100 lb. Club - Wearing more *DARING* clothing




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Thighs Be Gone
11-19-2009, 11:27 AM
Hi Ladies. I wasn't sure where to post this. Since I am in this group, I thought I would post here and see what your responses were.

For years and years I have always been careful to wear dark colors, loose fitting clothing, shirts tucked out, etc., etc. In addition, I hated shopping. I hated knowing what size I was in. I hated going into the dressing room and facing those mirrors. Mortified--yeah, that was me.

I have found myself more interested in clothing these last few months as I have been working on becoming more fit. I am also finding that I am trying new styles and more fitted items than ever before. My question is--when am I going to be actually comfortable wearing them? I do it daily but still feel awkward at times. Yesterday I was wearing a pair of low-rise Lucky jeans, a long, fitted camisole and a long sleeved embroidered bolero (short jacket that ends right below boosoms). I wore a pair of dark boots and wore my jeans over the boots (not the tucked in thing). I thought it looked stylish and did show my body but not over the top.

I went to the movies and felt okay (it's dark in there). When I got to the school to pick up my kids I all of a sudden felt so awkward again. Like I wanted to run to my car or something. What in heaven's name? At my age I should be so over this sort of thing. I feel like I am confident in most respects but this new clothing issue really has me baffled. I actually felt like people were "looking" yesterday and I guess I am just not used to that. I don't want to sink back into my sweats or my big, dark pants again. I feel like some people I know are weird about me being different now. I know it is time for me to get over this. I played myself down for years! I am ready for play UP!

Sorry for the rant and the long post ya'll. I swear it's not a vanity post. It's an issue on my mind and is bothering me. I know I can count on my sisters here.


nelie
11-19-2009, 11:31 AM
I've always kind of wore daring clothes, occasionally. I think it is just part of my personality. I think you may just get used to it. I never understood loose fitting clothes because they are never hiding anything and although I don't advocate wearing tight bright orange/pink/yellow pants for anyone, dark colors aren't hiding anything either.

Wear color, wear fitting clothes and I think the comfort level will come.

EveLHaelf
11-19-2009, 11:34 AM
First of all, Congrats on your success so far!

Secondly, the way I read it, it sounds like going into a school setting might have brought up some of those insecure teenager feelings maybe? Teenagers can be cruel and hurtful and it's hard to really forget about those things. I know any time I step into a school for whatever reason I always feel a bit uncertain and awkward, too.

I'm sure you looked great and that there was no reason to feel uncertain. ;)

I'm still not to the point of wearing different clothes yet. But I'll get there. :hug:


Thighs Be Gone
11-19-2009, 11:40 AM
Thank you for your input--both of ya'll. To clarify, I am in the school a lot. So I am usually quite comfortable there--I volunteer there two days a week. Yesterday I was just standing near the playground waiting for my kids to come out. Just lots of other moms there ya know.

Thighs Be Gone
11-19-2009, 11:42 AM
nelie--I can honestly say I don't think I have ever worn pink, yellow or orange pants--LOL--I do have lots of tops, scarves, handbags and shoes that are bling, bling in those colors though! LOL.

CLCSC145
11-19-2009, 12:42 PM
I had that same feeling the other day! Even though I looked perfectly normal and looked nice, I felt like I was wearing a costume. And it was just a pair of slim black pants and a pretty scoopneck magenta sweater. Nothing revealing, but it wasn't my usual "uniform" and I felt like an impostor. I actually went back in the house and changed into my typical baggy jeans and shirt, which was silly. I could tell looking in the mirror that I had looked much better in the first outfit, but felt more comfortable (safer, really) in the second. Stupid.

I know what you mean about not wanting to play yourself down anymore. Wearing the baggy jeans and sweats can be like an invisibility cloak, at least it is for me. Actually putting effort into your clothes can feel exposing as it draws attention in a way that shapeless clothes don't. It means breaking out of your comfort zone and it can feel weird if you aren't used to it. Oddly enough, once I actually wear a new outfit out and realize nobody laughed at me and the sky didn't fall, I can wear it again without the anxiety. I bet the next time you wear that outfit, you won't feel nearly so awkward in it.

