best, we need to ignore those charts and formulas.

Good luck! I hope you are much happier at this new maintenance weight.

Just wanted to check in and report my positive feedback.

Been using the kinder gentler maintaince approach & it is going well.

The scale is holding steady,(same as before). But I feel better as I am not beating myself up daily. This is especially helpful this time of year when I am stressed to the max.

I'm checking in, too, although it has not been nearly enough time to make any conclusions. I have been following the plan I outlined, although interestingly it has taken me until just the last week to get my intake to settle down to between 1500 and 1600. I was coming in at 1600-1700! That's what tracking can help with.

However, I have been consistently getting exercise and go to the gym 4 days a week.

My weight is staying about the same but the variations on the lower side have been lower and the variations on the upper side have also been lower. Since I'm not invested in a weight number, this is just fine.

Jay

Great news for both of you :)

I'm checking in, too, although it has not been nearly enough time to make any conclusions. I have been following the plan I outlined, although interestingly it has taken me until just the last week to get my intake to settle down to between 1500 and 1600. I was coming in at 1600-1700! That's what tracking can help with.

However, I have been consistently getting exercise and go to the gym 4 days a week.

My weight is staying about the same but the variations on the lower side have been lower and the variations on the upper side have also been lower. Since I'm not invested in a weight number, this is just fine.

Jay

Sounds like your well on your way Jay.

Can I ask you, have you found this calorie level to be sustainable? Are you comfortable adhering to this allotment? You're satisfied, not hungry? The exercise seems doable? If so, I'm excited for you and eager to see the results come maybe a month or so from now. :smug:

Jay, I'm so glad you've checked in. I was hoping that everything was going well for you and it sounds like it is!

Thanks, Tai and rockinrobin--and also a wave to JulieJ08 and Reg4242! :wave:

Just a further note of explanation: my target range of 1500-1600 is an average over the preceding 7 days. My highest day was 2200 a couple days after I started. Argh. :yikes:

My lowest day was 1328, but I've had a few days in the 1300s. These are days when I just didn't feel like eating more, not days when I was trying to restrain myself.

So, I'm sort of vaguely calorie cycling, but not according to any set pattern. I just look at that average intake over the past week to guide me.

I picked the range I did by looking up what a woman of my height and age with moderate activity "should" eat to maintain at a weight of 142. Most calculators place that number at just above 1600. I do not weigh 142 now, by any means, and I realize that because of my past weight history, I may never get to 142, but I think this theory makes more sense to follow than what I was trying in the past.

Thanks also to wndranne, fiberlover, KforKitty, MBN, clarabr, and Megan1982 (as well as other earlier posters!) for your comments! It's nice to know others have also had these thoughts!

Jay

Thanks for checking in & giving us a status update. This thread has really haunted me.

You know how we've had those threads in the past that begin "Maintenance is ..."? They always sound so optimistic, I don't want to crash the party by writing what I always think when I see it, which is: "Maintenance is always thinking you could weigh 10 pounds less, if you really tried, but settling for about five pounds less, and losing those five pounds over & over again during the course of a year."

Then sometimes I think I have a chronic disease, which I gave myself by getting so fat that I moved up my set-point forever & will have to fight it forever. I think of people who have chronic diseases that they must take care of for the rest of their days & learn to live with. I feel as if that's what having once been obese must be like. Yes, I have those thoughts. But it's hard to write that here, because it isn't a hopeful or positive or optimistic & may not be helpful to people who scan these boards looking for something encouraging to hold onto.

Saef, thanks for posting.
There are many of us who struggle with maintence issues and everyones input is important. I myself could have written your post and appreciate its honest. Your height, goal and loss are very similiar to mine and your sentiments are in my own head many a day. Over a hundred pounds lost is a proud accomplishment. As a hundred pound loser I sometimes wish I could turn back time and never had allowed that gain to happen, I have been fighting its effects for a longtime, and it gets tiresome.
Post like this keep me going for one reason, I am not alone and there are people who understand our journey.

