General chatter - Is this because I'm fat? (warning....a little crude)




katkitten
11-20-2009, 12:43 PM
lol so...i never seem to get good dating opportunities. And, lately, I've been so focused on my new job and health that I dont really want any. However, sometimes i wonder about what it is about me that causes this recurring pattern with men.
Either I get the "lets just be really good friends. we have so much fun together" or "hey, baby, wanna __". The only guys that express an interest do it in an overly sexual and, frankly, gross way! I get these lewd comments OFTEN!!! So I was at the gym this AM and a guy tells me "hope this doesnt offend but I would love to eat all over that *insert another word for cat* of yours." Then I told him I wasnt interested and he said "You know you gonna change yer mind one day. I'm like a trash compactor. I suck it ALL out" (i'm not even sure I get the analogy....do trash compactor's suck?...did he mean garbage disposal?... but...whatever...) I dont consider myself to be a prude but guys like this sure make me feel like one! I mean, how is that appropriate to say to someone you just met? yuck.
Is this a chubby chaser thing? Do you guys think this will become less common when I lose weight? just curious.:o


Arianwen
11-20-2009, 01:13 PM
If some cretin in a gym said something like that to me, I'd be liable to slap him across the face! :eek:

JulieJ08
11-20-2009, 01:15 PM
(i'm not even sure I get the analogy....do trash compactor's suck?...did he mean garbage disposal?... but...whatever...)

:rofl: I just love when someone thinks they're being so clever and they make the stupidest mistakes.

I mean, how is that appropriate to say to someone you just met? yuck.

It isn't. Unfortunately, we're in an era in which censoring yourself isn't considered necessary or desirable anymore.


bargoo
11-20-2009, 01:19 PM
I wonder how often these guys actually "score" , they are just repulsive to me.

Windchime
11-20-2009, 01:20 PM
If someone said something like that to me at the gym, I would tell him that I'm not interested (like you did) and then I would report him to the manager. Immediately. That's disgusting and you have the right to go to the gym without being subjected to that crap. Totally inappropriate.

Operator265
11-20-2009, 01:25 PM
I don't think it's a chubby chaser thing. I've had it happen a couple of times and at different sizes. I don't appear too overweight right now. It is even worse when trying on-line dating since they are "behind the screen". Two messages in and you get, "So, ya wanna ****?" Needless to say, I got real good at the Delete Message/Block User function before I gave up on the whole deal.

theCandEs
11-20-2009, 01:27 PM
If someone said something like that to me at the gym, I would tell him that I'm not interested (like you did) and then I would report him to the manager. Immediately. That's disgusting and you have the right to go to the gym without being subjected to that crap. Totally inappropriate.

I agree! That is unbelievable! What makes that jerk think it's okay to say that to you?

That being said, I have been harassed at work by co-workers. I did report one of them. They fined him and in retaliation he slashed two of my tires. Just be careful out there.

kaplods
11-20-2009, 01:28 PM
I've had my share of these too, but I've also heard the same stories from women of ALL sizes.

It does seem to happen more in places and situations where an idiot might think a woman might be more receptive. Bars, gyms, and the internet are such places (because they are spots where singles often go to try to hook up).

I can't believe these guys get a positive response very often (I mean what woman would find that attractive). My guess is that their social skills are so terrible that they don't understand why women reject them - they just don't understand subtle. They fantasize about women approaching THEM that way, so they never figure out why they're being rejected.

Not at all a reflection of you, just them.

ThicknPretty
11-20-2009, 01:53 PM
In my opinion (and some might disagree), I think guys assume for some reason that overweight women are more insecure and therefore "easy". I know that sounds awful and trust me, it infuriates me, but I've just seen it so much and I've been subjected to these assumptions so much that I've come to that conclusion. And I've actually had a guy admit that it's basically true.

Sure, there are the gross and completely indiscriminate guys who will talk nasty to any woman they meet, but if you pay attention, you'll probably notice that it happens more to overweight women. It sucks, but I think it's true.