Carly Smoker
11-19-2009, 12:43 PM
I think that you should have someone who you trust take some pictures of you. Then with that person you might start seeing how good you do look now and building your self-image up.
But on the other side I can feel self-conscience in a hat, which has nothing to do with my weight but actually just stepping out of my usual style. So that could be it as well.

Sandi
11-19-2009, 01:10 PM
I am quality of the dark colors and baggy clothing. The longer the better for shirts. But I just can't stand my stomach sticking out of the bottom. Even with the longer shirts, it happens anyway.

I can't wait for the time when I can shop according to my style and not what fits.

H8cake
11-19-2009, 01:21 PM
I have those same feelings when I wear certain outfits. I have a few dresses that are a little shorter than I normally wear, they just hit the top of the knee. I love them and they look good, hubby likes them. I feel very self conscious in them though. I feel like I'm trying to show off, or maybe trying to dress a little young for my age (I'm 45). I keep wearing them though, because I think part of the issue is that I have made such a dramatic change in myself that it is taking my brain some time to adjust. I've worked hard to get my health and body where I want it to be and there is nothing wrong with looking good. It does bring more attention than I'm used to, people have only made nice comments, but I'm not used to the attention. It's out of my comfort zone. I think that it will eventually become my normal and then I'll feel fine. I've seen your pictures and you look fabulous! Don't hide it, wear those cute clothes and be proud of yourself!

TJFitnessDiva
11-19-2009, 01:23 PM
I know where you are coming from on this. I feel like you do sometimes esp around other women. All I can tell you is just keep putting yourself out there, in time it will get easier :lol: or at least that is what others tell me!

carter
11-19-2009, 01:28 PM
I bet you'll get a couple of compliments from people on the new look and then you'll start to feel more comfortable. :)

Lori259
11-19-2009, 01:35 PM
Thighs Darling~of course they was looking at you~YOUR BEAUTIFUL!
Even if you put on big ole jogging pants and A shirt 3 x's to big~they would still look at you & your hotness~LOL ~You just got a little paranoia Going on~Just enjoy being the hot Noticeable one!!!!
Time will get you use to the new you.

catherinef
11-19-2009, 01:40 PM
I have these occasional fears of being mutton dressed as lamb (I'm 42), but for the most part, I'm over it. I'm not one to reveal much skin, but I have taken to wearing things that fit nicely at the waist and just-above-the-knee skirts practically all the time, on the grounds that my legs actually look really good, and they provide a useful distraction from the areas I'm still not at all happy with. (These would be my upper arms and belly.)

I have got over it so much that I now cannot abide going out in ill-fitting clothes, and don't really like wearing them around the house, either, since they don't really conceal a darn thing, they just make me look EVEN FATTER. I've worked way too hard at this to feel even a bit fatter than I actually am. It never leads to anything good, I just feel more and more wretched and sloppy and terrible when my clothes fit me like sacks, and that's a feeling I am working diligently to get out of my life for good.

losermom
11-19-2009, 01:48 PM
Thighs, I hear you on this one. I first started wearing more fitted and updated clothing in May/June 09 and got alot of attention, positive luckily. And I was more than freaked out by it. But over time, I am becoming more comfortable with it. People are getting used to me at this size. Now I like looking my best and make more of an effort than before. Clothes are fun! I hear you on the age thing though, DD22 and I shop together often. And she sometimes tries to convince me that I can wear some things that are totally inappropriate for my age, 46. I'm learning that even though something might fit (this was my litmus test in the past) and look good on me, I don't have to buy it. It also has to fit into my current wardrobe and lifestyle.

Windchime
11-19-2009, 02:32 PM
I too have to fight the urge to buy everything that fits, even if I don't really like it! In the past, that was the criteria: If it fit and I didn't HATE it then I would buy it. I had many things in my closet that I really didn't like; I simply tolerated wearing them because the alternative was going naked or wearing pajamas.

Now that I can fit into more "average sized" clothing, I can be a little more picky. Sometimes it's hard to remember that and I want to buy it all up because it FITS!

