20-Somethings - My Mom is SO FRUSTRATING!!!

so I just had a HUGE fight with my mom about losing weight...

As some of you know, she had back surgery a little while ago, so she's still not allowed to drive. She asked me if I'd take her to the store, and I asked her "what for?" and she said she wanted to buy some stuff to try and make cobbler in the crock pot....and for some reason I got all upset...

I guess I just went off on her...

For a while now, she's been getting very upset because I'm losing weight. She gets mad at me if I mention it, even if I'm not talking to her and she's just in the room....she gets all offended and upset and then depressed because she feels she can't lose the weight. All she has are excuses..."I can't fight the cravings" or "It hurts me too much to work out" or "I don't have the money"....but she WANTS to lose the weight...she just doesn't want to have to suck up the fact that it's hard...

anyways...I got mad at her. I asked her if she could think of anything else that she wanted to make, anything that wouldn't be so bad for her...I pointed out that she keeps saying how much she wants to lose weight and how much she just can't afford it..but that she then "wants to go blow all her money on junk food and empty calories"...

I TOLD her that I'm sick of her getting mad at me for making good choices and seeing results...and she said she's not mad that I'm losing weight, she's mad that I "rub it in her face"...

I don't UNDERSTAND! I don't rub it in her face. She doesn't even know exactly how much I've lost. She'll occasionally hear me mention it to my bf, but I'm not talking to HER....I guess if walking infront of her looking a little smaller counts as "rubbing it in her face" then she's right...but I'm pretty sure it doesn't.


I'm just so frustrated right now. I'm sick of her #*%^#*@% about wanting to lose weight, getting mad at ME for losing weight, and not doing ANYTHING to try and make healthy decisions for herself...



I buy all my own groceries...I have my own refrigerator...and my family doesn't touch my food and I don't touch theirs. I don't eat meals with them at all...because they won't touch the stuff that I eat. They claim to be supportive and be proud of me....but if they're so supportive, why am I always eating alone?...

They say they can't afford "the good foods" and I know they do have a LOT of financial trouble and a lot of the times all they can afford is hot dogs or spaghetti....but why can't they get turkey dogs and whole wheat spaghetti instead? I just don't understand why she can't even handle little changes like those...

I'm so frustrated and I have no idea what to do...:(

Sometimes mothers are our best friends and sometimes mothers are our worst enemies.

It's got to be hard for you with no one in your house supporting you and proud of you. Not to mention the guilt they are laying on you for doing something about your weight. As hard as it is, you need to keep doing what you are doing. Maybe you blowing up at your mom isn't the worst thing. Maybe she'll take you seriously or see things from your perspective.

I suggest when you calm down a bit, try talking to her again and explain how she makes YOU feel with her negative comments.

My mom is the epitome of a yo-yo dieter. She's not that over weight (15 pounds), but she thinks she's a blimp. And nothing I've ever done is enough to get a positive reaction out of her. So I gave up. I think the reason I turned to food so much was because she was constantly hounding me about my weight.

But now, I'm in control and I know what I need to do. And so are you.

:hug:

Sorry girl! My mom was the same way, she wound up getting gastric by pass surgery...now she's my biggest cheerleader!!!

I'm sorry, Divine. Mom's are weird.

My mom would get so excited when she'd lose 1 lb, she'd tell everyone, and in the same sentence tell me I'd have to lose a little weight (which I DIDN'T at the time) but then when I dropped 20 lbs she didn't say a word.

Its hurtful, we expect our mom's to be the ones who are always there for us, when they're just human. I think she's probably really jealous of the fact that you're doing so well, so she's making excuses for herself. I think its just awesome that you've come so far with little support from your family, and you should really be commended for that. This weight loss thing is difficult enough without adding onto it.

In response to them buying unhealthy foods, what if you tried to help your mom with food choices - maybe go through the pennysavers and coupon cut so she can find healthier options, like whole wheat pasta, or really comb the stores for sales. I know fruits and veggies are expensive, but you can find really good sales sometimes. Maybe (once you calm down and I think you have every right to be upset) just talk to her and see if she wants your help. If not, I'm sorry and we're all here to support you. ::hug::

Oh DivineFidelity, she is just mad that you are loosing weight and she is not...
Try and help her out...

Sometimes we get mad people for doing stuff we are not able to do, I am not saying that what she is doing is right but help her make better choices for herself and hopefully she get mad at you anymore...

I agree with stellarose. I feel like as women we tend to get jealous of one another in the looks department, even if its a mother-daughter relationship. I think she may just be lashing out at you because she sees you doing something she wants to do and feels like she can't do. That being said, its not right for her to do that. I understand though where you're coming from with the whole wanting her to feel proud but instead feeling resistance. I had a few good friends who I was "fat chicks" with back in highschool and we always talked about how we would lose weight and then when I started to, they weren't very supportive to say the least...anyways, you just have to keep going and doing this for you. I know you can do it!

I can't imagine how hard it must be to be doing this without any major support at home :[. But, the fact that you're still succeeding shows how strong & determined you are.. and that's so inspirational!

It sounds like that's a tough situation with your mom... maybe once she heals and can move more, you could invite her on a walk or something? Doesn't cost money, and you can take it as slow or as quickly as both of you want.

Don't let her make you feel bad about losing weight. You should be PROUD and shouting it form the mountain tops!! ;)

We're all here for you.. stay strong! :hug:

I'm guessing this is the same mom that, awhile back, was, ahem, discussing your stretch marks with you? Now she's accusing you of rubbing your weight loss in her face?

Hate to be mean, but it sounds like she deserves it a little.

Remember, though, this, too, shall pass and you will be all the stronger for it!! Keep going strong!

*SQUISHES* I definitely relate on how frustrating family can be as I have mother-issues of my own. When I was venting out my frustrations a smart member told me: "it's ok to seek out nurturing/mothering from sources other than your mother. I've found benefit from surrounding myself with nurturing people, especially when my mother became emotionally unavailable." and I think that's very true. We can't change our mothers, but we can change how we react to them. I choose to not let mine affect me. I know deep down she loves me so once she starts seeing results, I'm hoping she will come around.

As for the food being too expensive, maybe you can show them that actually, planning and cooking your food *saves* *so*much more money. Sometimes people (especially older) are a little stubborn in their way of thinking so it'll take some time and some self-realizing before they can come around. Until then, you just keep pounding away at those pounds like there's no tomorrow!! From your tracker, it looks like you're doing great so don't give up!!