I actually get really embarassed when guys are forward like that! I probably would have turned bright red and cried or something...it just makes me so uncomfortable! YUCK.

katkitten
11-20-2009, 02:01 PM
thats my problem! I get so shy and embarrassed that Im not firm with them. yes, I told him i'm not interested but only after blushing and laughing nervously....i hope i dont run into him again....its the gym at my apt complex so it was just the 2 of us working out in this room together...can anyone say "awkward"?

ddc
11-20-2009, 02:10 PM
Man, that's a little scary that you might be alone with him again.
Have you got a friend you can take?
He sounds pretty creepy to me.

EZMONEY
11-20-2009, 02:15 PM
I can tell you from experience that there are women out there that say the same things...different anatomy of course ;) It has happened to me a couple of times :o

Having spent my entire life around construction workers of all trades, and for the most part high school educated at best, I can tell you there are a lot of guys out there that think remarks like that turn women on. They get it from reading it in those "nasty" type magazines and porn flicks...of course on those instances it works ;)

Women are different than men...no kidding! ;)....a lot of guys like hearing that stuff....I know I enjoyed the "extra" attention (although at the same time thought it wasn't appropriate)...

well until my girlfriend/wife bonked me on the head when they found out :stars:

kaplods
11-20-2009, 02:17 PM
In my opinion (and some might disagree), I think guys assume for some reason that overweight women are more insecure and therefore "easy".

This may be true, but again I think it's just one of the situations in which a guy with almost no social skills tries to approach a woman he thinks he might have a chance (even the sorriest guy isn't going to want to admit to himself that nearly every woman on the planet is too good for him). He picks a woman he think he might have a chance with - a woman who is drunk, a woman he knows has dated jerks and abusive men in the past (which may be one reasons some women seem to attract abusive men - word travels fast in the jerk pool), a woman who obviously isn't stable (when I was young and in social service, I always wondered why my craziest clients had no trouble attracting men), unattractive women (again in social service, it seemed that women with no teeth were extremely popular, in the instant-hook-up set). I never understood how anyone could move in with someone they met only a day or two prior, but there are a lot of desperate people out there.

These guys may only approach women they think they may have a chance with. These aren't guys though who would approach any other woman differently. They're avoiding women they KNOW will reject them, but if they had any brains or social skills, they would be much better skilled with their approach. Insecure women often can be easily seduced, but these guys are too clumsy and stupid (luckily) to be able to pull off a good con.

Windchime
11-20-2009, 02:19 PM
I can tell you there are a lot of guys out there that think remarks like that turn women on. They get it from reading it in those "nasty" type magazines and porn flicks..

Yep, that's what I was going to say. They see it in porn flicks or reading those stupid fictional Penthouse stories and think that's the way it works in real life. I'm going to guess that men who say things like that are men with very little actual relationship OR sexual experience.

EZMONEY
11-20-2009, 02:34 PM
Those are the same guys that if they do "meet" someone and share it with the guys at lunch/breaks....

they use phrases like...

we swapped spit...

classy...

JulieJ08
11-20-2009, 02:43 PM
thats my problem! I get so shy and embarrassed that Im not firm with them. yes, I told him i'm not interested but only after blushing and laughing nervously...

Sadly, I'm pretty sure he took that as encouraging.

dragonwoman64
11-20-2009, 03:19 PM
on the subway system here in NYC there's been a rash of groping. to combat that, the MTA (metropolitan transit authority) has put up posters and makes announcements on the trains for woman not to tolerate sexual abuse/harrassment. they had a story on the news about it, and one woman said: It's only groping....

um, keep your hands off, pal!!

I think it's a mixed up bag of messages that get put out there, like EZ says, some women say it to men, men get the idea that women like it from sources that cater to men's fantasies. the obnoxious goofballs stand out.