As far as wearing more daring clothing--I've always kind of been a "sweater" girl; I have big boobs and things that button don't fit unless they are huge in the shoulders and waist. So I guess you could consider that daring since I was wearing kind of fitted sweaters (when I could find them). Now I am trying to find the balance between wearing fitted, attractive clothes and not being too "hoochie-mama" or middle-aged-cougar. I want to look attractive, fit, and yes even sexy for my age, but I don't want to be a desperate-looking middle-aged lady trying to stuff herself into 20-something clothing. Catherinef's "mutton dressed as lamb" is a perfect description of what I aspire NOT to be.

JulieJ08
11-19-2009, 02:42 PM
Thighs Darling~of course they was looking at you~YOUR BEAUTIFUL!
Even if you put on big ole jogging pants and A shirt 3 x's to big~they would still look at you & your hotness~LOL ~You just got a little paranoia Going on~Just enjoy being the hot Noticeable one!!!!
Time will get you use to the new you.

This ... is the truth :D

Lori Bell
11-19-2009, 03:23 PM
:dancer: "I always feel like...somebodys watching me..." :dancer:

Oh Thighs, I am SO totally with you on this one. I feel the same way, most all the time. It's hard. I also get this unusual, up-down-once over-avoid eye-contact look that makes me feel so self conscious. I'll leave the house and think I look pretty good, and by the time I'm around people I'm almost in a full state of anxiety.

I don't know, and maybe I am WAYYYY OFF on this, but I seriously don't think it is all in my head. I don't think I am imagining the "looks" I get. I truly think some people treat me differently now, and it's not a good differently but a not so nice different. You know what I mean?

:hug:

Trazey34
11-19-2009, 03:29 PM
I think if you snap some pics and try to look critically at them, that can be helpful. i've done that myself. Sometimes fat girls/former fat girls get so excited about clothes and being sooooo much smaller than before, they can wear something wildly inappropriate -- I'm always very aware of FIT and FORM and age-appropriateness. Nothing worse than tight stuff, or way too short etc.. Just because I'm way smaller than I WAS doesn't mean I'm not still huge LOL

First and foremost, I think you need to be comfortable. If clothing is fitting you and not squishing you anywhere, you can work on your comfort levels. You don't have to jump into trendy colourful clothing all at once, you can start with something simple, one colour change, a funky coat, etc., all about baby steps to the fabulous you :D

Thighs Be Gone
11-19-2009, 06:12 PM
Thank you so much--all of you for your encouraging words. Julie and Lori a huge HUG to both of you. That made me feel really--much, much better. Lori I especially like your comment that "time" will get used to me. I really like that and am trying to hold on to that statement. The thing is I felt really great in what I was wearing--and you know what--I am going to wear it again soon too!

Lori Bell I am with you--people DO treat me differently. People that didn't know me back "then" and people that DID know me "then." I am still the same person in most respects though and go out of my way to be friendly to most everyone in my path.

Trazey, I wear a size 2 (sometimes 0) and nope, I don't wear anything that "squishes" me. LOL. In fact, my low-rise Lucky's are fitted but a little baggy actually. (The ones I wore out yesterday.) I am in my late 30's--and am somewhat careful not to try too hard. To be sure though, I am going to have hubby snap a pic of me in that outfit and I am going to post it. I know 3FC will be honest with me and am thankful for that.

Thighs Be Gone
11-19-2009, 06:14 PM
LORI BELL--I am singing that friggin' song now!

I wonder who is watching me now?

JulieJ08
11-19-2009, 06:27 PM
This thread probably has two groups ... those that know that song and those that don't!

And I can't wait to see the outfit, it sounded great.

DCHound
11-19-2009, 08:45 PM
I bet you looked fantastic and it will just take time to get comfortable with it.

I'm 40 and my personal rule-of-thumb for more-daring clothing is, it can be fitted OR it can be low-cut but it cannot be both at the same time. I think I look better in tight than in low, so most of my stuff is more fitted than low-cut. And oddly enough I went from "the blob" (no offense to anyone, that's just how I perceived myself) to "the office hottie" (according to a new intern) in less than a year! LOL.