"Maintenance is always thinking you could weigh 10 pounds less, if you really tried, but settling for about five pounds less, and losing those five pounds over & over again during the course of a year."
This is a great definition.
Never underestimate the value of Truth-Speaking.
It is very welcome.
For a long time I've been saying that, for me,
Maintenance is just gaining and losing the same few pounds over and over.

Your statement adds Truth to that definition.
For the past four years, I've been unsuccessfully trying to get my weight to stabilize 10 lbs lower...
hoping that it would give me a little "wiggle" room,
and lessen the continual feeling of the "circling shark" danger.
Sometimes I've dropped the 10 usuing extreme measures,
but my body just won't seem to stabilize there,
and the weight returns no matter how little I eat or or much I exercise.
(Note: Marathons or heavy strength training will never be an option for me.)

Also, so far, I've found every year,
I've had to reduce my calorie intake quite a bit more in order to stay the same weight.
But...hey...it's better than gaining,
and....surely...????....my food burn won't ultimately drop to zero. :dizzy:

Saef, the Maintainers Forum is dedicated to the realities of maintenance. The good and bad, struggles and joys, challenges and triumphs. All of our feelings, both negative and positive. There isn't any right and wrong about your maintenance experiences and we want you to feel free to share everything without censoring yourself.

In the end, I think it's beneficial for 3FC members to see what maintenance really is like for those of us who live it every day, not some sanitized, upbeat, unrealistic version. Over the years, I've been criticized for posting about my maintenance experiences, but who wins when we're less than honest? Maintenance is the biggest challenge that any of us face in our weight loss journeys and I truly believe that the better prepared that members are for its realities, the more successful they will be in the end.

Please feel free to share whatever is on your mind. As you can see, what you posted resonated with other members already! And then we realize that we're not alone in this great adventure called maintenance. :)

Saef, I agree, it is kind of like having a chronic disease. If you stop taking your medication a disease will flare up -- if we stop watching our diet and exercise our weight will flare up.

I definitely think that maintenance is gaining and losing the same 5lbs over and over for eternity. I guess it's true that I know I could weigh less if I really tried, but I don't care enough about being skinny to bother trying to lose (lose below my goal weight that is, losing the extra weight I've gained is another matter).

Over the years, I've been criticized for posting about my maintenance experiences, but who wins when we're less than honest?


I'm sure anything can be discouraging to *someone*, even positive posts.

But I don't think "imperfection" in our maintainers' posts is discouraging. I know, when I was first starting out, seeing that imperfection was *encouraging.* It made success seem possible. When it's all smiles and roses it doesn't seem real or attainable.

Thanks everyone for their comments & understanding. You've only added to my love for this forum, which is one of the few places I've found (maybe make that the only place?) where people who've lost a great deal of weight talking about their ongoing efforts to keep it off long-term & to keep up the good, healthy habits they've learned. This is the good fight. We know it. But ****, yeah, it can be tiring & discouraging. But we continue because we know the rewards are so great. We've looked at life both sides now.

I really think there's not enough discussion about maintenance in general & that there's a sad dearth of resources to turn to when you're dealing with it. This forum is a treasure & does a lot toward correcting that imbalance. It's such a relief to be among people who really, really get it & live it & know it.

And I really hope we need to keep hearing from Jay, the good & the bad. Her plan just sounds so ... normal ... like the way regular people live ...

(I wonder what life was like before the bathroom scale entered everyone's household? There must have been a time once when people rarely ever weighed themselves, when it only happened on special rare occasions. What was that kind of life like, before that technology came in & put numbers & charts into our minds?)

Some background: More than 10 years ago, I struggled with an eating disorder. My recovery sent me back in the opposite direction, to obesity. This time, when I lost weight, I did it right, taking a more moderate road, & I continue to monitor myself & give a lot of thought to my actions. I always need to be mindful of the difference between dedication & obsession, between working at maintaining a healthy weight & not always longing for the thrill of losing more & more, or the strain & life-distorting extreme efforts called for when one is attempting to hold to an unrealistic weight. When my eating was disordered, I was 30 pounds lower than I am now, but I was unhappy & exhausted. I try to keep clear in my mind the difference between plain old hard (like the rest of life) & insanely difficult (which is what it like trying to get down to & keep an unrealistic weight). Thus, posts like Jay's & the responses here help me with charting out the middle way followed by people like us who are maintaining healthily.