I think certain guys will go after any woman they feel might have self esteem problems or who just share the same agenda, whether they be larger sized or rail thin (the thought maybe being if you bang on enough doors, *someone* will answer).

Arianwen
11-20-2009, 03:26 PM
Groping? seriously?

Geez...I swear some guy tries to pull that on me, he gets ye olde knee to the groin. I even get testy when guys stare at me in a lewd fashion. Yuck. I am not a piece of meat!

dragonwoman64
11-20-2009, 03:37 PM
I know! I'm not sure what I'd do, never had it happen in the about 20 years I've lived here, but I'm sure it would involve shoving and yelling.

ThicknPretty
11-20-2009, 04:09 PM
I was actually going to say something along the lines of men trying for women they think they'd have a better chance with in my previous post, but I think that goes back to the insecurity issues. I think men who are just out for that ONE thing develop these weird skills to sniff out the women that just miiiiiiiight give it to them. It's so disgusting and 9/10 it won't work, but they're shooting for that 1% chance I guess!

And that analogy about going around knocking on doors is SO true and funny!

Arianwen
11-20-2009, 04:35 PM
I know! I'm not sure what I'd do, never had it happen in the about 20 years I've lived here, but I'm sure it would involve shoving and yelling.

A mentally handicapped guy on a bus once grabbed my arm, he was seated and I was standing...I went bezerk. Shouted at him to remove his hand from my arm or else. Basically. I don't like it when strangers invade my space, I get reaaaaaaaaaaaaal cranky. :dizzy:

Smiling_Sara
11-20-2009, 08:39 PM
In my opinion (and some might disagree), I think guys assume for some reason that overweight women are more insecure and therefore "easy". I know that sounds awful and trust me, it infuriates me, but I've just seen it so much and I've been subjected to these assumptions so much that I've come to that conclusion. And I've actually had a guy admit that it's basically true.

Sure, there are the gross and completely indiscriminate guys who will talk nasty to any woman they meet, but if you pay attention, you'll probably notice that it happens more to overweight women. It sucks, but I think it's true.

I actually get really embarassed when guys are forward like that! I probably would have turned bright red and cried or something...it just makes me so uncomfortable! YUCK.


I've heard that before too. That heavier women are more insecure and "easy" but let me tell ya, being overweight made me terrified of men. I would do my best to never look men in the eye, I didn't want men to try and approch me, nothing. To this day, almost 90 pounds down from my highest known weight, I still deal with this somewhat. It's not that I don't WANT men to want me, but something holds me back. Just fear I guess. It's so stupid *shakes head in embarrassment*

If a guy said that to me, I'd give him a really dirty look and maybe just say something like I"m taken or something to get him away from me.

lizziep
11-21-2009, 12:38 AM
yeah i was thinking the same thing- that a guy sees an overweight woman and thinks easy target or "she'll be grateful!" that guy is a pig and definitely needs to be reported to the gym management. what if he corners you next time or gets gropey?! yuck.

katkitten
12-01-2009, 09:57 AM
omg! that same guy followed me today!!! It was nice out so I decided to go for an outdoor walk. He walks out of his building and waves at me and i just stared at him and then turned the other way and started walking out of the apt complex. Then, he followed me and tried to cut me off and got within about 10 yards of me but i was fast and got past (he probly tried to say hello but i had my noise cancelling headphones on so i dunno). I was pretending i didnt notice him. Then he followed me to the corner and stopped. So I kept going and walked into an outlet mall for about 20 mins...when i came out? still on the friggen corner!!!! so I pretend not to notice him as he waves I turn away and start walking towards the gas station that is about 3/4 of a mile down the street. The street winds around and has lots of trees (but lots of traffic going to the outlets so I figured it was still nice and public) so I couldnt see what happened but eventually he gave up....I'm sure he's harmless and just socially inept like you guys said but wtf? who waits for 20 mins at a street corner?!?

dragonwoman64
12-01-2009, 11:26 AM
geez louise! I had a guy at church fixate on me. he wouldn't stop sitting next to me, trying to talk to me. at first I was nice, thinking, hey, it's church, then I started to get a little freaked out by it. he wasn't getting the message by all the regular cues, not talking to him, walking away, looking mad, etc.

these guys are creepy and you really don't know if they're harmless or not. if you see him again, I think you should call the cops right away.