Lori259
11-19-2009, 11:14 PM
LORI BELL--I am singing that friggin' song now!

I wonder who is watching me now?



LOL~Just checking back into the thread and NOW I Am singing that song too~LOL~ Dang it.:dizzy: it's driving me cooky I will be up all night now hahaha. Must think of something else.

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Dang it now "UP ALL NIGHT SLEEP ALL DAY" IS IN MY HEAD!


Anyways wear that outfit again Thighs and Enjoy those stares of Envy!

HUGS TO YA GIRL!:hug:

ubergirl
11-19-2009, 11:20 PM
I really relate to this.

I used to have the habit of going around in really dreadful clothes... just kind of shapeless formless ratty clothes. I'd wear them around the house and then just tell myself, oh heck, why not wear them out, I'm just going to the store.

Now, I don't want to go out looking like that.

So, yesterday, a friend called and asked if I wanted to go for coffee. So, I changed-- my nice jeans, boots, and a blazer. Plus, she hasn't seen me since my hair cut....

now, she new I was losing weight, but still, I knew there was going to be "that moment" when she saw me walk in looking all fresh and she was going to be surprised.

I'm happy to get positive feedback to a point-- but I always dread that first moment when I feel like I'm making a spectacle of myself.

Lori Bell
11-20-2009, 09:12 AM
I guess this is a little OT, but clothing related.

Even my sons are more aware of my clothing now. My 17 year old, (autistic) son never seemed to notice (or care) what I looked like, or what I wore, but a week or so ago my family wanted ice cream, and because we don't keep any in the house and the nearest store is 15 miles away they needed to road trip to get some. So my DH BEGS me to go with them. It was 8pm or so, I had worked my butt off all day, and had showered and changed into some over-sized comfy clothes to settle in for the night. Finally I said I would ride along, but I was not getting out of the car...(or getting any ice cream! ;)) I didn't want to change clothes again. My son Andy took one look at me in my old valour sweat suit getting in the car and had a bit of a melt down. He yelled at me, "NO MOM...no comfy clothes to town!" My hubby and I were both shocked. Andy is a man of few words, so for him to express this was an indication that he really does like it when his mama looks good! I assured him that none of his class mates would see me because I was not getting out of the car...LOL ;) He chilled out, but it was kind of a breakthrough for him...and me. :)

Windchime
11-20-2009, 11:07 AM
That's a cute story, Lori Bell. :)

saef
11-20-2009, 01:51 PM
I can relate to this, and I think it's because I'm still adjusting psychologically to having two settings on my dial.

I used to have just one setting. That was the invisibility setting. Because I was fat & middle-aged, no one really looked at me. As long as I met standards of personal hygiene, all clean, wearing clean clothes, I could go anywhere. I felt vaguely apologetic about my appearance all the time, but that was just a given.

Now I have two settings. The "comfy clothes" setting, as Lori Bell described it, where I still try to get some wear out of the perfectly good clothes that I've already outgrown two sizes ago. That's when I pull my old cloak of invisibility around me. It's also when I "feel fat," as though I suddenly gained weight back, even though I know, realistically, that I have not.

But there's the "on display" setting now. And that is not really a comfortable place for me to be. Sometimes I feel like a drag queen, like I am impersonating a thin, attractive woman. I'm afraid of being found out & pecked to death by the other hens. So I feel like I need to look impeccably unexceptional. My clothes are like a suit of armor. If I am well-groomed & well-dressed, I will be safe & I can mingle inobtrusively.

And yes, to people who've seen me go through this transformation, I think I may be something of a freak. I am the "reverse" fat lady. I am a sort of blowup doll to them. I think they're checking for signs of whether I am currently inflating back up or deflating further. All I know is that it's weird to have a body that is so notorious, so flagrantly public & a blatant topic of conversation.

AbbySinthe
11-20-2009, 03:09 PM
What a great thread. Thanks so much Thighs. And I'm sure you looked absolutely fabulous. It just seens to take so long for our heads to catch up with our bodies, doesn't it..?