(I wonder what life was like before the bathroom scale entered everyone's household? There must have been a time once when people rarely ever weighed themselves, when it only happened on special rare occasions. What was that kind of life like, before that technology came in & put numbers & charts into our minds?)
I think about this a lot. "Back in the day" people were just WAY more physically active in their daily lives - they had to be. They chopped wood, pumped water, milked cows and worked in the field. They walked everywhere, or rode horses. They ate natural foods. High calorie food wasn't available in the same abundance. They didn't have a lot of extra clothes either (unless they were wealthy), so if they "outgrew" something, it was obvious. That's not even considering the female corset - try overeating in that! (or try bending over, or breathing, for that matter)

Our "normal" lives today aren't normal at all when you look at it in historical terms. We sit too much and eat way too much high-calorie foods. We have to fight off societal cues to eat all of the time (billboards! commercials! Ads on our phones!) It's no wonder that people gain weight.

Thanks to JayEll, and to all who responded - ABSOLUTELY please keep posting the realities of lifetime maintenance! It's not all blissfulness and light, and I am sure that one of the reasons so many people fail is that they look at the before and after commercials on TV. It's easy to believe that you hit goal weight and all of a sudden you're gorgeous and happy and stylish! Pfft. NOWHERE except here has anyone had the guts to say that nothing changes compared to the loss phase except, well, you'll probably need to exercise more, and you'll still pay attention to every single bite, and while you might get more at ease at dodging your triggers, they never go away. Oh, and the payoff is that people stop noticing, you don't get whole new wardrobes (except for you shopaholics ;) ) and the scale is even less predictable. Yet it's worth it. So yes, please keep the honesty flowing!

I think you hit the nail on the head, Saef, when you said "Maintenance is always thinking you could weigh 10 pounds less, if you really tried, but settling for about five pounds less, and losing those five pounds over & over again during the course of a year." That is the bleak path indeed! That was how I was feeling, and my efforts to get down further seemed only to lead to my abandoning the plan and gaining again.

My premise is that it doesn't have to feel that way.

If someone has truly embraced a different way of eating, a new lifestyle and approach to food and exercise, then those five pounds come in and go out like waves at the seashore. Sometimes one is up, sometimes one is down. But, one is not running around trying to PUSH the waves back down into the ocean all the time, or to BUILD A WALL to stop the waves from washing up.

One is simply watching the waves come in and go out. Because one's attention is on the moderate lifestyle that includes a sensible amount of food and a sensible amount of exercise. The personalized lifestyle that includes activity, rest, and a variety of foods, and that is based on what one learned from weight loss--foods to avoid, portion control, calorie content, and so on. A lifestyle that is not ruled by the scale, but that uses the scale the same way one uses a calorie tracker: As a tool, not as the final judge.

We shall see.......

Jay

Well, I'm back from several trips to find this WONDERFUL thread. Jay, thanks for sharing your plan and your thoughts.

You pretty much summed up my maintenance. While it doesn't work for everyone, "all things in moderation" has been my mantra from the beginning. I knew when I started that this had to be a lifestyle change - something that could just be part of every day, without my journey consuming my time, attention, and energy.

At the same time, I knew that I needed to educate myself about what a healthy lifestyle looked like, because I certainly wasn't living one. I needed to commit to making the necessary changes, but in a way that brought me joy along with the discipline.

Maintenance is every bit as much of a journey for me as weight loss was, and it is every bit as enjoyable. It is a thousand choices every day. And, the little choices add up to successful maintenance. Stairs or elevator, walk or drive, whole wheat or white, water or soda, etc.

Those that have read my posts know that "balance" has been my other mantra word throughout this 2.5 year journey. I truly believe that a balance of mind, body, and spirit is necessary for successful maintenance. When balance occurs, maintenance just becomes part of the flow of life.

So, belatedly, I wish you well on your quest. My experience tells me that you are on the right path, and I truly believe that you will be successful in ALL ways on your journey :)

Keep us posted as to your progress!

Blessings!!!

Laurie