ThicknPretty
12-01-2009, 12:02 PM
Ok, wow, it sounds like that dude went completely way out of his way to follow you. It's one thing if you guys had already been going in the same direction or if he had some other obvious purpose for being in the area...but he clearly did not and that's CREEPY.

I would seriously ask him to stop if he does something like that again. Sometimes what guys like that need is someone to be firm (not necessarily rude, but direct) and communicate that that type of attention is NOT appreciated and that you're giving him a chance to correct the behaviors before you'll feel the need to let someone else know.

Omg...just thinking about that scenario freaks me out.

david
12-01-2009, 12:04 PM
as the father of three daughters and as a man myself, let me say that iam embarrassed and shocked at that kind of behavior....and believe me, i also am no prude....im so sorry that there are people like this out there

dragonwoman64
12-01-2009, 12:46 PM
honestly? I'd call the cops. what he said and waiting 20 minutes for you is not, not good. They'll talk to him. Make sure you tell the cops everything, that he followed you and waited 20 minutes. What he said at the gym. make sure the cops understand he followed you and you feel threatened.

Wannabeskinny
12-02-2009, 09:03 AM
You are in danger.

Please handle this situation as it needs to be handled. This is not a time to be cute and coy and avoid rudeness. You're blushing and stammering and he's interpreting that as an invitation to try harder. The opportunity to deal with it on your own has already past. You should've firmly rejected him in the first place and reported his nasty remarks to the manager. But you didn't do that and now you are being followed so even more drastic measure will be necessary now. If he tries to speak to you again you have to look him menacingly in the eye, point your finger at him and tell him in a loud voice (loud enough for bystandanders to hear) to leave you alone. That ought to snap him out of it but nonetheless talk to your building manager immediately and alert him to this guy's inappropriate behavior. More than one person needs to be tuned in to this guy's whereabouts and actions. If he's doing it to you he's done it to others and will do it again.

Women spend all their energy in being nice and polite and not offending people. He's interpreting your actions as "playing hard to get" or "teasing." It's wishful thinking on his part but thinking along these lines allows him to pursue you.

Sakai
12-02-2009, 12:42 PM
I agree with wannabeskinny.

Truth be told if that happened to me at the gym i would like to think I would have become a bit violent, but i Know I would end up going."Um...what?" and looked at him as if her were stupid...of course I would have said it loud enough for the rest of the gym to take notice.

A guy kinda like that use to follow my best friend around in highschool. Kinda cute at first, always sitting with us at lunch and following us around the cafeteria and the halls, trying to talk to her. Then one day he pushed her a bit too far and she stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and shouted. "I..don't..like...you...stop following me!" The whole student body like froze with their forks in their mouth and everyone turned to stare.

Needless to say he got the idea...be if from her stating it, or from most of the school seeing it. But what may work in high school may not work in the general public. Standing up to a guy like that in front of a lot of people may just piss him off and it seems that is not a good idea. What about the other people at the gym? are they mostly guys like that? Mostly women? Family type guys? Do you go to the gym alone? Do you carry a cellphone with you?

I use to go to the gym with my best friend and there was always this guy in the TIGHTEST leotard-like clothes you can imagine anyone wanting to wear in public. and he loved to stare at whatever was female in that gym...and their wern't a lot of females...trust me. talk about creepy and he insisted, after staring you down for 20 minutes while you ignore him and watch the tv mounted on the wall, he insisted on walking past you like 20 times and saying hi a couple of times...going at far as getting on the treadmill next to you.