And I know exactly how you feel. Today I tried on a pair of 14s that zip up and fit no problem but I felt were just too tight (i'm going to check w/hubby to see if they are inappropriately tight later today). But I changed into my jeans that are getting a little loose in the tush and a very fitted tight black long sleeved, v-neck top. Nothing was showing and I thought I looked great. At first. But for some reason, the longer I kept that shirt on, the more I started being really hard on myself. I'm by no means at my goal weight and I just kept thinking you can see every roll and bit of flab in my midsection... :( So i'm sitting here at work sweating in a sweatshirt. Bleh. I'll get there. And so will you.. :)

Lori Bell - Your story made me really happy and a little teary. My sister in law and best friend both work w/autistic children so I completely understand what a huge step that was for your son :hug:

DC - I think that's a really good rule. Either low or tight. :)

saef - I can totally identify with your post. Thanks for saying what I couldn't.

p.s. - Oh, and I am in the group of knowing that song ;)

Lori259
11-20-2009, 09:07 PM
Lori Bell~That is so sweet girl!
~AND YOU LOOK SUPER IN YOUR NEW AVATAR PIC~

JustBeckyV
11-20-2009, 10:11 PM
I am enjoying wearing things that fit and look good! My problem is figuring out where to go whenI walk in a store now lol I feel so lost!

FutureFitChick
02-04-2011, 10:16 PM
I love the imagery you (Saef) capture in this post. It really clearly reminds us of how my perceptions some days can be way different than the reality other people are seeing. Now that you've had more time at your amazing and fantastic goal weight, do you feel more comfortable in your own skin?

I can relate to this, and I think it's because I'm still adjusting psychologically to having two settings on my dial.

I used to have just one setting. That was the invisibility setting. Because I was fat & middle-aged, no one really looked at me. As long as I met standards of personal hygiene, all clean, wearing clean clothes, I could go anywhere. I felt vaguely apologetic about my appearance all the time, but that was just a given.

Now I have two settings. The "comfy clothes" setting, as Lori Bell described it, where I still try to get some wear out of the perfectly good clothes that I've already outgrown two sizes ago. That's when I pull my old cloak of invisibility around me. It's also when I "feel fat," as though I suddenly gained weight back, even though I know, realistically, that I have not.

But there's the "on display" setting now. And that is not really a comfortable place for me to be. Sometimes I feel like a drag queen, like I am impersonating a thin, attractive woman. I'm afraid of being found out & pecked to death by the other hens. So I feel like I need to look impeccably unexceptional. My clothes are like a suit of armor. If I am well-groomed & well-dressed, I will be safe & I can mingle inobtrusively.

And yes, to people who've seen me go through this transformation, I think I may be something of a freak. I am the "reverse" fat lady. I am a sort of blowup doll to them. I think they're checking for signs of whether I am currently inflating back up or deflating further. All I know is that it's weird to have a body that is so notorious, so flagrantly public & a blatant topic of conversation.

Trazey34
02-05-2011, 02:01 AM
I agree with snapping a few pix by a trusted friend. Other than that, if the clothing is age appropriate and fits you properly without being skin tight or showing too much cleavage etc., it's just a matter of wearing it and getting over the shyness hurdle until it isn't an issue any more. I was never a fan of loosey goosey things, because let's face, at 300 plus pounds i wasn't FOOLING anyone hahahah I still prefer clothing that is form-fitting without being tight - i LOATHE having to tug or readjust etc., that means something does NOT fit! More often than not, I tailor things to fit properly -- I make sure it fits the biggest part of me perfectly and then tailor down in other areas.

what you don't want is to be my buddy jackie, who, at 300 pounds lost about 24 pounds and was feeling amazing and thought she could then rock leggings tucked into boots with the skin-tight sweater down to her butt.... this was not a good look at 275 LOL

Jen516
02-05-2011, 08:05 PM
COngrats on trying out a new style!! I'm clothing-obsessed and I love to shop and try things on, but sometimes I find certain outfits need a "trial-run" before I'm totally confident. So, I'll wear them to the gocery store or to a meeting. Somewhere short-term and low key. For me it's often just about being comfortable in something new... i was this way when bootleg jeans came into effect and I'm this way now with skinny leg jeans. Some things just take "practice"! :)