I would always crank my MP3 up and ignore him, knowing that if he ever tried anything, my best friend next to me would have beamed his head in. (she was training for the military and had some anger issues that would have fueled her @_@ ) but we never went to the gym without the other one there with us.

Don't pass him off as just a creep.... yeah he may have taken your politness and embarrassment as a cue to push a little harder, or he might just be one of those guys who won't take no for an answer. Even more so if he thinks the woman should be thankful he's even giving her attention, being snubbed might piss him off. Keep ignoring him, alert your friends and family...You know.."Hey their's this creepy guy at the gym, ect." so that Heaven forbid, anything happened to you, your family will instantly think about the creep at the gym.

And by all means if he pushes, call the police. I don't know just what they can do other than give him a warning. if he's willing to follow you outside the gym...he could very well follow you around town. Just be very aware of him, but don't let him scare you into not going to the gym.

katkitten
12-02-2009, 01:21 PM
Yeah. if he approaches me again I will tell him off and if he doesnt back down I'll report him. I have a bit of social anxiety and am not very good at being firm like that but will do my best. The problem is, this is just the workout room at the apt complex. It's usually just me and one other person when i go. And I dont really have a support system down here so there is no one to go with me. I've been doing more walks (i drove to a walking path today)and wii fit and workout videos and going to the gym at work so i dont run into him.

bananapancakes
12-02-2009, 01:27 PM
WHAT THE.....!?!?!? Good Lord, that's no way to speak to speak to a lady your trying to chat up. That's how you talk to a hooker or your s.o if you like that sort of thing. :lol: What the bloody **** is wrong with this creep? *shudders* I would have went off. Please just be careful when you are working out there, maybe buy a taser or some mace- I'm not joking, there are too many freakin' weirdo's out there and you can never be too careful. That's really scary that he waited on you. You need to take a stand, I think you could be in danger- have the police go talk to him.

david
12-02-2009, 02:25 PM
i wouldnt work out at that apt gym if its just you and him...hes got you at a huge disadvantage there...i agree that you have enough evidence to tell the police that they would want to talk to him....maybe its nothing and hes just an annoyance, but theres way too much at stake to wait to find out....my wife had a neighbor who was harrassing her and the po;ice were very helpful

kaplods
12-02-2009, 03:20 PM
omg! that same guy followed me today!!! ...

So I kept going and walked into an outlet mall for about 20 mins...when i came out? still on the friggen corner!!!!

Call the police NOW! Do not wait for another incident.

Even the stupidest, most socially inept idiot should have gotten the message by now that you're not interested. Now, he seems to be trying to intimidate you - or is deep in a bizarre fantasy world and obsessive behavior.

If he had any innocent intentions, he would have followed you into the outlet mall. That he waited outside for you to come out (especially for 20 minutes) suggests several very dangerous things....

1. He avoided making content in a public place where there would be WITNESSES to his behavior. That suggests malicious intent, not innocent romantic or even blatant sexual intent. If he were just an idiot, I suspect that he would have followed you into the mall.


2. He was willing to spend 20 minutes doing absolutely nothing but wait for contact with a person he doesn't know. When you're waiting for someone you DO know and are scheduled to meet, 20 minutes seems like an eternity if you have nothing to occcupy your time. Which to me makes it even more suspicious that he didn't follow you into the outlet mall - at least eventually. I would be less suspicious if he had (at least he would have had the "pretense" that he was shopping too - but standing on the corner doing nothing - he wanted you to know he'd been waiting for you - and again didn't want witnesses.

3. Your repeated attempts to avoid him were indeed a FIRM "no" that even the stupidest of males should recognize. He's obviously not stupid or mentally handicapped - or again he wouldn't have had the foresight to avoid the public place. He's obviously getting an adrenaline rush from the "chase." Very, very dangerous.

________________

The first incident sounded alot like poor judgement and lack of social skills to me (as I posted), but this new incident is unmistakeably a dangerous one.

Trust that creeped-out feeling. It's safer to assume a harmless nut-case is a dangerous whack-job than the reverse. And there are so many red flags here that I don't believe there's much of a chance that he is harmless. I don't get alarmed easily. And your situation is alarming to me. As a former probation officer, I felt perfectly (well, reasonably at any rate) safe in the scariest of neighborhoods and even in the homes of many violent offenders, with no back-up or "witnesses" and only a note on the bulletin board in the probation office to tell anyone where I was supposed to be and when I was supposed to be back.


I definitely would call the police, and talk to the apartment management as well.

With my original post, I didn't know that the gym you were talking about was in your apartment building or that it was so small and isolated. It changes the situation a lot.

In a public gym with lots of people around, there are fewer safety issues than in a small, fairly isolated appartment gym. He not only knows generically where you live - if not the actual apartment number - he presumeably lives in the same building - or has reason to be there.

Do call the police now. Don't wait for another incident, because often enforcement of stalking laws sometimes (if not by the letter of the law, in practicality) require the police to see a pattern of behavior, not an isolated incident. You need to report every incident, in detail. Not only incidents in which you have direct contact with him, but even passive behaviors like "hanging around" in a place with the apparent or even suspected intent of seeing you or making contact.

VernDern
12-02-2009, 03:54 PM
I definitely wouldve turned him into management after I kneed him in his package. Gross! Thats not even flirting or anything remotely okay to say to someone you dont know. Sounds to me like he needs a good kick...

Wannabeskinny
12-03-2009, 03:22 PM
Start a log. Everytime you come into contact with him, time/date/location, what he did, how you responded, how he reacted, etc. It really helps when you're trying to build a case. I once had to report an ex-boyfriend who was stalking me. He is someone I loved and cared for deeply, but the relationship was over and he continued to harass me and I felt very threatened. The moment I walked into the police station and reported it, he instantly got a record - that never goes away. I followed the procedures to get a restraining order but he totally snapped out of it and left me alone once I told him I had reported him to the police. The advice I was given was to write down everything, all the calls, visits, etc.

4myloves
12-03-2009, 03:38 PM
Yeah, and, for selfish reasons even though I have no idea who you are, CHECK IN HERE every few days to let us know you're ok.

Skyra
12-03-2009, 06:14 PM
This summer, a guy (an acquaintance from a past job) asked me out. Repeatedly, for weeks. At first I told him no nervously, then politely, and then one day I finally blew up at him and said, "No! Don't you understand no? I'm never, ever going to date you. Lay off."

He said, "If you don't date me, you'll regret it."

That alone was enough for me to call the police. He was roughly twice my size and had a tattoo of Death on his arm, and what he said scared the bejeezus out of me.

I walked into the nearest police station and asked the receptionist if I could talk to a police officer. When he asked why, I told him I was being bothered by a guy and I was worried about my safety. He called down a police officer to talk to me right away.

I even prefaced it by saying "I'm probably overreacting, but..." and told him the situation. The officer said "You're not overreacting at all. He's ignoring your requests, he's threatening you, and you feel unsafe. I'm gonna call this guy and talk to him... but if you EVER see or have any contact from him again, call the police right away. He sounds dangerous."

I've never heard from the guy since. I feel safe, and all it took was 10 minutes in the police station to get me there.

The police care about your safety. Do NOT feel worried about bothering them or wasting their time. I agree with other posters -- this man sounds very dangerous. Some men don't understand "no" and it sounds like this guy won't back away if you tell him "no". DO NOT handle it on your own. He could be a rapist or worse, and I don't want to scare you, but yes, it COULD happen to you. Don't let something awful happen to you because you wanted to spare this guy's feelings. It's not worth it. Period.

Please post and let us know you're safe.

katkitten
12-03-2009, 10:34 PM
oooo, Skyra, now that is really creepy. im unwilling to go to the police just yet (partly because i wouldnt even know how to describe who he is. nothing really unique about how he looks) but am very careful to stay in well populated places and have stopped going to that gym for the moment (i found a better one!). but if he bothers me again, i will take his pic with my camera phone (a very smart suggestion from a fellow member here!) andi will go talk to the police.

babes315
12-06-2009, 03:30 AM
I totally agree with kaplods and wannabe.

If you don't want to go to the police yet, at the very least document everything and talk to the people at the leasing office. Once you tell them what is going on, I wouldn't be surprised if they know who you are talking about, it doesn't take long for guys like him to get a reputation. Perhaps then you can get a name from them and have this information to pass on to police if necessary. I am glad that you found a better gym, it is not safe for you to be alone with this guy.

One thing I would do if I were you is get a story together in case somehow you do find yourself alone with him. A few years ago, I was driving up to Atlanta alone from FL to visit my boyfriend. I stopped at a rest stop, and some guy said he was having trouble getting his dollar in the vending machine and I try to help him. The next thing I know, I am backed in a corner, with him too close to me and feeling very isolated (though it was daylight and there were people in the parking lot). Even though I was alone, I told him that my older brother was in the car and we were on our way to visit our parents (aka I was not alone, I could be with someone that is strong and going to make it hard for him to take me and people are going to notice if I don't show up). Thankfully, I safely reached my destination.

If something inside of you is screaming that something isn't right, listen to it. Don't make any excuses for his behavior and stay safe!

arumaru
12-07-2009, 05:08 PM
Ok, I'll be honest... the majority of men aren't attracted to obese women, and those that are often think that fat girls are desperate to get with anyone, and have lower standards as to who they're willing to sleep with. Chubby/slightly overweight girls don't have to deal with this as often, because a lot more "normal" men find them attractive. But some guys, especially younger ones, are too insecure to be seen with a girl who is only a few lbs overweight. Older men are more mature and often have weight problems of their own, but in general, if you are a teen or in your early 20s and you are obese, it's not fun at all.

I've always gotten attention from men, but it was at it's lowest at my heaviest weight, and I get more attention now that I'm lighter. I'm one of those "Oh it's a pity you have such a pretty face" type of fat girls, and I have a figure and chest/waist/hip ratio despite being at this weight. SO it's not like I ever looked like a monster, I just had a lot of potential and it was a shame that I wasn't as pretty as I could be. A fair amount of "normal" guys are into me, but I know that a lot of them are insecure about being seen with a fat chick. It used to get me down a lot and made me cynical about people, but I no longer care about it. I'm losing weight and improving my health, and I have a great guy by my side also. :) I'm doing this for myself, but I have to say that I can't wait to be at a trimmer and healthier weight for my boyfriend. When I lost weight and started to wear nicer clothes, styled my hair, etc, I got a lot more attention. Everyone looks nicer when they are dressed well and have confidence, but the truth is that being very overweight/obese is a huge deterrent in all social situations, especially ones where you have to promote yourself, such as in dating. People judge you by first impressions most of the time, and obesity is always associated with bad things. This is just a simple truth and a reality that fat acceptance people aren't willing to accept.

sacha
12-08-2009, 07:22 PM
Hi hun, I have worked in policing for a few years so I hope you'll give some thought to what I say,

You can give a phone call to the police station at any time (the non emerg) and ask to speak to someone who deals with domestic violence (although this is not a person you are in a relationship with, it is the best unit to talk to). Just let them know what is going on and what advice they can give you with the circumstances. You don't need to file a report right now.

I do know of some girls who actually have their homes/work places FLAGGED on my computer system (ie. lights up in big red letters) whenever I see it, because some crazy dude (often a guy they didn't even know) stalks and harasses them.

Please be safe rather than sorry as there are some mentally ill people out there who have no concept of boundaries. So just place a phone call, there's no harm in it. ****, even I had to do it once and that was scary for me to admit to my coworkers that it was happening to me.